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 AUTHOR
 Agallah005
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 2
A hidden truth.. Depression...Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
I have dated one girl who suffered from that, but I didn't find out until she told me one day, I mean, she seemed fine with a couple quirks here and there..........that's what made me take my time with the women I meet nowadays, becuase you never whats going on in their heads.........they can be fine or whatever but you never know what's going on in their heads until you know them........
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 10
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:14:37 AM
It's amazing the double standards that get flun around this board. eg It's taboo to talk about not dating black people but it's allright to talk about not dating pimply people.


In this paticular case we are all chatting about not dating somebody who suffers depression. But, in that case, lets also talk about not dating somebody wh sufferes badly from PMS. Because they are just as violent as any depression sufferer.
 jeff323
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 11
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:19:52 AM
When do diabetics have to tell you, or say Crohn´s Disease, when do they have to tell you? I have depression, very well treated, only thoes i tell know would ever know. People in gereal look down on us with depression like we are broken and damaged. It has started to get better in the last few years, but it is still hard over all, nad a killer in the dating world.
I do not have it in my profile, but i would tell the person before the first meeting, that i have it.

BTW, Thanks Spelly for such a great post on this topic
 JustForForumsGirl
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 20
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:09:50 AM
First to all...to ~Who Me~ who stated: "On the other side of the coin - some of the meds cause sexual dysfunction -usually for men it's raging erections with no relief.", sexual dysfunction can definitely be part of the side effects of meds for depression, however, I have never heard of raging hard ons being one of these side effects! In general, the opposite is true: little or no ability to maintain an erection, inability to reach orgasm, & decrease in sexual desire. Decrease in sexual desire or inability to reach orgasm can apply to both men and women.

I have a degree in psychology and have also personally experienced clinical depression. It is very difficult to manage and to live with, but is also severely misunderstood. I too went off my meds early, once I felt better. It can be a mistake for many people to do this. Meds, if they are working for you, should technically be taken for at least a year simply due to the fact that that is how long it takes your brain to begin to be able to produce the necessary chemicals (seratonin, norepinephrin, etc) on it's own again. It's like giving your brain a boost. However, each person's case is diferent. I found that I was able to learn to recognize when my depression was returning and go back on the meds when necessary. In addition, for most people, the most successful way to deal with depression is a combination of counselling and medication. I was able, in a way, to self counsel...and also found that working on changing my thinking (ie: catching myself in negative thoughts and immediately changing them) helped immensely. Most negative thoughts, especially in people with depression, are overexaggerated to the extreme, and changing these thought patterns can help incredibly.

As far as revealing depression to those you are dating, I see no need to come out with that right away. It's something that can definitely be discussed later on. It doesn't make people freaks and it's something that takes time and an open mind to understand. I am generally a very positive person, but life events either past or present can trigger clinical depression in anyone. Don't think you are immune, because it could be something you may have to face yourself one day. The key is to educate yourself and others.
 jeff323
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 22
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:58:22 AM
People fear the unknown and mental disorder is still great unknown to many. What is wrost, thoes you think they "know" are so misinformed that they were better off when they knew nothing! I have lived with depression since i was a kid. and the stupid things people say to me just leave me in awe! Better teaching in mental disorders is need, by trained doctors and long terms suffers, not by web sites (not talking about this thread) where the owner clams to know all this things wrong with meds and doctors today.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 30
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 11:47:24 AM
There are many different forms and levels of depression, some require heavy medication for a long time, while others require lighter medication for a shorter duration; and because everyone is unique you don't usually see two people following the same regime. Also, a good majority of people suffer depression at some point in their life; some of whom will need meds to help alleviate it, and some who won't. The same thing happen with people who suffer from anxiety attacks. I don't see any problem with dating someone with depression/anxiety as long as they're receiving whatever help they need for it.
 jeff323
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 32
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:09:18 PM
coca2 " I for one will run from this situation. It is too much work, too exhausting, and never ending. I am talking about someone who is life long with this."

Most of "lifers" are very hard to pick out of the crowd. we take our pill when we get up and again at supper, just like someone with high BP. there is not all ways work with us, that is a very misinform thinking.

I have Depression, take meds, see docs, the whole works. Just because people like me need pills to fix a inblance,or deal with other areas of there lifes makes us damged too many people.

We for the most part ( there are some who can not, and will not be included in this rant) work, would not be differt then any one else you met unless we told you. We go to school and like every other student get honers and f's. We still make great friends, still make for great pranters in life. I know this is coming out all in a rough rant, not classy like some of the other members are gifted at, but people ( and not this is not amid at coca2) everywhere need to start to under stand what mental illness really is. All the different leveals of it.

Lots of good post were added while i was typing this crap, thank you for adding greater wisdom :)
 jeff323
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 35
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 2:04:02 PM
deception is another part of it. I would never hid the fact i had it, and if i was getting involved with someone i would make sure they knew i had it, and how it would affect "us"
To lis, or hide it long term is just wrong as would any other medical problem be.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 36
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:13:56 PM
I've dealt with women with depression. That doesn't bother me.

What would make me question the relationship, was that they weren't honest with me from the start.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 37
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:18:03 PM
Hmm... they could tell me upfront, so that I can choose wether or not to accept it, and wether or not that's someone I'd want to be in a relationship with.

Or they can lie about it, and have me find out later. Which would lead to the same dilemma of wether or not I can be with a person with this problem... except that now I also know that they're not being honest with me, and I have to consider what else they're lying about.

Now, they might not have to come out and say "Hi, my name is X, I have clinical depression".
But, earlier in the "getting to know each other" phase that should be brought up.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 40
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 4:43:15 PM
What an utterly stupid question? Would you stop seeing someone if you found out they had diabetes or arthritis or high blood pressure??( Now I suppose I have to tell myself THAT'S a stupid question, chickensh*t shallow people run from people with health issues every day)
So if you're a chickensh*t shallow person, by all means run for the hills because the person with whatever medical problem( including depression, bipolar disorder adult ADD) doesn't need you in their life.
The ones that scare ME are the ones who clearly are in need of professional care and won't seek it out of fear of the opinions of chickensh*t shallow people.
Time for my meds, see y'all later kids, play nice now
Cindy O
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 47
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/22/2006 8:12:08 PM
coca2, I'm sorry for what you and yours have gone through. But many people on here have suffered from one form of depression at one time or another, or have experience in being with someone who has; all their opinions are valid. Also, opinions form those with no personal experience with it them self or with anyone in their life having it, is also valuable, as they can learn from the people here who do have that experience, learn that it's not as bad as they might think it is, and some may even recoginze that they have it and didn't realize it.

Many women experience a form of chemical depression as they go through puberty; it's usually misdiagnosed and ignored by doctors, but without meds they will carry this milder form of depression for a long time. Many women, and some men, also go though another form of depression and anxiety in their late 20s through mid-20s, which can result in having panic attacks. Again, meds can help with this. These meds don't turn anyone into a zombie, they don't make someone behave in a strange manner; they simply let the person feel like them self again, and able to cope with things once more. The meds of today are much different from the early Prozac and its' clones; and more doctors are learning which med to give to a person earlier and to start at very lose doages. the newer meds also have much less affect on ones sexual function.

And yes, I speak from experience. I hit a mild depression at puberty but it was never correctly diagnosed way back then; it was simply that I didn't feel as happy as I used but didn't have any reason whatsoever to feel that way. I tried the meds for 6 months when I was in my 20s and noticed an improvement, but as I hate taking pills of any kind, I stopped. But because the chemical imbalance was now balanced, the depression was gone. Then in my early 30s I got panic attacks; again I tried meds for a short while and they helped. One thing that made a big difference was changing my eating habits; cutting out refined carbs made the biggest improvement and I haven't gotten panic attacks in years. But that's me; some people may need to take meds for a longer time, and IMO it's no big deal because they're facing the fact they have a problem and being responsible and doing something to help themselves. I also dated a guy who was on meds for depression/anxiety due to his wife leaving him; it made absolutely no difference in our relationship.
 angeldeathgirl66
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 51
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/23/2006 7:05:58 AM
i have depression and i take meds for it..it's not something i go around hiding cuz a lot of people have it..and plus it's not like a cold and i can get rid of it..and what's the big deal anyway..? if someone isn't gonna like me or wanna talk to me cuz i have depression,..then they aren't worth my time anyway. having depression is just part of who i am..
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 64
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:20:39 PM

I have a question to all who say... no problem to living with someone who is a CHRONIC...noted..the word CHRONIC depressive. Have you ever lived for ..oh lets say 15 years with this person?.. If so and you can deal with it.. God bless you. I did and had to leave.......as I mentioned before it is such a roller coaster ride.. and I want off.


Each person has to make the choice of what's best for them...and if the person you were living with wasn't getting any help, then your only choices were to make them get help, live with it, or leave. I just went through a year with a parent who was dying of lung cancer; it wasn't fun, it wasn't pretty, many times it was frustrating, and often scary...but I never once thought of abandoning, not them even when they didn't want to help themself anymore.


Depression is a human emotion. Not a disease as the shrinks have lead you to believe. No more than "happiness" could ever be called a disease. Of course common sense and the truth mean nothing right? All that matters is what people read in the paper and what their money grubbing Doctor tells them.
Saddness is part of life. The only answer for it is found within you.
Would I date someone who has had it put in their heads that they suffer from a "medical condition of depression" that is beyong their control. Absolutely not! I'd run so fast it wouldn't even be funny. Just like I'm about to run from the people in this thread and never come back!


Another post from the vastly uninformed. There are many natural human emotions; depression isn't one of them. Sure, sadness is a part of life, and without it, how would one be able to appreciate happiness? But depression is not something doctors made up; in fact, it's something many doctors haven't understood for years and some even thought it was 'in people's heads'. Also, depression is no longer beyond one's control; people with depression are being helped everyday. But it's attitudes likes yours that have made it harder for people to admit they have depression in the first place and to seek help for it; it's that same attitude that prevented doctors from figuring out what depressionm was for so many years. Luckily, most people have the common sense to research an issue before opening their mouths about it and showing their complete lack of comprehension about it. t's just too bad that such ignorance as yours can't be fixed as easily...because usually those who are this ignorant will never admit it nor bother to attempt to learn anything.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 67
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:57:43 PM

Just like I'm about to run from the people in this thread and never come back!


Huh...and here I thought you'd still be running, lol. Silly me...when I know ignorance will never disappear ;)

Actually, I believe the forums are a great way to learn about someone, as who they really are usually comes through...point in fact, you. Obviously you can only see one side of a situation, and don't bother to take the time to learn anything but what you think is 'right'. Sure, there are dangers to Zoloft, Ritalin, etc., just as there are dangers to antibiotics and Viagra...yet you don't see that stopping people from taking the latter medications if they can help them. Personally, I'd much rather have something that can be helped, whether it's by use of a prescription, herbal remedies, etc., than to be ignorant and have the lack of desire to learn more than what I simply believe to be 'right'.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 70
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/26/2006 12:00:56 AM

Try to work things out on our own for a change.


And how is someone so mired in depression that merely getting out of bed every day is exhausting supposed to be able to "work things out" on his/her own??
 SelfSufficient
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 80
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/26/2006 4:19:45 AM
What a thread....

I see that he stigma of mental illness is alive an well.

And I HATE that word! Do we call other illnesses physical illness?
The brain is just another body part and we should really use term "illness"
don't you think?

Lots of stigma and lots of misinformation.
So little compassion for people that deserve it
the same as if they had any other physical illness.

Have a great week everyone....
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 82
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/26/2006 8:16:14 AM

Exactly my point. Everyone on the god damn earth is on that stuff. Go into any Western Medical Office in America and ask for some of their narcotics. They will gladly give ya some regardless of your reason for wantin it. Why? Cause it's business. More customers = more money. Every drug dealer on earth knows that.
I dunno. Go ask the shrinks, they're the ones that declared it as so. Afterall, their magic pills cure the "disease" of being a child rapist according to them.

Uh, EVERYTHING is a disease that can be cured with their drugs according to shrinks! When a messed up Judge sentences a child raper to so-called court ordered "treatment" for "pedophelia" guess what the shrink treats them with? Yep that's right razzberry, the same worthless drugs they give the "clinically depressed" people.


If *everyone* is on it, then you must be too, no? Don’t generalize…it makes anything else you say suspect. Sure there are doctors who will prescribe drugs at the drop of a hat; so it’s up to each person to ensure they’re not taking something they don’t need. That’s why people need to do research. And as far as curing a child rapist, anyone who says that is incorrect; they may be able to prevent *some* of them from doing it again, with meds and/or therapy, but they are not cured. Also, a rapist, of a child or an adult, doesn’t have a disease; comparing it to depression is like comparing apples and cars.


Um, no actually psychiatrists are the ones that put depressed people and pedophiles in the same boat, under the same umbrella of "mentally ill". Not me. And uh, that would make the psychiatrists the "repulsive ones". Not me. As for myself, I'm a straight thinking man who correctly places child rapists into the category of "heinous criminals who make a willful choice based on their free will to hurt a child for their own personal gain". As oppossed to "poor little sick men that can't control their impulsive urges to have sex wiff lil boys an girls cause they have a chemical imbalance and genetic brain disorder blah blah waah wahhh!".


Obviously you haven’t done any research on mental illness either. ‘Mental illness’ covers numerous things, and some mental illness may be due to physical, organic, or biologic problems. Not all people designated with a mental illness may actually have one, but many people do have mental illnesses that are helped by drugs, therapy, etc. Yes, depression may be classified as a mental illness, just as post partum is; and pedophiles may also have their traits designated as a mental illness. The difference is that many pedophiles know what they’re doing is wrong, as evidenced by the fact that they try to hide it. Also, while some may give in to their impulses, some do not. And there’s no definitive diagnosis as to why people have these impulses; some may be due to injury to the brain, malformation of the brain, etc. rarely have I seen it spoken of as a chemical imbalance.


Animal has brought up some interesting angles on this thread topic.
We live in a society based on popping pills for all our little problems in life...
"OW".....I stubbed My toe......I need pills....
Try to work things out on our own for a change.


^^^^Another person who knows nothing about depression weighs in. Please, educate yourself before speaking of things you know nothing about.


I agree with Animal, I wouldn't date somebody with depression or mental illness. Once in my early years I was dating somebody with this afflication....unknownly, I found out one day as I was walking up the steps behind her when she turned around and kicked me in the head and I started falling backward - her sister caught me.
People, before you go on with your PC responses, please know what you are talking about. It all sounds sweet and all, but really you don't know because you've not had the experience. I probably was of the same mindset as you at one time but as I felt the rush of cool air rushing about me as a sailed down backwards in the stairwell....I got to thinking differently.
I don't know for certain what she had....I know through the many media stories in todays papers describe the perps as having depression before they "snapped" & killed innocent people. Domestic violence? Please; this is what I'm trying to warn others about this condition - you could be walking up the stairs after a movie with your crazy gf and her sister when things can go so wrong in a blink of an eye. That was the most shocking thing - the violence comes without warning. There was nothing there - it just happend. I could have pressed charges but her sister and parents were very supportive with me and I just left it at that.


It’s obvious you don’t know exactly what problem this person had. And as we’re only hearing your side of the story, who’s to say that this person didn’t get angry at you for something you said or did to her? Calling her ‘crazy’ is just another way of showing your ignorance about the subject. It’s also obvious you never attempted to learn anything about depression. Yes, some people may be depressed and ‘snap’; but that’s not the norm…most people who are depressed hurt them self, not others. Most people with depression are not violent. Those who are manic-depressive or bipolar may hurt others and possibly this is what she had – but if you had been dating her for awhile, one wonders why you wouldn’t have noticed anything prior to this episode. Also, many of the people on this thread have either had depression them self or been with someone who did and have educated themselves about it; I’d say we know a lot more about it than you do.


All I'm saying is the problem with these illnesses is that it's NOT organic but stems from the personality of the 'patient' - sometimes you have to take responsibility for your own actions and not blame it on an illness. That's not ignorance or bigotry - it's belief.
Drugs are poisons....mostly. They inhibit certain proteins from occuring naturally or in cancer patients they are akin to a carpet-bombing destroying everything in it's path.
The cause of depression has not been determined, Spelly. If the drugs were the true
CURE to depression, then tell me; what use is a psychologist? Hmmmmm.....interesting ain't it?
Some people want to be dumbed down with drugs....perhaps they don't have the tools nor the time to develop the tools to help them cope with life's miseries - all I'm saying is
that other people don't have time for them either.


Again, you show just how little you know about depression. Personality doesn’t make someone depressed. Sure, there are people who have no conscience; people who are solely concerned with them self and no one else; people who do what they want regardless of who else it hurts. That’s NOT depression. Once again it’s obvious that you don’t know much at all about depression and the various forms of it. There are numerous forms of depression and each type can affect an individual differently. Each individual is unique and also responds differently to medications, therapy, etc. There isn’t a one size fits all when it comes to depression OR how to treat it. And your last sentence shows such a lack of understanding about depression and also your lack of compassion…and luckily ‘most people;’ aren’t like you. Perhaps you need to take of your rose colored glasses and realize that life isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect, and that there are people who do have time for those who are dealing with a problem, whatever that problem is. I wonder if people like you and the others quoted above would run away from someone they loved if they came down with post-partum depression, diabetes, cancer, etc. Somehow I don’t think you’d be very supportive or stick around very long.
 outdoregrl
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 87
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 3:52:25 PM
if i really loved the guy i would give him moral support and help him to get out of his rut.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 95
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 4:54:11 PM

I'd run for the hills, cuz quite frankly I have my own obstacles in life, I don't need to be somebody else's counsellor.

Only a stupid depression patient would use friends, dates, significant others, or family members as "counselor". I know people who live with depressive disorders, or disorders/illnesses that have depression as a part of the primary illness, who have their lives more together than a lot of supposedly healthy people.
Jon Duan06, you are certainly entitled to state your opinion, and do as you see fit but I have to advise you that you may be operating under some misconceptions that are narrowing your range of experience. Not all people who suffer from depression lead chaotic lives or need intensive treatment/counselling. Many of them go to great lengths to keep family, friends, associates and their significant other from being unduly burdened with their issues.
I hope you have great success finding a partner who has no problems or obstacles in their life,and can be YOUR coach/counselor...
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 96
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 5:26:11 PM

They run screaming for the door.

Do you see ME running? or hear ME screaming?

Actually I suffer from a multi-symptom syndrome, of which depression can be a part.
Maybe that's why I'm not finding a good match, I'm too upfront and honest about my health(the condition is called fibromyalgia syndrome. I probably couldn't climb Everest or run the Boston Marathon. I KNOW I cannot do a 40 hr work week in most common employment scenarios. Other than that I take a couple of RX(including an antidepressant) and pretty
much lead a normal life.)

People who are here pissing and moaning about "no one to be with", are you rejecting those you've met who have some sort of health issue? Do you run for the hills at the mention of high blood pressure, diabetes, Crohns disease, ulcers, migraine or cluster headaches,depression, asthma, Sjogren's Syndrome, arthritis( osteo or Rheumatoid either one). What about recovering/recovered alcoholics/substance abusers?Trying to learn as much family medical history as possible, so you know whether to "run for the hills?" (I'm speaking about people who despite some medical issues have their life pretty well under control in other aspects. No one is suggesting that there's something wrong with you if you won't date someone with a medical issue,who's also unemployed and has no income, is buried in debt, or in trouble with the law)
Just thought I'd throw that question out there, I think it has a pretty strong tie-in with the original post...
Cindy O
 Gmaverick
Joined: 12/31/2005
Msg: 100
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 9:27:22 PM
OP;

I wouldn't run for the hills, but I surely wouldn't see that person anymore.
 mystlw
Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 102
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History
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 10:28:38 PM
What herbs or whatever will put me in a better mood?


St. John's Wort. There's been a lot of press about it being "Nature's Prozac", and I've read that it's more widely prescribed in Europe than Prozac itself.

However, I would still recommend seeing a doctor first.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 103
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A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/27/2006 10:45:51 PM
Millions of people have been successfully treated for depression and bipolar disorder. I know someone who has bipolar disorder who still managed to be a husband, father, and successful businessman. There's too much ignorance about mental illnesses out there.

The Alliance for the Mentally Ill can provide those who are dating someone with a mental illness with more information about the condition in question.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 112
A hidden truth.. Depression...
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:52:02 AM

That is a bold faced mis-truth. Comparing the safety of American Medical Association Narcotics to that of natures plant life is insanely false. It doesn't matter tho since I'm preaching to the converted.
Gee, the herb has a prescription too. And the prescription doesn't say to "down a bottle of it at a time". If a person is dumb enough to take a bottle of it then maybe they ... oh hell nevermind. Pointless argueing with such an idiotic post.


I don't know why, but i'm still amazed at your lack of knowledge. Herbs don't have 'prescriptions'; they're over-the-counter remedies that have recommended dosages; prescriptions are only for non-over-the-counter, prescribed by a doctor, medications whicih also have recommende dosages. Also, many natural, plant based herbal remedies can be toxic if taken in large doses; some, even in small doses, can be fatal to people who have underlying medical issues, and some may be useless or toxic because they're not standardized. Please, before you spout any more uninformed information, do a search on the internet on the subject. You could be passing very harmful information to someone who has as little knowledge of a subject as you do.
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