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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?      Home login  
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 aj7676
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 1
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You are in a relationship with someone, this could be romantic, friendship, or business.
Any relationship that you fully trust that person 100 percent, they never gave you any reason not to trust them. But one day they do something that totally destroys that trust.

My question is, if you decide to forgive that person and move on with the relationship, can you ever fully trust that person again ? can the relationship ever get back to where it was before the betrayal?.
 mafinkc
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 2
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:22:56 AM
Is it possible? Yes, I'd say so.

Is it likely? Probably not.

Once damage is done, it can be repaired but there will always be the scars from the betrayal there. That's not necessarily a bad thing: if you choose to move forward anyway, they can be a reminder for both people to be careful.

I tend to take the "fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me" approach, so something rather extraordinary would have to take place for me to continue a relationship of any kind after an act of betrayal.
 julietjuliet
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 3
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:32:32 AM
No no no, once that trust is broken it all goes down hill, no if's, but's or maybe's about it. If you trusted this person 100% and they betray that trust it makes it very difficult to trust another. This is a real shame because it means a person cannot let themselves go into trusting someone 100% ever again....and that's quite sad, be it a relationship or business. It leaves you with the question 'who can you trust?'
 aj7676
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 4
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:54:31 AM
i tend to fall in line with your way of looking at it juliet. I will use the analogy of your car being damaged in an accident. You may get that car fixed so it looks like it did before the accident, but if you look really close at your car especially from the inside , you will see signs of it having been in an accident.

the relationship might be restored after an act of betrayal, and Like your car will look just fine from the outside, but on the inside there will always be damage that can never be repaired.
 fubar1374
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 5
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:57:47 AM
trust is like a bonding agent it holds alot of things together . if its broken then things fall apart, and you never really get the pieces back together like they were before
so my answer is no
 BeachDude4Fun
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 6
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:06:04 AM
We all fall at times. A helping hand is remembered.

Peace
 just_Kats
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 7
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:14:40 AM
I agree with Ian. It takes a lot of effort to put it back together in such a way, that you can fully trust them again. But it is possible. It takes time and the person, who was disloyal, would have to show in words and actions that it was a one-time 'slip'.
Think about it this way. Whether it was your partner or friend - there was something really special about them that made them your partner or friend. Would you really like to lose it for ever? They deserve a second chance.
 MIKEYOHIO
Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 8
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:50:28 AM
In a relationship trust should be a given. Trust is part of the magic of a relationship and once that trust is betrayed the magic is gone. If you truly love someone then you will not betray them. Should they be forgiven? Yes. Should it be forgotten? No.

Bottom line: Without trust you have nothing. Nobody should attempt to hang on to the torment that is love without trust.
 fubar1374
Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 9
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:54:11 AM
^^^^ totally agree!!
im not comparing relationships to cars but as i would put it.
if i had a car and couldnt trust to drive it for fear of i breaking down i wouldnt keep the car no matter how much i liked it!!!
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 10
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 7:57:36 AM
For me the answer is "No". When someone betrays you it is more than just the "trust" issue. It means they didn't respect you enough to care about your feelings and how that betrayal would affect you.

"Trust" and "respect" are the 2 most important aspects of any relationship, when they are both gone... the relationship is over!

Forgive them? Yes. Continue the relationship as it was? No!
 aj7676
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 11
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:04:46 AM
The heart can promise forgiveness, but the brain can never ever guarantee forgetfulness.
 angelwatching
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 12
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:52:58 AM
Personaly no,i have had it done to me and unfortunitly makes me question everything and hard to trust again..,i could know doubt forgive yes but forget is another story :) so as for going back to where it was no ,,, i couldnt .
 sammy salt
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 13
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:58:35 AM
Don't know, because it hasn't happened yet, but I dought I would stay with the person. I live by my own set of rules that make up who I am. If someone loves me enough they wont betray them. If they do, then they didn't love me enough in my book, there for not someone I would spend the rest of my life with.
 disaronno amaretto
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 14
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:01:03 PM
Although I think forgiveness is a must so that YOU can move on with your life, in my personal experience, the total and complete trust can never be gained again..sadly like losing an adult tooth..
 smiles644
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 15
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 12:29:29 PM
This is a question that a person has to ask themselves and not others. It is totally up to you whether you decide to trust that person again, and allow them their mistakes, as nobody is perfect.

Though if you decide not to trust again, there is definitely no hope for any relationship. Trust is a double-sided - to be trusted, you have to trust. If you cannot forgive a person and trust them again, they will also lose their trust in you.
 BadBrain
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 16
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 1:26:23 PM
for me, forgiveness implies trust. If I don't trust that person anymore than I really didn't forgive them.
 smiles644
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 17
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 4:40:02 PM
This does all depend on what the betrayal was.

For example, I work with someone who I had trusted, and would say anything to. Then found out if I was frustrated with demands of our boss and would vent, that person would run to our boss and tell them. Do I still tell her everything - NO. I learned that this person feels that "tattling" will help their career - not likely, since the people that she "tattles" to, will also see that this person can't be trusted to keep information confidential.

Another example, would be a partner cheating. The first thing you should be asking is why, and look closely at yourself to see if you were not fulfilling all that persons needs. I DO NOT condone cheating. I do know people though who talked to their partner about which of their needs were not being met, and their partner told them they had nothing to change about themselves, and what the person wanted was not necessary. If someone is not fulfilling their partners needs, and their partner cheats - the issue has nothing to do with trust.

People love to judge others and blame others. Nobody wants to look at themselves to see if they did something to cause the betrayal. Often those people who do not forgive and do not trust again, think that they are somehow perfect and always without fault.
 Melodic Euphoria
Joined: 3/22/2005
Msg: 18
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:01:15 PM
When somebody who has never betrayed you does, he or she has proven to have the capability and the audacity to commit acts of betrayal against you. Therefore no, one does not put complete trust in somebody who can and has betrayed, and is proven to be able to betray again.
 aj7676
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 19
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:03:56 PM
What about giving someone a second chance. does everyone not deserve a second chance?
 keyaa1
Joined: 6/29/2004
Msg: 20
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History
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 9:53:58 PM
aj7676

Betrayal is one of the hardest pills I have ever had to swallow. It creates a hopelessness that seeps deep into your heart and soul. If you understand loyalty and trust, you will never fully accept that a person you respect/love/honor could hurt you in that way.
 FantasyFlavor
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 21
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:31:43 PM
It's possible of course but unlikely.Once that betrayal happens,even if you forgive them
(& I could) it would always be in the back of your mind,something that wasn't there
before.So fully restored,no.Restored to a degree,yes.You may be able to trust again
but not to the degree that you did before.
 aj7676
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 22
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:13:39 AM
I think it totally depend on the betrayal, i mean some things is easier to get past than others right?
 athletic_funny4
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 23
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:18:22 AM
Tough one. I generally don't give people a second chance. Respect is such a simple thing. If someone lacks the fortitude to behave in a respectful manner I really couldn't be bothered.
 teacup_98_98
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 24
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 4:30:25 PM
depending on what it is , like if a bf/gf cheated i belive u can it would be hard and always in the back of your mind it would be there, but if its love then there is always a way to work through it , a friendship depending on what it was. business deal no way there out for money no matter what .
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 25
can trust ever be fully restored after an act of betrayal ?
Posted: 10/15/2006 8:54:56 AM
Unlikely, but possible.
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