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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > what do you mean when you say no chemistry      Home login  
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 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 3
what do you mean when you say no chemistryPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"She is maybe looking for the one who she
has chemistry with on all levels...

physical, emotional, intellectual, mental, spiritual..."

Can you REALLY figure all that out after one date?
Do people REALLY do that?
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 5
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:17:43 AM
INITIALLY yes, but you are talking about animal attraction when you bring up phermones.
It has nothing to do with spiritual attraction, emotional attraction, mental attraction, tenderness, thoughtfullnes etc. Those attributes take time to explore and to understand. Phermones elicit a purely physical response..
 Highkerius
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 8
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:29:52 AM
these excuses like, no chemistry, no connection, nothing in common
translates to, "Not interested becauce you don't have enough money and or you don't want to pay enough".
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 10
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:44:39 AM

What does chemistry mean to you?



I spent a lot of time thinking about chemistry and trying to determine how I would know when there was chemsitry and I have devised a scientific test:

I picture you naked and reaching out to touch me

if I don't go EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! there is chemistry.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 12
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:48:12 AM
I prefer lights on, thanks

edit

Nope...not about looks. I have gone out with guys I thought were seriously hot and once we spent some time together, I had ZERO interest in ever having them touch me.

And if you'd ever seen my first husband, you'd REALLY understand that looks have nothing to do with chemistry at all.
 TigerDuchess
Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 15
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:09:30 AM
Rainbowfishh nails it in msg 2. "Chemistry" is a catch-all term for the whole package. It's a way of saying everything comes together and is attractive or ....not. Parts of the package can spoil the whole if they are distasteful to someone.

Money (generosity vs. stinginess), looks, ego/self-confidence, & respectful behavior are certainly part of the package. So is type of sense of humor (I have been turned off by someone's choice of jokes), political stance, educational level/intelligence (guys have been turned off by my brainyness/geekiness, and I've been turned on by geeks & nerds). Even something as "petty" as how someone laughs can be a turn-off factor. It doesn't have to be something shallow, but it might be.

Because there are so many different factors, most people don't try to figure out exactly WHY they get turned off or on...they just use the catch-all: Chemistry.

While you can't necessarily change everything about yourself...you can look at your choices and see if all the girls this has happened with are the same "type". Is the type of girl you are attracted to the kind who isn't a "good fit" for you?

If you are still in friendly contact with any of them, ask if she can tell you what exactly turned her off (explain this is for future reference with other girls -- you AREN'T trying to talk her into dating again). Offer specific questions: "Was it something physical: the way I kiss, my age, my looks, my laugh, my voice? Was it nonphysical -- politics? Money? sense of humor? Education? Intelligence (too much/too little)?"

WARNING: only ask these questions if you REALLY want to know and are prepared to hear unpleasant answers. Constructive criticism is never enjoyable. However, it is an excellent opportunity to find out if you can improve your attractiveness by simply changing something relatively small from your point of view (e.g., less tongue on the first kiss, or choosing slightly older or younger women.)

Hope you find this helpful.
 Mrs.Bucket
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 18
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:02:17 AM
Maybe you suck at kissing...you should get a practice partner
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 19
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:35:10 AM
Sounds like it's sort of a cop out. Instead of being honest and saying..."I can never love you because you laugh like a braying mule" or "Sorry, I cannot date you because you have B.O."
You let them down gently by saying there's no chemistry. I can see that.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 26
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 1:34:21 PM
I am with rainbow on this one....

You just don't want to believe what people are telling you. It has nothing to do with how you look, or how much money you spend or anything else beyond the fact she just doesn't want you in a "romantic" way.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 27
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 1:35:31 PM
"They all have been attractive,and like i said some have kissed me goodnight and/or kissed me back so they werent totally turned off by me. So I just dont get it!!!!! "

They sobered up.


kidding
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 28
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 1:57:06 PM

Then the next day or two I get the email saying sorry no chemistry. Someone please explain this one to me. What does chemistry mean to you?


It could mean anything.

All it really needs to mean is that they don't want you to sleep with them. Break it down a million different ways and it all has to come back to that. Sorry to say man, rejection is tough, but as guys, it's the deal we've got to take sometimes.

And even if they told you a more plausible reason for rejecting you, would you believe it? I wouldn't. You gotta remember, we are talking about a world that tells you publically only the inside matters and inner beauty counts and looks, money, weight and children from previous relationships aren't dealbreakers. How many people do you see shoveling that crap and how many people do you see actually living according to those words?

Instead of sifting through people's lies, just accept the truth. Life is short and anyone who rejects you is doing you a favor, because they are giving you more time to direct your energies toward someone who could be right for you.

I'm not saying the "chemistry" thing has no meaning, I'm saying even if you knew what it was, I don't think it really matters in the end.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 33
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 4:16:47 PM

I've had a few girls say that I was the best date off of POF to date


If their dates have been anything like mine, then that isn't saying a whole hell of a lot
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 34
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 4:20:25 PM
just means they're not into you like that

try playing it cooler and not show them you're as interested in them see how it goes
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 40
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/30/2006 8:50:43 PM

Many women are turned off by a man who is stuck on himself.


Well that's not completely true. Women are turned off by men who are stuck on themselves and can't back it up with their accomplishments. Women however love men who are stuck on themselves and make it very evident that they have what it takes to be a good mate. Confidence works. Then again, arrogance works too as long as it can be reasonably mistaken for confidence.

There is no way around it, a guy needs to have that confidence in place to ignite any kind of chemistry with a woman. A guy doesn't need to be all the intangible things he projects, he only needs to sell the idea that he is those things. Works just as well.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 48
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/31/2006 10:44:22 AM
In total agreement with greeneyezz!!! Well said.
 kinetix1975
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 53
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/31/2006 10:00:51 PM
I totally agree with you lightyellowishgreen!

In our fast paced world, many peoples are expecting that chemistry must necessarely operate at first sight. If they don't feel butterflies on the first date, then, they reject immediately the other person. What a great way to miss great opportunies

For sure, you can't develop that chemistry with everyone. Usually, there must be some common interests. However, in my case, if the potentiel mate may have some interests that are totally the opposite of what I am, it can be a total turn on (especially on the intellectual level, I really like culture shock or civilized ideological debates). However, to discover theses personality features, it is usually taking more than one date. Often, someone that will tell you that he/she isn't into you after the first date will project the image of knowing what he/she wants. However, I think it may also be a behaviour associated to people with low self-esteem as they can't stand the idea of a partner that may have different interests.


Anyway, just my 2 cents!
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 56
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 8/31/2006 11:54:06 PM
OP think of it this way. Do you have any female friends?. Lets say you like these friends. That is, you feel affection and enjoy their company. But think of one that dont or wouldnt want to date

The way you feel about this friend, and the way you feel about someone you want to date and be close to, and the difference in between, is the gap called chemistry people use when referrring to dating potential

Its no biggy. You cant possiblely feel attracted to everyone you are going to meet in your life. And neither is this date of yours.
 cobaltblu
Joined: 3/6/2005
Msg: 62
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History
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/3/2006 6:04:17 AM
i don't have any real great advice or opinion! its all a mystery to me too! but i do know that for me-i either feel chemistry/attraction on the first date or not. when i have tried to go on more dates to see if the chemistry develops-its been ackward. chemistry does have to do with looks and personality to me. as well as qualities that you just can't even describe-the communication/spark between 2 ppl that might just be subtle. i know i have met a lot of nice guys-but i just wasnt attracted to them. and i have met guys that just weren't into me. c'est la vie. keep trying!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 63
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History
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/3/2006 6:27:00 AM
Chemistry is beyond looks, etc. I went out for several dates with this last man I dated. He was nice, decent looking, intelligent, but I just had NO feelings for him. He kissed me, and was a good kisser, but nothing happened inside me where I thought, "Wow". I really didn't care if I kissed him again, and couldn't imagine us in bed together, or spending my life with him shopping, walking in the parks, going out to dinner etc. Something there just was amiss. You don't try to push those sort of things and try to make it happen. Chemistry is something between the two of you that helps seal the relationship. One person can have it, and not the other. Sad, but true.

She is telling you that something about you isn't for her, and its a nice and acceptable way of doing it in the dating scene. It might have not even been the chemistry thing, could be any number of things.

Just move on when a woman says that too you, don't try and overanalyze it. (Same with women) Or ask HER, the one saying it to you, exactly what that means to HER. Don't try to guess or read minds. Communication is everything. If she tells you then you will know. If not, then maybe she isn't for you since she can't even honestly answer a simple question from the begining.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 68
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History
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/5/2006 9:44:26 AM
I know lots of women whom I admire greatly.... I like to be around them, I can even learn from them.... I feel safe with them... I like them, but I have no desire to want to experience them in an intimate fashion. I don't have chemistry with them. thats it, pure and simple.

Poets and songster's have been trying to define it for eons..... No one actually knows what it is. But, it exists.... and you better accept that!

[and ]! Chemistry is no indicator of a good match... either! We can have tremendous chemistry with and for people who are actually toxic to us. (not good partners). However... a good match requires chemistry. A kind of dangerous paradox. Be careful!

As to whether the dates you describe are being honest or just using the chemistry line as an easy out.... cannot be known. all you really need to know is: they are apparantly Not interested in you. Forget about over analyzing and especially...blaming. If this continues to be a predominent trend for you.... I suggest looking at yourself.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 79
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/5/2006 8:11:58 PM
I have to honestly say that chemistry is not about looks only, in fact if the women
actually had more dates with you, they might have then found out there was some
chemistry.
Chemistry involves a deep desire to want to be with someone physically because
they stimulate you in every way possible.
The women did not give it enough time.
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 80
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/5/2006 8:18:27 PM
Chemistry? It’s only caused by a boost of Endorphin produced by the brain, nothing more and has nothing to do with love. People read too many love stories these days… If people just took time to let things evolve instead of expecting everything right away….
 wwvandenhoek
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 81
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/5/2006 8:47:22 PM
ya buddy, the best thing to do is say, to hell with them :D. As its called plenty of fish. bud all you need is a net. theres a keeper round here for ya probably.

sorry for the lack of anything major being said :)
 wwvandenhoek
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 82
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/5/2006 8:52:01 PM
actually you know what, I just realized I must be a expert in chemistry as I took it in grade 11 and 12 ;), Anyways, ya it didnt make any sense then and ....looks like it still doesnt, so, dont worry about it :) be happy

i love bob marley
 SparkintheDark
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 86
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:09:52 AM
For me... chemistry really is about an instant 'click' ... and it's pretty apparent if that click is there or not. I don't have to sit around and get to know someone. Click... for me, is more about attraction. Now, not to say I don't give things more of a chance with people who there was no click with... in fact, I had given things a chance with people who I wondered about. But after a date or two, if it wasn't still there, it just wasn't there.

Try not to take it too personally. Seriously. When the right woman comes along... you won't get that "no chemistry" email the next day :)
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