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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I'm Inspired To Ask If Anyone Thinks About Marriage This Way...      Home login  
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 1
I'm Inspired To Ask If Anyone Thinks About Marriage This Way...Page 1 of 1    
Anyone think this way?...

We have been programmed since birth- Men feel that marriage= success in life (we are told "when you get married", and "when you have kids")

Women get "validation" from marriage (think fairy tale).

I have seen too many folks that enjoyed long, romantic relationships get married and within two years, get complacent, leave the toilet seat up, leave the cap off the toothpaste- all minute things that all add up until they can't go on- then get divorced and never speak.

Marriage (has a way)(can) ruin a great romance?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in love- I'm a romantic. Isn't the institution of marriage just flawed?

Do you really feel that you have to "validate" your love for one another with a contract?

It seems in most cases to be the one reason the relationship died- just the "mindset" changes that happen to married people. The fear of "commitment" creeps in, that perhaps didn't rear its ugly head during dating.

I've had long relationships that ONLY turned out badly after the pressure of "when are you getting married" starts.

Oh, and so you know it was never me that was afraid of "commitment".

It almost seems that if there were no "marriage", we would enjoy longer, healthier, more fulfilling relationships. We're almost going against human nature.

I won't bore you with the details but thousands of years ago, rulers of the land invented "monogamy" so the rulers could get the lion's share of the women, and that the common folk could only choose one...hmmmm, flawed from the start?

Anyone with me, or am I just crazy?
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 2
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I'm Inspired To Ask If Anyone Thinks About Marriage This Way...
Posted: 8/12/2006 1:52:41 AM
In our society we have the notion of fall in love first then get married.
In eastern societys like India, where arrainged marriage is common, they have the notion of get married first and then fall in love.
There may be something to that idea, since it seems to me that when two people are allowed to grow together they develop a more sincere love than what most of what us westerners think of.
Now, I think few people feel marriage is a life affirming thing anymore, as you mentioned.
In fact, it's obvious that the whole idea of love and marrige is changing in our society.
A few decades from now I'm sure the whole concept of marriage ( if such a thing still exists ) will be completely different from what we are used to.
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 3
I'm Inspired To Ask If Anyone Thinks About Marriage This Way...
Posted: 8/12/2006 4:00:09 AM
I myself in this day and age find that marriage is over rated...if I had to go back and do it over again I wouldn't, I was happier with my ex husband when we were not married,and as far as the men being the one's who loose it all in a divorce,I guess I am the exception, my first husband cost me over 200,000 and my second is costing me my sole/life...the institution of marriage is nothing but a piece of paper that says u have to be together forever, and forever never happens anymore...
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 6
I'm Inspired To Ask If Anyone Thinks About Marriage This Way...
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:01:26 PM
First there was the tribe, extended family and immediate family. then just the extended family and now only the immediate family is left. for now.

Tribalism broke down as cities where established.

I tend to think a persons value for formal marriage is tied to their value for family. I think the purpose of marriage is to raise children and is a human invention. it sure doesen't look like humans are naturally sexually monogamus. On a personal level, ... I can only think that need to belong is a drivin force too.

But within any society that embraces women in the workplace and or has a welfare system , marriage then no longer has the same importance of purpose.

I think the above is a recollection of anthropology 101, some years ago. lol

It's kinda like noticing that communism (forced sharing) political systems are typically found in poor countries. there are always practical reasons.

But the human need to belong is always there.

Oh yeah, i think it was the industrial revolution and the enclosure movement (when land owners turner out share croppers with the advent of the tractor) that mostly killed the extended family.

We all know the erroding forces on the immediate family.

The last driving force to marry today, ... TO BELONG.
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