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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sayonara7
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 3
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???Page 1 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
Any man who feels that way is the greatest loser!
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 8
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 4:38:14 PM
truth: experience has shown and taught me that real men aren't threatened by real women, they openly appreciate and positively acknowledge them!


sure, they are few and far in between all the many others, but, it's their very strong traits and presence of kindness, acceptance, intelligence, patience, self awareness, truth and honesty, uniqueness, depth, care and consideration, respect for themselves and others, and their communicative skills that make them oh so very worth the wait, however long that may be.

i mean, c'mon; aren't all the really good souls, those honest and true people, that are so invaluable that they impart the most beautiful and completely indescribable impact on our very selves, no matter their gender?!
 Say Hi to David
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 17
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:15:24 PM
Assertive, independent, educated women aren't threatening to any man who is secure and feels at least equal to her. But that doesn't mean that it's not offensive to anyone, a man in particular, when a woman talks/acts like she has a large strapon collection...
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 18
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:15:28 PM
I've said it before and will repeat it---I think it's note-worthy and very fitting here.

Men aren't intimidated by REAL eduction or intelligence but we do NOT like condescending, know-it-all, superior acting females that post BS like this. "Inferior isn't the word--bored, sick and tired, exhausted, lauging-our-collective-arses-off---THAT'S what we are. It's attitudes and nonsensical threads like that that help polarize the genders here on POF and leads to an over all bad impression that we're terrible or they're terrible.

If what you wrote here or if what's been attributed to you in other posts is anywhere near how you really feel your education must NOT have included humility training. Just because YOU think you're intellgent doesn't necessarily make it so. Your education might be a matter of record; your pride has given way to a totally undeserved feeling of superiority for others. Honestly it's this sort of diarrhea of the mouth that gives others like you a bad name.

True strengh of character is shown by actions and compassion towards others. You seem to have forgotten or never learned your accomplishments are only a very, very small part of being human. While you might be smart or well educated you lack common sense to understand assuming a "better than you" philosophy based upon one small aspect of lifes experiences hardly puts you on another level of people who didn't follow your chosen path.

The really intelligent people here don't assume, think or even speculate that those different from themselves are "lesser". You have a degree---so what? Too bad you can't trade that for something that better serves people and not your better, superior self!
 Say Hi to David
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 20
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:26:21 PM
I think somebody has a G.E.D.....
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:33:35 PM
I'll speak from my own experience a bit. And that has been that the more educated people are some of the most humble and rarely talk about their education or what degrees they hold. Personally, the only one who should have an interest in my education level would be an employer or prospective employer. Higher education is a huge sacrifice to make and many of us did that raising our children alone. It does NOT, however have one shred of relevance to how people interact with others. You can educate someone to acquire knowledge and/or skills. Human interrelations are much more complex and not normally a required cource unless you're in the psychology or social services programs. I've found that honestly, your skills of getting along with people at work are at LEAST as, if not MORE important than your skill or proficiency level. You may be a terrific, talented engineer, for example, but if you can't get along with the people you work with and interract, it will affect your career.
And education comes in many more forms than a classroom. Bottom line is that if you can't get along with people, your success as a human being in any form will be severely affected.
We are threatened by people who are boastful and proud in the wrong way of who they think they are. The gender bashing is just needless and a waste of energy. If people focused on how much they're alike instead of emphasizing the differences it would promote harmony not only among the sexes but throughout all of humanity as well. I, for one, do happen to think that we're all more alike than different as we have basic needs and desires in common. I find that those who are happy and successful in relationships emphasizes the commonalities rather than the differences.
 sayonara7
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 22
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 6:40:43 PM
Yes,I do agree with Bucsgirl.The most educated people are the most humble and modest people you'll ever meet.Wish everyone was like that.Some of them don't even dress up like the high and mighty Harvard grads that you might expect them to be.They are generally very humble and modest.That is so cool!
 Lucid-Dreamer
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 23
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 7:34:45 PM
My view :

Most of the reason is the pre-empted notion that men must provide.

While it becomes more and more of an option for woman to take up both family and profession, men seem to fall victim to this stigma regardless of the status of said girl.


Meaning woman may chose to be professionally succesful or not, while for men it seems to be expected regardless.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 24
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 7:36:54 PM
Thanks for that sayonara. One thing I've personally learned without having to be taught that the vast amount and variety of knowledge and information to assimilate is...well DAUNTING!! The world and daily life now is so much more complex, yet at the same time, through technology, the world is much more accesible. I think it's fascinating that through the internet, we can have friends from around the globe. Yeah, too cool, I agree!! It is something that can enrich our lives immensely, we can learn and read and share with people from other countries, other cultures.
For me, it's broadened my outlooked and informed me and given me a perspective on how other people in other countries and other cultures think. And personally, I love that!!
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 26
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/20/2006 8:51:59 PM
You shouldn't make broad generalizations like that. No men I know have that hang up
about women at all. I know I don't care if women are independent. I prefer it that way.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 27
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 7:24:33 AM
I wonder when someone starts another thread about one gender being intimidated by the other wouldn't it be nice for them to include a specific example? That might help others understand the OP means by being intimidated.

It would be interesting if this OP did that..............................
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 33
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:39:04 AM
Women who are truly educated and independent exude class and that is the sexiest attribute any women can posses.

Then we have some women with too much attitude and not enough substance who are not being well received by educated and self sufficient men .. and they have the need to come and start threads on the forums ...
 KN85
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 37
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 1:36:55 PM
We are threatened by independent, educated women because it reverses the whole entire rules of relationships and gives all control to the more dominant one in the relationship. I'm not saying that this is wrong, but it should be the guy who wins the girl over not the other way around. Also, these type of women not only intimidate some guys, but also completley confuse the hell out of some of us because of how most of our mothers taught us how to treat a woman; which is the exact opposite of how these type of women want to be treated.
 coolerinreallife2
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 38
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 4:33:38 PM
Yes.

If she is independant; that would mean that I have no importance to her, nor do I have any of her cares, reliance, or efforts focused on me.

I would prefer an "inter-dependant" gal myself.

INdependant means you are all for you; and look after YOURSELF. I am kind of lookin for someone who may have the inclination to look after me too; and allow me to do the same for her.

I do not wish to join a relationship with "two individuals".

I prefer the relationship with "one partnership".

 guardianknight
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 39
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 4:37:48 PM
It doesn't matter to me if a woman is independant or educated so why would I be threatened by it. As the great Harry Belafonte would say in his song: "Man smart women smarter" lol
 coolerinreallife2
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 44
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:33:33 PM
Try the Universities.

 Gmaverick
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 48
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:56:36 PM

Do they just feel "inferior?" Why is it, when a woman is educated, self-sufficient, knows what she wants, and what she will tolerate (and NOT tolerate) in a relationship...why do they equate this with 'Feminisim??' I love being a girly-girl...but I can also run with the "big dogs" when I have to...why is this such a threat to men??


I don’t know, personally I have never been intimidated by anybody.
 czgeek
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 49
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:03:02 PM
Well, I'll drop in here w/ my ex-GF from, oh, 10 years ago. Very independant, very intelligent, a wonderful mom w/ 2 kids, she had just moved out this way and got a 'temp' job (to offload my workload, in a sense, I'm in CT, was driving up to a new building we had just bought up in MA for 2-3 days a week for a year, they hired to to take over the work up there so I didn't have to travel so much...)

Anyways, 4 months later, we were trying to get her hired, but she found a full-time job elsewhere... I took her out to lunch for her last day, and, well.. we wound up making out and dating after that (so much for me not driving up there 2-3 days a week, it just became every weekend instead of during the week ;-) ).

She was making more money than me at the new job, and bought a house a couple months later. Did that bother me? Not in the slightest. We had a wonderful time together, but she was very "control" oriented, and it ended 6 months later with her *demanding* that I marry her. And I actually would have, but I wanted to talk about things, because it *did* mean me quitting my job of 10+ years, selling my house, moving 200 miles away, finding another job, etc. And her attitude was "no, no talk, you have to decide *now*". So I said no, because to me marriage is supposed to be a 2-way street, a mutual decision, its not a demand.

I have the fun of working with her now, we both telecommute (I recommended her, we still talk, she was looking for a job, and she's a damn good worker). We've had some interesting chats about that, her comment was "new job, just bought a house, whats next? ah, a Husband!" -- and I told her yeah, and I wasn't going to be content being her "arm candy" husband, and she actually agreed thats "what you would have been". She was married a year after we broke up, and just got divorced last year (I kind of felt that was coming 3 years ago, talking to her, but wasn't going to say anything at the time being the ex-BF, kind of awkward).

Interesting comment she made to me a few weeks ago though, she has a new BF who I've talked to, seems like a nice guy... and she said "I dont' think I've ever *let* a man really love me" (to which I said "no sh*t, I've been there"). She's *so* independant, she refuses to let a man do anything for her, she tells me how "guilty" she feels when he does something nice for her, like an expensive dinner or something.

So no, I don't have any problems with an "self-sufficient" woman, in fact most of my GF's *have* been very self-sufficient, and I enjoy having a woman who doesn't "need" me... but on the flip side, let a man be a man once in a while, let him take care of you and shovel the "I don't *need* him to do that" under the carpet... no, you don't "need" him, but isn't it nice to have someone do something for you "just because" once in a while? Just as women generally don't want to be treated as an arm-candy "accessory" (or most of them anyways), men don't particulary want that either.
 Gmaverick
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 52
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:43:05 PM
sapphireblues on 5/22/2006 247 AM
 HandyDom
Joined: 10/31/2004
Msg: 53
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:51:42 PM
Not to start a rucus, but I've always beleived "independant woman" was an oxymoron. Anyway, it's not threatening to me. It's just unattractive. Why do I want a girl that is comparable to what I want myself to be or what I would imagine my guy friends to be. Successful, educated, self-sufficient. Sure, it's nice to say a woman is, but if you add it all together, those are traits a man SHOULD have. Not to mention if you're self sufficient, why are you worrying about getting a payload that doesn't suit the role.
On the other hand, I suppose I'm "Old Fashioned".
 coolerinreallife2
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 54
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/22/2006 8:15:42 AM

"I dont' think I've ever *let* a man really love me" (to which I said "no sh*t, I've been there"). She's *so* independant, she refuses to let a man do anything for her, she tells me how "guilty" she feels when he does something nice for her, like an expensive dinner or something.


That's exactly what I meant too.
 chicaboom
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 56
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/22/2006 8:32:21 AM
i'm not threatened whatsoever
i can only love that which i admire
my ex-wife? now thats threatening yikes
good thing she was declawed long ago
 mr.classicchevy
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 58
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:36:45 PM
To MR.GEEK......I must tell you people how much a jerk he is.....He was thrown out of a forum for being a jerk to the women....YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW MR!!!!!!!!!NOW YOU GO GET THEM TIGER....
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 61
Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/22/2006 5:00:07 PM
I have never met an educated professional man who wanted anyone other than an independent and educated woman. However, sometimes, those really bad ego oriented things pop in when she is more successful. Those are just hick ups usually if there is connection and chemistry.
 ~softEDGE~
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 62
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Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:08:38 PM
Men have to stop thinking in terms of providing for someone, I think of it as a team effort.
yes, and i also believe some women, too; have to stop thinking of it as being provided for, as well. many women wrongly still expect men to be the major "bread winners,"
but i doubt many of them will post in this forum. these days i believe it takes two incomes to provide not all the bells and whistles that aren't so important, but simply combine resources to make a better quality of life for both.

i may be bashed for this, and so be it if so, but i sincerely believe anyone not pulling their weight is spoilt, lazy, under some sort of special circumstance regarding health, be it of mind, body, etc., or in need of professional help. while work of course isn't everything, it sure helps individuals of both gender's self esteem, to be creative, invent, contribute and be a part of something outside of ourselves to stimulate our minds, our souls, and be an important part of the societal world in general. to not strive to our potential is an injustice not only to ourselves, but also makes us a potential burden for someone else.

in terms of "providing" indeed for me it IS a team effort. while traditional roles may work for some, or even many, the world is diverse and continues to change. the true quality that benefits couples is their skills at communicating what roles they are willing to take on, and admit those they have no interest or inclination in, as well. i believe it is about whatever two people agree on, as in, we each contribute our strengths to build a better life for ourselves, individually AND as a couple. some are naturally more inclined in some areas, while others posess different qualities in which they excel. the trick lies in finding and sharing life with someone honest, open and communicative enough to share an exchange of these qualities and agree as to whom will do what, and in whose natural aptitude and abilities will flourish. that helps to ensure one doesn't feel overburdened or overwhelmed, or as if they are doing all the real work. just my 2 cents.
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