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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 1
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?Page 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
I'm 26 and yes, I still live at home with my parents but I do NOT live off of them! I have a job, pay my own bills, and go out and do things every now and then with friends and can come back at home at anytime. It's just I haven't been able to find a full time job to where I can make enough money to move out on my own yet and I DO want to move out on my own in the future just when I feel and know I'm ready. My friend however, thinks that maybe I should move out as soon as I possibly can because that will help increase my chances of finding someone to be in a relationship with. My question is, is that really such a deterent to dating? If someone truly loves you and likes being with you can they overlook the fact that you still live at home with your parents, but that you at least have GOALS to move out at some point in the future?
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 2
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:23:39 PM
No, it's not a turn off for me , if you atleast have a job.



~*Flavia*~
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 3
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:33:15 PM
Sorry, didn't know this was a redundant thread. I haven't been to these forums in quite awhile so I haven't looked through all the pages to see similar threads like this. If you want to delete this thread then by all means go ahead.
 BReal
Joined: 3/15/2004
Msg: 4
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:35:21 PM
I'm sure you will here from someone that has moved out at a much earlier age than you. Regardless, to your point.

This is only my perspective as I don't tend to run into people my age that are living at home (and that's a good thing!). So, I would say that at your age some people might consider it a little late to be achieving the goals that maybe should have been set 5 yrs ago. I realize it depends on where you live, how expensive housing is and such, but people want to meet acheivers and not just goal setters. Stable and not in between jobs.

If someone takes the time to know you well, they will find out what kind of person you are. For those that take a quick peak...they might not look further becuase of it...especially if they are on there own already.

Whatever the case, hope you acheive your goals and show that you are paiving a road - for yourself and not for others.

All the best!
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 5
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:23:30 PM
kerrymh, yes I actually do buy my own groceries, do my own laundry, pay for my own car etc...the only thing I don't pay for is rent. I do want to find me a full time job to where I can afford to live on my own, but I also want someone to date/be in a relationship with. I've had mixed reactions to people I've talked to about this. On the one had, my friend said I should concentrate on moving out first before trying to find someone that way it'll be much easier since they are attracted to people living out on their own, and then on the other hand a fellow coworker of mine said it really shouldn't matter because if they truly like/love you, they can overlook that though the odds are usually not that favorable.
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 6
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:22:32 PM
surprise07, it's not necessairly a matter of not being able to take care of themselves. I have moved out once briefly to attend college and I know I'm more than capable of making it on my own, it's just I don't have the financial resources to do it yet but I am working towards that and am looking for something better to where I have the financial resources to move out on my own. It's one thing to live at home with your parents, not having a job, completely depending on them, and not doing anything to try and make it out on your own, and another thing to live at home with parents, but not having to depend on them for everything, having your own job, paying your own bills, and working towards making it out on your own, but making sure that you have the resources and right time to move out so that you don't crash and burn like so many people do when they feel they have to move out on their own as soon as possible like directly out of highschool. Why does there have to be a set age limit where people should be out living on their own? Everyone is different and everyone does things early or later in life, but as long as you have goals and are working towards them however LONG it may take you, that should not be a detriment to dating someone!

I've got 2 examples of what I'm talking about. There are 2 cousins of mine both of whom are in their late 30s/early 40s. One of them, moved out of his mom's house right after he graduated high school and tried to make it on his own at first when was attending college, but ended up moving in with my grandma when he had trouble trying to be out on his own. Now he did live at my grandma's house for a good number of years, but he wasn't complacent and wasn't always depending on her for everything. He had goals he was working towards. It took him awhile, but he had himself a few degrees from college, finished his military service, and was looking for the right job. It did take awhile to find the right one he was looking for and he was still living with my grandma, but he was also DATING too and found the right woman to be with. They got engaged and just before they got married, he found the type of job he was wanting AND found himself a house to move into as well. He moved out of my grandma's house at 35.

Now as for my other cousin, he graduated high school in the mid 80s and then went to college briefly in Georgia. I don't know exactly what happened there, but it didn't work out and he moved back home with his parents. He did go back to college however and did get a master's degree in physics and I believe even taught physics for a little bit, but somwhere along the way he just seemed to lose his will of trying to make it on his own. He's one of 6 children in his family, but of the 6 he is the only who has not moved out on his own or has a family. He doesn't even have a job, completely relies on his parents for everything, has little to no social life and does not even make any attempt to try and change his situation and he is now in his early 40s!!! His parents are in their mid to late 60s.

Now tell me, which would you rather date? Someone who although hasn't left the nest yet even at a certain age, but has goals and is working towards that, however long it may be, or someone who hasn't left the nest and makes NO EFFORT to do it with no job or to better themselves and completely depend on someone else?
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 7
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:55:10 PM

HUGE turn-off! If I have a job and an apartment, I expect the same in a guy I date and I appologise if this makes me sound shallow and mean.

I agree with the lady in a previous post: concentrate on getting yourself a job and a place to live rather than a girlfriend. Independence and confidence is sexy. No girl gets hot and bothered when a guy says "Wanna go back to my parent's house and make out?"


You've got a job and an apartment, good for you. Unfortuantely, not everyone can have the same fortune as you by their early 20s. And no offense, but if you like someone and can't put aside the fact that even though they may still live with their parents, but are at least MAKING some type of effort to move out on their own later on down the road and NOT depend on them for everything, then you are not someone worth dating in my opinion. The fact that my cousin could STILL find someone to date and later on marry while living with my grandma does give me a little bit of hope. It does at least let me know that there are people out there who will like/love you no matter what the living situation is that you might be in.
 ManitobaGrrl
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 8
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:29:34 PM
one guy I met was in his late 30's or in his 40's and he was living at home because he said he was going to buy a house......which is fine, but he was way too old to be living at home.
I think its fine for certain reasons and up to a certain age. Times are hard out there.
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 9
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:39:08 PM
Then ask me this area204, would you rather date a guy at 26 who doesn't move out until 30, but is FULLY capable of supporting themselves by then and even capable of supporting a family versus someone who moves out on their own, but has serious problems supporting themselves, gets way over their heads and has no choice BUT to move back in with mommy and daddy? And who says I lack ambition? Just because I haven't moved out yet means I have no ambition, goals and dreams for myself? Sorry, but that just simply isn't true. I'm a cautious person and I'm not one to get in over my head. I'm an observant person as well and I've seen the consequences of people moving out when they are simply not ready and who's supposed to be the judge of when someone should be out on their own? I'm not saying a woman doesn't have the right to have an independent partner, but they should also realize that there are some late bloomers in life and that they are WORKING towards being independent. I'm not trying to make this as an excuse to stay under my parent's umbrella, I do want to move out and have plans to do it just before I turn 30, but I'm making sure I am capabale and have the means of doing it instead of doing it because I HAVE to as people say in order to fully date someone.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 10
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:47:45 PM
What if you own the house, and your parents are living with you?
 avalanchefan65
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 11
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:52:08 PM
Don't sweat it man, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep a good attitude about your situation and strive for that dream job. In the mean time if you run into the right woman, she'll care for you for who you are and not where you live.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER, I don't care what anyone else says. Love does NOT pay the bills, so concentrate on finding that job.
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 12
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:07:53 PM

And Sweet? You don't need a fortune to have an apartment. I was living in a small one-bedroom place when I first moved to Ontario and I was making less than $10/hr so don't give me that sob story. Most factories pay at least that these days so unless you're in debt up to your eyeballs, your wife cleaned you out in a divorce, you have child support payments, ect, there really is no excuse.


So you were able to do all that where YOU LIVE. Good for you, but expecting others to jump through the same hoop as you just because YOU did is not realistic. If I was where you're at maybe, but when you've got nearly $10,000 in student loans to pay back, health insurance, car insurance, car payments, car repairs which I had to do today, my own groceries, phone bill, credit card, etc. and NOT have parents helping to pay any of my bills even though I may still live with them, I barely have any money left over and certainly not enough to move into an apartment even a one bedroom apartment. The plus side is that I was able to save enough money from my previous job to put into a savings account so that way when I can find me a better paying job and have a bit more breathing room with money, I can put down a good down payment for at least a decent apartment, but when the time is right for ME not just when you or anyone else says so.
 LordKitchener
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 13
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:12:11 PM
Never mind your concerns about dating, that should be the least of your and society's concerns at this point. You are a non-functioning adult. You should have been out and contributing nearly a decade ago, yet you are enabled by weak parents and supported by a lot of pathetic enablers who have no business giving anyone advice. If it's not your parents tit you suck from it would be the government's, errrrrrr taxpayer's! If you wanted to move out/find a job that can support you it would have happened, no accidents here. Drag yourself down to the nearest Army recruitment center, see the world, you've got maybe a year left before you are not even welcome there.
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 14
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:29:31 PM
Maybe if you had a kid or where going to school...
To top it off your not even working full time...
What do you do in your spare time?


I've been working 40 hours a week (which is considered full time here) for the last 3 weeks because we've been short on staff. Now that things have been stabilized a bit, I generally work between 30-37 hours a week with usually one or 2 days off. I happened to have today off because I needed to take my car in for repairs. What do I do in my spare time whenever I get it? Either hang out with friends or job hunting.

Look, I get it. It isn't enough for someone to just be working towards their goal even if they haven't moved out at a certain age for whatever their circumstances or their reasons. I respect that you want someone who's already at least independent and living on their own by at least the mid-20s. I just wish you all could realize that not everyone in this world moves out by that age no matter what the circumstances or situation. I just hope soon I can prove all of you wrong by finding someone who actually is able to look past my living situation and realize that I'm actually a good catch and person to be with.

Joan Jett, I never said that put me ahead. All I'm doing is pointing out I CAN do some things on my own without the assistance of others. Like I said though, I get it. Living on your own is the ULTIMATE show of that.
 sweetguy6
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 15
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:56:52 PM
Ok, after I've calmed down a bit, taken a breather and reread everyone's responses including my own, I've come to a realization and looked at things in a different light. If I really wanted to move out, I guess could have I just had to work harder and put forth more effort into it. And though I wasn't intending for my responses to a lot of the posts here to do this, I guess they really are excuses. It's NOT the fact that I don't want to move out on my own now that I've thought about it more, I guess it's the fact that I'm afraid that I will fail when I do try to make it out on my own. I am my parent's only child and so I feel there's more pressure on me to succeed and that makes me even more nervous that I could end up failing, but I guess I have got to give it a try or I will never know if I could've done it. I guess that is my biggest fear (and alot of other people's as well), that I'll end up failing, that I can't make it out there and that I'll end up being alone. As I've said earlier, I'm a cautious person but maybe I'm being too cautious in this case to where I'm not letting myself try certain things.

My apologies to everyone. At least I'm able to admit my faults. You're right, I asked the question, but I didn't like the answers when you were being truthful about what is and isn't a turn off to dating someone. So with that in mind if you feel you must roll your eyes and say "DUH!! That's what we've been trying to tell you!!!!" then by all means go for it. I guess I deserve it.
 empress1978f
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 16
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:57:26 PM
OP,

I think it says a lot about a guy if he has the mettle to be out on his own.

I don't think that at 26 its easy for anyone to be out on their own, and its certainly easier to stay at home with mom and dad and save money, its much, much much easier that way. However I have more respect for the guy who is struggling but has the independence to be out on his own. I'll tell you what else, its a certain personality that I'm interested in that has the mettle to live on their own.

I moved out when I was 18 and I haven't been home since, does that mean I hate my parents....goodness no. I love my parents to bits and pieces, but do I want to live with them goodness no, I'm my own adult and I want my own place and space. There were days when I only ate Ramen noodles, there were days when if I couldn't get what I needed from the 99 cent store I didn't get it, but you know something, I think that it gave me character and I wouldn't trade those struggles for anything.

If you're looking for a perfect time you'll be home until your 68. I don't think you should move out to get a chick, I think you should move out because having your own place and struggling to keep it all together will show you a strength and ability you never knew you had.

I think that with few exceptions its tough to build a case for being an adult if you're living at home with your parents.

But hey, thats just me
 SuperBeautifulMonster
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 17
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:40:22 AM
i moved out when i was 15 and have supported myself since then. my feelings on this situation is if i can do it anyone can. we are all motivated to do different things, but i think being self sufficent is a quality the majority of decent middle class people find attractive.
i agree that when your 18 u become an adult, adults should be indepedent, unless your living at home to take care of sick parent or to help with your parents oput of a financial rut.
 shanda_line
Joined: 4/16/2006
Msg: 18
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:23:48 AM
I dont think it is a turn off - your working and have goals set. If your parents are ok with you living there then take the oportunity to save some cash to help meet your goals.
I dated a guy - way older than me - he was 50 and living with his parents. He moved back in with them after a failed marrage and a failed common law relationship. He kept saying it was to help look after this parents because they were elderly. That excuse worked for the first little while but after 4 years - yea it was a huge turn off. Not because he was living with them but because he didn't seem to have any ambition or intention of leaving to be on his own.
When you find the right girl and explain what your goals are - I'd think she would accept it and it wouldnt bother her.
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 19
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 8:50:05 AM
"I would LOVE to date a woman who is in her early twenties and still lives at home with her family, has family values, chips in and helps her family out. That seems to be rare to find these days!
I love a woman who has good values, morals, etc. So its totally not a turn off for me."



Hey...I'm exactly like that, wanna marry me??Sure, I'll be staying at home until I come out of med school, oh and no worries about values...I have them all intact.Hey and you are a soccer fan too, that's a plus!!!!I'm a huge soccer fanatic.Lol.So when's the wedding, hon????????




~*Flavia*~
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 20
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:16:41 PM
^^^^Lol....that's what happens when I respond to a post without looking at the poster's profile.Sorry dude....but I was kidding.Yea, now I know you are in Montreal.



~*Flavia*~
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 21
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:28:15 PM
If the person has fallen on hard times, is taking care of their parent(s) or are in their 20's and still in school, it does not mean the person is living at home because they are lazy etc. I've known a few people who had to move back in with their parents due to hard times - BUT they moved back out again. I've also known parents who have said NO to their child wanting to move back in, and guess what? That person did not fall into bankrupcy or kill themselves!

I don't think I would date someone who lived at home quite so readily as others, so yes it may be a turn-off. It may be judgemental, but I've lived on my own since I was 23. I see alot more people living at home in other provinces other than Qu├ębec and since I come from QC, I am used to people living on their own. That said, I have dated a man who had fallen on hard times and was living with his parents, but he moved out not long after I got to know him. I did meet this man through friends though, so that makes a huge difference than when you read that someone lives with Mom on the internet.

I'm not sure how I would have felt at 26 about this.

Roomates are not a problem, but Mom and Dad can seriously put a cramp in a relationship at times.

My parents sure don't want us moving back in with them lol.
 peterness
Joined: 10/12/2005
Msg: 22
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/26/2006 10:39:30 PM
Guys, if you met a girl who was living at home at 26, what would you think?
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 24
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/27/2006 7:19:45 AM
It is a turn off. If you can't afford your own place then get a roommate.
 vnillamousse
Joined: 10/4/2004
Msg: 25
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:28:20 PM
I would say that its a blessing that you HAVE your parents to lean on and you have goals!

I know when I divorced my first husband my parents were wonderful about it. I had to move back from California to Texas and I left everything but my personal belonging, my bank acount and my cat. So, I was starting over. Thats the great thing about "stuff and money"...you can always make more!!! My parents were only part time residents in their home in Texas so they gave the house to care for and utilities. Hellva deal to gain some ground...and I did. It only took a year and I was independent again!

Anyone who judges or critisizes without knowing all the facts is someone you don't want to know anyway...these people generally hear what they want to hear and never rely on the actual facts.

Hey and by the way, you are very young...for all we know, if you hadn't of said anything...you might have still been in college!!!!

And your friend sounds like they want you to be as miserable as they are. Its damn expensive to maintain a place on your own...if you have a chance to save...then do it!

Solution...since you're saving...YOU can afford to splurge (once in a while) and treat the lady to a romantic weekend at a swank little hotel....can't do that if you're carrying all the weight of rent and bills on your own! And won't she be impressed.

It also prevents the hangers on from attempting to move in with ya!!!!

Just my thoughts...
VM
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 26
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:50:08 PM
For me, it would depend on the reasons as to why the guy lives at home.
If he is living at home, solely because he is a mama's boy, and has to
listen to everything she says, then that is a turn off!
Actually being 26, and living at home is not bad.
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