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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is it harder to date now?      Home login  
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 2
Is it harder to date now?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Not impossible... but yes, it's harder! Less "single" people in the older age group.

We also are much more experienced in relationships and know what we do/don't want in someone that we are going to spend our lives with. We are much less likely to "instantly" fall for someone!

You call it "pickier", I call it a lot more careful than I was when I was younger.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 7
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 6:37:37 AM
I'll be the first guy to weigh in.

Yep, it is much harder. Life lessons have hardened many people. Age finds us set in our ways and changing our day to day is extremely difficult. Add in the fact that every time some jackass decides to commit a crime against a woman it is on national news, and in the eyes of the women the good guys are also guilty by membership to the same gender. I agree when women talk about safety, but when it becomes paranoia I want no part of her.

For my personal situation, I do not date for several reasons. The main reason is this. When I married in 2000, that began a period where I didn't meet anybody outside of doing that couples thing. Then in late 2004 when I went out on my own again, I realized I didn't know anybody. And the single women I know all know me from half of a couple, which in most cases makes them uncomfortable because they also know my ex.

The other reason is that I'm a fat, old, ugly, grouchy SOB...

Some people choose a life of celibacy. Others have it thrust upon them.
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 9
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/8/2006 4:57:03 PM
I don't think that it's harder to date now, I think that as we get older,we get more discriminating. We realize that we aren't going to live forever, and time is limited. I've never been married, and I take life realistically. Yes I've been burned. Who hasn't. I've also had to leave a burning ship in the wee hours of the morning, and wrecked an plane. Does that mean I should stay off of the water and out of the air. I don't think so. I think that we are all as busy as we want to be. Our priorities just change with time. Whether you are the richest man in the world like 'Bill Gates', or you are a skid row bum like 'Willie the Wino' they both have twentyfour hours in the day. You can chase women cumpulsively around the clock and accomplish nothing else or you can become obessed with any manner of other things. You decide what do you want. You can't have it all. And trying to really puts a damper on a relationship. No woman is going to play second fiddle to a compulsion. As Martin Luther said "In everything....moderation". All relationships have trails, as al humans have foibles.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 11
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 5:48:28 AM
Marie, I love your attitude. The differences in people really weigh in here. There are those who are self sufficient, self reliant, and eager to experience new things. Then you have the needy and clingy types, those who are lost without anybody else in the picture.

I remember back to when I was 25. My uncle died. The weekend after the funeral I had to go to my aunt's house and TEACH HER HOW TO WRITE CHECKS!!!! He did everything for her right down to changing light bulbs and she was HELPLESS without anyone in her life.

A lot has to do with how you were raised, too. My family is from an area in the former Yugoslavia, now Slovenia, and I am Slovenian. My mother MADE me learn how to cook. Of course it wasn't roast duck with cherry sauce and wild rice stuffing at first. I was like, 10! But she told me that there wouldn't always be someone else there to do it and it was very important that I know the basics. Sewing as well. (Any man who has been in the military can sew well enough to put buttons on his uniforms.) I don't make my own clothes, but buttons, cuffs, etc.. I can handle.

Now, I said that to say this.

The more you learn to do yourself, the less reliant you are on others, and thus you have the privilege of being more selective. You can wait for someone you WANT, not someone you NEED. Phase two of that is when you have that luxury, you have slimmer pickin's.

Add in the state of the world where women now feel a need to think men are rapists by default and require them to prove otherwise rather than the other way around, and it gets even worse. I prefer not to be screened and interviewed like a murder suspect just because I want to invote a women either out to dinner or to my home for dinner, so I don't bother. I was single for 20 years between wife #2 and wife #3 and I probably only have 10-12 to live anyway, so what's the point? The indignancy of being scrutinized because some jackass in Nebraska or Montana recently raped a woman and it was on the national news is just something I can do without. I don't even raise my voice, much less become violent and I won't pay because the sensationalistic media chooses to show only the bad things. Why don't they show people in the same Nebraska or Montana rescuing a puppy?


What a world......

I would HATE to be female in this society.
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 12
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:04:49 AM
At our age, half the people have been rejected by a former partner or rejected a former partner.

So do you want to date someone that has already been rejected or does the rejecting.

It's harder to find someone these days that doesn't have a fear of repeating their former relationship.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 13
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:18:08 AM

Whoa Geo. I don't see any women here who think all men are rapists.

You've only been around here since late April. Wait and see!

Some of the threads just made me shake my head and sigh. Nobody will meet anybody because at some point in their life some guy grabbed their breast, or someone they know knows someone who has a cousin who had a friend who had a sister who met this guy and he .....

One in particular goes into long litanies often about how men are beasts and all we want is sex on the first date, possibly under the table at the restaurant and you should never go to a man's home and all the yada yada......

And I offer this counterpoint just as often.

If I invite you to my house and you accept, you will have my name, my phone number, my address, and a map to my house.

What special kind of stupid would I have to be to do something inappropriate knowing that with that same name, phone number, address and map you will be at my house in 45 seconds with police who will take me to "pound me in the a$$" prison? (That comment will only mean anything if you have seen the movie Office Space.)

You are more likely to have an incident after your first meeting on that hallowed "public place" when you know nothing about the man except what he has told you online, most of which can be a pile of dung.

Let's say you meet "Bob" on POF. You decide to meet "Bob" for coffee. "Bob" shows up, you have coffee, he walks you to your car, and then tries to get physical in the parking lot. Short of pepper spray, a stun gun, or a black belt in some form of martial art, "Bob" will likely be able to overpower you. (An awful thought, but I am going somewhere with this.)

You go to the police and make a report. That's all you can do at this point.

So you come home to find "Bob" has removed his profile. In doing the detective work, you find out that "Bob" is really "Fred", everything on his profile was a load of manure, and he was driving a borrowed car so the license plate you reported is bogus. What do you have to find him with and see him brought to justice for his violent act? Unless he had "My other car is a Maserati" tattooed on his forehead, you will not have much with which to pick "Bob/Fred" out in a crowd. And if this is his MO, he is likely from a city 100 or more miles away and lied about that too.

And THAT is what the men here face. What the "Bob/Fred" types have done in the past make it near impossible for the nice guys of the world (me, for example) to meet a woman who doesn't go in thinking the worst. I am meek, timid, almost shy..... I once met a woman who insisted n the public place thing, and I had no problem doing that. Then SHE suggested we go to my place. HUH????? Why not just come straight to my place!

You may say that is generalizing, but this is the case 90% of the time on here. The bail out phone call that comes 15 minutes after your date begins so you have the chance to "escape", the wingman sitting at another table watching you .... all silly adolescent games I prefer not to play.

That's pretty much why I live alone with my dog.
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 14
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:59:17 AM
Having watched the threads for many trips through the forums, all I see is safety, followed immediately by stats found onthe internet about sexually oriented crime.

On the record, I didn't commit even one of them.

One woman said she's be so scared to go to a man's house that she wouldn't get out of the car.

Anybody else have the obvious thought pop into their head?

You'd GO there but then not get out of the car? Is that insane or what?

All I said was that there are more women think men have nefarious intent than not.

I LAUGHED out loud when they added the "must not have messaged for sexual encounters" or whatever that says.

In the final analysis, isn't every person here looking (eventually) for a sexual encounter? IS it not reasonable to assume that a person of character would see a message that says word to the effect of "Man I'd love to suck those big boobs" and delete it immediately? And by saying that in your profile, how do you know if the guy has ever sent that type of lewd email if they don't track reports? Do they do so?

That's like those honor parking lots that want you to put money in a little envelope and shove it through a slot into a lock box. Sure SOME people do it, but the lot is unattended so how do they know how many people parked there and didn't do it?

The whole world is harder now. Living with higher costs on smaller salaries, etc.... Gas is going to go up again because BP didn't properly maintain their pipeline. And that was my fault how, exactly?

Dating is just part of society, which makes up the world, and the whole world is harder.
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 15
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:06:15 PM
amazed at the amount of people who live in the past, life is too short, figure out the mistakes you made in past relationships and learn from them, don't make the same mistakes, don't date the same type of people. There is a mate for everyone out there and anyone who tries to convince me or themselves that being alone is best is full of shit.If 99% of all people who aren't happy in relationships would learn how to communicate and reach comprimises there would be no divorces, who ever said love doesn't take work is either a priest or a nun
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 17
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:54:13 PM
I think its easier to find someone in your/their 40s. Everyone married in their 20s & raised their families in their 30s. Now, its midlife crisis time, & the kids are grown & gone & theres many single 40-somethings out there for another try. Its a perfect scenario - you are now at a stage where you know what you want(vs. when you were 20 & didnt know), are emotionally & financially secure, & have all the wisdom & freedom & opportunity to make it happen. Older IS better!
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 18
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:48:37 PM
I am finding it dang near impossible. Yes I am fairly picky but still ............

I honestly don’t think I do anything stOOpid but - the few times I get something going with a gal that I am interested it ........ it fizzles.

I am thinking - gals expect guys to “chase them” (they are use to wussy boys) ... I don’t chase them AT ALL - if they are not helping me (us) - I am soooooo gone.

I don’t care how much she looks like a potential two way match - I slam on my brakes and put it in reverse at the first sign of indifference.
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 19
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/11/2006 7:36:06 PM
It's more difficult to find one who is willing to try to keep up with me at any age. Therefore it is more difficult to date. So many experiences, so few willing to live!
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 21
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/13/2006 1:41:23 PM
: barbiequed

you are so! my thoughts exactly..what a post?
we must be one of a kind
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 22
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 8/13/2006 2:31:25 PM
Pippin you also need to define dating as you see it. Is it a date to just go for ice cream without changing clothes, spending an hour on makeup.....

"Dating" in the traditional definition is just too damn much work anymore. I once had a woman told me she spent THREE HOURS getting ready for a date. What in the hell can take three hours? Shower takes 10 minutes. Brush teeth, shave, deodorant, put on clean clothes, takes no more than 15 more mnutes.

Then again, men put on one outfit and go. We put on our ONE pair of shoes, don't spend hours on our hair... and you shouldn't either unless it's a fancy dinner, going to the symphony, etc...

Running up to the BW3 for a dozen milds and a beer and hang out chatting is a date in my mind. It's the social interaction that's the date. If I want to see a plastic smile I can buy Glamour magazine.

Every man you go out with is NOT potentially THE ONE. You do not have to "save yourself" for your wedding night. Women do not have to be "ladies" all the time. Let your hair down some. Get over that 60s thinking and have some damn fun!!! Go hit golf balls with a guy even if you have never hit a ball before. Go ride the bumper cars. Go to a drive in amd make out like your plane is going down. Live!!!! There are men out there sitting on the couch that would rather not be doing that. They have never heard of you. Change that.
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 27
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:34:13 AM
NO, actually I find it easier
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 29
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:38:31 PM
I haven't been "out there" very long but at one party two men my age said they would rather date younger women, and that plenty of younger women were available. One of them was looking interested around midnight. He will never know what he's missing with women while he's playing games with girls.
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 31
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:45:13 PM
No...I really don't think it is. I found it harder as a young, single mum than I do now. My son's grown so there aren't any real issues about time is my own...I'm doing things I haven't done in years and quite frankly feel like I'm entering a second childhood. Ok...some of the kids in my playground have gray hair and a few more wrinkles than the last time, but it's good. I'm talking online with people from all over the world and meeting people with completely different lifes experiences to my own.

I have lonely times and I doubt I'll ever get married again, but it's not going to stop me from experiencing things and at least trying.
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 35
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:26:44 AM

I don't think it is harder to find someone to date and have fun with. In fact I think it is easier, once you determine who is single, to have a great time with the opposite sex.

That being said, it seems more difficult to find what we think is "the one" as the pressure to start a family is long gone and replaced with dreading "blending families".
Joined: 3/30/2007
Msg: 42
hell cause it is
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:03:19 AM
im a single dad and its damn near impossible to get a date .
for some reason the woman out there dont want a man that has kids but expect a man to take on a womans children .
well thats what ive found anyway i may be wrong.
it could also be the whats he want sindrome kicking in.
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 45
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/6/2007 12:33:56 PM
The older you get the less there is out there. They're either all taken or have all died off. I guess it's from us older women chasing them, we're giving them all heart attacks.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 48
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/6/2007 4:01:48 PM

There is a dating pool.. OMG, no wonder I have such trouble.

Yeah, too much chlorine in the dating pool...

 spunky sicilian
Joined: 3/3/2007
Msg: 67
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/8/2007 4:01:00 PM
Im 46 and starting to think it is impossible because i do have a young child living at home with me. But than again I wouldnt change it for the world. I just keep telling myself one day and if not ill always be happy with myself. Good luck to all!!!!
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 71
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 6/9/2007 10:24:39 AM
Dating is hard at any age. I do believe that wisdom from age plays a greater role now than when we were in high school dating. I got butterflies from a first date back then and I still do now. Harder? NO. Wiser? YES.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 78
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 9/30/2007 10:41:40 AM
...I guess it is...I honestly can't even remember the last time I was actually on a date...or even asked on a date. As the above poster stated the pool of available singles my age is becoming less and less. Most men I know and come in contact with are either married or in some type of relationship. Plus, I still have teens at home and that usually sends any prospects running for the hills haha.

Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 95
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Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/27/2014 5:58:53 PM
For ME, yes, it is BOTH, harder to date AND harder to find an age appropriate, 100% single (not separated) woman, who is "relationship worthy", undamaged, attractive, emotionally available, mutual interests (and who likes me back).

It is certainly NOT a picnic for either gender.

However, here's some of what I am and have been up against.

1) Seems that every woman that I am attracted to, has (or claims to have), a boyfriend, is living with someone, and/or is married.

2) Outside of church or a event, I have NO idea where to go to run into large numbers of single women. The former just does not appeal to me for several reasons. I take the hit for not fully exploring the latter.

3) Too many damaged, emotionally unavailable people.

4) I think that women, more so than men, have a tendency to "give up" on dating/appealing to the opposite sex. Women (in general), seem like they are more likely (than men), to be fulfilled with their (adult) children, grandchildren, and girlfriends.

5) So many women have 'wasted their youth', following behind bum @$$ dudes, that they paint all men with the same brush. Yes, this goes both ways, however, I don't date men (anymore).

6) I prefer thin/petite women, often, the women that I see who are my age (particularly the single ones), have let themselves go..............physically AND in terms of style. Perhaps superficial, but, the way I see it, you don't have a lot of control over what you look like, but you have TOTAL control over how you present and package yourself. 'Mom' jeans and shapeless frocks just scream, "I don't care anymore"/"F*ck it" to me.

7) Women (more so than men), nowadays "hide" behind their cell phones. When I am out, very often, almost every woman in a venue is texting, talking, playing video games, or pretending to, on her phone. I believe that this is largely intentional (they are non-verbally expressing that they do NOT want to be approached, interrupted, or bothered).

8) Women (more so than men), will have a child or children with them when out in public. I never even thought about it, until a guy in another thread wrote about it. In my mind, it's kinda' awkward/socially unacceptable/maybe even rude, to approach a woman who has a child with her. Imagine if she's "spoken for" by the child's father. They go home, and the kid is blabbing about, "This man came up and started talking to mommy at the grocery store today." Granted, it's not MY problem, but I don't want to put a woman in that situation.

9) People today (especially in larger metropolitan areas), are more closed off, fearful, and standoffish than ever before. Often, you can say "Hello" to a man or woman in this area, and they look at you liked you asked them for $5,000 AND a kidney.

10) People today almost always seem to be in a state of hectic, frenetic, frenzied rush (whether on foot or in a vehicle).

11) Soooooooooooo many women have this extra-long, never-ending list of places (work, grocery store, the street, through relatives, 'fix ups', neighbors, etc. etc. etc.), where they DON'T want to meet a man.

12) The hypocritical "deal-breakers" (Guy has to initiate, pay for date, earn more money, can't have kids, can't have kids under the age of 12, woo, woo,................).

13) Women seem to have longer lists of fantasy criteria (He must live within 5 miles, must be 6 feet, even if she's only 4'10", able to scale tall buildings, and it must be in a single bound, etc.)

14) I have dinner, in restaurants, monthly (for the past few years) with a male relative and a group of coworkers (2 separate events/various restaurants), and I can count on ONE hand (and have fingers left over), the times that I have seen attractive, unaccompanied women. Almost never see a group of women (my age) out having dinner. I know that it happens, I just can't fathom how I never see it.

15) I believe that women (under age 45), are far more likely than men, to be sharing a partner AND/OR to be hung up on some guy who, outside of sex, seems to not give less of a damn about them.

16) This may also go both ways, but women seem to take a LONG time to "get over" a relationship.

17) Married AND NON-MARRIED women (more so than men), seem to HATE the idea of "starting over", in terms of relationships. I doubt anybody "likes" it, but A LOT of women will endure ALL manner of nonsense, in order to avoid it.

18) My social circle is relatively small, however, nobody that I know, "claims" to know any single women; including women, who have the nerve to ask me, "NikonGuy, why are you single?" Uh.........................

19) Women (more so than men), who are parents, have no interest in dating, while their children are in the household. While, a lot of that 'could' be attributed to the fact that women are disproportionately the custodial parents', and thus, a far greater amount of day to day responsibility is thrust upon them, it still doesn't do anything for the quantity (or lack thereof) in the dating pool.

20) Anecdotally, I also think that women (mothers) are more concerned than fathers, with 'keeping up appearances"/"what other people (her mother, his mother, the ex), think" about her dating. ("You JUST got divorced, and now you're already dating? I hope you're not bringing these men around the children.") ("What kind of message are you sending to the children?") Woo, woo.

Etc. etc. etc.
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 96
Is it harder to date now?
Posted: 7/27/2014 6:33:46 PM
Lol. I can hardly wait until the claws come out on this post. Excellent observations by the way and I'm totally taking this as YOUR observations. I agree with many, not all , and see the same thing in reverse regarding men. Excellent profile by the way.
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