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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > The loss of a child      Home login  
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 Canoe Gal
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 8
The loss of a childPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I too have lost a child. I can only tell you how I coped. It will not be the same for you as we are both different. It is very personal and only you can truly know how you feel. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I needed to talk, I talked. When I needed to remember, I remembered. I value every moment however brief. You need to be able to grieve for yourself as well. I know that sounds selfish but it's not. It will take time. Just don't shut people out. Let everyone who is willing to help, help. Reassure your 2 others that you love them and that you are willing to listen. If you can turn to each other, you will be helping each other. I wish I could say that the pain goes away, but it doesn't. However, it does become easier to cope with. Remember that he is always with you in your heart and memories.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 15
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The loss of a child
Posted: 6/24/2006 11:18:17 PM
hi there... i apologize for not seeing this thread in time to wish you rest for "tomorrow"... but the feelings are there... the worst pain i have "witnessed' is the death of my brothers son... when Christopher died (him & my son are/were only 4 months apart) is is a anguish so searing , and unreal... i personally do NOT 'know what it feels like',,,but after losing my husband, and my Mom a few months ago, i sometimes wonder when The Lord will take home one of my children, ... one is in the Navy & one wants to join the Air Force...there is an awesome book i have/bought and have bought for other people, and recommed , it will be your lifeline! : "What Becomes of The Brokenhearted" by Michelle Hammond-Kinney...n i wish i could hug you, get some rest... Prayers to you and your children...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
The loss of a child
Posted: 1/7/2011 6:01:19 AM

Last night I had a dream.....He had died in the dream, but came back to me as a 15 year old.

I kept trying to get someone to explain to me how he could be dead, yet alive and younger. I also couldn't seem to make people understand he really wasn't dead.

In the dream, I kept repeating that I couldn't go through this again, I couldnt' raise him only to lose him again. Yet there was joy that he wasn't truly gone.

When I woke up the pain was intense to realize, he wasn't really here. It was like losing him all over again.

I dream of my son nearly every night. Waking, is indeed, like losing him over and over and over again. I'm sorry you've gone through the same thing. I'd like to think I live in my own private hell and that no one has to visit there cause it's such a wretched place sometimes. Then I run across someone who has similar experiences and I often wonder if it's far more common than exception. Regradless? You aren't alone in the dream side of this. I'm right there with ya and will now always think of you in the morning, hoping it was a dreamless night for you.

Could your son's being alive and younger in your dream be his message that he is indeed well and relieved of his earthly burdens?

This is exactly how I choose to view it. I think because he's usually 17 in my dreams, it signifies the best year of his life, when the future was so bright, his careers were so set in stone, his body was healthy vs. the end when it wasn't. I think it's designed to put us at ease, really.

I know from your earlier posts that your son was atheist, but I believe we have spirits that are energy, and energy can be neither destroyed nor created, only transformed. Painful as it is, I personally would look at this dream as a possible message that he has survived the loss of his physical body, and has awoken in the spiritual realm and seeks to set your mind at ease.

I agree. During the initial phases of my loss, my son had confided in me he was more Hindu/Taoist in spirituality than anything else. I ran across this:

Worn-out garments are shed by the body,
worn-out bodies are shed by the dweller within the body,
new bodies are donned by the dweller, like garments.

Not wounded by weapons, not burned by fire,
not dried by the wind, not wetted by water,
such is the one.

Not dried, not wetted, not burned, not wounded,
innermost essence, everywhere, always,
being of beings, changeless, eternal, for ever and ever.

Bhagavad-Gita 2:22

Because he believed in reincarnation, this is what I choose to put great faith in. The fact he left a broken body for a body he'd once again understand living in.

(Thank you all for a most inspiring thread.) Peace of heart to you all in the New Year.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 25
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The loss of a child
Posted: 1/7/2011 7:53:12 PM
I am so sorry.

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