Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 1
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Hi all,

I have a question for ladies only, please. If you had a chance to post on some website what a jerk your ex boyfriend is and how he hurt you so that the world would know who he really is, would you do it? Every response counts. Thanks!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 2
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:11:26 PM
Thank you for your reply! What if it's not for entertainment, but an honest attempt to warn other girls of him? Would you find that reasonable?
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 3
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:27:59 PM
Thank you, pssst. I hear your point: exposure is bad whatever it is, right? Will you still disagree with me if I compare a woman being mistreated, used, hurt or violated in another way in a relationship to abuse or rape victims speaking out their dark secret and throwing down the embarrasment curten? I mean if he's treated you bad, he's at fault, not you. If he's treated 10 others in this way then when and how will he ever be brought to justice? When and how will he be held accountable for what he's done? When and how will others find out who they should stay away from even if they seem perfectly nice at first? Don't you think it would be a good idea to have some kind of database and a website where women could share their bad experiece? I truly believe that no woman will want to do that unless and until she feels violated. I believe that a truly good guy's name will never appear on such a website. Please proove me wrong. I appreciate your input.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 4
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:34:32 PM
Thanks, *jenni*,
tha's an excellent point! I thought about it. I do believe that no woman would fake or create that kind of history on purpose unless and until she's been violated. I may be naive on this one. Please proove me wrong. And by the way, what is that website? I sincerely want to check it out! Thanks.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 5
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:49:33 PM
If there is already a website with this, I know for sure I'm not dating a guy whose name appeared there. Two wrongs don't make it right. I'd like to know if there is the "wrong" behind a man's back. Cause that sort of tells a lot about him. Could someone tell me the link?
 MsAphrodite
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 6
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:54:13 PM
If a man acts like a b*stard, he has it coming...

I'm all for 'Outing" these users, abusers and betrayers. But only if the facts can be verified with evidance, not just hearsay. Call it a Civil Court hearing if you want.

Unsuspecting people have a right to know.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 7
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:07:47 PM
Thanks, alwaysme. I can't agree with you. What are you saying? "Let him hurt whoever he wants to hurt because hurting is natural? Let's not stop the boolly?" Just to clarify I'm taking about violating moral law, not the legal issues here. I'm talking about boollying (did I spell it right?), supressing personality, insult, hurting feelings, disregard and disrespect towards a woman. The law doesn't protect from those things, but shouldn't anything? I mean what's good about letting other victims fall into the same trap? For many women it's a waste of time at least! Five years with one jerk, another five years with another - oops, all of a sudden you are too old to have kids! Wouldn't a woman want to know a little faster what kind of a person this guy is whithout rediscovering a bicycle all over again?
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 9
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:33:33 PM
What are you saying, to_sassy_4u? If he hurt you it's your fault? I mean how in the world would you not let anyone trick or hurt you in any way? I understand that fool me twice - shame on me part. But what about fool me once part? Where's justice for that one. What if your all-nice boyfriend takes a swing at you for no reason and storms out of the room? Or calls you names during an argument? How is that your fault for not protecting yourself? How can you see something like this coming and block it before it happens? If he did the wrong thing - it's his fault and he should be accountable for it one way or another, shouldn't he? And all this stuff about faulse allegations... Give me a break! I've never met a person creating a story about wrong doing. All the stories come from hurt feelings. Nobody makes them up, nobody!
 missmom781
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 12
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:47:29 PM
absolutely not. Look it's like this, my ex and i arent together because nothing was working, why would i want to rip him apart for that? hell meet some one else that he can work things with and hell be happy, why should i try to ruine him? I am not a childish person nor am i a bitter one i always wish my exs good things, regaurdless of how terrible our relationship may have been. I am by no means innocent, and I wouldnt want them making me look bad. Do unto others ....
 Awesomeone54
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/17/2006 1:23:28 AM
I would never lose my dignity that way. If it doesn't work out, at least leave with your dignity. Revenge doesn't help and that mentality contributes to men's fear that we women have all become bitter and cynical. Esp. women over 30 or 40, who have been through it all.....

Let the guy be a jerk.....you know you are walking away with dignity...which puts a little bounce in your step and certainly is more appealing to the opposite sex than a revenge seeking bitter woman....so will be easier to get another chance to get it right.

Remember....if the guy is a jerk...that makes you look like that behavior is okay and you aren't mad that he was a jerk...sounds like you are mad cuz he's not still YOUR jerk.

Just be happy you are away from him IF he really was a jerk! You go, girl!
 MsAphrodite
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 14
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/17/2006 6:44:41 AM
If the allegations or statements can be proved in evidence, be that emails, letters, witnesses, diaries kept of said events etc etc then no slander, libel or defamation can be alleged.

At least where I come from...
 sillyatheart3
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 15
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:18:30 AM
THE REASON I POST MY LIFE WITH MY EX.. IS SO OTHERS WILL LEARN FROM THIS.. IT IS NOT TOO HURT HIM.. IT IS NOT TELLING ANYONE IN THE WORLD WHO HE HIS.. LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS OR ILLNESS.. BUT IT IS TOO HELP THAT ONE PERSON WHO IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING.. AND THERE ARE MANY WOMEN WHO ARE IN THE SAME BOAT.

THERE ARE MANY MEN HOW HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH CANCER WITH THERE WIFES OR GRILFRIENDS.. AND HAVE LOST THEM DO TO IT.. ..

I DONT JUST POST HIS LIFE .... I POST MY LIFE AND MY PROBLEMS ALONG WITH IT.. I POST THE MEN I DATE. I POST THE DATES THAT FAIL.. OR THE LIFE SITUATION I HAVE BEEN IN...

THE POSTS ARE TO HELP OTHERS.. TO HAVE A OPION ON THEM.. IT IS TO BE YOURSELF.. FOR OTHERS TO GET TOO KNOW YOU AND FOR SOME.. THEY FOLLOW YOU AROUND AND LEARN WHAT YOU HAVE TOO SAY.. THEY LEARN YOUR PERSONALTY.. THEY LEARN YOUR PAIN, YOUR FEARS, YOUR HAPPYNESS, THEY LEARN ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LIFE.. AND

IN THE END.. IF THY LIKE OR CAN DEAL WITH WHAT YOUR WORLD IS LIKE.. THEY GO TO YOUR PROFILE AND WRITE YOU A LETTER TELLING YOU THAT THEY WANT TO MAKE A DATE WITH YOU... THEY WANT YOU TO BE A PART OF THERE LIFE AND NOW THAT THEY UNDERSTIAND YOU... THEY WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY..

WELL MY DEAR.. SO I WILL POST MY MY RELATIONSHIPS.. WITH MY EX'S ALL 9 OF THEM SINCE I WAS 14TEEN YRS OLD.. SINCE WE HAVE 18YRS TO 70YR OLDS ON THIS SITE.. WE HAVE EVERY KIND OF CAREER.. WE HAVE EVERY KIND OF DEATH OF A PARTNER, DEVORICE, RAPES, BEATINGS, SUICIED, DRUGS ADDITIONS, SEX OFFENDERS, BI-POILERS,- AND THE LIST WILL GO ON.. GAYS, LESBIANS, CROSSDRESSORS, TRANSVIXTICES, KINKY FEDISHES, MEN WHO ONLY WANT SEX AND NOTHING BUT SEX..

LAST OF LEAST THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO REALLY WANT TO FIND LOVE.... ARE ON THIS SITE TO FIND THE LOVE THE SOULMATE, THE PERSOSN OF THERE DREAMS.

AND OUT OF ALL OF THIS.. THESE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO FIND THE ONE PERSON..
TO LOVE THEM TO DEAL WITH THERE LIFE..

AND IF ONE OF MY LIFE SITUATIONS FROM THE PAST EXPERIANCES HELPS JUST ONE PERSON ON THIS SITE.. THEN.. YES, I WILL POST MY EX' AND IF HE IS ON THIS SITE WITCH HE IS THEN IT IS HIS OWN DAMN FAULT BECOUSE HE DESTROYED THE LOVE I HAD FOR HIM BY BEING SELFISH AND WITH HOLDING SEX BECOUSE OF A COMPUTER.. SO HE AND I LOST IN THE END..

DO YOU SIR KNOW HOW MANYMEN ARE DESTROYING THERE RELATIONSHIP.. BECOUSE OF THE COMPUTER.. THEY SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON IT.. SO IF I PLASTER THIS MABY ONE MAN WILL WAKE THE HECK UP AND STOP.... AND GO AND TAKE HIS WIFE OUT AND MAKE LOVE TOO HER TOO NIGHT AND NEVER ALLOW THE COMPTER TO BE A PART OF THERE LIFE AGAIN.. BURN THE DAMN THING AND GO LIVE YOUR LIFE.. MY EX WOULD WAKE UP AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING.. AND NOT GET OFF THE COMPUTER UNTILL 11PM.. TO HAVE SEX.. THEN GET BACK ON IT AT 1PM UNTILL 3PM.. AND THEN UP AT 5 AGAIN.. MONDAY THOUGH SUNDAY... WHO LOST IN THE END. MY WOUNDERFUL MAN.. THE LOST THE MOST AMAZING WOMEN HE EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE ALL BEOUSE OF A COMPUTER..

I WANT OTHER TO LEARN.. I AM A FULL TIME TEACHER OF ALL TRAIDS.. BUT MOSTLY OF THE MANS HEART.. I AM TEACHING MEN AND WOMEN ON THIS SITE THAT THEY THEMSELFS ARE MISSING OUT ON LIFE.. SO AGAIN YES... I WILL TELL THE WORLD.. ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND MY PAST LIFE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE LET IT ALL GO.. I WILL TALK ABOUT IT UNTILL I DIE.. FOR I HELP KIDS LEARN AND GET ON WITH THERE LIFE. TO FORGIVE.

I HELP MEN WHO LIVE IN THE PAST AND CAN NOT GET ON WITH THERE LIFE WHO ARE STUCK.. I GIVE THEM ADVICE.. AND SOME MOVE ON .. OTHERS STAY IN THERE SELFPITTY.. MAMA GIGGLES../ JEWELS.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 16
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/17/2006 2:52:16 PM

It would interesting to see the legal take on this. Will you email me with the results? I really would appreciate it.


And me too! Please... Although I have serious doubdt you'll contact the attorney. You sound exactly like the guy we want to see on a website like the one we are talking about! I mean like someone who screwed up in the past and now is affraid of the truth coming out!

Thanks, Lnstarkiss, for the support! I agree with most of your comments!
 curly80
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 18
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:40:34 PM
Already did...To warn other women about him and how he used me in the relationship for his own benefit. I don't think its vendictive, actually I think I did a service to other women who read that and may come in contact with him. If they listen, they won't go through the pain and hurt that I went through.
 ManitobaGrrl
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 19
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:43:20 PM
No, because I would be sinking down to their level, I'm too old for that kind of thing,
and I believe that the best revenge is living well.
 shigogouhou
Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 20
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/19/2006 12:23:26 AM

That Guy Him:?? TYPICAL MALE COMMENT...

wow.. I married this man he commited to me and I him: he had the affair.. so should he cause pain to every woman he tries to have a relationship with: no...
Trust me... It is not just that it didn't work out.. If a man wants to stray he should say "hey I am not feeling it anymore, or I have fallen out of love with you..." Trust me he regrets it in every way.. he has tried every way to get back in:

I am for once: not feeling it.. no way once a cheater always a cheater.. and yes he should of been honest with her.. why should he be? he is a cheater.. Once a cheater always a cheater..... PROVE ME WRONG ON THAT ONE!

You guys kill me with your attitudes.. like it is our fault.. you don't know the situation.. ask?

Since you went and interfered with someone else's relationship once, shouldn't it be safe to assume you'd do THAT again?

Of course he "regrets it in every way". Who wouldn't regret pissing off a loudmouth who went and ruined his engagement just to fulfill some vengeful desire?

And then I did a bit of "research", and came across this:

5'3", mother of four (no more thank you AND on good terms with ex..NO DRAMA here..)

So you're on good terms with a guy who cheated on you? Or do you just consider "good terms" to be "Refusing to let go and move on, instead choosing to interfere in his next relationship to be sure it didn't have a chance of working"? You sabotaged an engagement you had no business having anything to do with, and you claim to be on good terms? You claim to have no drama? Your very name on here implies that you're "over it" and this is how you act? Seriously, grow up.
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/19/2006 8:19:40 AM
I wouldn't air my life out for the world to see like that but it is your choice. I would be the bigger person.
 sweety35
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/19/2006 3:17:20 PM
I had a guy that lied to tme the whole month I dated him. he was still with his wife, told me he loved me, bought me things, opened car doors for me, treated me like gold, b ut had his wife on the side he was supposidly divorcing! Then to top it all off, he had his WIFE break up with me, and she demanded the stuff back he bought me!!!
 Bl0ndie_420
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 25
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:44:56 AM
yea most likely.... i did everything for my ex and he played me so bad....
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 26
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:10:16 PM
Thank you all for your opinions. I see about 50x50 division. Half of women would do it, the other half wouldn't. Half would want to read a guy's history and half wouldn't want to search for such an info.

BTW the website www. dontdatehimgril.com is only for reporting married cheating men with no names or other identity allowed. All of you have very good points. I appreciate that.

I was surprised that some people assumed I had a bad experience recently and gave me advice Where did you get that idea? I am a happily married lady with two kids. I was just wondering why so many women drag their exes to court, like Judge Judy, after being dumped and whether this kind of a website will take the pressure off the courts.

I admit I was wrong about "Nobody making up stories". You got me there! I still believe that a wonderful caring successful guy will never appear on such a site. I still tend to believe that the only reason someone would be reported like that is that he hurt a girl and didn't take responsibility for it. She may exadurate the story. True, but to me any story, big or small, shows that this guy had one unsuccessful relationship, hurt someone's feeling and left this emotional business unfinished. If he didn't get it then, what's the guarantee he gets it now? And that's pretty much what I think girls want when they date someone - a guarantee that he is a good unselfish guy. It is hard to tell without the guy's history. And by history I don't mean just "his version".

Anyway, that you all for participating. It's been a very useful discussion for me and I hope for others too!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 27
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:17:02 PM
No way. Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also. I wanted to take out an ad in the New York Times when my ex did what he did ~ it wouldn't have solved anything and would have opened a can of worms for me. I think it's best to leave it alone. If he is a decent person at all, he already knows he was a jerk. And if he doesn't "get" it ~ he's the one missing something!! I'd just let it go and move on.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 28
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:35:23 PM

Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also.


May not be a jerk? What is it Russian rullet? He lets himself choose to be bad or not? Yesterday I hurt people, today I didn't... I wonder how I want to behave tomorrow? Lets throw a coin! That shows lack of dignity!

If he want to write bad things about a woman - again I WISH he did, because once again - I'm not dating a guy who's had bad experience and thinks badly about his ex! No matter which one is reporting it, it's a goal into his gates!

And only because he hurt me privately, it doesn't make his behavior good and it's not an exuse for covering it up! That's exactly how they get away with it and that has to stop!
 shigogouhou
Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 29
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:54:29 PM
May not be a jerk? What is it Russian rullet? He lets himself choose to be bad or not? Yesterday I hurt people, today I didn't... I wonder how I want to behave tomorrow? Lets throw a coin! That shows lack of dignity!

Firstly, it's Russian ROULETTE.

And just because he's "bad" doesn't mean it's totally his fault. Consider who he's being "bad" to; a vindictive, self-centered, stubborn woman who's already shown serious intent on interfering with his new relationship, his NEW RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES NOT CONCERN OR INVOLVE YOU.

He's not "covering up" what he did to you. He's *gasp* moved on, and therefore does not see the need to involve you in any way, shape or form into his new relationship. Apparently you need some counseling or something, because you've got issues letting go of the past.

And does anyone else find it oddly suspicious that no matter how we shoot her logic down, she somehow comes up with some other lame reason to continue spouting this "WELL HE DID THIS TO ME AND EVERYONE ON EARTH NEEDS TO KNOW" mentality? Seriously, the only reason anybody cares what he did is because you're making a complete fool of yourself to try to convince the world that not only are you right, but he is wrong. Get over him, and get over yourself, please, for all our sakes.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 30
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 2:04:39 PM
Ok, ok, I hear you guys! Thanks for getting me!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 31
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:00:42 PM

I wish this site had a rating system. So, we could rate a person after meeting/dating them. Rate things like how honest they were


Oh, I agree. That's what I had in mind too. And not just rating from 1 to 10, but say several ratings of this person's qualities. Like is he reliable, honest, hard working, trust worthy, selfless, sweet, caring, good listener, in good control of his temper, shares finances and house chores, respectful to women, respectful to authority, career oriented, loves kids, has good values, right priorities, faithful and so on and so forth. I mean a guy could be caring and very career oriented, but disrespectful to law, and that's a deal breaker for me, or he could be sharing his financies and doing house chores, but not be in control of his temper with you, and that's a deal breaker too. You know what I'm saying?

Plus I understand that one woman's opinion is not enough statistics, but if three-four-five of his exes leave the similar feedback - you can get an idea who you are dealing with. In fact, it could be an eye opening experience for him too if so many people agree on his "flaws". He can see it as a chance to improve.

I'm not saying the guy shouldn't be allowed to find happiness. But if he is starting from scratch with a new woman and resists change it's not helping anyone to remain silent about it. It's a watse of time for all of us.

She who doesn't want to know - won't search for his name in such a database. But it doesn't mean that it's wrong to have one!
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?