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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SelfSufficient
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 6
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
No the guy is not perfect. Would you rather have a father that never showed up? Be thankul with what you have as you can not control anyone except your self.



I think you will get over the idea of him being the father. In my book he was the spern doner. (thats what I call my so called father :-D )

Hopefullly you will meet a great guy while your chid is still young that will be a real father to your child.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 12
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:50:10 AM
Whenever I hear a female moaning on about he spouse not pulling his weight in the home, be it with the kids or in the kitchen , my mind starts to wander.

It wanders up to an image of a girl on the roof
in the middle of a howling gale
tryiing to find out, through the wind and water, where that damed leak is coming from.
 Mary 03
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 35
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:36:44 PM
My ex never showed any interest in our sons, wanting to be around them, until they became teenagers. He missed 11 years and more of their lives. Now, the boys don't want him around and have even chosen to take my maiden name. They said that "he never bothered with us, so he's not coming around and telling us what to do now."

I always hoped he'd change his attitude about our sons, but he just ended up losing a relationship with two great young men. Your daughter will know if her dad cares.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 39
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:53:29 PM
when in doubt, default to research. the "experts" claim that ANY contact with the ncp is better than NO contact at all. While we may not "like" our ex's, or their circumstances, the reality is that children have the "right" to unfettered access to BOTH parents. if you've ever spent any time in a family courtroom, you will quickly see that, barring the ncp being totally unfit, judges typically advocate joint custody. the harsh reality is that law enforcement is quick to pursue the deadbeat who does not pay child support, yet just as quick to ignore a mother who is consistently screwing around with a legal visitation agreement. the child is HALF his, and even though you may not advocate his parenting style (or, lack thereof), he is still your child's dad...
the fact that he is not paying child support is a seperate issue. if you haven't already done so, file a motion IMMEDIATELY. just as your child has the right to know and love both parents, she also has the right to be financially supported by both parents. while support and access are totally seperate issues, they both involve the rights of your child.
good luck!
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 50
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/7/2006 3:11:30 PM
NO WAY IN HELL!!

to see a childs face crumple in pain when you have to break it them that dad ( or mom) is too busy with thier own life to include you or see you??

that little one will grow up feeling the emotional loss of that neglectful parent. Thats where anger hurt resentment depression and lack of confidence begins. At a very early age. That kid will have a ping pong dad bouncing in and out and for a little kid thats alot to take in.

They dont know if thier dad is gonna be around or not..its makes them feel a bit worthless actually.Its so goddam unfair.

my ex pisses me off to no end but he takes my kidlings every 2 weeks pays his pidly support but beyond that hes a selfish prick.BUTTT he adores his kids and will do pretty much anything for them.

It takes a strong man to be a good dad and if he cant stand up straight and be a man then catch him bending over and bootkick his butt out.
 madman4u
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 69
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/28/2006 8:00:44 AM
UMMMM..ALOT of women and men make bad choices then put the blame on someone...How bout not being with someone whos on drugs or whos not a heavy drinker..ANDDDDD hOW BOUT not having kids with that type of guy?? Some of u women crack me up here lol....Dont have kids with a looser and u wont have these probs.... ( PULLS hair out now)
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 73
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/11/2006 6:51:57 PM
It seems to me that he loves her. As long as he is treating her well, and being kind to her,
I would let him see her, when he does show up.
I hope he starts to mature fast, though, and be more responsible, buy her what she needs,
help out more, and see her regularly.
If he did all that, then I am sure you would trust him!
 DUstine
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 77
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/13/2006 1:04:06 PM

is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?


yes
every child wants & needs to know both parents...regardless
 petite2760
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 90
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:38:15 PM
I think a lot of single moms go through this. Not all men have the father instincts. My kids father don't help much financially and I have been fighting this for a number of years now. I should be a stockholder at the court house if it was just for my attendance. I have been advised by many not to let him him see the kids if he refused to give money or if he just want to see them at his convenience. However, I don't totally agree to that. I am still being bullied and (he tries) to control me but I am not giving in easily. I grew up in a culture where divorced/ separation is not allowed. We can only apply for annulment. As long as you see the love of a father to a child is present ( no abuse of any sort), your daughter will be better haaving a deadbeat dad than not having a father figure at all. Good luck and wish you all the best!
 petite2760
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 91
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:41:53 PM
I think a lot of single moms go through this. Not all men have the father instincts. My kids father don't help much financially and I have been fighting this for a number of years now. I should be a stockholder at the court house if it was just for my attendance. I have been advised by many not to let him him see the kids if he refused to give money or if he just want to see them at his convenience. However, I don't totally agree to that. I am still being bullied and (he tries) to control me but I am not giving in easily. I grew up in a culture where divorced/ separation is not allowed. We can only apply for annulment. As long as you see the love of a father to a child is present ( no abuse of any sort), your daughter will be better haaving a deadbeat dad than not having a father figure at all. Good luck and wish you all the best!
 welladjusted123
Joined: 3/30/2007
Msg: 95
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:18:02 PM
I have a son in law who is a okay kid but has never changed a diaper, does little for his kids except parent when he wants too, he is now 3 years in and two kids later, unless you are prepared to settle for a part time no account father, cut him loose, allow him to see her, but eventually he will loose interest and move on, do not wait for him, or expect much, move on with your life and find a good partner for you and your daughter. Let him see her, but do not quit living your life or plan on his support accept he will not be there for you in any way. You won't be let down and your daughter will never depend on someone who is just not there.
 welladjusted123
Joined: 3/30/2007
Msg: 96
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:39:06 PM
Its nice to hear from a real dad. Your child is very lucky.
 petite2760
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 107
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/26/2007 2:38:35 AM
I totally agree with you on this one ,cheekyirishguy. My ex didn't want to pay child support but I never used that against him. I have even push him to have a relationship with his daughter. But because of non payment on child support, there is a warrant for his arrest and now he refused to see the kids. SAD and he blames it on me.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 109
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/31/2007 11:16:32 AM

As long as you see the love of a father to a child is present ( no abuse of any sort), your daughter will be better haaving a deadbeat dad than not having a father figure at all.

That's the scenario I - too - can see when it comes to my son and his father. And although my close circle of friends advise, hint and some do say clearly that I should stop him seeing his son amd that he would be better off without his - a few hour - visit, I can see both parties recognising similar or identical elements in each other, having a meaningful conversation, sharing the same passions - verbally mostly. To me my son has a fair chance to find his own roots on his own pace and that is what matters to me very much.
 LeanneJenkins1984
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 110
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 9/1/2007 11:38:19 AM
My dead beat dad ruined most of my life and although he died in 2005 i still have to live with the memories, Emotional scars take a long time to heal...
One devoted, loving parent is all a child need to grow up happy.

If you have the slightest inkling that having him in her and your life isnt a good thing then keep him out.
It will save alot of pain and suffering for you and your little girl.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 113
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:56:05 PM
Fortunatly for us, deadbeat parents normally go away on thier own. Oh sure they resurface when they feel guilty or when they need or want something. They tell you that they will start calling, maybe even give you thier real number and address, but that's it. They go away again and probably don't even call once. So that's a decision that is taken out of our hands and made by them. If you push them away then you are going to have that come back in your face later when the deadbeat tells the child this.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 121
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:04:32 PM
If he wants to see her, he should have that right irregardless of what you think would "be best".



~ds~
 alyskin
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 126
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/23/2010 9:03:40 PM
MINE HAS THREE KIDS TOTAL, OURS LIVES WITH ME AND HIS TWINS ARE WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS. Kicker is, he now lives in our old house with his girlfriend and her 4 year old. Taking responsibility for anyone but his own. I do not allow him to see my son at this time do to substance abuse and alcolholism....He was not always like that, but I know my son is better off
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 132
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:17:22 AM

My daughter has a dead beat for a father and he makes her life worse by his coming and going.


I do think that if any parent is going to be involved it must be in, at least, some sort of regular basis. Coming and going confuses children way too much.
 madman4u
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 134
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:59:06 PM
My question would be why have sex with a guy like that? ALOT of you women make bad choices in men then wonder why something happens...WHY would a child want a dead beat dad? GO to court and file for child support and get full custody of your child and move on. GOOD LUCK!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 135
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/9/2012 8:46:39 PM
what else- I'm sorry, but I have major issues with this answer. In no way should a woman put up with this bs, make no mistake that is what it is.
The LAST thing that this op needs is for anyone to imply that this man can take her child, the idea is a joke. He barely sees the child and contributes practically nothing to support the child.
For the op, let me ease your mind. This clown would be laughed out of court dare he tried to take your child. The chances of that are practically nil anyway since he has thus far shown no indication that he wants the child.
Take him to court and make him pay child support. It takes two to have a child.
You can't make him be there, but you can make him support his child.
Let him know it's put up or shut up time.
Tell him you will work with him and give him every opportunity to see his child and do so.
Hopefully, he will.
If not, at least you will have child support.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 136
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:52:56 AM
One really must question and understand the motivation or philosophy of the posters and the individuals when one reads and formulates their own opinions....

As to bamag68.....who in her own profile writes....
but NO momma's boys PLEASE, been there done that. If I can't be first, then why bother. I am a good person,


I think most would suggest they are good people....one wonders about the mommas boy....but then when one looks at the number of single mothers who do not work or do not work full time...or are still students...then perhaps that is a fair comment....but got to love the double standard some woman hold....She wants to be first...but with children herself...i doubt anyone who dates her will be themselves first?

My ex...in my opinion has been less than fully supportive...but even 25% of what one would expect of a ncp is better than nothing....or to allow or enable bits and pieces of parenting is far better than being in a position or being labeled as blocking the non custodial parent.
 friendshipcomesfirst
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 138
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:00:54 AM
Let him keep coming around when he "feels like it" perhaps as she gets older he'll find time with her to be more enjoyable. Face it, at three months, she doesn't DO much... Give him some time to step up. Even if he doesn't step up, kids are smart. They figure out pretty quickly who is and is not reliable. If he doesn't bond soon, he'll likely stop coming around eventually anyway.

As far as not changing her diaper... if this is his first child, you should maybe acknowledge his discomfort with that... it's not like he's around a lot so maybe he's worried about hurting her. Try to keep in mind, she is YOUR world... not his. He hasn't been given much time for bonding since he doesn't live with her.

BTW, he's the father. Unless he has done something to endanger her, telling him to "beat it" is not really an option you have.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 139
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:54:24 PM
The financial part has nothing to do with his ability to be a dad.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 140
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 3/13/2012 3:39:51 PM
Tealwood- Let's stick to the subject at hand, shall we?!
The title of this thread is not 'let's nit pic bamagrls profile"
If you take issue with me, address it to me in a private message.
The op asked for advice about her situation and I gave it, whether or not she takes it is up to her.
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