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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > when living with your ex becomes @#$      Home login  
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 DJ_MadnessHero
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 1
when living with your ex becomes @#$Page 1 of 1    
okay so here is my situation.. me and my ex have been broken up for the last 3 months now i still live with her right? okay so now that we have that established here is the thing.. we had two kids together.. now here is where things get real interesting.. i have been a live at home dad who does free lance graphic work since the kids were born.. now the thing that is most troubling to me is this.. we argue constantly we bicker fight etc etc. but the most screwed up thing about this is... she tells me to go out and find a "booty call" now normally if i was the type of man to do such a thing i would have gone out and done that already.. but since i am a man who has some sort of moral standing i wont do it.. rather i applied here and put my personal up yadda yadda.

to make the matters worse she works a day job which means i am home with the kids as per the norm but i'm expected to run around and clean the house and she does absolutely nothing.. we got into a huge fight and basically told me that i had 30 days to leave. on top of all that she has told me several times that there is a possibility that we would get back together.. i know this sounds cheesy as hell but i dont know what to do.. i still love her but i dont think i could say i'm in love with her any more.. she treats me like garbage and half the time i dont even exist to her.. she hangs out with my best friend and sleeps in the same bed with him.. i know they dont do anything but lately the way he has been acting it seems like there is something going on that he doesn't want to admit to me about.. i am troubled and it makes it real hard when i go and respond to a personal on here and end up having to admit to them that i still with the mother of my two children.

i'm shy as all can be.. heck i met someone on here and went to hang out with them.. nothing serious.. but i was still shy none the less.. i call her up and she is rude to me because i required a ride to get home.. no big deal some guys dont like to drive and i am no different.

what makes this matter even more bad then i can think is.. i feel that i am at a dead end here i am busting my tail off to get a job get working so i can get my own place.. but being that i am so people shy i dont know many people except for those who have come into the house to hang out..

and please before anyone responds i'm not a dead beat i love my children and i make it my top priority to ensure that my kids are taken care of.

i'm just at a loss for what i can do now..
 kimberlyadam
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 2
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when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:36:02 PM
hey,
we are in the same boat only.....my ex-husband (yes we are divorced) left me for his 3rd wife.. only after he divorced her to marry me. Ok he packed his stuff after she tells him to get out and she wants a divorce. He calls me saying he needs a place to stay, so being the kind hearted person that I am .... i let him come sleep on the couch.. I felt sorry cause he is my 9 grandchildren's paw paw.. Now 5 months later, he's still on the couch and he is treating me like garbage... wants to have sex(which is totally out of the question)...wont get a job and is eating all my groceries... what to do... i love him buti am not in love with him. After they rip your heart out it is kinda hard to love them and trust them again...What can we do??? Do you have children that are young???they seem to use the kids against us. And when you love your kids you put up with alot of **** cause you can't bear leaving them..
 DJ_MadnessHero
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 3
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:39:04 PM
my children are ages 1 and 2 both have birthdays coming up real soon and stuff..
but the thing with my ex is that she claims i do not give a **** about my kids and makes it a point to bring it up when we argue.. that and i'm down to 24 days til i have to get out.. this makes it alot harder on me because after we split up those kids were the only things keeping me going.. and now i am being told to leave because she cannot deal with me being around yet she is almost always working or on the phone when she is home.. it has become rediculous if you ask me so yeah =/
 Whitewine29
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 4
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/22/2006 2:06:22 PM
Hate to break it to you man, but a reality check is just around the corner and your going to have to make some real big decisions. First off who is getting the kids when you leave? Second - you are going to need a full time job. Third kick your best friends a$$ out of bed, if he was your best friend he would of never crossed that line. They have both blinded you, there is something going on. Any person on here can tell you that. This guy isn't your best friend anymore he is sleeping with your X. You really need to buck up and make a game plan before it's to late.
 riverlady58
Joined: 11/11/2005
Msg: 5
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/22/2006 3:28:26 PM
Sounds like you should be the one kicking her butt out the door.
 ohiosweetness
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 6
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/22/2006 3:38:47 PM
Ok Darlin, First off.....Take it from a female she is doin the i'll keep you around untill "i" am over you thing,,,Why give her the pleasure?? And using you as a maid,nanny,punching bag..And comic stand in~~~~For i promise you she IS sleeping with your friend>>Just stay up one night and wait.....you get what you need.....She is using you to get on with HER life..Please give her the wake up call...and get your stuff together....get a car...a place...a good job......and rub her face in it!!Be a great father.....find a good girl~~~~and enjoy your life sweetie...this is the only one we get .....so ride this mother fk'er thill the wheels fall off....take care.....peace~~~~
 DJ_MadnessHero
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 7
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/23/2006 4:54:36 PM
you know i really wish it were that simple.. i barely go anywhere as it is.. i mean i got out and was gone for 8 hours i come home and things were fine and stuff. and then the next day the whole apartment turned into a battle zone.. attitudes flung around here and there the whole nine yards.. i even sit up at night and listen.. but its hard to hear from the living room because she turns on her music and turns it up to a point that i cannot hear.. now in this same action i'm partially deaf in both ears so i really have to strain to hear into her room.. now i have done this.. i have gone and sat in the kids room while they sleep and listen for something coming from her room. the head board is set up in a manner that if something is going on it will hit the wall every single time.. i have confirmed that they are not sleeping together but she likes to make noises just to see if she can get a reaction out of me.. it typically doesn't but i'll have to admit i am bi-polar so my mood fluxuate rather quickly so i'm either happy mad or depressed.. lately depression has set in so i've been really blah

but that has not stopped me from doing what i do best.. i've met a few potential gals on here that i'd like to date and so i've kept my hopes up about that.. but now it is just a manner that i was going to take off a little while ago and she comes storming out of the house screaming at me to come watch the kids because she was going to go out somewhere..
i'm getting to my wits end with this stuff here.. and since i have been pretty much confined to the house i dont really know NPR all that well except how to get to the place i may start working at soon and the corner store.

aside from that my life is in shambles i'm at my wits end.. and i'm to the point of breaking
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 8
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when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/23/2006 5:03:50 PM
If you are still together under the same roof .... the only thing broken up is your feelings. Get out .... get another place ... take the kids if you are the main caregiver and move on with life. In your present situation you will only learn to hate each other and the kids will hate to be around both of you. If she realy is your ex and you realy are broken up you do not belong under the same roof. That is cruelty to everyone involved, and completely stupid.
 VictorNorth
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 9
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/23/2006 10:23:59 PM
Take the kids and run! Then go for child support. I would suggest a shelter as what you're describing may be bordering on abusive to the kids. Are they ever around when you have blowouts? How healthy is it for them to be living with mom and dad while mom is sleeping with someone else. The whole thing is toxic and you're just sitting there doing nothing while your kids are exposed to this? Finances are no excuse to live what you are living.
 beeka
Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 10
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/24/2006 12:00:47 AM
my advice is she's using you to her advantage! move out! you can still have the kids everyday if thats what you want! think of the good things and the positive things you will get out of it! you could have the best of both worlds your kids and the freedom to actually meet someone worth while being with instead of being used and abused! it's not good for your kids to see you always fighting and arguing and as for your best mate he's not your mate if he's sleeping with your wife!! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!
 4everDreaming
Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 11
when living with your ex becomes @#$
Posted: 5/24/2006 12:14:04 AM
Well when you split up you should have left. Obviously if she is sleeping with your best friend, sex or not, she is not really thinking of getting back together with you and second he is not really your best friend. Kids are very perceptive and they feed off of the emotions in the house both good and bad, as far as i can tell the atmosphere is not good, never underestimate the knowledge of a child. I hear ya on the social phobia, I myself can be people shy, there was a time when I was Agoraphobic, but you can concur it and put yourself out there, find some friends, interesting people who shares your interests. There is no way to get past shyness except to just get out there and do it, if need be talk to someone about it and work through it, if it is that bad, but whatever you do, save what little sanity she has left you with and find a life for yourself and a healthy enviroment for your children.
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