| | He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...Page 1 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | OK, I have met a man on line but not in person yet. He and I have a lot in common and have been writing on and off for a month. He lives in another state. He seems interested in a LTR with a woman. He has been married 4 times. He is older then me and has grown kids. I am interested in marriage, in my life at some time with the RIGHT person--whomever that may be.
He is "old fashioned" by his words that he would still like to be hitched again. I like the fact that he was with each woman for a long time except one.
Am I headed for heartache? He just said these relationships did not work out. Of course there are two sides to each story. Is this a red flag or should I be thinking, "at least he is not a 50 year old who NEVER committed". I don't want to be judgemental but I don't want to waste my time either.
What do you all think here based on your experiences??? or  | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:15:52 AM | | GO SLOW!!! It may just be a fluke, but it could also mean that this man has issues that caused his relationships to break down. You may want to speak to his ex's too. You'll have to sort out what is their misplaced anger and what is truth, but you could get an insight to why this man has so many failed marriages in his past. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:29:50 AM | 1 year (one that crashed early), 6 years, 8, years, 12 years.
Carrie..I love u r post's u kill me girl............uuuu he is in his 50's. What if it was 3 times, would that change it, lol. Shit I can't remember now. Ouch, lol | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:52:13 AM | Will the facts you gave us ..Yes,, I see red flags all over it too...
He has serious emotional baggage to contend with...very disfunctional...
Unless you have a degree in the mental health field..I say..find a nice guy in your local area you can at least go to to the movies with..stay lighthearted and easy going...
Don't get bogged down on his wants and needs...it's not worth it... | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 6:00:14 AM | Why don't you want to "be judgemental"? Obviously, something's wrong with his pattern of behavior or his pattern of choices.
I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I'd "judge" the evidence to indicate that he's clearly not someone who can make a marriage work.
If you're just interested in marriage for the sake of being married (I know some people like like) then he's obviously someone who's OK with that. Heck, it looks like he'll get married at the drop of a hat.
If you're more interested in the real thing/LTR then I'd say betting on this guy would be wasting your time, effort, emotions and money.
Married FOUR times? I agree with the other posters....there are red flags all over this situation. It seems that you would be begging for problems. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 6:03:58 AM | Thank you for your kind advice folks but hey, what if it is his religious values that cause him to "seal the deals"? he is kinda old fashioned.
PS, what about Liz Taylor 8 times or something like that...
***************note to maf...he doesn't just screw around but believes you should marry if you are serious..in otherwords not committment phobic I guess | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 12:12:27 PM | I don't know if it's a danger sign, at least as in there is something terribly wrong with him. I have a friend in the same boat as your friend (his name isn't Andy, is it?). He's old fashioned and thinks that if he's going to be in a LTR, he ought to be married to the woman. He's been married and divorced 4 times. I can't for the life of me figure out why it never works out. He's the nicest and most decent man I know. His last wife was the only one I knew well and I'd have to place most of the blame for the breakup on her. I can't say about the other three.
I know a success story too. I work with a guy who is about 20 years into his fourth marriage and by all appearances they are headed for happily ever after land.
You'll just have to get to know him better to find out if it is some character flaw or just bad luck that has got him where he is. Be aware though, of you two become serious, he will probably start pressuring you to get married.
knopper3 | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 12:58:20 PM | It could be a good sign, or bad.. Some people rebound quickly in search, and will pick a spacefiller to latch on to. Some Men will commit readily to a Woman they believe in, and others will drag it on out as long as they can without marrying, or giving their Last name, which is the ultimate gift of old fashioned relationships, other than Love and respect. Giving the family name to one worthy is a sign of total commitment to some.
I come from an old fashioned family also, and All I've ever wanted was a normal Home and Family, like my relatives have had. Needless to say, it takes more than two warm adult bodies sharing a name and house to make a marriage work, Quick bad choices can equal much pain, and more than one failed marriage.
My last wife left 13 years ago saying she didn't "think" she loved me anymore, and she has since been married three times, divorced the same, yet I have remained single.
I've tried hard at it, and I've always been a good provider, not jealous or mean, but I don't know that I'll ever get Married again..
I've yet to find a Lady worthy of my trust, yet I feel She must exist somewhere? I'm in no hurry anymore. 
.... Now, the "Hot" cowtipper above me .... ^ ... ummmm...... I'd marry her four timezz..lol.. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 1:05:23 PM | I think that's no very clear, it seems like you gonna have to do some research, I mean get to know the person, and see yourself.
It could be both, "nothing wrong-very dangerous" you need to find out, I believe the only honest way to know someone is; interaction. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 1:25:19 PM | | DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER!!!! I learned the hard way.....I was wife #4 to a 50 yr old man (hmmmmm......where did you say he lived?) I ignored the red flags and was burned big time. Of course, the breakups weren't his fault.....they all cheated on him....or were ****es.....and he wasn't in touch with his kids because their mother turned them against him.......etc etc. Yeah, right. RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!! He cheated on me....thus I am here.....and proceeded to tell his family and his friends (only has a couple) that I cheated on HIM! | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:39:46 PM | | Married 4 times???Okay, sorry, but if I were you, I'd run to the nearest exit as fast as I could.Why do you want to be wife number 5?But then again, your choice, do what suits you best.I'd definately not even think about it if it were me though. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:40:11 PM | | Marriage is an institution created by God and is a life long bond between man and women. A guy beng married 4 times is more than a red flag, its a sign that his views of marriage is a matter of compatibility and getting along in reality married ppl need to get it right and stay married and quit getting divorces. Chances are u could be #5 that is 5 time divorced for him. What makes u think u can prevent another divorce for this guy and what makes it different? I don't know this guy maybe he had 4 wifes that cheated on him and done him wrong, but if its a matter of not being compatible run as far as possible or just be very cautious. IMO nobody is compatible when it comes to marriage its a matter of honoring God and being committed to your duty of being a spouse even when conditions or situations are not suitable. | |
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RBM
| | Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:41:12 PM | | Just go slow. He may have a poor "chooser" but firmly believes in marriage and will readily commit. If you take your time, and after a LONG period of getting to know him, it may work out. But be careful, protect your heart, and go slow. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:55:00 PM | | Sure......some guys like my soon to be ex believe in marriage and will commit readily.....because they know they will get half of everything you own when they divorce you! And I thought I was being careful before I married him by living together for a year and a half before we tied the knot....but..... I still say DANGER, DANGER.....RUN, RUN..... At the VERY least.....get a prenup if it gets to the point where you move in together..... | |
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RBM
| | Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 20 | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 3:02:57 PM | well snowsoup that is a chance we all take every time we venture outside the door. i never look at it as time wasted. one day mr right may come along whether you're looking or not. you really need to find out for yourself if he could be the one for you. if he's not, at least you gave it your best shot. i would say go for it, if you are interested in him. just don't rush into anything. try to get a feel for what this guy is about before you commit to anything. good luck to you. i hope things work out for you. | |
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| He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 4:51:54 PM | hmmmm... let me get this straight. Has he been MARRIED 4 times or been DIVORCED 4 times? There is a difference.
I know of two very fine gentlemen who have been married 3 times each. One guy is 53; his first wife died of heart disease, he divorced his second wife (spend crazy and put him in big debt), third wife killed in car accident. The other guy is 57; first wife died of an overdose of depression medication, second wife killed in a freak accident at work, third wife he divorced (obsessive jealousy). Both of these fellows are on the lookout for wife #4 and would be very lucky ladies indeed. Also, my dad has been married twice and planning to marry a third time. My mom passed away 14 years ago, he remarried 2 years after and divorced 6 years later, currently planning a wedding a very lovely lady.
So............ sometimes there are explanations for these things. However, still keep your wits about you. | |
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