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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 eccentric
Joined: 1/1/2005
Msg: 2
Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Because of the way that most men were raised in this country, they may feel that if they are not needed then they are worthless. It's okay to be independant, but it's also okay to let somebody else to do some of those things. Often times, men want to do things for women because they care about them, but sometimes women get offended and think that they view them as helpless.

On personal note, I would love to find a woman like that...it would give me more time to play with my computer.
 Singlemaltgirl
Joined: 12/31/2004
Msg: 7
Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 2/21/2005 2:33:06 PM
hi jeannie,

there are many men who are intimidated by independent women and as men's roles are pulled from underneath them, they are learning to adjust (some better than others). there are many women who are also really needy and dependent so what's a guy to do?

stay true to an old fashioned sense of chivalry and protector?

or learn to curb that role since some women have now assumed it?

i think you just have to find a guy who's willing to listen and understand the person you are and have become, doesn't, in any way, diminish him. everyone's got to be needed or at least feel that they are at least a little. there are men out there who can learn or who have learned to accept independent women. but just as you have struggled to gain your independence (and kudos to you!), the men you date need to understand where you are coming from and where/how they fit in.

for every person that we allow to enter our life, we need to make space. the person we've made room for has to know that they have that space and that you give it freely. good luck to you!
 ramcharger
Joined: 6/5/2004
Msg: 15
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 2/26/2005 8:01:04 AM
^^ Well said Corno.

I admire and apreciate a woman with an independant spirit.
I love kids, I cant say I am the volutary father figure type, it comes with time thus we have the stepmonster LOL!
But if I would be involved with a woman with kids of her own I would still want to do things as a "family" as Stitch said "It is little and it is Broken but it is Good"
Kids need love and respect from every corner of thier lives, if they get it they can give it.
Single parents need the same too, seems like a recipe of sorts. Mixing in two parts of respect with two parts patience stir it in with love and silliness, mix it well with laughter and when the kids go to bed lets shake and bake
 MikeJ
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 28
Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 3/6/2005 9:39:42 PM
I don't have any advice for you, because I can't imagine why a guy would find a woman too independent (unless it started to affect how she treated him).

I just wanted to say congratulations. I love hearing stories about how people overcome adversity by taking control of their lives and making things happen. Those with the strongest character are those that have faced the most adversity.

I've pretty much had a free ride and almost regret not having a harder time of things.
 mscrybaby
Joined: 1/3/2005
Msg: 29
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 3/7/2005 10:55:51 AM
Jeannie

I have also been told that I am too independant. I have even been discribed as an Overbearing, obnoxious b*tch.
I have been on my own for 13 years as a single mom and have taken care of everything pretty much on my own.
I have lost female friends because of my independance and the fear of my teaching thier girlfreinds/wives that they don't have to depend on the husband/boyfriend for everything.
I don't believe that a woman should have to be reliant upon a man for life and happiness and visa versa. I feel that each person is thier own and the other should only be there as a great addition to an already wonderful person.
I am proud of you for what you have achieved and can only look up to you for it. All you can do in life is be yourself and love yourself for it.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 35
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 3/30/2005 6:27:10 PM
For me, I don't want a woman that is dependent. I can't stand "needy" people ... ***shiver*** ... they give me the willies. I am a fiercely independent person, though, so I appreciate people who think and feel the same way I do. Some men want women who will depend on them for everything from finances to handyman work. But we're not all like that. Keep lookinga dn you will find someone who appreciates those qualities about you.
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 36
Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 3/31/2005 7:02:59 PM

Wow....as personal note I have been single and rasing my daughter for almost 7yrs now....And say at this point in my life men aren't really sure what they want they think they know but really clueless...Alot of coments about really wanting women that can take care of herself but reality is helpless female always catch the fish.... its comfortable. Its intimidating too have smart independent women because she could dump you for newer model...lol sorry but true...be honest guys you know its true.

I been called man hater by some ....and that's just not true totally love men ....really do but learned from my father to take care of me and my needs.
Little funny story about blind date was on last year the guy was little flumpy and total mans mans...lol he grabbed my butt and he said he wanted to see if it was as frim as it looked but why i grabbed his breast he got totally offerned I told him that I just wanted too see if his breast were as frim as they looked. I really think that most men can't handle a women who knows who she is where she going and how shes getting there....


Ya, truthfully the biggest CEO's marry their secretaries instead of their co workers.
Why?
Because they don't want to come home to an argumentive vagina that knows everything about everything.
They want sweetness, feminitity, love, happiness, and not an agressive career executive who's on call 24/7 with a pager.

Most of these career women end up divorced and miserable, unless they're married to a weakling.

9/10 women marry up. 9/10 men marry down. Every man in my family married "down."
My richest happiest relatives live with sweet motherly women.
I'm happy for them all.
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 37
Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 4/2/2005 8:46:55 PM
I think it can be.

After all, a guy (or girl for that matter), sorta wants to fit SOMEWHERE in there and be needed SOMEWHERE>.no?
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 39
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 4/4/2005 7:42:14 AM

Its intimidating too have smart independent women because she could dump you for newer model...lol sorry but true...be honest guys you know its true.

Watchgirl,
I disagree. Through observations, what I have come to realize about most independent women is they are generally classified as "****es." IMO, it's a misinterpretation of their independent will, but the more independent women are also partially at fault for this. In my experience, independent women are more overtly confident and independent than their male counterparts. It isn't enough for them to just be confident and independent, they have to assert it at all turns. Often, this overtness is interpreted as angry at the world, and right or wrong, most men like women who are soft and quite different than they are. (Note: I'm just pointing out what I have observed.)

As I mentioned previously, I prefer independent women. To be honest, it's for completely selfish reasons. I don't like women who are needy. I don't like women who have to be with me at every single moment of the day, or even every day of the week.

And, no, I'm not worried when I date these women that they are going to dump me for a "newer model." See, a truly confident man just wouldn't care. Water off a duck's back ... see ya, sweetheart. Next! The fact is, everyone is replaceable. And my appproach is, if she doesn't want to be with me, why should I cry over her? Nothing lasts forever, especially relationships. That's why you don't get married. You're basically handing over 1/2 of your stuff because the relationship IS finite. And with the divorce laws as biased as they are, you will be handing over a lot of your hard-earned assets and dollars to someone who doesn't deserve it.
 brnmalecatt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 41
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:48:14 PM
Jeannie

Lets hear it for babes liek you. I love women that are not dependent on guys.
I got that from my mom.

She reared 7 kids on her own., Started working in the fields working from can't see to can't see.

One by one we all got out of the field work and went to college.

Guys that don't appreciate girls that are independent are forigen to me. I love an independent woman. But guess what, i can't seem to find one. Most of the girls that i do find, have deep issues about being tooooo dam weak. Can't do this, can't do that. Dam it that bothers the heck out of me.

Where are you, maybe we should hook up Jeannie.
Felix in Cal
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 44
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Is Being TOO Independent a Bad thing?
Posted: 7/2/2006 6:21:45 PM
I do think a lot of men are threatened by independant women. My parents raised me with the understanding that I can do anything I want... I started helping dad do some little home reno projects when I was 7 or 8, and I have grown up knowing how to do those things. I left home at 18 with a tool kit and the knowledge of how to use each and every tool in the box. I married at 27, and my dad actually told me to allow my husband to do things so that he would feel important. Now... being a good-girl and wanting my marriage to be strong and last forever, I took his advice. However... I got tired of waiting for him to do the things I had asked him to do. I got tired of waiting over 2 mo one time and just went ahead and did it. It was seriously easier for me to just do them rather then ask him to do them, then get upset with him and argue with him when he didn't do them. That is not the reason I am not with him anymore tho... but I'm sure it was part of it.

I do know the difference between an offset racheting box end wrench and a phillips screwdriver... I own my own Makita (hehehe..) and I'm not afraid to use it... I know how to check the oil in my car and can change my wiper blades and put air in my tires... some men find that attractive. The others.. well... not sure they even know those things so I am sure it is intimidating.
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