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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > why do I (+ most women) love assholes??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 2
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
You are scared of nice guys.........Why don't you go to bars....There will be plenty of your types in those places.....I am sure in time you will find another one just like your EX...Just give it time...There are plenty of jerks to go around....
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 7
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/17/2006 6:38:24 PM
I agree^^^^^^^^^^^This is why you see most women complain about jerks they will more than likely to chase them...Yes it is a cycle.....Personally after i find out she is in this cycle i have nothing to do with them...If your opinion is different and want to become the savior..Then go for it...In my experence most women that dig these types of guys love them to death...There is nothing you are going to change that...That is why most of the time they go from one jerk to another jerk...Most of the time it gets worse....So i rather not waste my time with these types...I got better things to do than play games.
 banannaman
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 18
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/18/2006 9:55:37 AM
^^^i agree with oslo.... there must be other forces at work here, like maybe evil ones? I mean people meet and marry people in bars and restaurants or at their work, and over look the fact that they probably stepped on people at the job to get ahead, and yet when their marriage falls apart down the road, adding another single mom/dad to our already stressed society, I have to ask, why these people wont consider meeting a future mate in a church, where family and marriage is highly regarded? I mean my whole family if full of single parents, as far as i can see aunts, uncles, moms, dads, grandmothers, cousins, sisters, and none of them considering marrying someone at a church, Why? because it is UNCOOL. Evil forces blinding the hearts of our people is what it is, Ill tell you what!
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 29
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/24/2006 1:33:55 PM
I agree with you 100% MR.Harveywallbanger.....Usually when a woman is with a jerk(EX-con,abuser,drunk,drug addict,no car/license,bum)Then she finally leaves him...The next guy she is with is just as bad if not worse....But you have people out there that do not see that.....I even had this one guy tell me women do not like jerks...Can you believe people are that stupid in the world....Well i can not control what people think...But i know the truth..I got a brain and i use it......I see waht is going on.
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 36
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/24/2006 5:53:48 PM
I agree^^^^^But what is so sad their are some people that will state that there is no pattern in this type of woman....Very few women will never give a nice guy a chance as long as the a-hole is around....They worship the ground they walk on...SORRY!!!!Witnessed it so many time in my life time to know the truth....
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 45
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/25/2006 8:09:09 PM

By the way, I think 'tragicallycute" would be a better name for you. I am sure you are creating broken hearts all over the planet with your beauty.


Terminallycute is adorable, and you're just a ray of sunshine.

Typhoon Jim ~ OMG man, those are some very interesting posts. I'm not sure I got exactly what you mean, but the enthusiasm just leaps off the page.

~OP~ I think you're just experiencing your first round of "I want what I don't have." It'll pass and you'll find another a$$hole to fill your time. You'll have lots of those before you decide you deserve better ~ that's the joy & heartbreak of maturing. You've obviously got a much better chance of it happening less than I did it, at least you recognize it's a little strange!! You'll grow out of that. Hopefully sooner than later ~ it's all just a part of the things that make us who we are later in life. Good luck.
 killergurl666
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 49
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/25/2006 10:14:31 PM
its sad that u don't value yourself enough to not need him.

i was in a similar situation cept it was always him calling me (i have too much pride to ever call a guy) i couldn't say no to him. lots of people might tell u to just get another guy and forget about him my advice get a big group of boys, have atleast 10 boys that call u regularly, start dating in a plural sense, if u gots other people on the go u won't need his once and awhile booty calls. women shouldn't have to call guys anyways. read the book 'hes just not that into u' and learn to have higher standards.
 d8withf8
Joined: 3/23/2005
Msg: 52
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 5/26/2006 2:53:07 AM
***holes are - demanding,assertive,intimidating,your supervisor,your boss,your manager and the one everybody wants to beat up.
 descartes
Joined: 8/8/2004
Msg: 63
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/12/2006 11:02:02 PM
Because you've got unresolved issues with a parental figure.

No, seriously. People often hang out with and marry those who have the same negative qualities as their father or mother.
 billbenone
Joined: 12/25/2003
Msg: 70
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/13/2006 7:44:10 AM
It seems like you are still hung up on your ex. Until you move on and accept that it is over, starting a new realtionship, or even having a good date, is going to be very difficult. Right now you are comparing everyone to the ex. Move on.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 96
view profile
History
No thanks to the nasty people.
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:16:19 PM
Maybe you need one to feel better about yourself.
 aneed4peace
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 109
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/21/2006 2:13:27 AM
oh I just checked your age...dat says it all. Let me guess you met him in a bar and he came up in his tight jeans and made you laugh all nite and the next morning you were boyfriend and girlfriend...chalk it up to experience.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 119
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:21:35 PM
First off, I believe the premise is flawed. Maybe most women your age, some of us are a bit older and wiser (hopefully!).
Some women (and men) look for a project, someone to completely change. This satisfies a need to fix things and/or be in control. A bad man to this type of woman is a challenge.
There are also women (and men of course) who get their fix off of drama, as others have said. Real life is too boring, they think that conflict is interesting and exciting.
Either situation isn't really about the other person at all, but satisfying some need within themselves, therefore doomed to failure.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 122
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:21:01 PM
GoodKittyGoneBad I was thinking you had to be a lot younger. If you seriously believe this, then good luck with that, sister.
Alpha males? Quit watching Discovery Channel!! There are few correlations between the animal and human species. And that's not one.
There are not "alpha males" in the human species.
Don't buy into that BS, which is totally what it is.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 129
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/24/2006 1:45:47 AM
Wow, this thread is great! I am going to save a few 'nuggets' of information. I really like some viewpoints.

Here is mine which is similar to some others:

Women want their lover to treat them like a woman. The jerk simply wants sex so his whole approach is sexual which makes her feel like a woman. The nice guy remembers how women always say 'i hate when guys mention sex all the time' so being the nice guy, he never mentions it. He never acts in a sexual way. He never says or does anything to make her feel like a woman. He treats her like a friend and that's it pal, it's all over but the cryin'.

I used to be the nice guy. Latched onto this really hot woman. For years, we talked on the phone almost every day. Never had one argument. Talked and made each other laugh. We liked the same things. However she was in a LTR with an incredible jerk. Threw things around the house, broke things, treated her kid like garbage while treating his kid like a king. And she'd call me 'he's such an a$$hole I swear I'm leaving him' so I'd get all excited thinking 'this is it, I'm jumping in'. Next thing you know 'well we talked it out, everythings fine'.

This happened roughly 10,000 times. Lol, one time she calls me. "I left him" she says. "Come hang out with me at this hotel". I thought, 'ok, THIS is it. For SURE this time'. I go over there. We spend hours talking, listening to her cry, we ordered pizza, watched a movie. About 2 hours into it I slowly realized I was her girlfriend. I finally said, at 5am, 'I have to go to bed'. Next day she was back with him.

Well we got to be such good friends that she would just about coach me when I would meet a girl. She'd tell me 'don't do her the small favors she will ask at first. Like running to the post office for her, or anything like that. She's testing you. You ONLY have time to see her, you don't have time to run her errands'. Sure enough, I was actually asked to make a post office run on the 2nd date!! I said no and you should have seen her face. Shock. I would help her if she needed it, but I wouldn't do little things for her. I also wouldn't answer the phone every single time she called. I would call back within 30 minutes. I wouldn't hang out with her at every request. I would tell her I'm hanging out with the boys tonight.

Let me tell you that was one passionate relationship. Sure I got her flowers and a card for valentine's and things like that. But I began to recognize the times I would just be a doormat and I refused.

So 6 months go by and we realize we aren't really made for each other. So she tried to break up with me. like 5-6 times lol. Once, the breakup lasted half an hour. She called back and said 'I can't do this. Come over after work and bring condoms' haha. The last time she dumped me she sounded very serious. At that point I was so tired of her bs (she was on several meds for anxiety and depression) that I said 'ok, see ya'. I didn't call or text. 3 weeks later she calls and asks me to come over. I said no, it's over.

Bottom line is, I stopped being the nice guy doormat. And it immediately attracted a good looking female that I had a great time with. It ended amicably (no tears or fights) but I learned a good lesson from it. If a guy can combine the sexual attractiveness of the jerk, but maintain the decency of a nice guy, he will get women of high quality.

Don't be her girlfriend! be her BOYfriend. And that means showing her you look at her as a woman not a buddy.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 138
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 2:16:32 PM
There are a ton of men on this site, many more than there are women. This makes sense, women choose who they have sex with, so they have the social leverage to be few in number but demand the attention of many. This is no different than a job getting many more applicants than it has positions. The better the job, the more applicants, the more rejections. The worse the job, the fewer applicants, the lowering of basic standards of who you can have working for you. If men controlled access to sex, you'd see fewer men here and a large gaggle of women chasing them. The numbers breakdown is only a reflection of the social structure of dating and who controls the access to sex.

But out of those men, only a few have what women tend to want. Good looks, money, etc. But all of those men go after maybe 2 percent of the total number of women on dating sites. The good looking ones. Without those 2 percent of women, the men wouldn't show up, the site and any dating site would collapse. So as much as you women hate the good looking blonde bombshells of the world, without them, dating sites wouldn't function at all and you would get no benefit from them at all.

1) Most men chase only a very few of the select women
2) Those very few select women only respond to very few select men, if at all, who chase them.
3) Everyone else, the women no one are chasing, and the men no one wants chasing them, have to settle for each other. And that's where all the hate and anger and bitterness comes in, from the people who want the few select "good catches" but reasonably can't get them.

As for why some women love a.ssholes? Well, if the guy is one of the select choice few, it's pretty simple to see why. Or if he is at the top of the heap of the kind of men she would probably have to settle for because she can't get the select choice few, that's pretty simple to see why too.

In simple terms, women would rather get the worst of the best, than the best of the worst.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 141
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 7:36:44 PM

What "studies"? That's my original question. And for women to be attracted to men with more aggressive qualities is a very different story from your assertion that "women are compelled by their nature to seek out the sexy hott men for short-term sexual flings. Then after they are impregnated they seek out a dependable 'nice guy' that will be a good provider for long-term relationships." According to what you just said, women would NEVER want the nice guy and would prefer to stay with the best source of genetic material.


John 6-81 is right.

Your profile states you are 41 years old. Well, is the dating same now at 41 that it was at 21? At 31?

As women get older, they lose their social leverage to demand the very best potential mate. A woman is probably, in a physical sense and a fertility sense, is going to be her most attractive probably in her late teens to early twenties. How can you be sure? Look at all the archetypes in society for what is deemed as the most appealing and desirable women. In Hollywood, it's the young actresses around that age. In porn, it's women just hitting 18 years of age. For fashion, it's younger models. But what's the constant in all those industries? The most desirable women last for a few years, they have a very short prime in their professions and then they are gone. Snap of the fingers, they are gone. Another hot young woman comes to replace them.

No one is going to blame a hot looking young healthy woman to try to find the best mate possible. But shes not going to stay young and beautiful forever. And when she stops being beautiful and ceases to have that mass appeal, her options narrow. The very best men out there, the best quality and the most to offer are not cycled out like the women. They have no incentive to keep an aging beauty around, they just find a new woman. So all the women in decline have left are the men they ignored when they were younger. That's all that's left. Take that or keep waiting, and the longer you wait, the quality of your mate is going to decline. Not sure? How easy is it going to be to find a man you want at 55 versus 25?

Women want to sell the bullshit that they have "matured", well that's not it. When a woman is in decline, she has fewer options. That's not maturity, that's being forced to date within a whole different pool of men or simply be alone. Socially men are not stigmatized for their age as long as they are relatively healthy, good looking and have money.

How can you be sure?

Sean Connery or Clint Eastwood can bag as much tail as they want. Young, old, dark, light, three at a time, doesn't matter. Age doesn't not limit them.

Lauren Bacall and Angela Landsbury were absolutely stunning when they were young. How many current young handsome bucks want to sleep with them now? Even with their fame, their options are seriously curtailed.

So yes, John 6-81 is right, some women overestimate their marketability. They bypass lots of solid and decent mating options when they are in their prime, they wait too long and those options dry up. Those men are not going to wait forever. And then those women get old and they find the dating pool has thinned out. More of the men their age are married, committed or otherwise conflicted (divorced or gay) There's a reason why older women complain that no one is out there for them.

Will a woman take a nice guy? Sure if shes got nothing to offer or she overplayed her hand and her options have dried up on her. But if she has the option? Probably not. That's why men should never get married, because the women most likely to desire marriage and give him the least bullshit are usually the ones just a very short time away from their eventual physical decline in their attractiveness.

This is why I encourage all young men to wait. To put off any kind of long term commitment until they are past 30 years of age. They'll be in their prime earning years. They'll have time to establish their finances and living situation and they will have the option to date younger and on their terms. Time is only on a woman's side from about 16-32. Time is always on a man's side as long as he has his health and money. But that's not easy to see as an 18-22 year old guy just trying to get laid all the time.

A woman in her prime who loves and pines for an a.sshole is wasting her time. Because time is not on her side. Those who don't take the time to realize that, often end up alone.
 TherealFish
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 143
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 7:43:20 PM
It is not called..............'LOVE'

rather it is lack of 'love' for yourself...that keeps you in the circle
of accepting less than you deserve!!

 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 146
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:35:03 PM
I posted here before, but I will add to it. This is a question most people have to think about and look deeply into their hearts and ask themselves what are the thing(s) they are doing wrong, becaue there are many. Not to go into detail about this, But'aa this thing is a dilemma that IS fixable and SHOULD be fixed sooner then later because the results are NOT in your favour or anyones if we make the wrong decisions like this.
 Sweetcuteddybear
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 152
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 7:09:52 AM
LOVE IS NOT A MANY SPLENDERED THING! Been there done that. Truth is you know your heart. But you mind is not in control. What is good will endure. What is bad and never meant to be will suck the life out of you. Learning to let go and move on is the hardest lesson to learn. Speaking as one who has been used and abused I look for the good in the relationship and move on. I am better for having loved. I did my share of eyeballing so it is not a critical part of the equation. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE> SNAP OUT OF IT!
Cito
 hywman3p
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 161
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 8:12:59 AM
You don't have a problem what you have is life this is only a short stopping point in that life.Get over him look for some one who really looks at you
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 169
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:01:50 AM

It is a fact that many women can't tell the difference between put on machismo and violent bull puckey that is often a mask for a LACK of confidence...and real manhood.
I find this whole theory about women dating ***holes (yours, and the rest of the world's) to be completely false. I think a lot of "nice" guys have made this up to make themselves feel better about the fact that they don't have dates,
that the women they know are in relationships with BAD BOYS, and not with them.
There's a whole shitload of guys who describe themselves as 'nice'...yet stomp through life with a big ole chip on their shoulder, spitting poison about how all those horrible women have the gall to deny them the love they're owed by virtue of their anger besotted "niceness"... damn it.


No what men are going through makes perfect sense to me.

If you are too "nice" or giving to another person in life, under any context, odds are you will get taken for granted. That's just human nature.

The best way to handle women, honestly, is to treat them good half the time and like garbage the other half. It's enough to keep them in line, but also enough to keep them staying. Over time, I find this is pretty much the only way for a guy to keep a relationship level.

It's the standard warning from fathers to their sons "Don't treat her too good too fast"

But it is very very hard for some guys to treat their women like crap half the time. People are not hardwired that way naturally, well not most. Some men get there after bad experiences and a select few just naturally do it as a matter of course in their personalities. Many have to push past everything that women, society and the mainstream media is telling them about how to treat a woman.

Well guys, women, society and the mainstream media tells you to treat her like a princess because they want you buying shit. Flowers, diamonds, nice dinners, etc etc. Of course they want you to pamper her, they make more money that way. They don't care if you are happy or not. But treating her like a princess too fast and too intensely is the surest way to have her treat you like shit the rest of your relationship.

But a.ssholes? Well those kind of men don't care what women want. They don't cater to their needs. And the women love it. They love it because they want to know why, unlike all the other nice guys who cough up all the attention and money, that this one guy, just doesn't care about them. Women can't handle that, especially if the guy has his shit together, he's nice looking and has some cash. Why doesn't he want her? What's so wrong with her that he doesn't want her? Well to answer that question, she's willing to smoke his meat pipe to find out. So it's not really about the a.sshole, it's about the woman and her image of self worth at stake.

So either way guys, to women, whether you are nice or a jerk, it all boils back to what's in it for the women. The mistake guys make are thinking they are part of the equation at all. A.ssholes, or whatever women want to call them, have wised up. They use women's own narcissitic behavior against them to get what they want - Sex.

Guys, treat them good half the time and like garbage the other half. The better looking the woman, the more you treat her like garbage in the beginning. Remember not all a.ssholes want to be a.ssholes, but it's the way of the world and how the dating world really shakes out. If you guys want to get laid, sometimes you have to take the princess, throw her out of the carriage and let her go facedown in the mud.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 173
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 11:31:30 AM
HAHA Indie was reading my mind, I was thinking the exact same thing. Wonder how this works out for the Gecko.... Men who treat women like garbage attract women who don't think much of themselves. The duality of trying to be a prince half the time and a jerk the other half just doesn't work, it's another one of those games that has all losers and no winners.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 177
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 12:15:54 PM

Here's what keeps MY relationship level:

My man must know who he is and then gently, but very firmly be able to lead.That's your job!
I can't bear to be yelled at nor will I tolerate being treated badly... I will turn and leave or bite your ass then leave ,but a man who speaks softly, no matter what he is saying to me, will always hold my attention. I may not obey!! (smile) But I will listen! A man with quiet authority is a rare man indeed. This is someone who is confident in himself and has no need to bully, threaten, or "treat a woman like garbage" The anti-***hole so to speak!


So I said, if a guy is an a.sshole or not, it doesn't matter because the woman makes it all about herself anyway, and the first thing you do to respond is to talk about "MY relationship level"?

So I point out women's narcissistic behavior, to explain why men who don't treat them well all the time are so appealing to many of them, and the you feel the best way to counter my opinion is to start talking about yourself?

Keep watching guys. Never mind what they say or type, watch what they are doing.
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 184
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:51:04 PM
Birds of a feather flock together ...............
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