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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Why do some guys just not understand???????      Home login  
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 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 1
Why do some guys just not understand???????Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ok there is a friend of mine that I met through his sister and I've repeatedly told him that I look up to him as a big brother but yet he still thinks that I would either date him or even sleep with him, but like I said I just think of him as a good friend..Now how do I go about getting this into his mind that that's all there will ever be with us?..any advice?
 gotu
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 2
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:05:16 PM
say no - if he doesn't get that say buh bye.
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 3
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:09:07 PM
I've already said no and told him that I just look at him as a brother but yet he still keeps on trying, and the sad thing is if I want to stay friends with his sister like I already was then I have to see him and I dont want to be mean like that to someone, so far what I have done is just not talk to anyone from that family or that hangs out with him but it isn't working anymore. He always expects that I have plans with him every single day and thats not the way that it is.
 gotu
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 4
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:13:09 PM
then the answer is buh bye. do not let him rule your life. if he doesn't get the message then maybe you need to enlist a family member - yours or his - or perhaps even teh police.

this is stalking at its most gentle.
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 5
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:17:01 PM
this is the one thing that really upsets me is that I just got out a relationship filled with drama and my ex running my life and now I'm not even in a relationship with this guy and he's already doing the same thing in a way.one of my friends said that I should take one of my other guy friends and bring him out to the bar or something and then just act like I'm with him when this other guy is around and crap, ya know like make him jealous or whatever but to me thats a pretty low way to go around it and I dont want to have to go to the police for this situation
 Hobbes-27
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 6
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:23:54 PM
well if you have tried being straight up and brutally honest with him, then try asking your friend to help ya out.

the buddy bf thing works quite well but also limits the others who would approach you. I agree with trying to avoid the police unless it becomes a problem and usually a straight up chat works, but just tell him you feel uncomfortable hanging out with him when he presses the issue and distance yourself whenever he does anything that makes you uncomfortable. but a lil chat from his sis would probably help you out a fair bit too
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 7
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:38:28 PM
well I have been upfront and brutally honest with him about how I feel with the situation, and I'm really starting to think about getting my friend to help me out in some way that he can and if it ends up coming to that I really hope that this other guy gets the point.I've already told him that it makes me uncomfortable but yet he still presses on and on, I mean he's sat there and listened to me say I dont know how many times that I dont want a relationship right now or anything to the matter because I just recently broke up with my bf of 3 years and I want to enjoy my life right now being single and not having to deal with men.oh and she has talked to him about it once and she was also there one time when I was trying to tell him how it makes me feel but now she doesn't want to get involved with this because I guess this has supposedly happened with him before and some other chick.
 Tuff Roxy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 8
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:47:04 PM
OK, well if thats the case, you may just want to stop hanging out with your 'friend'. If this guy has already done this with some other girl, step back! Why would you want to put yourself through this knowing that?

Personally, ya I would take my own advice, because that does NOT sit well with me at all.
 gotu
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 9
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:47:36 PM
cut him off -

no contact, phone calls, emails nothing,

make it so obvious you are not interested. by continuing the dialogue after the leave me the **** alone chat you are fuelling him into thinking he will get you in the end if he can just win you over. If you are serious about getting rid of him you just have to be brutal about it. You are young and tuff - make it so!
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 10
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:50:10 PM
thats what I've already been doing though, he's been calling me on my cell and I dont even answer his calls anymore, he's even starting to call the house phone and I have to tell who ever answers it for me to say that I'm not there or just busy.
 Tuff Roxy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 11
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 3:56:26 PM
Block his number (from your house and cell), block his email,if you see him turn and walk the other way, do what you have to do to end this. Don't give him the time of day.

I agree with Gotu, the fact that you keep explaining this to him, might be fueling the fire. He probably figures that he can wear you down. Do NOT let him. And as I said earlier, (as much as it will suck) if you have to, stop hanging out with your friend as well, because it appears to me that your friend wont do much now. I could be wrong but why risk it? Why put yourself in that situation if this guy is going to be around.

You don't need this, and you don't deserve it one bit. Get away from it!


 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 12
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 4:03:50 PM
thank you very much this has made things easier for me to understand and I mean I know that I dont need this at all but I'm not one who likes to cause confrontations or anything along those lines, but I mean just cutting all ties together would be a very good idea to do and I think thats exactly what I will be doing..Once again I would like to thank you for helping me out with this situation.
 Tuff Roxy
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 13
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 4:17:00 PM
You are so welcome. I know that we may have come across a little harsh (or ok I did), and I do apologize for that. It's a very hard thing to have to do, but unfortunately, it sounds like the only thing that you can do. You have to be true to you, and if that means hurting some guy (who sounds like a MAJOR pain in the ass btw--sorry), then so be it! So, it sucks and you don't wanna, but just do it!!

You sound like a good person, and you will get through this, and be stronger for it. This is just one of those curveballs that life throws at ya, to make sure you are on your toes....
 A Treasure
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 14
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 4:40:24 PM
Is it possible that the way you told him was just not believable? Your delivery says much more than your words.

May be he just doesn't want to HEAR what you are saying...but it may be that you have a mixed message going on.

Think about how you explained or told him how you felt about him. Be direct and definitive with your words, your tone and your body language.

You can do it.

D1
 Kid Wicked
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 15
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 4:46:03 PM
ask him to set you up with one of his cute friends.
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 16
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 5:49:00 PM
k well first of all I am not sending mixed signals because I am nothing but rude to him as my friends say because they cant even understand why he hasn't got the point yet.and sorry but none of his friends are hot or let alone even cute.
 yourdelights
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 17
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 6:21:55 PM
Tell him straight you just want to be friends....then hand him a blow up doll...he should get the point then...lol.
 spudotoole
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 18
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:01:54 PM
Long story short, its the Venus, Mars thing. You should read the book. It may help you understand us better.
 canadianredneck
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 19
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 10:44:49 PM
Just ask him which part of NO he doesn't understand. I'ld be carefull. Sounds like he has stalker capabilities or already is one. my 2 cents worth.
 spent
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 20
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 11:08:23 PM
Why not just sleep with him if that is all he wants. He'll get bored fast.
 phatjesus
Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 21
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Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/9/2006 11:51:42 PM
uh oh, the lynch mob is out in full force!!

People, the solution to every interpersonal-relationship problem does NOT have to be conflict nor must it involve losing a friend!


Ok there is a friend of mine that I met through his sister and I've repeatedly told him that I look up to him as a big brother but yet he still thinks that I would either date him or even sleep with him, but like I said I just think of him as a good friend..Now how do I go about getting this into his mind that that's all there will ever be with us?..any advice?


Okay, first of all, this begs the question: why does he think he can sleep with you? Be HONEST with yourself, now... I'd bet any money that there has been some flirtatious interaction between you. If not, there is at least a closeness (judging from your "big brother" comment). Now, add to this the fact that in every romantic movie in history, the sweet, nice, "big brother" type guy wins the girl's heart through perseverance and proving his undying love.


He always expects that I have plans with him every single day and thats not the way that it is.

This is an odd comment to make and leads me to think we're not getting the full picture here...


one of my friends said that I should take one of my other guy friends and bring him out to the bar or something and then just act like I'm with him when this other guy is around and crap, ya know like make him jealous or whatever but to me thats a pretty low way to go around it and I dont want to have to go to the police for this situation


You're right... that's the stupidest suggestion I have ever heard... In fact, if you're going to ditch anybody, ditch the f*cking stupid biatch that made that retarded suggestion!!! At least this "stalker" guy likes you and has good taste in women! ;)

Here is the clincher for me: you say:
well I have been upfront and brutally honest with him about how I feel with the situation,
and then in the same post:
I mean he's sat there and listened to me say I dont know how many times that I dont want a relationship right now or anything to the matter because I just recently broke up with my bf of 3 years and I want to enjoy my life right now being single and not having to deal with men.


Doesn't sound up front and brutally honest. In fact, he has probably heard that schtick from severaly women, only to see them a couple weeks later all involved in a relationship with some guy.

I guess this has supposedly happened with him before and some other chick.


Here's my point: some guys really fall for certain women. They've seen the movies. They think if they "follow their heart" and really go for it, proving their love, they can win the heart of the girl in the end. Telling them stock phrases like "i'm just happy being single" and "I just got out of a serious relationship" really means nothing. In fact, those phrases generally do mean nothing. Heck, I know MANY women who will say that kind of thing all the time, when really they would jump into a relationship tomorrow if the right guy came along.

Instead of beating around the bush, tell him that you don't want HIM. Explain why he's not your type. It may seem mean, but it's honest and it'll solve your problem without stupid charades. Please don't go pretending to have a boyfriend. Honestly, do you live in a stupid sitcom or something? this is real life!! Not only would it make you a liar with your previous comments about wanting to be single, but it would make you a deceitful biatch. Tell him WHY you don't want him. If you're worried about hurting his feelings by being so blunt, just remember that his feelings would be hurt MUCH more if he found out about your silly charade and.



I'm not one who likes to cause confrontations or anything along those lines


And here is your problem... I'm thinking that you haven't been as bluntly honest with him as you claim to have been. You seem like a polite person who would rather sidestep the issue by ignoring phone calls, etc. than actually confront the situation. I'll bet you're quite polite and nice to him when he actually does call. Nothing wrong with that. It's probably a good quality of yours. You may have to put aside your politeness somewhat and have an honest discussion with him.



I am not sending mixed signals because I am nothing but rude to him

Sorry, I don't believe you here. I'll bet you're quite polite... Actually, you may think you're being rude, but actually coming across as polite to him.

I think people are blowing this out of proportion. I've met many, MANY men similar to what you describe. They're not dangerous, they just generally have a skewed interpretation of reality. They may need to be told in a little more forceful way that their advances are not welcome. In fact, quite often they are very sweet, romantic, loving guys who for some reason come across as creepy. Often the difference between creepy and sweet is ugly or cute. Some day he'll probably make some girl extremely happy.

Just be honest with him. I'm sorry, but from your posts I don't think you are.
 Hobbes-27
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 22
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/10/2006 11:37:53 AM
nice PJ... summed it up quite well. The other lil aspect/question i would ask yourself (cause i have given female friends crap for this many times) the "big brother" thing-how often do you call on him for help? He obviously has feelings for you so looking at him to help ya out is not a smart idea. I have seen this from the flip side where someone assumes my assistence is because i have feelings for them, when in reality...its just what i do.
Are you sure there is not a part of you that strings him along slightly cause you like the validation?
if he is expecting you to have plans with him everyday...why is that unless you spend alot of time with him. its a physical boundary thing, youhave to really step away be straight forward and tell him why, the "i just dont want a relationship right now causei just got out of a 3 yr" is likely coming across to him as you dont want it now. Make clear that you dont want one with him EVER.
It is not an easy conversation but being "nice" and being non communicative is another story
 Becs_19
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 23
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/10/2006 4:48:44 PM
Holy crow some people aren't that nice on here huh...well anyways Maybe I havn't been totally honest with him about everything but I have told him that I dont see him in that kinda way meaning that I dont ever see 'us' being in a relationship let alone us sleeping together.and yes I was spending alot of time with him but that is only because I was there with his sister and he was ALWAYS there, and honestly I have never asked him to help me out I mean I've only just met the guy like what not even a month ago, so this is just a pain in the ass, and honestly I wouldn't see myself just being able to jump into a relationship if the right guy came along tomorrow let alone in a month or whatever.
 cwolfy6669
Joined: 1/20/2005
Msg: 24
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/10/2006 5:31:47 PM
wow...u can make a movie on this thread..
 Fluffy Handcuffs
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 25
Why do some guys just not understand???????
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:41:44 PM
I think there's a lot of drama created already here for something pretty minor.

~ You arent interested.
~ He supposedly doesnt understand 1 syllable words (e.g. no)
~ Youre looking for a solution that cant be more simple than has already been posted.
(and Phat hit it on the head)

Maybe its time to remove yourself from the situation so it CANT happen.
Want to hang out with his sister? (who's supposedly the link between you 2)
then she needs to come to your place when you want to hang out or you meet somewhere.

And dont do any of that mind-game crap (e.g. having a guy friend pretend to act like a bf at some bar) thats as highschool as you can get...



Keep things simple, not complicated. Good rule for all things in life.
Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Why do some guys just not understand???????