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 KAPOW!!
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 20
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
My s/o is a recovering meth addict.. once recovering, always recovering. There are some days where she she gets really down and wishes she could get her hands on some, and admittedly, it really stresses me out but I always stick around there as long as she's willing to fight the urge and pick herself back up.

There were a couple weeks last month where things were very bad and she actually did coke as a substitute (granted there were a lot of things going on at the time) but she told me about it and after the initial outrage and disappointment we worked through it.

We've both agreed to give up all drugs and even alcohol, leaving us with a lot of time for chainsmoking.. lol.

Anyway, my point is some people deal with recovering addicts better than other and if you can't.. maybe find out BEFOREHAND and cut off the relationship right there instead of being an ignorant and inconsiderate ***hole, what with your BOOT TO ASS and all. That kind of pissed me off, in all reality. How is someone supposed to recover if they keep getting thrown to the curb for letting someone who is supposed to care about them know that they aren't in fact PERFECT.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 21
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 1:47:26 PM
There is no way I would get involved with a drug addict or a former drug addict. Been there, done that, bought that sad, ugly little t shirt. Cocaine or any form of it is a very horrible drug, and changes a person in ways you can not imagine unless you have been with such a person. Perhaps some can change but I just can't deal with it.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 22
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 1:50:30 PM
No NO NO...I am a cracker, she is a crackhead - BIG difference...

Cracker (pejorative), a slang term for a white person, usually considered pejorative.


A crackhead is a person who is addicted to crack cocaine.

Thank you, WIKIPEDIA...

Fry

and if they really wanna stay clean they will; it's all a matter of choice....if you don't choose to be with her because of her former addiction, that's your choice too....
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 37
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:40:25 PM

Once a cracker always a cracker...


I would love to delve deep into your past, and then continue to persecute you for the rest of your life for mistakes you made. I really would. Then this BS comment from you...


just wanted to say to all you Previous Crackers that you need to Keep it REAL and stay straight

I mean, what is that all about? First you say a tiger never changes it's stripes, then you tell former addicts to stay straight.. which you just said can never happen. Man, YOU need some serious psychological help. Really. I'm glad you kicked her to the curb. You were nothing but bad news for her. She can and will do far better than you.
 BlueShirtBabe
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 44
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:06:09 PM
I dated an addict (crack) for 4 years..... I stayed with him through rehabs..... Many, many relapses..... Trust me, it was hell for the most part..... Once they have sold everything they own to get crack, they begin to steal..... On and on it goes till they finally hit bottom..... We broke up once he was clean a year..... He would have been clean 4 years this past July, but 3 weeks before his 4th year clean he relapsed and went on a few runs...... What makes someone who rebuilt their lives go back??? No idea.... Would I ever do this again??? Not in this lifetime....
 superbadzzz
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 45
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:45:54 PM
anyone else think dropping a vacuum cleaner into your bathwater is a BAD idea?
 neckkiss
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 49
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:56:56 PM
Yes, I think you were wrong in doing so, but I can't be sure I'm right. It would have to be on a case by case basis. People change. From here, it seems a cruel and heartless thing to do, to end the relationship because she was honest with you. Your coldness may well have pushed her back into that chemical hell. Sad, if nothing else.
 sweets1111
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 50
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 12:45:26 AM
OKAY THEN!
after reading all the responses to this post, i must say that 99% of you people are addicted in some way shape or form and don't even realize it. Theres shopping, food, gambling, drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, sex, desparate need of a relationship, addicted to drama and chaos, gossip, work, exercise, self consumed with how one looks! Oh my god the list goes on and on.
As a recovering drug addict of 14 years, yes 14 I can tell you that if I had a choice of dating a recovering addict or a "normal" person (can someone explain what normal is?) I would date a recovering addict. Theres a big difference between a recovering addict and an active addict. If the person is relapsing every few days to weeks to months they are considered active addicts. Recovering addicts take "their program" (the twelve steps)seriously and have changed every aspect of there lives. Which in turns give them a healthier lifestyle, physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and most important spiritually. Most recovering addicts do have a higher level of intelligence because of insight and lifes experiences and are aware of themselves and there behaviour, such as when they get angry they work on NOT taking it out on the ones they love, they figure out whats going on inside themselves and deal with it, AND talk about it, unlike some of you "normal people" who would just say everythings "fine" which means "****ed up" "insecure" "neurotic" "emotional" or asked whats wrong the response is "nothing" or (i love this expression from women to there spouses) "you should know" (like people are mind readers or something sheesh!!!). There is such a higher level of communictation, love, respect, understanding, open mindedness, the willingness to be there for each other between two addicts, you can't find that amongst the "normal people" and its actually quite sad! Working the twelve steps in any program is NOT about the substance itself but about the "why" this has happened and when one does actually work the steps into every area of there life the changes are absolutely amazing! We become very aware of our behaviour and those around us and have the guts and ability to look at the negatives we need to change whether its ourselves or our surroundings and do something about it! Can't say that about too many of you "non addicts" or "normal people" who stay stuck in whatever situation your in mostly out of fear if you really want to face the truth of the matter. Most of you don't even realize how you behave and treat yourselves and others and think you aren't doing anything wrong! I've heard it said many times at the meetings I attend and they are countless, but it has been said that "EVERYONE should be in a twelve step program" if you have the guts to go that deep! Recovering addicts are the bravest people I know, so I suggest before there are anymore inane comments about people's addiction, check out a meeting, see if any of it makes sense to you. If it does than maybe, just maybe theres something YOU need to look at!
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 52
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 4:48:11 AM
It depends on how long they've been off drugs and what their general attitude is about it now.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 54
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:20:54 AM
I think it's a bad idea.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 55
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:22:44 AM
Well...recently been going down the path with a person who is in AA...quite frankly, I was blown away when this man told me he was only in 4 months (by now it's 6 I guess)...some of you may have seen my other posts regarding him. He told me he was in recovery on the first date. Within a couple of days we were inseparable...and truly I believe opened up to each other in a way that is not the norm. His "overthinking" ended it, and the place he is in is his recovery...there was a little unpleasantness; and now we are in contact, not defined as together at all...but still in our hearts are, just unspoken and unnamed. For me - would I choose to take a path where I worry about someone's sobriety? Would I choose to have such a connection, and yet know that we can't take it to the limit? Of course not - but we meet who we meet, and connect with who we connect with. Will we end up together? I don't know. But the person who he is becoming, is so spectacular, and the opportunity to be someone he knows he can rely on, is so humbling to me...that it is worth it. I am sure of one thing - at whatever level it ends up being - he will always be in my life. That's enough.

So - I guess what I mean is - to me I started a relationship with a person, not with their past or their addiction. Sometimes, who someone is calls to you...and of course, I follow my heart, not my head.
 rickarr5678
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 56
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:37:31 AM
i was a meth addict for ten years...I KNOW!!.....rehab in1991...been clean since...of course i know i'm an exceptional few who have been blessed with the an extreme desire to be clean....it's taken many years of counseling to overcome the bad thought patterns and feelins that come with addiction.....you can be a 'dry addict' which is someone who doesnt use but hasn't dealt with these issues..that is another thing narc annonymous does for you...is she active in any support groups?...if not she could be hard to deal with
 sweets1111
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 63
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:41:54 PM
again, the ignorance of the general public really concerns me here, especially from justdoitviv.
there is NO 13TH STEP! HELLO? Those of us in a twelve step program joke around about "step 13" One: it doesn't exist and Two: 13 stepping is when a long time recovering addict whether male or female hits on a newcomer! To simplify it, ITS NOT GOOD!!!
And there is not "length of time" to determine who gets better etc..............this is a life long process, and always will be!
Another comment got me as well, something about 2 years out of the general public etc........... you got to be kidding me? Its not a jail sentence for crying out loud. I personally got clean and attended meetings without missing work and still being a part of society. Not all of us come from poor backgrounds are crawling out of sewers thank you very much! Many many addicts come from middle class to well to do backgrounds. Addiction is not gender based, lifestyle based, culture based etc.............and like i said before, many people are addicted to something and don't even want to consider it as an addiction and think its normal.
Lets define addiction shall we?
Any mind or mood altering substance done in excess. Anything that takes you out of yourself, especially when you can't handle life on life's terms. Anything done in excess to make yourself feel better for the moment, such as shopping, overeating, sex, gambling etc.................
But enough of my 2 cents............I am not here trying to make anyone understand, but other recovering addicts that have posted on here know exactly what i am talking about, the rest of you, I understand the ignorance and hope you all at some point can learn something and quit throwing us all into a category of thinking we will never suceed. On that note i will share a quick story. In my younger years i met a woman directly off the streets, heavily addicted and into prostitution. Today she is the Executive Director of a major treatment facility in Detroit.
and makes quite the nice income, what have you achieved?
 sweets1111
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 66
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:15:04 PM
oh PULEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
how many have you ever run to the nearest bar after a breakup? but thats ok right?
who's to say she would even relapse after this breakup anyway? People are people not matter what and rejection is rejection no matter what, she probably handled it better than most of you, by going to her supports and dealing with it instead of heading to the nearest meat market for a rebound!!!!!!
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 75
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:37:23 PM
I think he/she should have told you before you started dating...

I also think he/she should have been going to some type of recovery meetings too..
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 76
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:57:38 PM
Look, I am a recovering addict. I went through rehab 3 & 1/2 years ago and have been clean ever since. From my perspective it should be a non-issue. However, only 3-5% of people do what I have done. Drug addiction is not receptive to treatment and is subject to relapse. Perhaps you could have stayed until (or if) she relapsed then walked away. But these are my thoughts only
 lovinglife369
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 77
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:44:01 PM
Well, way back when.......the guy i married was addicted at one time to heroin.....it was the 70's/80's and everyone was getting high........

He went into rehab and i stuck w/him.....had a few relapses but once we got really serious, he gave it up....... i was with him for close to 30 years before he died after a liver transplant didn't take....

Long story short, had close to 30 yrs together and a daughter to be proud of
 Chester K
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 78
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:04:31 PM
I’ve been sober for 18 ½ years. Anyone can change but it takes work and constant vigilance on the part of the addict. The partner should be supportive but but out.
 sunshine0626
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 81
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 12:37:31 AM
Personally I prefer NOT to date drug users/abusers, recovering or not. I prefer not to date ex-cons. I prefer not to do this because I have children and know that I am responsible for their safety. Not saying people shouldn't be given second chances because I know I've made my mistakes. Although I wish them the best of luck, I don't prefer to be involved with them.
 Tammy the cat
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 82
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:04:07 AM
OP/whatever choice you made is right for you.Please dont be quite so harsh on crackheads though in attitude.I have spent a couple of years of my life,drying out on/off a nephew who is a multiple sufferer of things.This one has also been through any program that was available ,to assist in the drying out process.It was definitely no picnic watching one go from crack,to methodone(going to hospital to pick up daily doses)/cramps,vomiting,agitation an depression,suicide attempts,hiding my tablets an his///quinine for cramps an valium...... I left him alone in the car after visiting the doctor/he would eat a box of valium if he had access/its not funny at all---then there was also the alcohol bouts with the tablets on top.Better not forget the gambling as well either.The list goes on an on.I cant even begin to describe what this did to my blood pressure an stress levels/my doctor was not very happy .Each person has to way up what their criteria list is an make their own decision.Gaining knowledge about things does help.Some people have successfully beaten whatever habit they were addicted to,gone on with proper support,to live full an normal lives.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 83
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:27:21 AM
Its a bad idea,,,,,for me (wont speak for anyone else). Dealt with a family member from the time i was 16 until 4 years ago who was addicted (needles was his thing, he has now passed on), and was with a man for 5 years who towards the end of our relationship was a crack head. Yes, people do change and can turn their lives around, but i have a bitter taste in my mouth from my experiences and i just prefer to not date a former addict.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 84
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:33:56 AM
No way. I don't need that kind of garbage in my peaceful life.
 choice99
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 85
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:40:09 AM
You people make me sick. I am a drug addict. (clean for 18 months). I was addicted to ecstasy and cocaine for quite a long time. I never lived on the streets. I went to College. I had a descent job and even had my own car. I now go to Narcotics Anomoyous meetings. Someone who has changed there life for the better should be seen as a hero. Not a cracker or a crack head. Recognise the person that they have become not the person that they were. Drug addiction is a very serious and constant battle. Stand by your partner and have an open view about whats going on. Would you break up with a girl who is skinny now but used to be fat????? use your head
 Lady_Samurai
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 89
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 1/4/2009 9:33:52 AM
I lived with someone who was a former heroin addict... he had been clean for several years before we met. I also seriously dated an alcoholic who had been sober for our entire relationship.

I would never date a former drug addict or reformed alcoholic again. Just because someone sobers up, does not mean they have resolved the issues that led to the drug or alcohol use in the first place. The person I dated who was a sober alcoholic was a 'dry drunk'... even though they went to AA. I finally could not deal with their unresolved issues anymore. The person I lived with who was a former herion addict had serious psychological problems, that didn't come out until after we were living together. It was those problems that led them to use drugs, to kill the pain, as it were.

I do have respect for anyone who overcomes any type of addiction. But that person needs to be sure that they have resolved ALL of the issues related to their addiction before becoming involved in a relationship. And that includes whatever led them to using in the first place.
 Kncl
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 93
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:31:48 PM
Once a cracker always a cracker
once a cheater always a cheater
once a drunk always a drunk
once a thief always a thief
once a liar always a liar

I don't think those are necessarily truths at all, they might have a disposition towards those. Definitely hard for people to change and not all do. But what happens if they were the one and you never gave it a chance. You didn't give her a ring and got married. You were only dating, isn't that what dating is for to see if that person is what you want?
But on the other hand, it would make me feel like a large responsibility on myself, looking for the signs of relapse.
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