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 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 1
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helpful booksPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
while reading some of the things people share here, i thought maybe i'd offer some titles that have great information and pro-active advice for those going through rough times.

1. 'in the meantime,' by iyanla vanzant. she describes active ways to get comfortable with oneself, while improving outlook and preparing to return to the 'real world.'

2. 'stop getting dumped' by lisa daily. this book tells women how to behave when the man you want begins to pay attention to you. she cautions against sabotaging your relationships and gives great advice as to how to move on.

3. 'the sweet potato queens book of love' by jill connor brown. she tells you the secret 'words guaranteed to get any man to do your bidding.' she also has a chapter entitled 'men who may need killing, quite frankly.' this book really does put a smile on your face when you need it.

4. 'dave barry's guide to guys.' a real eye-opener.

what other books have people found helpful?
 Banji
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 2
helpful books
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:11:05 AM
I need your love - is that true? by Byron Katie

Excellent book!
 soaringangel86
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 3
helpful books
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:36:07 AM
Um that's great for the ladies, but do you have any books for males?
 Becca4u
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 4
helpful books
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:39:28 AM
"He's just not that into you" can also be helpful to males. A lot of the advice can be applied both ways. For instance, if she won't return your phone calls, won't date you, or says you are just a friend, she's probably not that into you.
 sactojd2b
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 5
helpful books
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:39:40 PM
Not dating books, but the most influential books of my life have been:

Mans Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal

Difficult Conversations by the Harvard Negotiation Project

David
 bubbyof1
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 6
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:16:13 AM
I happen to have Viktor Frankl's book right in front of me, although I read it many years ago. It was required reading for a Psychology Class. Just for the heck of it I just checked out the last page which inspired me to Wiki it. Here's what I found and thanks for making me think. You get so little mental stimulation in Ukiah.
In Frankl's view, the spirit is the will of the human being. The emphasis, therefore, is on the search for meaning, not the search for God or any other supernatural being. Frankl also noted the barriers to humanity's quest for meaning in life. He warns against "...affluence, hedonism, [and] materialism..." in the search for meaning.
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 7
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helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:08:36 AM
Thanks, OP. I just ordered those books from the library based on your recommendation. I just read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. Good advice for how to prevent or deal with a cheating spouse in order to save a marriage. There is also some good advice for singles. It's Christian based, but whether or not you're a Christian, the advice is very helpful.
 ekimnod3
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 8
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:12:33 AM
"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover

Definitely a book for Men and important to share if you're in a relationship. Talks about the Nice Guy Syndrome, its origins, and how to break free of the cycle.

This book changed my life!
 The Analogue Kid
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 9
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:33:22 AM
"The secrets of female sexuality" by David Shade

he starts it off with an excellent account of a very harsh divorce...what he learned from his mistakes...and how he turned is life around....

...his is by far the best self help material I've ever read...

"As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen
 DebbieC1953
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 10
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:36:15 AM
The books and workshops by Harville Hendrix are great - they include "Getting the Love You Want" and "Keeping the Love You Find". Not only do they explain a lot of psychology, etc., but have exercises to work through various issues with your partner, or on your own.

Debbie
 yoodle
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 11
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Posted: 6/5/2008 8:58:47 AM
9 Things You Simply Must Do... (developing a positive attitude leads to success in life)
He's Scared, She's Scared (relationship psychology)
The Theology of the Body: Human Love in the Divine Plan. Pope John Paul II
And They Were Not Ashamed (Sex book from a Mormon perpsective...practical...ought to be on the Best Seller list for couples)

Oh, and if books are too long, how about the inspiration and encouragement of a commencement speech--ANY commencement speech (google them). Wally Lamb wrote an amusing and perplexing novel, This Much I Know Is True, which speaks to any who have a disabled sibling (or a dysfunctional SO).

He also gave this speech, whose sentiments will soothe heart and soul: http://www.conncoll.edu/events/speeches/lamb.html
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 12
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:56:38 AM
Life is about experiences; not some ridiculous books. I'm not going to put my life in the hands of a book.

I've had a great upbringing and I have great friends and we all make mistakes but my life is just fine without Jill Conner Brown.
 imalitltpot
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 13
helpful books
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:39:09 PM
AMEN mthomjmark!

Self-help books are a crock of shyt and all they do is make the authors rich off people who are down on their luck or depressed.

Most things in life are simple common sense. Burn more calories than you eat. Don't spend more than you earn. The stuff that comes out of the idiot box is not real life. If you keep failing at relationships, fix yourself. Who needs books to tell us this? I think if you read self-help books when you're down it's just going to get worse.
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 6/9/2008 6:30:47 PM
Okay, update: I just finished reading the Lisa Daily book about how to avoid getting dumped (even though I don't often get dumped). Really good information here, and you can read it in about an hour. I was doing about 8 of the 1o or so things she suggested anyway, though whenever I post those concepts on the forums, I get bludgeoned!

Another good read for women is the ebook "CatchHimAndKeepHim.com.
Written by a man and pretty self explanatory. His principles are very similar to Lisa Daily's. They are also the same concepts John Grey talks about in the Mars and Venus books, which are also excellent IMO.
 Of The Inn
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 15
helpful books
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:15:23 PM

"He's just not that into you" can also be helpful to males. A lot of the advice can be applied both ways. For instance, if she won't return your phone calls, won't date you, or says you are just a friend, she's probably not that into you.


^^ I'm thinking those tidbits are pretty much common knowledge; no book necessary.
Unfortunately, from reading many of the forum threads, it seems both men and women are increasingly adapting a philosophy that showing no interest (not returning phone calls, not taking initiative to call, appearing bored, and other seemingly-obvious hints of disinterest) is the best way to actual show interest (re: having the other chase you) ... wonder if some advice from a book is to blame for that one ...

Is a strange thing - that we need books to point out the obvious simply because we can be so blinded by hope and optimism (like myself).

Silly Earthlings ...
 maraletta01
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 16
helpful books
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:24:29 PM
Hey I found 2 beautiful books both written by the same minister. One is (Why am I afraid to love) and the other one is (Why am I afraid to tell you who I am)These are tiny little skinny books .They are compassionatly written and can pierce most internal armours.Going to work and mowing the lawn are not hard things to do. We dont need to read about that.But revealing to others or ourselves our insecurities and frailties can be overwhelming if we have no springboard of mental health from which to dive.Many self help books offer instructions on how to form such spring boards.So many suffer and act out towards themselves and towards others because they are adrift in themselves.Many self help books are designed to lend illumination on self defeating concepts.Many of us use manuals for hooking up our electronic equipment and many of us studied very carefully our drivers manuals. Life is full of instructions.How wonderful that we can easily learn from written instruction.When humans are in doubt or pain what could it possibly cost to be compassionate.There is a rather old saying (But for the grace of god there go I ).This alone should prompt us each and all to have compassion thru our empathy. If I see you low I will reach out to lift you up . I know that you are someones child here on this earth. Perhaps you have runaway perhaps your mother isnt alive anymore. Would she say please stop and help my child?We all know she would.For her I reach out to you. For you I remain .You will understand and then you will emulate to others the compassion thru empathy which touched you . You will remember the feel of compassion. I would hope for you that it will become your compass with which to travel forward.It will always lead you to nourishment.No matter our age. Children we all are.Jesus didnt come to teach the little children . He came to teach the big children.We are the big children.Children of god first and children of each other second.I owe to jesus that I give what has been given to me. I give freely with love and encouragement.T his is how I change the world.Do be kind. Watch carefully the words that pride goeth before a fall.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 17
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Posted: 6/10/2008 3:21:34 PM
^^ I'm thinking those tidbits are pretty much common knowledge; no book necessary.
Unfortunately, from reading many of the forum threads, it seems both men and women are increasingly adapting a philosophy that showing no interest (not returning phone calls, not taking initiative to call, appearing bored, and other seemingly-obvious hints of disinterest) is the best way to actual show interest (re: having the other chase you) ... wonder if some advice from a book is to blame for that one ...
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Okkk. You had better read the books.....Or pay attention to the useful threads. I am truly amazed at the number of folks (well, its a small minority) who are whacked, who must live in a different reality. But they can mow the lawn and go to work like one lady wrote.
 Guy Named Ray
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 18
helpful books
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:24:48 PM
Awareness - by Anthony de Mello
From the Jacket

Awareness is Anthony de Mello's best-selling guide to the spiritual life, now firmly established as a modern spiritual classic. It uses humour, compassion and insight to help readers into an understanding of the importance of 'awareness' in order to understand ourselves and the world around us.

With anecdotes and stories as well as guidelines and exercises in self-help, this book is filled with real wisdom and practical advice. It tackles the universal issues of change, happiness, suffering and loss and also gives direction on coping with love, anger and fear.
 Jacque72
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 19
helpful books
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:48:31 PM
"He's just not that into you." is an excellent book! I read it shortly after the idiot I was seeing walked out. I cried when I got to the chapter that fit me. But it helped me to open my eyes and see the truth that my heart was in too much denial to see. Kudos!
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 20
helpful books
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:53:15 AM
He's just not that into you" can also be helpful to males. A lot of the advice can be applied both ways. For instance, if she won't return your phone calls, won't date you, or says you are just a friend, she's probably not that into you.
===========================================
Are you kiding Becca
This book was written by the scriptwriters for the Sex and the City series. Fiction writers!
And the books as fictional as the series.
 zeeba
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 21
helpful books
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:01:38 PM
Snakewhisperer, I took a look at the catchhimandkeephim Web site, and downloaded the book. Thanks for your recommendation! I agree with your assessment of it. I realize that self-help books are not for everyone, and that's OK. We all have different ways of dealing with things.

I'm a voracious reader, so for me, self-help books are useful. And yes, I would still very much recommend "He's Just Not That Into You." It may be nothing more than a phrase to some, but believe me -- it's a very good view into some male perspectives.
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 6/14/2008 5:15:51 PM
Okay, I just read Dave Barry's "Guide to Guys". I was laughing so hard, I'm sure the people at the pool thought I was nuts. This is a must read for anyone who needs to laugh. It's the most hilarious thing I've ever read and all truth-based, sadly. lol
 MaryAnn Singleton
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 23
helpful books
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:18:13 PM
A friend lent me a book called "The Rules" - by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and I just discovered they have a website. (You can google it.)

It's kind of like "He's just not that into you," - but it also focuses on how you should have your own life and your own priorities and not put a guy first. For examplel, DON"T always change your plans to suit his, don't wait by the phone, don't do things you don't enjoy because he does. How to avoid being too clingy, needy, possessive , insecure. It was an interesting read, actually.
 Godfather Michael
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 24
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Posted: 6/14/2008 6:34:04 PM
These Books i enjoyed " The Cliff Walk".."The Secret"..&.."Into the Wild"..
 Drkeyedbeauty
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 25
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Posted: 6/14/2008 6:43:59 PM
I have to agree with you and mthomjmark. I've read a few in the past and they never told anything I didn't already know. I know how to diet, i just don't. I know how to take of myself and a man, it's finding that spark in someone to MAKE you want to go through all the relationship crap that's the problem. I have no self esteem issues, I had an awesome childhood and amazing parents. I do have something big i'd love to have help on however. I'm bossy. Not mean, but I do have a tendency to take over or always have an opinion or solution on the tip of my tongue. I really need to work on that. I don't know how to relax so i'm always thinking. lol So sell me a self help book on bossy, opinionated, stressed out women and i'll buy it!!!
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