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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > SO unbelievably pissed off!!!      Home login  
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 13
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If a person doesn't have much luck dating in the outside world, then what magically changes for them when they go online?

If someone was lucky or skilled at dating before, then they run into circumstances that changes their lives, theres not much that will stop them from being successful at dating again in the future.

Going online is designed to save you time. Not just you, but other people as well. People can filter each out quickly without all the formality of being face to face. Sorry, but if you go to a Xmas party, you could be talking to a girl and think you are hitting it off really great with her. But in actuality, she might be cornered and can't escape and is hating every word you are saying but doesn't want to start a conflict between her girlfriend and her girlfriends boyfriend or spouse by deep sixing you viciously.

People are saving themselves time, what the site was designed for, if you can't see that and not take it personally, then maybe online dating or dating in general isn't for you.

If you want the truth, quit feeling sorry for yourself, lift some weights, get some contacts, improve your profile and pictures, buy a new shirt, get a shine box and be realistic about the odds of dating online. Or does the truth piss you off too?
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 6:43:11 PM
~OP~ The net opens the door to people all over the world. If you aren't happy with how it's going for you ~ expand your search criteria and leave behind the old negativity. Just because you may or may not be "popular" in the real world, certainly does not mean that there isn't someone perfect for you somewhere. Don't let your past dictate your future ~ figure out what you truly want, and begin browsing. You may wish to venture off this particular site due to the female/male ratio (I believe ten women, one man.) Best of luck to you.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 6:51:24 PM

If you want the truth, quit feeling sorry for yourself, lift some weights, get some contacts, improve your profile and pictures, buy a new shirt, get a shine box and be realistic about the odds of dating online. Or does the truth piss you off too?

Truth is one thing ~ being hateful rude and nasty makes even the prettiest exterior ugly through and through. There is NO need to critique this OP or any else for that matter. He was not asking for a profile review ~ please stay on topic.

~OP~ Take the stuff that means something to you here and ignore the rest. There is nothing wrong with being who you are. Hate can sometimes come in nicely packaged wrapping ~ in the end...they are still just one more person on this site, looking for something that isn't in their life at the moment. Good luck.
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 19
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:12:54 PM

.....and actually I rather like myself

Then why are you complaining in the first place?

Do you know what people, not just women, but people in general find unattractive?

People who complain about something but do nothing to improve the situation they are complaining about.

Same pity party tactic. Start a post saying "Woe is me" Then find a cadre of enablers who toss you a bone to feel better about yourself. Then proceed to tell anyone who doesn't enable you that they are wrong and you really truly love yourself.

Which you could convince yourself of, except for that knotty problem of - Then why are you complaining in the first place?

Your post says you are "SO unbelievably pissed off!!!" Do you think its attractive for people to see that you let strangers on the Internet change the way you feel and think about yourself?

Fine, don't change. Sounds like, from the subject title of this thread you started, that your current approach isn't exactly reaping in the boffo results. Don't change and accept what logically comes with that.

Heres a crazy idea. If you want different results, you try a different approach. Sounds like a solid plan if you weren't so busy feeling sorry for yourself.
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 23
view profile
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:44:47 PM
dear OP: i understand exactly where you are coming from -- it is hard doing this, and i agree with you (i think i do that is! :)) that dating online is a royal pain and that it might not actually work. there is something really artificial about it and people have very high expectations -- as if by going online they're going to meet the absolutely most perfect person and that's so unrealistic...

anyhow -- in terms of advice -- i think some of the advice here is not so good and should be taken with a grain of salt (people with bad pictures? don't follow that, or no pictures? um, no, people with no picture are often married! or already have a girlfriend and are cheating! that is NOT a good guide, imho.)

i think you were doing the right thing by reading the profiles carefully and writing to people who seem like you, or who seem like you would like to know them, spend time with them.

then, yes, send an e-mail but keep it very short, one or two paragraphs.

but no -- do not cut and paste messages!!!!

whenever i get a message that seems like one of those copied, cookie cutter messages?

i immediately delete it -- if someone wants a response from me (which i have written from scratch!) they had better be willing to put in the time it takes to say something to me that was written for and to me, and that means a response to the info in my profile and a note that tells me at least a little something about them.

also -- try IMing people online, sometimes it's good to just chat and get to know a person a wee bit.

good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you sound like a really nice guy and i am sure that soon enough someone will come along, either in virtual land or in the real world.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 26
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:44:06 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^Thank you. Posts like this one make the bitter nasty members seem so insignificant.

EDIT: Sorry posters...that was for lotslove (way above your posts...)
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 27
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/19/2006 11:09:44 PM
Gee, it sure doesn't pay to whinge a bit on these forums.. I'd sure hate to complain about not enough mice to catch
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 30
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 2:21:27 AM
Do or Do Not, There is no try.

First of all, stop looking for that special someone, and start having fun. I am not saying give up on finding that special one, just don't base meeting women on that. Second of all stop trying to build rapport. There are basically three gears in the rapport car, 1rst, neutral, and reverse. Throw her into reverse and start breaking rapport, then go into neutral, (or vise-versa) only after awhile should you go into 1rst. Treat women about 95% the same way you would treat your best friend. Only ad sexual tension and flirting.

I never sell myself to anyone, and I always come out on top.

Destiny: Many studies have shown that women do not base their attraction on looks, much in the way a man would. Most women do infact go for men that have personality. Female attraction relies mostly on feelings and personality to insure that the off-spring of said female, will have a better chance of attracting a mate. Men tend to go after women that look healthy and would provide healthy off-spring. This is only the tip of the iceberg. In a book called "Why we love and hate everyday things" Explains that products that are sold to men tend to utilitarian and action oriented products, whereas products sold to women tend to have more feeling to them and are more design based than male products.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 38
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 12:46:54 PM
^^^^^^^^Something fishy is happening in this thread.

capn, you have friends here!! Woo hoo!!
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 44
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 3:00:05 PM
First of all, change your main photo. You look like a cross between a Weeble and a bad Mr Potato head character in the one you have as your main photo now. In the other two you look like a normal, together, intelligent man.

Then consider the supply and demand. There are what, 1000 of us wolves chasing every one of the fine chickens?

Next factor out the bitter and vindictive that somehow think YOU are responsible for everything bad that has happened to them because you are, after all, a man, and all of us are abusers, molestors, gropers, etc.....

Give it some time, but if you are really dead set on finding your catch on POF, I wish you well, but know that I have been waiting for the Cleveland Browns to win the Super Bowl too, so....
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 48
view profile
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 4:50:13 PM
@merf720 ...
also -- try IMing people online, sometimes it's good to just chat and get to know a person a wee bit.
There's no doubt in my mind that your intentions were meant well when you wrote that, but to be honest ... I don't know a lot of people who want to IM with someone they do not already have contact with.

It can be very time consuming. I do not want to sit for long periods of time IM'ing with a person I really don't know and may not have any interest in ... etc. Unfortunately, I have not had very good experiences with IM's from men I do not already know. I've never received an IM from an "unknown" that had much to say except to ask me what I'm up to ... or ask me what I'm wearing and what kind of sex I like. After a while ... I stopped responding to any IM with anyone I do not know.

If someone wants to IM with me ... they need to set it up in an email first. To set something like that up in an email, we have to be having an "email exchange". I know many folks on here who share that same feeling related to IM's.

LMAO @ destiny in motion
okiedokietxxx ,what is it that your saying, that beautiful women in the eyes of the majority are inherently too conceited and too ego driven to consider the other greater qualities of a man who may not be nearly as attractive?
I guess he didn't see the after what "okie" posted.

Lighten up "destiny" ... I interpreted that as "okie" just saying that to get a rise out of someone and it sure looks like he hit your "rise" button!

OT: As many have said ... first emails ... to initiate contact ... do not have to be more than a couple of brief paragraphs. They have to sound sincere and they cannot look like a "cut and paste" operation. In spite of that ... some will just get deleted and if that happens, you need to assume there just was no reciprocating interest. I really do not believe anyone purposely does that to insult the sender ... they're just not interested.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 49
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 4:53:53 PM
See, if I met THAT guy on the street I would guess engineer, architect.......
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 65
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/20/2006 10:37:19 PM
Well, in my experience I found that its less an issue of trying to 'sell yourself' than it is just being blunt.

I've messaged a few people around here and even upon messaging them I may or may not jump on the interactive bandwagon if they reply.

I think the mistakes people make are falling into the trap of having expectations. Either way you're kind of dead in the water if you go into thinking "Wow, this girl is perfect for me.. I hope she flips out over me" but at the same time if you shoot yourself down by thinking "This girl is TOO perfect to me, she'd probably never want to date me but here goes!"

Hell, half the time I message anyone its just to say "Hi, I think you're cool" -- Well, obviously its more than that, but in the end, that's just the gist of it.

I've chatted with a few girls locally and even sent out some messages to those outside my usual sphere of influence to drop them a note. Sure, its like ships passing in the night but often times I let them realize that even if they are having trouble finding a great guy, somebody out there thinks they are cool and I wish them luck in finding what they're looking for.

To date, I've only ever been utterly ignored by a single girl here (and she posted in this thread even, hehe) but them's the breaks.

So yeah, mark me down for one who thinks you might be trying a bit too hard to 'craft' yourself.

Of course there's no magic way to determine the balance of an honest, spontanious greeting and maintain an insight as to what kind of person you really are. I figure that's what the profile is for right? I think even if you just sent a note that says "Hey, saw your profile and thought you were cool, how's it going?" (Which is like, way shorter than anything I generally send as a first hello) the girl is going to look at your profile anyway, and if she thinks I'm cool then she'll respond. If not, well, whatever, there's more where she came from.. :p
Joined: 1/9/2005
Msg: 67
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:23:29 AM

That may be true for a study and a survey, funny how people feel they have to answer a certain way Like if you ask single people how many partners they have had they will only usually answer two ways...low..3 to 5 partners or high over 100. Sometimes people know what the answers should be as if it were a loss prevention interview and you were asked do you consider taking a pen from work stealing? Most smart people know the answer should be yes, but all of us usually feel no.

Not all studies are surveys. Some studies are more or less observational. If you were to observe people and how they act arround office supplies, then you would get a more accurate answer than asking them about it.

I travel somewhere around...ummm nearly every month. I have accumulated friends everywhere, it is a bit lonely to have to always sleep in a hotel. I may or may not know more females than you, but I will say I "think" I do . and women are not always willing to give the nitty gritty to the opposite sex. Why? Because the opposite sex either does not accept the answer OR invalidates it.

And what makes you think that the same sex will accept the answer or validate it? They may exagerate or down play because of many social situations. This is why I mostly rely on unbias observations, rather than what individual people say. I know many females as well, they've all told me what they want and don't want, but when you look at their body language and personal dating history, it's often been different from their ideals. What women want and what women are attracted to, are often two different things. I go for both, just because I can.

I have more heart to heart talks with females than you would ever dare or care to know about. Some feel they can come to me for resolution Therefore I can easily say that women go for looks FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!! Unlike most men, the character outweighs the looks for women deciding the hotness Now some men feel the same way. But usually we always stick to the character of choice (good or bad) in the person that looks good to us.

Here is where I kind of agree with you. I think for women, it's how a man carries himself that makes him "look" good. If a man has confidence, then that will show through in his looks and in other parts of his life. He'll dress with confidence, he'll keep is house with confidence, he'll exceed at his job, ect... And I do think we agree that women always stick to their character of choice as you put it.

Sometimes a woman chooses a guy that does not look that good on the outside but has the character she seeks...may appear more attractive to her...and that may be what you are referring to

That is what I was trying to say!

PS: I find it ironic that you counter my studies and survey's with your own "survey" and that I think we actually agree on most of the subject just from a different point of view.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 68
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:43:24 AM
You are totally missing LA Star's point when you say "At first, the guy shows no bad qualities towards her." That assumes that they have met and she gets the chance to SEE his personality. She is saying that they will never meet if the guy doesn't look good to the woman. And I agree with her. There are a lot of nice guys that will never get a chance.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 70
SO unbelievably pissed off!!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:52:24 AM
Telling someone it is their loss if they choose to not date you is as pompous and arrogant as you can be. Why is it their loss? You are the gods' gift to the world? Their life is poorer for not dating you? Remember these are people you don't know. You can't hear inflection in the typed word. You can't see facial expression in typed words. This is your first knock at the door. You can tap it gently with your knuckles or kick it hard with your storm trooper jackboots. Which knock would YOU answer?

I had to go get a title transferred yesterday. The girl who does the last step of delivering it to the window was absolutely beautiful. As she handed me the paper, I said "Forgive me if this is rude but I have to say that you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen."

We're having dinner Sunday evening.

And I am a short, fat, ugly guy with long hair from the 60s and a beard to hide my extra chins.

Be nice.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 78
SO unbelievably pissed off!!
Posted: 7/21/2006 1:59:45 PM

I'd sure hate to complain about not enough mice to catch

They say a dog or cat can get a credit card these days, now it seems they can participate in online dating websites as well...
OP, lighten up a are trying to meet ladies to date, not interviewing for a job( yeah- I know, I know,- sometimes it sure as hell FEELS like a never-ending job interview.) Don't invest a huge amount of time on that initial email. BE NICE,of course,but don't bust yer *ss trying to impress the gal until you have some reason to believe that she's truly worth impressing!
Cindy O
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