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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Is it offensive to be overly honest?      Home login  
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 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 2
Is it offensive to be overly honest?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Well..... why don`t you post a picture of yourself and we can all be overly honest with you about it and then you can see first hand how it feels. LOL

But I know what you are talking about. Your situation with the 12 year old pic has happened to me on several occasions. I never said anything about it to the person I was meeting. If she asked, I would have gave my opinion but see no reason to mention the painfully obvious. People who do that are in denial and insecure with their appearance and will no doubt just keep on posting decade old pictures. It is simply something that I have accepted happens with internet dating......kinda like taxes...... it sucks and it stinks but sometimes one just has to deal with it.
 barbie613
Joined: 9/21/2005
Msg: 7
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 8/28/2006 1:07:01 PM
Personally, I check people out, ask a lot of questions and will even request more photos *before* committing to meet with them. I want to know what I am dealing with. It wastes everyone's time to have false expectations and, as for putting a 12-year-old pic up and passing it off as current? Become more shrewd. If you think it looks suspicious, ask if the photo is current. You have more reason to be irritated by the person who is pretending he/she still looks like that old photo than they do by your honest question. And if they get all bent out of shape about it? You've probably just saved yourself from a disappointing meeting.
 Aestivalis
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 8
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 8/28/2006 1:33:16 PM
No offense to MeFace, but I like how everyone else was saying they would rather have the honesty have been under the age of 35 and the only person that is older than forty would rather the other just moved on. Thats funny to me. Sorry I know I amajerk
 Aestivalis
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 9
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 8/28/2006 1:42:23 PM
I take part of that back one other person over the age of 35 agreed with honesty is the best policy theory
 DreamGuy4Love
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 18
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History
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 9/13/2006 7:45:13 AM
I don't believe so. In my case I am as overly honest as possible without being rude or mean, but if someone asks me to be completely honest then I dish it all out.

I like honestly, even extreme honesty, it's a quality that few posess.
 4Suns3
Joined: 1/26/2006
Msg: 22
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History
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 9/17/2006 11:23:47 AM
Appellation,
how come you don't have a "view profile" ? Are you a moderator? And no picture either?
 thoughtofyou
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 24
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 9/17/2006 2:36:47 PM
You should be honest. The basis of any relationship is trust and if they aren't being honest with you , you have every right to tell them off.
 LucyBadCat :p
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 28
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:28:41 AM
first off, i don't think it is overly honest. looks is not everything although there are some people believe looks solve all problems they made. and we are not 100% honest. but it's way too much to put 12 yrs old pic? i don't get pissed off because a man looks a little bit diffrent from his one pic. sometime your pic looks a little different, sometimes you gain or lose some weight or change your hairstyle a lot in a couple of months, sometimes you choose a better looking pic of you? but a man that put pics of another man that is a male model and made up a total illusional story about "fake" him... you know? it's wrong anyway even if he just wishes he were a cool guy or he has another reason he has to impress women. i don't think i have to care really. of course i don't need to be harsh unless he gets rude though.

secondary, being honest is almost always better than lies even if the situation is different. it's too difficult to keep a lie and truth doesn't hurt so much as long as it is given with some care. lies, especially cheap ( stupid, clumsy in other words ) lies, just make simple things complicated. liars believe they can get more but it's wrong. honesty will give you more without troubles in a long run. so you don't have to tell a lie when it is not necessary.

maybe you are a gentle person that cares how she would feel even after you were shocked/pissed off. but if you tell honestly, it'll give her a chance to think if putting 12 yrs old pic is a useful way to meet and start a thing with a nice man she wants or not.
 armyguy35
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 31
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 10/8/2006 5:06:16 PM
OH I agree...thats why im thinking about deleting my pics.Everyone wants to be seen as good lookin or hot or whatever you wanna call it, but women dont even THINK before they go out of their way to tell you that you arent
 armyguy35
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 34
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 10/8/2006 11:18:28 PM
Im sure MOST women want to meet the guy in the pic....which means they dont care about how nice a guy is...theya re just as shallow as anyone
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 44
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 10/15/2006 11:30:29 AM
It is not about being ugly or fat or whatever. It comes down to being "attracted" to someone or "not" being attracted to someone.

Because one is not attracted to someone does not mean they are ugly or whatever..... it simply means there is no physical attraction and regardless how nice or sweet someone is ...... if the physical attraction and appeal is not there ....... then the other attirbutes a person may possess become moot.

Which comes down to the all too simple ....... there is no one thing that makes someone appealing ...... it is the sum of all the traits put together that make or break the internal appeal/not appeal thought processes......

Now what does this have to do with being honest ? I have no freaking clue, lol
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 48
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 6/12/2007 4:11:49 AM
Damn, I sure hope not. Otherwise I am doomed to a lonely existance.
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 51
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 7/18/2007 11:07:40 PM
I would not think so offensive, but maybe not wise. Some may misinterpret what you mean. Show some tact, and gentleness. Even if you are offended, state your thoughts without provoking more.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 61
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History
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 8/27/2007 1:02:32 AM
i don't understand how someone in their right mind with intention to meet someone would lie about their pics, knowing full well that they would be caught immediately upon meeting? do they really think they will get away with it or look the same as 12 years ago? on the other hand, many lie about their age and looking younger, will get away with it. i did that the first few months when i first started to date again because i thought i would get ruled out with the pre-set age ranges on another site that were in five year increments.

but, then i felt bad as a liar and not wanting to start a relationship that way (in turn being doubted about everything i said in the future) , so i told the one person i actually got to know by email, when i actually met him, once i got my foot into the door, that i lied. then after a few months, i just said screw it! i put down my age and met my manfriend on another site immediately. my pictures, however, were always honest, probably because i could not stand the rejection if they were not.

as to the man i lied to, he was very forgiving. i suppose becuse he lied about smoking which i can not physically tolerate with my lymes, and now i believe he lied about his age and G-d knows what else. he was a good looking guy, great personality, good dancer. he did not have to lie either and he should find someone else who smokes . but i think his lying went way deeper. i'm glad i stopped seeing him. maybe he was married as well, who knows. see, once you discover a lie or two, you being to doubt it all.

as to being honest. be clear beforehand, if they are that full of it, just move on. not worth your energy and it is a hazzard of any type of blind dating. but do pursue, assuming you yourself are legit? or are you really talking about yourself being the dishonest one? if you are sincere, it's a numbers game. some of us are good at weeding out online. others need to meet and weed. ah, but the roses are worth it!
 CJJB
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 63
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 8/30/2007 5:39:18 AM
Of course you should be honest...but that does not include being hurtful.
 MrB501
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 66
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 9/1/2007 6:18:40 PM
It is good to be honest, but you don't want to be so brutally honest that you lose tact and class.
 s_w_m
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 70
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History
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:12:43 PM
People generally cannot handle honesty. There is another thread here titled something like "what's wrong with the person above you". I gave my honest assessment to three or four profiles. Yep, honest, as in pull no punches, here's what's wrong in my opinion kind of evaluation. Let's just say that I did not get very friendly responses from the very folks I thought I was doing a favor to. One person going into the thread later commented along the lines of: "the next person, please put down the shotgun". And that's in a thread where you post to get ripped.

My observation is that people are not on a perpetual quest to self-improvement and so do not appreciate constructive (even if brutally honest) criticism. People mostly want to feel good about themselves even if everything about them needs improvement. So generally, it is probably better to follow the famous "if you got nothing good to say, then say nothing" principle. Part of what I look for is someone who can dish it out and take it in equal measure but with every person you gotta find the right dosage of negativity vs. cheerfullness. In any event, for a random unknown person, being "overly honest" can certainly be offensive.
 orca69
Joined: 7/3/2007
Msg: 71
Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:09:22 AM
Hello there everyone I just wanted to say a few things here I agree with mixxalot who Posted: 8/27/2006 1131 PM – This Well since most of the females on here don’t mind deleting most replies and fail to reply when I have messaged them, sure why not? Women on this site are way too picky.
In which is so true I have tried the straight and direct and sincere approach and then have tried the nice and honest and funny guy approach and have even mix it up with everything expect the kitchen sink.
Now on the other hand I also agree about people post 12 year old pictures and of course ask as many question if your instinct or gut feeling tell you to and your right if they get bent then you have save yourself lots of time and many other things as well.

I thank you all for who reads this posting and my I say my Native American blessing to all, may you all always walk in peace and in beauty your Native American friend

ORCA
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 73
Great expectations
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:30:22 PM

I think the real challenge and problem at least as a guy online these days is the super unrealistic expectations that sooo many women have toward men in relationships.

Please keep in mind that there are unrealistic expectations among both genders. On the other side of the coin, as a childless woman, I have found that there are men who fear us.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 77
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Is it offensive to be overly honest?
Posted: 1/4/2008 4:53:51 PM
I would have told her how disappointed I was that she misrepresented herself.
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