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 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 1
Love Making for SeniorsPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed..

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 2
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:32:20 PM

Hey, I'm 54 years old too, and not quite there yet! Enjoy the years you have in bed until you really are!


Lolly, I didn't really mean those of us that are 54 years young. Sorry for the misconception
 geoweb
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 3
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/27/2006 5:43:19 AM
Geez, Magician...after reading this thread, I'm not looking forward to getting old...
 pink_bunny_1
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/27/2006 1:33:17 PM
magician, hahaha thanks that gave me a real laugh...
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 5
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/27/2006 5:00:22 PM
Three old grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

About then, an old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out
saying, "We bet we can tell how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it." One of the
mischievous grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts, and we can tell
your exact age."

A little embarrassed, but with not much modesty at this point in his life, he
dropped his drawers. The old women stared at him for a while, asked him to
turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while,
and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How in the world did you guess that?" The
mischievous old grandmas laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear
to ear, all three happily yelled in unison,



"Because you told us yesterday!"

 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 6
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/27/2006 5:15:11 PM

The Magician - way to post them


Just following the lead of the best. You may take your bow now, HL
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 7
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:37:27 PM
@magician THANKYOU, i am having surgery tomorrow morning i need this laugh!!!!
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 8
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 7/28/2006 3:08:49 PM
Blondago, how did the surgery go? Everything is great, I hope. I wouldn't want you to tear any stitches, while you are splitting your sides laughing.


OK, here's a true story.

At a nursing home in Brunner Ontario,(no co-ed rooms) a senior lady was admitted. Her husband of 54 years was already in the same home with altzeimers, and couldn't remember that this woman was his wife. After a couple of weeks, one of the nurses chanced by his room at midnight and there they were, going at it like bunnies. He had wooed her and caught her, all without knowing that she had been his love for the last half century.

Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 9
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:58:55 AM
I just keep trying to wrap my mind around the idea of being a senior. That said, I have no plan of eliminating sex from my agenda,,,, I just need an old guy now to put this plan into action,,,,,

tb
 Beni2
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 10
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 11/26/2006 12:20:50 PM
When my late hubby turned 50 he said he was too old for sex! So I got up the nerve to ask my mom how old she and dad were when they stopped having sex regularly. She raised her eyebrows, grinned, and said "Well honey, I'll let you know when we get there!" She was 72 at the time, and passed away 2 yrs later. Apparently they never stopped!! Hubby 'straightened up' after I told him!!
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 11
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 11/26/2006 4:45:49 PM
As a 60 year old man, I can say it takes longer to reach orgasim but my partner doesn't seem to mind!
 moondowner
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 14
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:03:48 AM
Made them feel good too
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 15
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:45:59 AM
OP...OMG, that's sad...when does all that start?! I may only be 48, but none of it's started yet...and I don't plan on letting any of it happen to me either ;)
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 16
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/16/2007 6:30:27 PM
OMG, I'm glad this thread got hauled out of the archives, just so I could read that joke.
I loved it!
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 17
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/17/2007 12:08:32 AM
I think it's the first time you buy a ticket to the movie and they charge you seniors price,,, without even asking your age.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 18
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:30:38 AM
When do you stop being middle aged and become a senior?
I'm always surprised if I qualify for a "senior discount" of some sort ...

If I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up ... how can I be a senior?
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 19
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/17/2007 12:08:48 PM
Personally, I've always liked blue,,, and it does seem to be the "in" color now.
 makin memories
Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 20
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/17/2007 1:12:26 PM
I was with a guy whp appoligized because he had to use Viagara and now I think the women should stock it by the bed...
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 21
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:40:29 PM
... he had to use Viagara and now I think the women should stock it by the bed...
Ya ... good that it's still a "prescription" and needs to be approved by a doctor.

Give that stuff to a guy with a heart problem and you get to call the doggone sheriff in the AM ...

At the very least, I suppose we could say that he went with a smile on his face?

"But officer ... I didn't do it on purpose ... ... he was truly enjoying himself ...

(Song playing in the background: "Take my breath away ....... ")

 bliss serendipity
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 22
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:46:24 PM
I turned 60 this last November, and I feel like I am 16!!! When I was 16, there was lots of opportunity and guys but I had very strict parents and I as too shy.

Now that I am 60 and still shy, where are the opportunities and guys?
 danreeves
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 23
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/19/2007 2:33:58 PM
lmao lol yes I do agree with strawberry --make sure the doors are locked and keep the yelling down-hell with it--yell-no ones home--enjoy lol
 gyver75
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 24
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/19/2007 10:19:09 PM
^^^^^^^^ If I could stock up on it I would start shopping . Too funny .

Can of Raviolie for dinner , can of pie for dessert ?
 Lady_A_D
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 25
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Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:16:08 PM
Hi elky I am 62 and seem to have reached my sexual peek in life. My last boyfriend of 2 years was 47 and the sex was great but after about a year and a half things changed with him and I felt like I was raising another son. Already raised 4. I am not saying this to hurt any gentleman's feelings, health issues sometimes can't be avoided. But if I am in need of some great sex, if the gentleman has a big stomach, takes heart, diabetes, or blood pressure medication it ain't a gonna be a happinin thing, they get satisfied, apologize for the problem and I say it's OK or maybe I have just had alot of bad experiences. AGAIN I apologize to those of you this may have offended.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 26
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/21/2007 12:08:52 PM
...OP, If things keep up the way there going I'm going to have to ask you to add another item to your list....an instruction manual



...maeflowers
 The Magician
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 27
Love Making for Seniors
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:42:44 PM
Now, Miss Mae! You know me too well to suggest such a thing! I just might add it.
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