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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it still expected that men pay for everything      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Trishnaa
Joined: 5/31/2006
Msg: 3
Is it still expected that men pay for everythingPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Nope. I don't expect any man to pay for me. That would just be too awkward for me.


Edit: Just realized...I'm not over 40.

Anyway OP....why don't you make a rule in your profile then. Just state that you will only date women who will let you pay for them.


~*Flavia*~
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 7
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:07:36 PM

I'm 45, and I've yet to go out on a date in which the fella even hinted at expecting me to pay for anything at all. They did, however, expect me to give up my kitty for a lil dinner.


Lil kitty is always for dessert
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 9
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:09:53 PM
If its someone you are meeting online, be better to clarify it before you even meet.

Unfortunately the feminist movement has screwed this simple situation all up on purpose. They want to create conflict between the two of you ( I mean thats the goal of the movement, to show the ultimate disposability of men in general ) So all the magazines and talk shows says a 'real woman' should pay for herself.

I think from online, guys should pay for the first date but make it clear before you go that the guy will pay. What happens after that is up in the air. While I think the girl should choose the general location of the meet ( for her safety, which is fine) I think the guy should choose where they go within that location. (i.e. he pays, he chooses under what ranges he will have to pay) I think women should at least offer anyway as a gesture on the first date to show shes not taking the situation for granted. To me the gesture is worth as much as money you will spend on dinner.

The issue to me is about getting to know one another first and foremost. If someone flips out because you held open a door for them, I'd just drive them home right there and drop them off.

Men should do certain things - open doors, pull out seats, let the woman order first, walk a lady to her door, offer a jacket if shes cold - not because he thinks shes weak or women are weak, but because its about having respect for others and respect for yourself. If a woman sees it as a gender war to start, then why is she on a date in the first place? Take her home. She can watch Xena Warrior Princess reruns by herself if she really feels that way.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 12
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:25:29 PM
If you are in a relationship and dating regularly, put the income difference into consideration and into account when going out to have fun regularly. I prefer the reciprocation method instead of splitting bills. This has never been an issue for me and have never been in a relationship that didn't work this way. I usually let her pay for some and if she made more money .. a lot more than some ... but on a special night, the man always pays.

On a first date, I prefer to pay because if she pays, I feel uncomfortable .. I feel that I have to reciprocate whether or not, I want to see her again. Hence feel really bad if I don't call and ask her out. It has happened a couple of times. Unless she was the date from hell, then I wont feel bad.

If the date is going well, I try to instigate a situation that there is another bill of lesser value available. Like, going someplace else for a nightcap or coffee after dinner and give her an opportunity to reach ... if she doesn't I'd be a little disappointed and would think seriously about asking her out again.

However, if you keep asking her out and paying, I don't feel bad for you. You are doing the asking pal. Stop if this arrangement doesn't work for you.
 GAquietThinker
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 15
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:09:48 PM
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....it's all boring to me.....must drink more coffee
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 19
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:19:40 PM
I have to pay , never let a woman pay because if I let them word will go around that I am a cheapskate . Most women want to feel cherished and protected , even from the beggining , having them pay kills , that , many of my female friends have told me this when giving me tips on dating since I am a idiot at even getting a date.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 22
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:58:26 PM

I have to pay , never let a woman pay because if I let them word will go around that I am a cheapskate . Most women want to feel cherished and protected , even from the beggining , having them pay kills , that , many of my female friends have told me this when giving me tips on dating since I am a idiot at even getting a date.


Wow! A sucker is born every day. Women love men like you...to keep as an instabank while they get porked by the latino pool boy.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 27
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/13/2006 9:49:53 AM
yes tick tock , I am a sucker and a fool who fears crashing and burning , it happens alot anyway, just trying to minimizing damage to image .
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 34
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/13/2006 6:22:25 PM
I think most women still expect the man to pay for dates. I have never
been on a date, and let the man pay for me. I think it is best if everyone
just pays for themselves. It makes both people feel equal and not like the
other can expect anything.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 43
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 10:44:34 AM
^ Holy relic, batman!
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 46
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 3:50:02 PM

Damn right free dinners for all the girls!

Ok...you can dine a la carte in my pants, darling.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 51
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History
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 4:24:36 PM
Occasionally I have met a gentleman at a restaurant ... all have paid for me and it actually is a little embarrassing, but I do get over it. I always offer to help with the tab or pay the tip because it's the first initial meeting. If he asks me out after that ... it's usually on him. I have gotten to know some of the gentlemen well enough to be invited to their house and I always take a contribution for the dinner ... it's pre-arranged that way. Same goes if they come to my house for dinner ... pre-arrangements keeps down any question as to who is picking up the tab.

If I meet them at my favorite Karaoke bar, he generally buys the first round of drinks and then when he's not looking I let the bartender know that the next round is my treat. They are always pleasantly surprised and my dates go well.

I guess I've been really lucky because most of my dates have been pretty pleasant experiences ... haven't found a keeper yet, but can't complain.

 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 54
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:22:52 PM

The good ones are meant to be spoiled!


Yes, but it takes time to determine which ones are worthless and which ones deserve such treatment.
 sweetlifenow1
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 55
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History
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:31:30 PM
I didn't know they served wine at McDonald's? Which one did you go to?? Did it have a screw top or cork?? Please let me know before I invite someone out for dinner!! I'm over 45 yrs and if I'm invited I expect the guy to pay, if however I do the inviting, I will pay, including wine, no screw top. I do prefer to have meal cooked for me as spent most of life cooking for others. Not objective to cooking, just depends on the person of interest.
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 57
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:37:08 PM
sweetlifenow1, why don't you pop into the McDonalds on Main and Terminal after you finished working on E. Hastings and check for yourself. Please let the rest of us know if they're indeed serving wine or not.
 Dianna359
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 61
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:02:56 AM
My Grandma told me, " If you act like a lady and expect to be treated like a lady you will be. If not politely go home". A gentleman always pays. That's part of treating her like a lady. If he's not a gentleman, and doesn't treat me like a lady, I'm not interested.

Dianna
 TRU russian
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 63
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:29:37 PM
this is fukin retarded no shit the guy is suppose to pay for the girl how the **** are u even gonna post this thread u gotta be a complete cheap mutherfuker not to pay for a girl i always pay for girls wen i go on dates with them
 Runs With Squirrels
Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 64
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:51:21 PM
As a general rule, whomever does the asking does the paying. I do agree with virgo butterfly though - on a first date, I always offer to pay twice. Get the wallet out, if he says no, ask if he's sure. If he says he's sure and that he's paying, I put my wallet away and say thank you. That's the gracious thing to do. Arguing over money is ALWAYS tacky, no matter how good my intentions are.

On the flip side:

Question: let's say that a man asks me to dinner and he pays. What if on the next "date", I cooked a meal at my home. Does that count as me paying or would it be up to me to actually pay for the next meal we ate at a restaurant? Personally, I have always felt like (a) I had to buy the groceries, and (b) I took the time and made the effort to cook a good meal, so it should count.

That counts as reciprocity. In fact, "back in the day" (LOL) when women were NEVER expected to pay for dates, this was the polite way for a woman to reciprocate.

In theory, the whole debate isn't about money so much as it's about hospitality. If a man takes you to dinner and pays for it, he is essentially your host for the evening (and you are his guest), just as if he had invited you to a party in his home. What you are really "paying back" when you're dating is not the financial outlay, but the generosity of the invitation itself. He has invited you to be his guest - THAT is where the counter-obligation lies, not necessarily with the finances. That said, you should always repay a social obligation with something of equal social value. If he took you out for a nice dinner, drinks and dancing and wouldn't let you pay for any of it, you can't invite him over for a peanut butter sandwich and consider that you've fulfilled your social obligation (i.e., "payed him back")! LOL It is (or should be) more about making the other person aware that you value their company than about matching financial outlay nickel for nickel.

::::sigh:::: I just reread that. I think I read too many books on manners when I was growing up . . .
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 65
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 8/29/2006 7:23:24 PM
As a general rule, whomever does the asking does the paying.


You know, I've heard this theory often enough and I can't work my way around it.

Men do most of the asking. Normal social convention. I don't care how progressive women say they are getting in modern society, men do most of the asking.

So "whomever does the asking does the paying" really is just the guy paying. But with a catch. Now with that caveat emptor hitched along, it's now, "Ok I want you to pay, but I really don't want to owe you anything at all and so it's clear, society says I don't need you and you are lucky to be sitting in front of me and paying for my dinner."

Ok real life doesn't work that way. If a guy buys you coffee, that does not entitle him to sex. If a guy buys you dinner, that does not entitle him to sex. If a guy takes you to see a movie, that does not entitle him to sex. Ok, men get that, thats ok and we understand that. But that's not what alot of women really want. Many want to keep that "I'm strong and independent and I don't need you at all" vibe going and have you pay at the same time.

So that's why paying for dates has become so complicated. In the old days, a man paying for a date was not just courtesy, but a sign that he could provide. That makes perfect sense in terms of the courting/dating ritual. But in modern times, now women want a man to show he can provide, but WITHOUT trampling on the women's desire to show that she really doesn't need him.

How in the hell can any guy reasonably deal with that kind of contradiction?

No, buying you dinner does not mean guys get to have sex with you. However like anything else, a large number of women take that shit way way too far. Some women want to milk ten dinners out of you, or ten movies out of you, or ten coffee dates out of you. Not because they like you, but because the attention and free dinners are often nice. I won't lie, I would LOVE it, ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT if I got tons of attention and someone buying me dinner all the time and chasing me. But it doesn't work that way, I'm a guy, and guys don't get that. And guys know nothing in life is really free. One dinner, sure no expectations. Five to ten dinners? Ok if you think you are sending the message of "no expectations" at that point, then you are simply delusional.

No free lunches. That's real life. Nothing in life is free. It's like a drug dealer, ok first one is gratis, to establish the courting situation, to feel things out. Nothing happens, no harm, no foul. But it's the women who keeps coming back and expecting gratis no matter what without offering anything in return that complicates this situation. Then it becomes just downright rude.

So yes ladies, you gotta qualify this out. After the FIRST DINNER, no, no man has the right to expect to get between your legs. But after dinner number FIVE TO TEN TO FIFTEEN, and you still aren't interested in this person other than good steaks and the warm glow of attention, what message are you exactly sending?

Let that be a lesson to the young men in here, the young bucks who are still coming up and finding their way in the world. You can't even have dinner and pull out your wallet anymore without it being a contested issue. This is what you young bucks have to look forward to in the dating world. And I think it's sad, it's sad that these young guys were not around to see a time when this was all simpler. When they didn't have to sift through a minefield of contradictions just to have a steak. But you young guys, the women who kick and scream about not needing you and not needing your money and all that for a first date? They are doing you a favor. Kick them to the curb. Don't get me wrong, there are times in life when a young man should pay for things, sometimes everything, but always remember the message that money sends and always remember to do it on your terms.
 Tiina
Joined: 6/23/2005
Msg: 67
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 8/30/2006 6:30:47 AM
I'm 48, and I really like it when the man pays for the date. It makes me feel cared for. In my heart of hearts I still see the man as the provider, despite what feminism says, and I want the man to pay.
 Ravager
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 69
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:54:19 PM
I will say this, women got their equal rights just like everyone else. If a woman wants to go out with me, why should I pay every single time? That my friends, is BS. (I didn't use to be that way, but a few things changed my view on the matter.)

She can pay half. Unless I feel alright about paying for everything.
 MotleyGrrl
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 72
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/10/2006 6:17:07 PM
Yes. But I have yet to see it happen 100%.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 76
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:27:48 PM

Is it still expected that men pay for everything

No way in hell and if you do, you're a fool. Women make their own money now. This isn't 1950. Women have careers and make damn good money that spends every bit as well as yours does. No offense to the dude above, but believing it to be "gentlemanly" is just stupid and your falling into the trap. In the "olden days" it made sense cuz few women had money. Keeeee-rist, guys, wake the hell up. The whole idea of chivalry is turning us into subservients. And believe me, if a woman is turned off by you asking - nay, insisting - that she pay her half of the bill, move on. You're better off.
 Sparklin
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 77
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:53:23 PM
I think it's really only an issue on the first date. If either of us is uncertain of ever seeing the other again, then I want to pay at the very least, half. I don't care how much money you have and neither do I want to know. All I know is that I wouldn't agree to GO to out, if I couldn't afford to....regardless if he is paying or not. I want to make sure the option is available that I CAN pay if I want to. If it's going very well, and we are going elsewhere, then I don't care if he pays, because I'll pay for the next time!
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 79
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/11/2006 12:35:13 AM
Now let me see.
What have we really got here.
I'm seeing a culture with still worships the leech, the overdressed hyena, who is succking quality men dry, like a parasite. And what disturbs me is that its mug guys who are the main cause of this.


Gentelmen!!!!!! Do you really think that you are NOT paing for the three grand worth of deisgner fashion and the ten grand worth of jewellery hangin off your date??
You are.

You will foot the total bill for dinner, in the second flashiest resturant in town and the money she saves goes on shoes. Her last mug boyfriened paid for half the jewellery she has hanging off her right now. She is so shallow that she dumped him when she heard some false, malicous gissop about him bed hopping.

And, after you have shelled out for her next load of jewellery she will dump you for the same reason.


The girl who does pay her own way can't afford the fancy clobber. But she will check out your bedhopping habits long before she dumps you. And she will meet your sister that way. And will never tell either her or you, that she originally though she was yoru little bit on the side.

It's not a question of chivialry, or money. It's a question of attitude.
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