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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 triplebp
Joined: 10/6/2005
Msg: 2
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?Page 1 of 31    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)
I'm not even sure anymore.
If you asked me last year I may have said I haven't met her yet. Which was code for I don't know what is wrong with me but I just ain't feeling it.
Now a year later a good heart surgeon and my answer is I'm not even sure anymore.
I guess the pickins are to slim around here not to mention the fact I'm feeling a lot younger lately.....as the doctor said you feel like a 20 year old in no time. That is about the time I cracked the joke about can I chase them..........

Who knows why maybe it just is....
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 3
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:02:10 PM
I'm dating now - but it's difficult to find someone where there's a mutual attraction. In a year's time, I've only had face-to-face meetings with 3 women (2 ladies and 1 hooker - the latter I didn't know until she propositioned me during our date). I've also received about 1,000 rejections (or no-response) across several dating sites.

As to the question, there have been times where I've had a non-dating period in the past:

1) Full-time job plus graduate school 4 nights a week left little time to meet anyone. One of those years (of 5) was compounded by an illness of a parent (who subsequently died of that illness) - which took my remaining, available weekend time. All the interesting classmates turned out to be married.

2) Alot of disillusionment after being sexually harassed in the workplace. During the following legal battle (which lasted 13 years, but was only intense for 3), I did manage to date 2 people (in the intense period), but those attempted relationships fell apart quite quickly. A lack of chemistry or my mind just wasn't with it; I don't recall. Advice: DON'T DATE CO-WORKERS.

3) Working FOR and BY one's self doesn't make for a "healthy situation" in which to meet people. It's not really appropriate to date clients or the opposition.

4) I actually tried the volunteer thing for a few years - but never met anyone interesting who wasn't already married to someone else. No one seemed interested in me either.

5) In the mid/late1990's, I started to hear about the "Internet Dating" craze. Back then, it wasn't mainstream - and I thought they were nothing more than loser lists. Attitudes have clearly changed since.
 OctoberSkies64
Joined: 12/5/2004
Msg: 4
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:00:30 AM
I haven't found the right one. I won't ask someone I'm not interested in. I go dancing with a large group of friends several times every week. I am fine being with myself. Sure, I'd like to share with someone special. But until she comes along, I will continue to be patient.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 5
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:54:45 AM
I am hoping to meet someone that I can spend the rest of my life with, but I hate dating more than almost anything I can think of. I simply do not see the point in dating people that I am not remotely interested in, and that it is clear that nothing would come of it.

I have never liked dating at any age. I just wish I had followed this practice when I was younger, and I wouldn't be divorced now. Everytime I go against my basic first impression of a man, it has caused nothing but problems. I am rarely ever wrong.

I am convinced there has to be a better way than spending months or even years dating the same person, just to have it go nowhere. The older I get the less time I am willing to spend with someone that at least to me,it is clear they are the wrong one for me.

Not to mention the majority of men that have asked me out have been way too young(younger than 3 of my 4 kids) or way too old(older than my mother). I don't mind dating younger or older, but if they graduated high school this past June, or they fought in World War II, then that is a bit too much.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 6
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 2:03:55 AM

Frankly I'm too busy with college and my son; however, there's other reasons such as:


That's another reason. For whatever reason I keep meeting men, that I am so busy with kids,school, work, etc. that I want to date and more but I just don't have the time. When they start saying that, I completely lose interest. In life we make time for the things we really want to do. It also tells me that he is not a man that I need in my life, as it tells me he can't handle a lot of pressure and when problems come up, and they always will, he won't be able to handle them. If I have to handle all of the problems, I might as well stay single.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 8
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 4:26:00 AM
At the risk of being flamed a bit I'll chime in here----mostly about the two gals above here: JustMeInNC and Philosopher227. I'm NOT picking on them alone but since they were brave enough to post something I'll cite their responses only as examples----no offense intended ladies. Please keep in mind I'm male so this is ONLY from MY perspective!!!

Both of them present what I think or have experienced to very, very unrealistic views on what their "perfect match" might be. While each have different thoughts they both seem to have such concrete ideas about who they'd ever consider. It's perfectly within their right to be or not be with anyone however if they represent the inflexibility of women saying they want to find someone who could ever really satisfy them? If this is what they want or must have is there a real, live man who fits what they want or need? It would seem not.

I'll admit the internet has helped change my mind about women and their thought processes---I'm more confused now than ever before! I never think online is even close to "real life" in a lot of ways but I do think it's anonymous nature lets people express themselves more openly than they might do in person. Some of what I've read from women (correspondence or forum posts) is disturbing as it makes so many of them seem quite shallow and focused only on the superficial when it comes to dating or even meeting someone. Again, the internet is NOT real life but if I'm accurate about it being more prone to free expression then we're seeing how SOME women don't look any further than they accuse men. This change of attitude I think is fairly recent (past 20 years) but it seems to coincide with the growing discontent SOME women have in their single lives.

I've been "rejected" for my choice of shoes, my taste in music, my height, my age, my profession and god only knows what other reasons----all of which are just personal preferences. In person I do much better despite this "problems" so I have that as a counterpoint to online but it doesn't really matter if the change of attitude I speak of is still in effect. I can't change most things about myself that keep some women away but I can't and would never try to change a bad attitude towards men in general either. That's their choice to hang on to that----and nothing I can do will change it "for" them!

I'm not hurting from a recent relationship and really am open to one sould it come along----but for now I'm not putting much effort into it either. In that way I accept that I'll get out just what I put in!!
 bohemianjack
Joined: 2/19/2005
Msg: 10
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:00:42 AM
I've scanned the thread, read much of the posts and found that there are some here who have no idea why they're here much less why they are not dating... some are negative and it is apparent why they are not going on dates. I'm convinced that even another negative person, who would join them in their negativity, wouldn't date a negative. Maybe they're waiting for an opposite positive to see through their negativity... opposites attract? Not too likely to be fulfilling, much less long lasting. Others are so bent on humor that they can't answer the question seriously... even the op writes, "Oh yeah, I'm not dating right now because I'm too lazy or something like that...", however reading his profile one might find that he may just have a life hidden in his quirky sense of humor... now don't go all crazy on my a$$ OP, just calling it like I see it... lol.. I can see that you're looking for talk/email while honing your standup routine and that's all good. I have a sense of humor too, however mine is less obvious until one gets to know me... It's too easy for the truth to be lost in humor and many will just shake their head... huh??? Too busy to slow down and smell the flowers. Others pondered the question and answered for why some don't date, but didn't answer for themselves... maybe that means they are dating or maybe just avoiding showing their cards... again calling it like I see it, so don't you go all crazy on me either.

Ok... ok, since I've prefaced my answer with observation and intuition; if you've read this far, here's my answer...

I've gone on a couple of "dates" recently; even met a couple of women here, however I am like the guy on "Northern Exposure" who lives out in the middle of nowhere, because I can't tolerate live as you all know it... no lol.. On good days with low pollution levels I do go into the city and may even seek out a street dance or other outdoor event, but I am so profoundly sensitive to fragrances that even an outdoor event requires me to stand on the sidelines to avoid becoming sick and I still meet people... ok, I'll get on with it... I go places I enjoy and meet women, however many times I find that people, men and women, are just too afraid to extend themselves and take a chance or they know not who they are and so don't know what kind of person they are looking for.

All that said, that's my story and I'm sticking to it... been there, done that, got a closet full of t-shirts and still out there, keeping my eyes and ears open for new friends and potential love interests wherever I go. I have learned to be patient, remain open to possibilites, difference and know that my ship will come in before the pier rots away... lol..

Now I have to get to yoga and start my morning routine so that I can go off to the Wild River State Park for a seminar event on attracting birds and butterflies this morning. I'll check back later and see if anyone may care to debate the points I've raised here... I must say that even though I am a man of many words, I do not spend alot of time sitting at my keyboard looking at my monitor... waiting... to many other opportunities out there, although all serious replies will be addressed in due time.

Bright blessings and good luck to you all,
Jack

"Success is learning to deal with plan B"--author unknown
 nontangent
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 12
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 7:03:33 PM
I think I am just standing in the wrong spot - the perfect woman is supposed to just fall from the sky, right?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:12:48 PM
I simply don't want to. I love my life as it is.
 Tarabpsych
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 17
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:14:08 PM
I am single (have been for almost 2 years) and only just started dating again

The reason was, I had just come out of a very serious relationship (i was married) and wanted to take time and heal and put the "baggage" away before i started a new relationship.

I was one of those girls who always had a boyfriend, I think from the time I was 16, the longest i didn't have a boyfriend was maybe 3 or 4 weeks. I wanted time to get to know myself and learn about and fix some of those recurring issues that seemed to happen.

I am now in a place, where i am happy being me and even being alone. I have a new healthier attitude and ability to communicate. I am now ready to move on and share myself and my life with someone else!
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 18
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/10/2006 8:47:10 AM
Dating takes 2

I have hit the end of my rope with online "dating" and so until I figure out an alternative or I move....I am done with it.
 Mr Fair Play
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 19
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:55:48 AM
Well I am single and prefer not to approach commitment because of what expectations a lot of women have these days. The true morals of love and commitment are pretty much well out the door in today’s society. I would rather have friends with benefits. I don’t have to be someone I am not that way. I can freely be myself without being judged on a relationship view.
 Mr Fair Play
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 20
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:03:12 AM
4. I don't trust people easily esp not men.

Sadly this is how most women perceive men in society and than wonder why there are so many males bitter in return. I don’t blame the person who said this or women as a whole, feminism has made women be this way.
 alwayslotsafun
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 21
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/10/2006 1:42:27 PM
zeekafire's got a point -- dating is just another part of life that either we do a lot of, or maybe less of, depending on how much we want to (and of course, depending on the availability of someone TO date). There really doesn't have to be a reason (and maybe it's better if there isn't one). Sometimes, I'm real busy with my work (freelance, it comes in waves) and sometimes I'm just working on something that I have a real passion for and so I may not be as motivated to look for someone to go out with (plus I have friends who regularly drag me out of my cave to go out and have fun).
 Bologins
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 24
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/11/2006 6:17:04 PM
Hmm, I think for me is that I'm not quite over my ex yet. Even though I broke the relationship off I still think of her and her 2 kids. Her husband died about 8 years ago and I came into the relationship about 7 years ago. At the time when he died they were split up and he actually died at his new girlfriend's house. At first like all relationships we just casually dated and I just saw her kids once in a while. They ended up moving in with me. Well now her oldest which is a boy is now 21 years old and the daughter is 17 years old. The duaghter 2 1/2 years ago said she looks at me like I am her dad. I do feel like her dad because I want her to do well in life. My ex's son and I had a rocky relationship in the beginning. He was 13 when his dad died and didn't want anything to do with me. Even when we all moved in together. Both of them stole alot of personal stuff of mine. But I have fogiven them both. I miss them both and I miss the relationship I use to have with their mom. The relationship I had with my ex was over before I moved out of the house. I was going to move out of the house the Christmas before but didn't because I stayed for the sake of the kids. But eventually it just didn't work out anymore. So I had to leave. Basically I still am emotionally attached to all 3 of them and need to get over that. At this time I probably would get upset if I saw them around the city somewhere although we don't live in the same city anymore but we are close.

These are the reasons I don't want to date at this time. Starting off as E-mail/Talk is my start to a new me. I am actually going to my first POF function this Saturday night. I'm looking forward to it. I think I have been on this site for 3 weeks now and found it has brought me out of my shell somewhat. This is a great site. Eventually I will start dating again. So plz be careful of hurting me. Look at my picture. Don't you think I am a vulnerable person (LOL).
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 29
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:52:42 PM
Seems as if most men want a sex buddy or someone who is gorgeous. Some of us are average looking and are looking for a relationship that is more than sex.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 30
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:54:40 PM
It's soooo hard to find someone within my age range who is educated, successful, and not just looking for sex..I suppose being almost 51, it is normal to have difficulties finding a man to have a real relationship with, yet I know there are men out there that want the real thing..Question is, where!?
And truthfully, I'm in no rush to settle down, I've got lots of time to do that..I think it's lacking the companionship of a partner that sucks sometimes...But all in good time!
 luvalot_
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 31
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:09:47 PM
All the guys i've ever met are harsh and mean and litterally only looking for one thing...take a wild guess
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 32
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/13/2006 12:59:06 AM
I'm not good looking enough to be considered dating material.

On the flip side it means I don't have to deal with relationship BS.

Ladies, if you're meeting guys that only want one thing, have you considered that the problem might be that you don't have anything else that guys want?
 wiccan_man
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 33
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/13/2006 1:21:06 AM
The reason i am single is because i am just looking for a nice girl that can love me and care about me if any of you ladies are intrested mail me in my profile
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 34
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/13/2006 9:29:56 PM


Count..I'm sure we all bring something to the table..Maybe it's the place we're meeting these men, and possibly the age of the men we're meeting?!


Or perhaps women are filtering out the men who want more than just sex. If you're going for the "bad boy" type then you're going after men who just want sex. Also if you're going after really good looking guys realize that they're in high demand and can get the non-sex stuff from friends. Or maybe women just assume that because a guy is interested in sex that it's the only thing he's interested in. Let's face it, every guy is interested in sex, and most guys will take it when offered (even when they want more).
 sweetheart815
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 35
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/13/2006 10:05:56 PM
Last year I took a break from the dating world... and now that I am back in it all the guys I've gone out with are just in it for the sex. Not to say that sex isn't a good thing but I keep looking for something more. I'm beginnning to think that the guys in LA are only in it for one thing.
 twotrue2betrue
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 36
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If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:13:04 AM
I'm single is because most of the women I like still have feeling for an ex and can't move on life.
 faro123
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 37
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/17/2006 6:16:38 PM
Can't find the one I am looking for.
And I am not interested in just meeting someone for casual chat, I already have plenty of friends for that..
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 38
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 8/17/2006 7:18:18 PM


Give it up Men, We just can't WIN !!!!!


I think many guys have given up. We've given up on the failed dating/relationship paradigm. From our friends we can get everything we want out of a relationship except the sex. So we just approach lots of women for sex until one says yes. Of course sometimes you get lucky and find a friend who'll also have sex with you. Once women get sick of this they'll clean up their acts and stop driving men from relationships.
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