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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > When she won't do oral sex      Home login  
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 Roamingsiris
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 2
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When she won't do oral sexPage 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Yeah.

Im leaving this one alone too.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 3
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 8/11/2006 7:52:12 PM
If it's that important to the guy... then he's not worth your time anyway.
He should be with you for you... not cause you give good head.
(That's just a perk)
 Simlasa
Joined: 10/30/2004
Msg: 4
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:00:16 PM
I think that, even for a guy who says he's okay with it... unless he really doen't like it at all... after a while the fact that he can't get it from you is going to be a little acorn in his mind that will grow into a mighty oak of a problem...
If your only reason for not doing it is the discomfort you describe then consider ways to get around that...
If the very act itself if repulsive to you... well, then you are looking for a guy who hates to receive oral...
 Simlasa
Joined: 10/30/2004
Msg: 6
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:53:06 PM
A lot of it is mental... I don't much care for hamburger... but if someone says I can't have it then I'll surely start to want it.

Not that there is ever any excuse for getting mad or rude about it... you're just being honest and upfront.

Some guys put a lot of import on the act that goes way beyond the sensation though... there is a whole macho/power/submission/humiliation side of it... otherwise you wouldn't hear locker room references to 'put on the kneepads b***h'... the same thing goes for anal... it's about thinking that if you can get someone to do certain things then you 'own' them... kind of like dogs peeing to mark their territory.

You just need to hold out for the guy who really doesn't want it at all...
 Simlasa
Joined: 10/30/2004
Msg: 7
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 8/11/2006 10:31:10 PM
Fitnessbunny said:
'I don't love giving head, but I love pleasing my man...'

I really wouldn't want it from someone who wasn't into doing it... I mean, I like giving oral, really... and getting it too... but you can tell if someone is doing it with 'gusto' or just going through the motions... and I'd just as soon pass on that.

I'm wondering how the OP might bring the subject up early on so that it doesn't have to wait until the guy is all hot and bothered and thinking he's gonna get something he isn't?
 Simlasa
Joined: 10/30/2004
Msg: 8
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 8/11/2006 11:30:50 PM
gorshkov,

Y'know... it's fine if people respond to the OP as well as mulling around the topic in a larger context.
I think everything you said has been covered. People are just exploring their own takes/reactions to the situation.

Pretty much everyone has supported her freedom to do what she wants and not have to take a lot of guff about it... but it will narrow down her choice of men a bit.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 11
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/8/2006 3:28:38 PM
I am the anti-Adam...I never say what I think the girls want to hear!
I would leave you too, if you thought your precious tongue was too good for my weinie.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 12
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/8/2006 3:30:31 PM
>>Some guys put a lot of import on the act that goes way beyond the sensation though... there is a whole macho/power/submission/humiliation side of it..."


>>***Exactly why I don't do it, simlasa.

So, let me get this straight--you don't do it because of what you are afraid he is thinking while you do it?

Sure, there is a dominance/submission aspect to it...guess what, sex is very tied up with dominance and submission to a lot of people. Of both genders.

As far as humiliation goes, that's in your own heads, girls (no pun intended). If you think it is a shameful thing, then it is. If you think it's talent that brings a lot of pleasure to your partner, then it becomes that.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 13
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/8/2006 8:39:05 PM
>>These threads are good cause that way you can see who are total rejects

Care to elaborate on that, my dear?
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 14
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/10/2006 6:37:16 PM
Ninki--it's not mandatory, totally voluntary. It's just that you'll have a whole lot fewer guys to choose from if you won't do it.
Blame your fellow women.
 CloneAlone
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 15
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/11/2006 8:43:19 AM
A couple posts have come close but, here is the deal for me.
If we met, were interested in each other and started talking and you said flat-out, without us ever having had sex before, that you absolutely don't do oral sex, I would be gone.
Here is why, my desire (and I don't think it is uncommon) is to find someone with whom sex will be interesting and enjoyable for years to come. That means trying new things and finding out how you feel about them. And each person is different so things I may not have enjoyed with women in the past I possibly will enjoy with the woman I'm with. You just don't know if you haven't tried.
But, saying 'no way' up front without ever even trying with me would tell me you are pretty closed off about things. Now, before you flame me, I think I saw another post you made saying you like other things which is great but wasn't mentioned up front. I'm sure there are also guys out there that aren't looking for such an interesting sexual relationship and would be fine with a woman who set limits up front without trying things with them first.

I also think if you are getting it out in the open up front that is great. You have made your choice by saying 'no way', now let the guy make his choice and don't judge him for making it, that just isn't fair.

And for those saying the guy isn't worth it if he says oral sex is a deal breaker. . . .What if she was saying absolutely she would not have kids and he wanted kids? Is he still a bad guy for walking away? It seems really unfair to judge these guys for knowing what they want and being honest about it up front. Seems to me she is doing the same thing and it is okay, so why can't they?

Once again, JMHO.

Clone
 Quinn911
Joined: 8/4/2004
Msg: 16
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/11/2006 1:47:05 PM
No big deal for me either way. Everyone has their likes and dislikes.
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 17
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/12/2006 2:29:48 PM
OP, Their loss for your hugs and care,,, Your gain you got rid of the jerks...
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 18
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/12/2006 2:40:24 PM
Stoned? are you stoned... Most real men don't care about getting head if their lady can't handle it like the OP said she could not... Gee Are you blind? A caring man does not want to harm his lady. If he needs something extra they can work it out together, that is what the whole concept of Together is about

And if the lady you are with has been abused before, I think with some of your attitudes she might be reluctant to say anything..


Sex is .... insert flange A into Slot B.... Love is 10,000 words of talking about everything and not worrying about the SEX part...... you have got to understand if you love the lady the sex will be there, if you can't get your favorite thing then you in love work it out, and don't go stomping off like a spoiled child. Some people do not like to do certain sex acts. In Love learn to deal with it....

I do not need to have my lady hurt herself to please me. I am 42 going on 43 and I have done more things in the bedroom than Flange A and Slot B, But I refuse to make my Lady feel bad about anything.

Charles.
 Merle
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 19
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/12/2006 9:11:53 PM
Having sex is like eating a meal,
which one would you prefer?
1. Meat
2. Potatoes
3. Desert
4. Meat potatoes and desert



I think we all will choose number 4, if all of them are good then why not have all.......... and if you both are good at all 4 then....... you will never go back to just one or 2 of them

:)
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 20
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/13/2006 5:58:14 AM
Alfie?

I suppose me not wanting my parts near your parts means that I don't love you in that way? Cool. Now that we have THAT covered ...

I agree with Alfie here. Personally, I hate feet. They make me cringe. I would not touch feet with a ten foot pole. I could never be a shoe salesman EVER!!!

Having said that, if I was in love or even lust with a woman, I would freely touch her feet, massage them, rub her toes, even in the throes of passion suckle her toes if that's what she wanted. I might use a bottle of mouthwash afterwards but during the moment? ANYTHING I CAN DO TO PLEASURE HER!!! Heck, for most women me doing anything I can do to pleasure them would mean leaving the room ....

Point is, if you truly are attracted to someone or love someone you will do anything you can to make that person happy, including touching parts you normally wouldn't touch.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 21
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:10:10 PM
>>in order to truly show you love someone you must be willing to ingest their bodily fluids

Nah, feel free to spit.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 22
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/14/2006 1:15:29 AM
I'll explain this one to you Siren.
There are a few possibilities

1/ That you are stupid enough to only date the kind of jerks who dump you over something as petty as oral sex. As guys like this are extremly rare then you must be doing something totally stupid to end up with only these guys.


2/ That the oral sex is the last straw is a whole mess of other major mistakes when dating. It can be everything from flying off the handle because he forgets some totally minor aniversiary to storming out when he takes you to some place that he likes but you don't. It can be spiteful remarks among the GFs when he's aroudn. It can be any amount of abuse besides oral sex issues.

This is far more likely.
 smith2267
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 23
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/14/2006 12:06:26 PM
Ninki, it's refreshing to meet a girl who has the odds against her just like us men do.
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 24
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/17/2006 12:16:48 PM
People are the only species on this planet that perform sex for the act of pleasure.


WROOOOONG! Dolphins and the higher primates have recreational sex with one another. There is a species of monkey in South America that has sex with multiple partners over 15 times per day. They greet each other by rubbing their genetils against one another and orgasming from it. Dolphines are the masters of horney recreational sex however. Certain pods will have groups of females mounting a male in tandem and vice versa for a whole day. When one pod meets another in the deep ocean there will be orgies between the pods lasting for hours. When you go places in the world to pet dolphins the instructors specifically will tell you to NOT touch the females on the underside because the females always try and reveal their vaginas to anyone who can touch them there. Female dolphins are very sexually aggressive. Those poor male dolphins, LOL

Cheetahs will perform gang bang type sex on one female with up 5 males mounting her in succession. Lasting for up to one hour.

Believe me human beings are NOT the only ones who love sex just for fun. Its rather arrogant for us as a higher species to think the rest of the planets life doesn't enjoy a good shag or three
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 25
When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:41:02 AM
women who dont do oral sex? Do they still make these???
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 26
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/23/2006 3:40:56 AM

Honestly how small can your mouth really be?? You can eat can't you??




Op... I don't know what clysdales you've been dating, but if you can eat a banana, you can handle most men. Ok, I'm slightly more than the average banana, but not by much

Ever had your head squeezed between two legs so hard you began to have pre-infant flash backs?

Ever discovered that you have this strange numb floppy thing in your mouth that used to be a tongue?

Ever drank about half a cup of fluids up your nose?

Ever found yourself in the position of having your nose next to an @ss when it suddenly lets off steam during orgasm?

Ever had your mouth and nose suddenly squished into a mound of steaming wet flesh and know that if you stop you'll be flayed with whatever comes to hand?

Ever had your hair pulled out from someone getting too excited? (I swear that's how men go bald).

No?

Well, it's cool. I wouldn't trade it for the world, though :)

Good luck finding a guy who suits your tastes. There's bound to be a few out there.

Be kind of rough for an average guy though if he and you get to the point where that fact is suddenly revealed after a lot of courting. Might consider having that conversation early on.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 27
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/23/2006 7:14:25 AM
Whether you are a big girl or not does not determine if you can go down on a man or make him feel good when giving him "oral". If you don't like to do it, then you just don't like to do it ... for whatever reason. No one is saying you have to do "deep throat" on your man. One does what one is comfortable doing.

A lot of men would totally enjoy you just playing with them with your tongue or just even taking the very tip of their penis in your mouth. Just by giving him that kind of attention is very arrousing and I don't know a man who would turn that down much less complain.

If a man leaves you because you're not a "pro" at giving him "oral" sex ... then you don't want him anyways.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 28
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/23/2006 1:27:28 PM


If a man leaves you because you're not a "pro" at giving him "oral" sex ... then you don't want him anyways.


Either that or he was trying to give you pointers on what he likes and you wouldn't listen.

OR ... he was trying to give you pointers on what he likes and you were listening and you just were uncomfortable with that or his expectations.

I've run into that ... guys who have this idea that we just have to be willing to do "deep throat" stuff no matter how uncomfortable that is for us ... they want to "teach" us to do that. Maybe some of us already know that isn't something we're comfortable with and they just can't take any "gentle hints" that we aren't into that.

There are also guys who absolutely want a woman to "swallow" ... no matter if she says she doesn't find that "pleasing".

So if that has happened to the OP ... then I can understand that after a while, it's just a total "turn off" to even try. Trying could give her the feeling as if she is "suffocating" and while she might not be truly "suffocating" ... she's trying to "stifle" the feeling of it not being a pleasant experience.
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 29
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When she won't do oral sex
Posted: 12/24/2006 6:51:29 PM

The point is, that if you insist that a woman do something she doesn't like or WANT to do simply because YOU like it, you're a selfish man and not worth the effort. Women don't like selfish men.


Why isn't the women selfish for not giving the guy pleasure that she knows he desires? That being said, a guy should always try and do everything possible to put the woman at ease so they get crazy in the bedroom :)

OP- I dated a girl with a small mouth once. She used her hand a lot and seemed to be able to do it pretty well. As to why guys like it? Well I can't speak for every guy but it definitely feels great to me and gets my "attention" (or should I say to attention) every time

Based on some responses I've seen on these forums, there are guys who don't like oral. Perhaps you just need to look a little harder and be up front about it.
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