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 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 6
When is flirting cheating?Page 1 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
So you’re admitting that you’re of those ****ing liars who come online having a partner in the dark just to boost your ego? We already have enough players and idiots on here and you could do everyone a favor by getting lost! This is a dating site, not a play ground!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 14
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 3:38:53 PM
Poor OP ~ never ask this type of question in a POF forum. You'll never get an answer you'll be happy with. I think it's sort of funny you posted this, simply because you must need some affirmation that what you are doing is OK with at least one other person. I'll play devil's advocate here ~ but only for part of your situation: if you are flirting, that is entirely your option. If you are flirting with intentions of an intimate encounter or otherwise meeting someone, of course ~ not a good idea. As far as cheating ~ I'm not so sure it's cheating, but it isn't very fair to your wife. If you truly aren't doing anything wrong ~ let her in on your secret, let her put a profile here and we'll all make sure she gets her flirt time also. Then, you don't need validation and she's not in the dark. Simple fix ~ either make it a two way street ~ or let the guilt you obviously feel eat you up while you continue doing something you already know isn't a good idea.

My situation is that I am a forum junkie, I have quite a few friends here and I do email, but never IM (here or elsewhere.) Many times my b/f is sitting right here with me when I'm rambling words of wisdom that mean absolutely nothing to anyone. So ~ it is OK to be here if you are in a relationship, just make sure the other half of your relationship is welcome to do the same. JMO!!!
 Real_Brunette
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 15
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 3:41:54 PM
Flirting becomes cheating when you worry that your partner will find out. And that goes for emotional as well as sexual cheating.
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 16
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 3:43:39 PM
Then sorry. If women are stupid enough to waste time with a married man, good for them! However, it’s not very respectful toward your wife. Just picture if she did the same and how would you feel? If your marriage is good, don’t waste it!
 Kataklysmic
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 22
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:41:31 PM
Flirting is just that; flirting. As long as you are not cybering any of these chicks or met them IRL, you have not crossed THAT line.........

HOWEVER...

As just about every poster above me has stated, if your SO does not know/is not involved.....that makes it cheating. If this is not something that you have discussed with her, and were given her CONSENT; then you are most definitely being deceitful and under-handed and should be flogged. JMO
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 23
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 5:11:10 PM
Well flirting to me is something I only do when I'm single and not involved. I'm a very friendly and warm, open person. I have been told that at times that's taken as flirting when I only consider it being friendly. Their perception, not mine. I am friendly, and I can't or won't stop being that. I think the perception of me being friendly with a male is them flattering themselves, truthfully. What I consider flirting is trying to give some guy some hints that I'm interested. I know when I've done that, and it's not happened all that often. I'm friendly with everyone, as that's just a part of who I am. I usually greet all my friends with a smile, often a hug and a peck on the cheek.
I'm pretty direct and sometimes just blunt, so if I were flirting with someone and they weren't picking up on it or I thought they were flirting with me, i'd tend to cut to the chase. Give or ask for a phone number or make a date. Like I said before, hasn't happened that often. I don't really do the flirting thing. But maybe my idea of flirting is different, likely it is. I like to keep things real and understood. Big on communication, not into guessing games.
Flirting, whatever that is, when you're involved with someone is NOT healthy or harmless. It's a selfish fulfillment of a need that even though you're involved you still need to feel you're attractive to the opposite sex. Or it's keeping a backup in case you get dumped, and likely you will. It's a form of cheating, mental only, maybe, but still cheating.
The bottom line is, if you aren't satisfied with the person you're involved with, then you shouldn't be involved. From what I read of the OP, it's likely you're not deserving of a person being involved with you. If there was nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't have to keep it a secret.
I love my man, we have no secrets. He has access to all my accounts, anything I write or have written to me in emails, he can read whenever he wants. Same with me, that's what an honest relationship is.
 born2bwild1900
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 28
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/26/2006 6:03:21 PM
When u start showin ur DINGY!
 kswoodsman
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 41
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:00:46 AM
You asked this on a site that is filled with people that have been cheated on or neglected in one way or another. Our opinion means much less then your permanent partners. Shouldn't you be using that time to flirt with her? It might surprise you how well she accepts that from you again. The boost it will give her and the one she returns back to you. Even casual flirting opens a door to much more. Which isnt good. I see it as an advertisement that you are available. Since you really arent available it is being selfish, getting your boost from outside of your 'marriage'. While ignoring her and her needs as a person in the process. Message #8 said it very well. If it is something that will hurt her then it is wrong.

Even if she she never knows, it isn't helping her or your marriage. If it isn't helping her then it is hurting her. She is not some stranger that you can easily ignore.

Is it fair to her that you give another woman your attention, get your ego boost then go to your SO for your physical needs? To me it isn't fair. And it cheats her of your attention. And you of her genuine love when she falls out of love from being neglected.
 Nukem
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 42
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:01:36 AM
Flirting becomes cheating when you got your tongue sticking down her throat...sheeesh, a little flirting here and there just to be funny is ok but if you have ideas of flirting to get something out of it (Ya you would be right if you think it sounds like manipulation), thats when you approche the cheating zone. You got a great gal? Your in love with her? My advice, be happy with what you have and keep those comment to yourself and keep it in your pants buddy
 kswoodsman
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 44
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:18:42 AM
@ AddisonRon1

Well said. It is in the open and she is OK with it because she likes this quality of his. Since she is getting most of it she doesnt have to doubt his intentions or feel neglected. That might not work for everybody but it does work for them. It keeps the spark alive that keeps them in love with each other.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 50
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 2:06:38 PM
Holy Chrips......Flirting is flirting....Flirting is NOT cheating...

Bill Clinton moved modern society to believe that a BJ is not really sex..

But Flirting being Cheating....WTF??

When is it Flirting?? Is a compliment on a dress, color of eyes, shape of your as@??? Of course the innuendos are flirting, but are sweet comments flirting?? What about with body language??

I've been a Big flirt my whole life, I don't do it for "ME" so much as the people you flirt with makes them feel good. I'd say not a day goes by I don't flirt, and MOST times I have no interest in the other person at all. It's just fun healthy interaction with people.

I can also tell you it also goes like the old saying" You catch more bees with honey then vinegar" Flirting will get you a lot of little extras. Like the bigger servings at lunch, faster service, etc etc.

Goes with sense of humor also... Life is short. Have fun pull you panties out of a bunch.

Sure I flirt with attractive women to see if it will lead somewhere, but that's when it's done over and over. Most of the time it's older women, bigger girls, ones that aren't dolled up with make-up. The women that aren't normally showered with all that BS slinging everyday.

I can say the beginning of a few relationships over the years my gf didn't like it so much at first, but soon seen it was just part of being "ME" and I wasn't hitting on every convenient store clerk, or the toll booth lady on the interstate, or even the 65 year old tree customer...lmao.

In closing.... Just my profession alone, I "FLIRT" with "DEATH" most days at work...



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 CloneAlone
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 52
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 3:26:41 PM

It's not cheating per se but it's disrespectful. You say you are happily married so why don't you delete your profile and go spend some happy time with your wife instead?

I find what you do disrespectful. Find a better pastime.


I have to agree, I think it is quite disrespectful. IMHO, if you are asking the question here then you have doubts as to if you are being faithful at which point it is time to stop doing whatever it is you are doing.
 annac_2200
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 53
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 3:36:55 PM
Flirting to people you meet in a casual everyday situation is innocent. But obviously you are getting an emotional pay off by going online to seek out females to feed your ego.
And yes i would say that is a problem. Not just about cheating, but that your not happy enough with yourself to not seek validation from every woman you "find"
 Hockeyr
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 54
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 8/30/2006 3:38:40 PM
When does flirting count as cheating?


When the nipple appears.
 charliebrown69
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 56
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:50:36 AM
..i have to agree with the majority of people the flirting is not cheating..what some people may consider flirting might just be one's way of comfortable chatting with someone they work with, or see frequently, or even someone they never met before..we all have our own ways about us..how we look, how we act, how we speak to other people..so you can't define one way or another specifically as cheating to ALL people..sure, if i say, hey..nice ass..wanna f*ck?..that's flirting across the board for anyone that says it..but if i say to one of my friend's girlfriends..hey sexy..what's up?..that's not flirting..even though the wife or girlfriend you have might not like it (aka..jealous), its not cheating..cheating is when you have physical contact with someone that is more then just a friendship..such as a buddy hug or kiss or somethin..it can be an emotional connection too, other then the kind you have with a professional, such as a psychologist or counselor..flirting is not always harmless, as it can lead to other things, or even mislead someone else that doesn't understand your personality..so you should be semi cautious when flirting with someone you don't know..
 Sparklin
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 57
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:05:06 AM
I'm told I was born a flirt. I flirt with EVERYONE though...girls and gusy alike. It's just my personality. Obviously not something that can be hidden or kept from my significant other unless they are blind and/or deaf..haha!

I think that being in a relationship and having to frequent dating sites to flirt is simply telling me that you need to start flirting with your girlfriend/wife a little more and finding out where that leads you! If it's something you are compelled to do so badly, then you need to let her know what is going on, how you feel, what you are doing and let her decide what she thinks is cheating.
 69cobra
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 60
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 12:47:47 PM
You are flirting because it boosts your self-esteem... Stop doing it unless you want to loose your partner. She will either find out or you will take it to the next level and cheat on her. Your EGO WILL get the best of you and then you will be sorry.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 63
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 2:08:26 PM
After the labotomy.
 suzanne36_lkn
Joined: 4/14/2006
Msg: 69
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 6:54:52 PM
first of all, what do you consider to be 'flirting'? I've had several guys IM me to 'flirt', and assume that flirting means cyber sex- but they dont want to call it cybersex, so they say 'flirting'. Is this what you are doing? Little innuendos and a basic attraction to someone without follow thru is flirting. Asking their bra size and sexual habits isnt flirting, that is cybersex.
Would you be upset if your wife were attracting strange men and doing the same thing you are doing?
 marshw
Joined: 8/9/2005
Msg: 72
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:01:50 PM
If you're falling in love with someone, flirting has become cheating. Betrayal of the heart is worse than any other.
 indigoeyes
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 74
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:20:25 PM
When is flirting cheating....the first time you do it. Sounds like you have been pretty busy. You will get caught. Do your wife a favor and leave her. You already have emotionally. She deserves better than you.
 bluejia
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 75
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2006 2:55:26 AM
No, this is not cheating at all, it's just a great way to keep a healthy relationship. I think your partner should do the same...
 pdbblueeyes
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 80
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2006 6:09:04 AM
It's cheating if you wouldn't want your SO to know about it.
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 84
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/16/2006 4:46:18 PM
I think flirting is ok if you're using the flirting as compliments and the other person is WELL aware that you are in a loving relationship.

The flirting is questionable when:

you throw sexual talk into the mix
ONLY flirt..never really converse
you never flirt with your partner the way you flirt with the online buddies
you'd be uncomfortable doing that type of flirting in front of your partner
your flirting is combined with many many complaints about your partner
 Luckyinlove14
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 86
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 9/16/2006 6:43:32 PM
In most cases I would say if you are doing something that you would be hurt by if your partner were doing it, it is cheating. Why do you need to be talking to strange women online anyways? Is there something missing from your current relationship? Must be eh? Well I think that you already know what you are doing is wrong and are asking with the hope that some other slime balls on here will back you up and say that you are doing nothing wrong so you can fell better.
I am so glad that I am "luckyinlove"

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