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 Newbiehere4u
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 22
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Oh Cowboy! Very sore subject at precisely this moment.

I had to add an update to my file after speaking to a gentleman who insisted that we are all on this site for the same reason. He said we were looking for a significant other, and in a round about way implied that this also was a sexual thing. I told him about what was going on in my life right now and said I really was just looking for someone to date, nothing else.
He said my first date didn't make it sound that way, so I added an update to my file.

I was then contacted by someone who was also looking for a permanent relationship. After we exchanged a few nice emails he began to press the issue of why I put "dating" on my profile vs. long term and I again explained to this man what is going on in my life and asked him if he had read my update. His reply? That I was either extremely hurt by some man, or I was the most selfish person in the world.

I just got this moment got off an IM with someone who had previously IMed before. Same type of conversation. This time he asked me why I was wasting people's time. And HE contacted me?

Now, I can understand someone getting a bit upset if they have contacted someone who says they are looking for one thing only to find out that they actually aren't, but I am very clear in my profile about what I'm here for. The problem with these guys is that they wanted me to be looking for something else and I didn't give in.

I have just started college full time (18 hrs.) for the very first time in my life. I have a minimum of 2 1/2 years before I will get my RN. I have one class that is "fast track" which means we meet 4 days a week for 3 hours of constant lecture and a test every week. If I don't go over my notes each and every night, I will fall behind. I know that if I allow myself to get into any kind of relationship other than just dating once in a while, I will lose my focus.
I spent 28 years caring for my ex-husband, my children, the members of my church, etc. Now I am forced to take care of myself. So many men say they want a woman who is independent and knows what she wants. Well, here I am......and it is now being refered to as being selfish. Sheesh.

Is there something wrong with me just wanting to find friends who's company I can enjoy and be able to go out from time to time?

Read the profile Cowboy. Let me know if I'm really doing something wrong here. I'm tired of getting chewed out.

Thanks!
 Newbiehere4u
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 24
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 8/30/2006 8:50:25 PM
Oh, I forgot the second question. Yes, I have met a few men on this site. The first one I dated for about 3 months. There was quite a bit of distance between us, and neither of us was really looking for a permanent relationship at the time, but we still remain close friends and catch up with each other and go do something about once every two months.

I met another man from here and we dated about 5 months. He had to move, but we are also still very close and talk and exchange emails frequently.

The most recent person I met I have been out with twice. I'm sure we will go out again, but we are both pretty busy. We simply enjoy each other's company and don't feel like sitting home every weekend. Now that school has started, I'm sure there will also be many weekends when I have homework or have to study for a test. (Thus my previous post).

I am very careful about online dating. I really have to get to know someone before I feel comfortable enough to meet them. If someone starts pushing me in any way, I just don't end up going out with them.
 apache_woman
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 68
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/1/2006 5:11:24 PM
OMG, I met a guy, I really like, acually more than like. But how do I tell him that. He is over confident, and has no need for me. and i am the almost the opposite. I am self proficient and self supportive. Always looked for a man that would take care of me, never knew who that was. not finaciallya mind you, i have always been able to do that for me and my boyz. I need no man to support me. I make my own money. and good money. Just wanted a man to treat me like a woman. I hate the fact that women can not understand the difference between freedom and womanizm
 Newbiehere4u
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 70
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/1/2006 9:01:05 PM
Thanks Cowboy. I see you've gotten your share of people who want you to be something else too. BTW, I have never had any kind of block on my profile, so you must be thinking of someone else.
Mendy
 Newbiehere4u
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 73
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/1/2006 9:48:31 PM
Should I respond, should I not? Respond? Not respond? Oh hell, I can't ever keep my mouth shut. Paladin, your comment "cowboys ass...you cant even find you own race attractive, all you black guys want is a white women...I said that..." is a racist statement. Anytime you start calling people by "color" you have made it a race issue. I for one resent being refered to as "a white woman". That even sounds derogatory to me. You seem to think that what you offer here in the forums is the abililty to make us think, stir the pot, etc. But what you are actually doing is plain and simple being crass because you can't carry on a decent converstion without using cuss words to demand attention. There are many people in the forums who say things in an intellegent way that make you think. All you do is rile people up. There is a difference. So quit patting yourself on the back. If you think you have something intelligent to say, then say it intelligently, and you will get better responses. BTW, I would much rather date a "black" man who is intelligent, honest, and caring than some "white" guy who is full of himself.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 78
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/1/2006 10:55:33 PM
Well after swimming in this fishpond for a few months I gotta say the online dating thing is abit of a challenge. I mean it's easier to get to say hello to someone, but hard to get a read on who you're typing to. In real life you can make eye contact, read body language, and just get a read on the person. Can't do that in email or IM.

For women here it must be even worse. I find alot of women cautious for good reason after dealing wiith jerks or liars. How can a girl really tell how a guy is by a few typed words?

I've heard the horror stories. One girl I was corresponding with had to delete her profile cus of another guy cyber stalking her. she has a new one without pictures so he won't know. And it's awful she has to do that.

Plus timing is iffy. Some girls are going thru rough spots in life and just can't type or respond to every email. Or get involved. Or maybe they are corresponding with another guy and don't want to hurt your feelings.

I've been in the same boat. Some girls on this thread contacted me but due to stuff going on with me I couldn't muster the energy to give them the full attention they deserved. I replied but was vague. I had kid issues, or was moving, or was really working alot of hours. I wish there was a way to hang up a out-of-order sign or something. and I'm real sorry I didn't let yall know what was up.

so As a general rule I don't take myself or this stuff seriously. Gotta be humble and think abit about the girl on the other side of the PC. I mean if she's on 200 favorites list her mailbox may be full and you may not get a reply back.
Or maybe a girl you emailed has read your profile and doesn't think your her type, so she's nice and sends you a short email saying your sweet and she's busy. Would you rather she tell you the truth?! LOL

I have found that every woman in POF that I've bumped into has been very classy and a real lady. I'm single so obviously I've been shot down. But always in a nice way. I doubt most guys do that with ladies here. Or have manners. Or even consider their feelings.

So just say hello. Be nice and don't expect every email you type is Shakespearian. There are an awful lot of encredably nice women in this pond. If you can just be nice to em and not be so serious then you may find what you're looking for.
 ren890
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 89
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:33:52 PM
urdarklord....that looks a whole lot like English.....but my own language doesn't usually give me a headache
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 98
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/5/2006 1:38:42 PM
I'm new here having been on paid personals for a while. I am here to try to meet some decent women. I was naive at first assuming most on the personals had the best intentions but with the deceptions from the paid for sites themselves, the hookers, the porno sites, scams, etc. it can be pretty discouraging. At least on this site, I don't expect the host to play money grabbing schemes or block contact information or responses from non-paying members I am trying to contact. The worst part of the paid sites is the inability to know if the person you are trying to contact can even respond ie are they a paid member. Their rules preclude sending contact information to them.
After all these distractions, we get to the women. Some seem to have serious issues. I only hope they find peace sometime because until then, I doubt they will find a real relationship. I have noticed that a great many women advertise for players not seeming to realize it. They then complain about getting exactly what they ask for but keep on advertizing for more players. I suspect they get lots of responses so even if they seem interesting, I see little reason to try to contact them. I have no intention of competing with a well-crafted facade. Then there are the gold diggers, carefully crafting their profiles for a sugar daddy just like the players hunting the next trophy. If only we could stick them with each other. Once we get past all this, then comes the real compatability search. Do I shotgun out a lot of mail in hopes of finding a mutually interested one or pin my hopes on one at a time? The jury is still out but probably, I will try several. Until my interest is peaked, I guess I could be called a window shopper but then I have not been here long. I don't expect success any time soon. I am too busy with my kids to waste time on those that are just marginally appealing to me. By appealing, I feel it is more personality than physical but not completely. Unlike some men, I would welcome mail from women.
I love the forums. I have nothing against those who are here just for them.
 apache_woman
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 126
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:35:14 AM
I'm still single, let me clear that one up real quick. A current online friend told me of the last Posting and I had to find out where it came from. I wasnt even home from the 1-3 of September. I let a girlfriend stay at my apartment while I was gone and since I am automatically logged in and our passwords start with the same two letters she was logged in as me. Say I am sorry "Justanotherprettyface".
 apache_woman
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 127
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:37:13 AM
I'm sorry, I will be more carefull next time. But thanks for all your advice and help. I think it just may work out.
 justanotherpretty_face
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 128
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:42:14 AM
No, Apache i am sorry and I will be more careful. but you are right I think I will work out for me
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 143
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/14/2006 5:57:03 AM
I enjoy reading the forum posts,,, I like that the over 45 section most,,,
We, as a group, really are awesome!!!!

I get my people fix, in part, on this site....
I've had dates with a few nice guys, a couple of odd ones too,,,
but diversity is good,, Right???
I'm here because it's fun... and TV sucks..

texasbaby
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 152
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/20/2006 8:20:27 PM
Speaking as the woman I clearly am, I want to find someone who can appreciate my finer sense of evil. Someone with a desire to share my cubicle nightmare with.

Coffee shop you say? Double espresso, keep them coming- I want to hear the pucks non-stop!

Seriously, this has always been an issue. I think the root of the question might be that someone didn't respond perhaps? Hmmm? Or a number of people? It has always been so. Back when, in the olden times, we did not have these "photos". You could not see whom you were flirting with. We had to develop a "Personality", something which modern man/woman clearly does not recognize and thus ignores, much like a vestigial organ. Personality was replaced with the Photo, and a defense of physical attraction was formulated over several 'net generations, while personality was downgraded to a perk.

Like air conditioning in your Ferrari. Does it matter by that point?

er...I may have strayed off the topic a bit much

Women have always been hit heavy with emails for sex. That never changed. I can remember before I learned what the other side saw hitting the "chat now" button on some poor lady without end until she would stop what she was doing to chat for a few mins. I was 13, hate me later.

People rarely change, but the society in which one chooses to dwell does. We make our own problems and issues, we have control over our lives, what we see and don't see, what we do and don't do.

/steps off soapbox.
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 153
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/20/2006 8:40:41 PM
My Ferrari does not come with the Laugh feature. How much will it cost?


/hide
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 155
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/20/2006 9:16:05 PM
"Kiss my azz if ya dont believe me!"

Deal.
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 165
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:35:34 PM
He asked for a chocolate bunny.

That's what I got out of it anyway.
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 166
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:52:03 PM
Depends on several key factors, in fact, I have a flow-chart for this very topic, but the short is: Yes.

In a few of the threads I've given a serious response, namely one in regards to finding mates on these sites based upon nearly 2 decades (yeah success! er...) of on/off experience. But that's dull. I'd rather let the inner-child run through the sunny, snow-capped mountains of these forums, wild and free :)
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 174
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/22/2006 2:36:43 PM
I am here to discuss that part of life often referred to as the war between the sexes and to meet women. Like most men, I am very visual, getting a lot more from pictures than words. It appears from what I have seen, what this means is completely confusing to most women. If you don't want to post a picture of yourself, please post one of something you feel represents your personality! If you do not post any picture, the message you give to men is that you consider yourself totally unappealing yet your being on here indicates you are only here to get laid. Expect an appropriate response from the men looking for the same thing. Some picture indicates you are interested in finding something in common. I have read a number of profiles and posts explaining no pictures with the opposite expectation. By far, the best pictures you can have are of you enjoying something and/or of you looking at me through the camera. Please identify which person in the picture is you if its a group shot!
 the1blkviking
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 180
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/22/2006 8:32:36 PM
I wrote why I'm on the site, and its the truth, just that plain and simple, unfortunaley some people who request certain things and act like they want something are just not truthful with themselves. Ive been on this site for quite a while and I have never met anyone on it. Or would just not receive a reply........I think all the window shoppers should go window shopping in the real since of the word and get off the site, they are wasting time and computer space.
 wergund
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 187
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/23/2006 12:24:15 PM
I'm on here because its a dating site. I want to meet and date some women, we try each other on to see if we fit. If we don't, well, a painless and friendly "see ya around". Beneficial side effects may include:
1) No money spent on paid sites that don't work any better.
2) Expanded circle of friends (whether one's dating them or not).
3) Increased capacity to tap into different viewpoints, and a context allowing one to determine the nutcases (Maxwell), the pseudo-intellectuals (Rare), the sweet (whyspr), and the inquisitive (Cowboy).
4) Drain bramage.
5) and maybe the love of your life.

If people are window shopping, I don't have a problem with that. I've met and dated people from this site, always had a good and respectful time (I chose well), and though I haven't bought anything yet, doesn't mean I should quit looking. And if I get contacted by someone else who's "window shopping", and nothing ever materializes, I'm haven't lost anything, nor have they. I think its win-win all around, but that's just me. Happy Saturday, world of POF!
 wergund
Joined: 8/22/2005
Msg: 189
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/23/2006 1:52:18 PM
^^^I'd say yes.
 txoceans
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 191
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/23/2006 4:09:51 PM
My very first post - (i waited three days to say something here)

HOWDY from Bryan,Tx -(sorry about that it slipped out)

Ok I am here to try and meet a nice caring MAN
And go on a date.Yes with my work and time its real hard
to meet any nice men here.

So here I am
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 194
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WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/23/2006 8:55:41 PM
Wyspr, Im doing fine.

I think maybe some examples of alternate pictures might best explain it. If you felt a kitten represented your personality, then go for it. On the other hand, if you felt somewhat indestructable and tended toward abstract graphics, a simple triangle would be appropriate. Maybe its neon lights, fireworks, your car, pet, etc.

This discussion brings up an interesting issue. When women ask men how they feel, it may not be easily described in words or the man simply cannot translate to words. In the Heisenberg uncertainty principal, it is stated that nothing can be observed without affecting that which you are trying to observe. The interrogation into how a guy feels will most certainly affect how he feels and usually not in a good way.
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 195
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:10:03 AM
You're likely to put this guy on the spot for an answer he may not be sure of.

Hmmm, then there's the fine line between how much truth does a person want, and is it better to lie than hurt the person? Oh, I know people will say truth is always the best option, but lets try to remember we live in a real world.

Scenario: girl asks guy how he feels about her; guy is not physically attracted to her and decides that the personality doesn't compensate. Would *you* tell "her" that she's ugly and mentally incompatible?


did I just threadjack this? Right on.
 Meesterjojo
Joined: 12/26/2005
Msg: 197
WHAT ARE YOU ON HERE FOR???
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:37:49 AM
"most guys don't want to be just friends with me"

Maybe it's a few million years of natural/instinctual behaviour coming to the fore? Behavious which was simple eons ago, but now which we'll spend a lifetime and fortunes trying to understand?

Or it could be that you're well balanced. What the heck is wrong with you? Freak!

Oh, believe me re: Internet/social outlets, I understand that fully :)
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