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 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 1
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Whether all single-mom scenarios are the same is my general question... but my main concerns are based on the woman I've been dating (and coming to an end right now, I imagine):

At the beginning of 4th-of-July weekend, I met this woman. A great, very attractive girl who is seemingly wholesome on the outside (needy sex drive on the inside) who is very sweet, and really seems like the kind of girl a lot of guys would die for. We hit it off, and she kissed me at the bar, while she was visiting for a little party of an old co-worker. We hit it off, hung out, and she has a 2.5 year old child... her friends warned me when I met her that she was vunerable and going thru a divorce, but after I met her and hung out with her -- the last thing I was worried about was her ex. She never brought him up hardly, and it was nothing like women who were still hung up on their ex... she left him 8 months beforehand.

Anyway, she lives with some family members 2 hours away, and virtually every weekend (besides her coming out here a few times), I have driven out there, hung out -- but little one-on-one time. That's fine, I'm not needy on that end -- but it's evolved over the past 2 months into virtually no one-on-one time, 2 hours away. It should be noted we hit it off bigtime in the beginning, and did have some one-on-one time and made the most of it, very enjoyably.

(1) Her "ex-husband" drew away from her while she was pregnant, and a questionable marriage went downhill after that. While the child was close to 2 years old, she finally left him.
(2) She can't stand to be away from the child, and feels very uncomfortable and is paranoid when others deal with her kid in terms of any level of "discipline" (ie saying NO or me being a little frustrated like any parent or guardian can be when the kid's a toddler).
(3) She grew up without a father in the house during her mid-childhood on, but he lived in the small town that she lived in, where everyone knew everybody. May have something to do with it.
(4) She's only had 3 longterm relationships in her life, not even leaving room for any short-term ones, really. IE - not a lot of dating experience at all -- just longterm relationship experience.
(5) She is going through custody issues in the courts with her kid, and it's on a path where the father will see the kid every other weekend, once his issues with personal counseling are taken care of (he's a bipolar middle school principal, ironically)
(6) I'm great with kids. Her kid sees me as her best friend, and misses me when I'm back home.
(7) Most of the time I've spent is with her family or close middle-aged friends, along with her and her daughter. What started out as just an understandable "lack" of one-on-one time, has turned into virtually zero -- and it doesn't bother her.
(8) She has always worked fulltime or virtually fulltime, but it now seems more apparent that she can't stand to be away from her daughter for more than a few hours, even if something is planned beforehand.

My problem is that being 2 hours away, her worrying about custody issues, and recently not inclined to deal with babysitters or anything like that -- has lead me to believe that her once ultra-strong feelings for me and about us have wiltered away. This past weekend, I spent it up north at her mom's house, where I felt like a 3rd wheel. It's not that I don't like spending time with family -- it's that I'm more like a cameraman on a reality TV show. The issues she's dealing with I learn when she talks to others... I don't even have time to talk with her, because there's always family and/or family-like-friends around.

There's more to the story about me getting fed up, and making an ass out of myself by discluding myself from a trolley ride on Mackinaw Island after I found out she and I couldn't even take a walk together... stuff like that. She compared me to her ex who didn't like family, or caused problems in front of her family, etc. I feel like I didn't make the most out of the past weekend to show a great image of myself at her mother's house (who I already met previously)... I could have handled it better -- and it turned into an argument on the long car ride home.

But basically, are single mothers like this? Is it just me? Did she just want a guy for a while, but it wore off??
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 2
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/5/2006 4:48:06 PM
OpheliaBonBon,

It was a silly question -- I guess my question is more like "is this common or to be expected?" Secondly, the irony was the fact that her ex-husband's job is dealing with kids, and the court is going through a process to see if it's alright for him to see the kid (with counselors involved for the first few times, for a few hours). It wasn't a knock about people seeking help, which I guess he really does need.

Anyway, she's not too-recently out of a divorce. She's been far away from him, and he hasn't had her number for many months, and they don't talk. She's been in a new environment, new job, etc. -- which many people don't get to do when leaving their spouse. However, there obviously is pain there, but as she puts it -- she just wants it done with finally, and she's concerned about the custody thing. There are slight, merely possible doubts about how she feels about her ex -- I do think even though she doesn't want to get back with him at all, she does wish he wasn't the kind of guy he is.

After she drove back, I got a few things from her family's house, said hello to some people there and took off without giving my girl a formal goodbye (long story why - she was being cold hearted). We basically have broken up, and she hasn't called me or anything -- I think the ball's in her court for the time being. Am I wrong on that?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 3
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/5/2006 9:00:05 PM
me2,

Throughout my long initial post, I didn't make everything clear...
(a) She has clearly said that she is trying to be an independent woman. Her ex was very controlling. She has quirky issues about not wanting me to move suitcases or other "man-type" little duties... even paying for things at McDonalds or out to eat at a resturant. She admitted it's an issue with her when it comes to that. So I highly doubt she's looking for a knight-in-shining armor, at least in the classical sense.

(b) She has clearly admitted that when it comes to her daughter, she is overly protective and is on edge about "small" things when it comes to her child... saying "no", or anything dealing with her child's questionable or blatent bad behavior -- on the small scale, too -- I'm not even talking about getting to the point of time-outs. Essentially, she clearly doesn't want anyone else to play a role in helping to shape the child -- and she is nervous a lot when I am around playing with the kid -- even though the kid totally loves being around me most of the time (which leads to her continuing to allow the kid to be around me). It's not protectiveness, per say, but I think it has the same root cause of where the over-protectiveness comes from. Her mother has even noted that she's too concerned about having to always be around her daughter, though some statements. :)

Perhaps she is avoiding the alone time because she doesn't want to be confronted with your feelings and that she is in fact leading you on to believe that this relationship is more than it is...a bandaid for her while she goes through all of this.

I think this is a very good consideration. I have expressed to her a couple weeks ago that I read a vibe off her that she isn't "that into me anymore"... she wasn't argumentative about that, but I pointed out how I may be a sort of a relief -- a guy in her life, where sex is good and someone to cling to -- a sense of romantic security -- but phased out after the honeymoon phase. She hasn't really responded to that directly at all -- and this past weekend, she didn't want to talk about anything really at all -- and avoided me in her mother's small house. I was the one before who brought up the possibility of me being a bandaid, and maybe that made her realize that maybe I really am. Hmmm, who knows!

After our fallout on Monday evening, and I took off brashly after she was, from my perspective, outwardly acting as if I'm really a nobody in her life and comparative to how her ex is -- how would I address this situation to her, if at all? Should I be the one to call her? She was hurt by an ex, and like many, sees problems and equates them on the same level. She was taught by friends to run away from them -- maybe she's totally ready to be hasty and run from me. That's fine... but I don't want to call her up and deal with that. I only want to talk with her, if she's come to a more reasonable mindset, and not pumped up by friends with the whole "guys are jerks no matter what" advice.

Decisions, decisions.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 4
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:33:40 AM
grace35,

it sounds like you are a spoiled child who expects to be the centre of attention, and when she wouldn't give it to you, you had a tantrum and ran!

Spoiled? Actually, no. I'm totally cool by not being the center of attention... And regardless of one's viewpoints on the subject, I didn't have a tantrum and ran... She was being pretty heartless, and yes, I wanted to make a statement that I wasn't going to be a total yes-man to her.

You should understand that virtually every weekend I would drive out there to see her. I enjoy that -- as long as I know her interest in me (or "us") isn't fading, and there's an open line of communication between her and I about issues she's dealing with. If you read my original post, it started off with little but enough one-on-one time, but it went to zero -- and by reading her attitude, this weekend, I got the sense that is how she wanted it -- which is the real problem. It's an actual concern, not a hyperactive need for attention.


It is september 6th - you MET her in July - did you honestly expect she would allow you to discipline her child in 2 MONTHS???? As well, if she has introduced you to her child, did it occur to you that her child is VERY YOUNG, and she probably didn't want her daughter feelign left out?

"Discpline" is a strong word -- I always think of spankings or timeouts when that word is used. What I'm talking about is saying "no" or correcting a child in a passive way, followed by positives. The only strange part is spending 95% of my time with her and her child right off the bat of dating. But given that, if she and I got close very quickly, spending time with her family and her child -- yes, me acting as a friend and a babysitter at the same time with the kid isn't a stretch -- regardless of how long she and I dated before I spent all my time with her AND her child. If I would have dated her for 6 months and never really seen child kid, but then spent a ton of time with the child like I have -- would that really matter to the child? Her child wouldn't feel "left out" by playing with family members while she and I could take a walk, go out for a bit at any time. It's the girl I've been dating who feels "guilty". It's a problem with her, not the child, and she does admit that.


You know her situation, and that she is going through a divorce, etc...did you consider there might not be any one-on-one becuase of the legal implications? adultery/custody etc.?

Nope, not at all. If there's anything I'm pretty darn sure of, it's any legal implications. Her sister's in-laws, who she lives with, and takes their advice like the price of gold, are against living-together-before-marriage -- but encouraged her to date me and to spend time with me. One-on-one time doesn't mean sex (although that's obviously not discluded) -- and when it came to sex, it's something she enjoyed and didn't feel guilty about. In fact, I often thought that maybe I was more of an outlet for sexual satisfaction than a real boyfriend or anything, since she initiated it all (very quickly!)
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/6/2006 9:21:45 AM
Absolutely; we are ALL alike, men are all pigs, and all tigers have the same stripes...I love generalizations, don't you?

Fry
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 6
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/6/2006 9:56:50 AM
river_girl,

You know her time with her kids will always come first, and you will take a back burner. Her priorities will be the children, not catering to your "one on one" time.


Of course a child comes first, and is the #1 priority -- who's arguing that? That's not the issue... and I think it's a little steep to say "catering to your one-on-one time". It's not necessarily that I want "more" -- I would like her to want to spend time with just me, her, and her kid -- or me and her -- when the opportunities arise, especially given that we only see eachother on weekends. Problem is, most time is just spent with her family members, some of which can be a little uncomfortable... and when you sense that interest wanes on her part - yeah, you want to at least be able to have one-on-one conversation with her, right?

When she put her kid to bed, she still was uncomfortable spending time as a couple. Am I asking her to "cater" to me? I don't think so. Some single mothers have a desire to look for babysitters on occasion, right? My question is: How common is it that it extends this far?

And for those who dislike my question "Are all single-mom scenarios the same", take note that it's me wondering how much the *scenarios* have in common, in relation to this one, not to single-moms themselves.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 7
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:44:10 AM
Thanks for the input so far -- all the negative, positive, and in between. :)

I understand how the "kids kids kids" mentality of a single parent can be too much for a guy (or girl) to handle when dating. It isn't really a problem for me -- I really like kids, it's an significant adjustment for a dating life, but I'm versatile in that regard (as long as there's open lines of communication).

I think the problem isn't being so much into one's kids. I think the "kids come first, get used to it!" response when reading half a post by a guy with concerns about dating a single mother, is just a knee-jerk response. I believe that she has started to use that mentality as a shield for her own adjustments in dating, and over time, I have noticed that she isn't the kind of gal who likes lifestyle adjustments at all in life.

At the same time, being totally set on the "kids kids kids" mentality, can lead a single parent to really not be that into you over time. I guess it is understood that a first-time dating single mother has her adjustments too, and I think it being too much for her, sets it in stone that it's too much for me, too.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 8
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:46:40 AM
river_girl,

-I read the entire post before replying.
-Sorry you dont like the truthful response from another single mother.
-It wasnt meant to be rude, however, you took it that way.

Acutually, I wasn't referring to you personally -- I was actually speaking in reference to knee-jerk responses, assuming it's always an issue of the guy wanting too much time with a single mother, or not understanding that kids come first. An attitude that non-parenting guys are clueless and don't understand this -- which is pretty arrogant. I wasn't disecting your post.


Its an adjustment for everyone involved. It requires patience.(seriously, think about it, its only been since July that you met)

If you read my last post, that's how I ended it -- understanding that it's an adjustment for her, too. It requires open lines of communication; something she isn't comfortable with, and when taking care of a toddler, it's even more essential for a relationship to work, when ya just have a weekend relationship with someone. In the big picture, I was more than patient... but lack of communication given our situation made me lose my patience, and that freaked her out. I think I could mesh with a lot of single mothers, but I guess a newly-dating single mother who has slept in the same bed with her child until she was 2.5 years old (and going to bed at the same time up until near the end), sort of reflects how much of an adjustment it is for her. :)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 9
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/7/2006 3:39:37 PM
Yes, of course there's definitely a possibility that she's just not that into me. I wanted some feedback, because I wanted to know from other people's experiences whether it can be an illusion of interest dropping down with single mothers who feel guilty about leaving their child's side when it's unnecessary (she has admitted that; not just a single-guy's opinion).

I think definitely after that last weekend, she's not that into me... and for all practical purposes, it is over, due to the conversation in the long car ride home, past concerns, and her not calling me. Ce la vie!
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 10
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/9/2006 4:46:56 AM
I think everything sounds so serious so quick.......

When me and my ex broke up there were custody issues,support issues,living arrangements to deal with.

We went to court
custody was established
payments were arranged
I bought a house
routines were set up
things were set
Only then did I ever think about dating.....when I knew what I wanted and what I had to give.This took two years.Why is dating someone so important when you have so much going on in your life?....before you even know the future of you and your kids.

I say figure out what is going on in your own life before involving someone in the drama of your major life changes


my 0.2 cents
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 11
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/10/2006 10:55:31 AM
Carol27,
Great response. People will make time when they're interested, and sometimes it's all timing when meeting someone. I believe her problems with me playing a role with her child, and offering my concerns and 2 cents about her child, were the things that started things downward. Making time is difficult for her, and the timing wasn't right, because with no dating experience on her part and having a child, all it took was a post-honeymoon phase.

Funtastic!,
Thank you so much for your post! The relationship was about as serious as a relationship can be in the short-term -- one of those where you feel like you've known the person for a long, long while. I did have a lot of patience, and I can't get on myself for not handling a few events in a mistakable fashion -- but I did more than enough. However, I never thought it would end like this, in a cold-hearted manner on her part. I didn't ask for much, except total open communication with two people adjusting -- I guess that would just cause her stress. Thanks again, cutie!

BUBBA FUDD,
You're jumping the gun, not having the whole story, but you do have a point. I have had set desirable parameters that would be feasible -- and have had similar talks with her more in the beginning, as you proposed. Problem is, near the end, I did have a gloomy tone to my description of feasabilities, and it was more just me talking -- but much of that was due to the fact that the relationship and she herself was a little strange, too. This caused me, combined with me not seeing her during the week, to be "not that into her" -- more of a natural result and just a temporary bubble. But whether we were really meant for each other, would be decided with real, open communication -- like any couple of any sort should have. And yes, I started and pushed for communication with her, significantly. Obviously, the lack of desire on her part to do such a normal thing says a lot -- essentially, that I was a rebound.

I can tell ya that I'm not that into her anymore, and I really don't want to talk with her. I have lost a lot of respect for her, moved on, but I guess I always have curiosities about relationships -- even my own! :)
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 13
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:41:17 AM
Regarding the first post,
No, not all single moms are like the person you described.
I hardly spend much time with my family.
I spend most of my time with my kids.
That woman has to realize that if she wants a man in her life,
she can't expect him to just hang around the family. She should
give the guy some of her time.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 14
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/12/2006 4:06:52 PM
Huggablehottie,

Thanks for your input. What I didn't put in my first post was that after the argument in the car, I left, as she negated any opportunities back at her place with family members there, to say that I could stay or to walk me to the car alone to talk and say goodbye at least (she brought her child in her arms outside to wave goodbye, after I've already said goodbye to the daughter). I called her once where I left a voicemail, and she's never returned my call in nearly a week, and it happened over a week ago. I assume, by logical standards of course, that it's broken up.

I guess what I wanted, is not to "win her back" by any means necessary, but for her to realize how cold it was to do that, and that it wasn't "picky" of me to want her to at least *want* to spend time outside the company of family members or to genuinely show it... Breaking up the right way is what it's about. If it were a 2 week relationship, it'd hurt but just be a pain in the ass for a bit of time. This one was a lot more than that. In many situations, the way you break up is a reflection of what you have thought of that relationship and person as.

Todd
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 15
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:17:20 PM
You know a lot of single moms complain about men not wanting to date them,
or only wanting sex, blah , blah , blah,
You hear of Todd, who sounds like a good guy with feelings, and wanting
to be with a mom.
There is nothing wrong with that at all!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 16
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 12:56:58 PM
Thanks for your posts guys -- again, regardless of your opinions. I know me writing about it in detail can imply I'm needy at first glance... or replying to people's posts to fill them in on it can imply that I'm not "letting go". :)

It was a really intense relationship, went too fast, and I was biting off more than I could chew, and so was she. Just a rare shame that she refused to talk with me without warning, after an argument and no talk about breaking up. I guess after leaving a voicemail 2 days later, flowers 3 days after that, and a voicemail 3 days after that -- I did more than my part to let her know that I was a caring & dependable guy, and she'd be hard pressed to label me as anything different overall.

I've moved on -- and no, I don't think all single mothers are like that! Just ones who have issues with men, relationships, and/or other things! :)
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 17
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:17:39 PM

But basically, are single mothers like this? Is it just me? Did she just want a guy for a while, but it wore off??


I don't know if you can categorize single mothers all into one group.

However I do think you can make some basic assumptions about supply and demand.

The single parents, both men and women, who have the most to offer in a relationship ( good looks, financial stability, educated, a true career track, social networks, family support, etc) don't stay single for very long. They have enough to offer to offset the obvious issue the come with bringing a child into a new relationship.

Then there is every other single parent out there, with varying degrees of problems and pluses like any other person. But just having a kid in the first place is such a legal/financial/emotional/social minefield for the average single person that you would need alot of upside to counteract the obvious disincentives to date most single parents. Most people don't have that level of upsides.

So are many single mothers like the problematic situation you had? I don't know. I do know that the single mothers who represent the very best catches don't stay single for long. Sorry bud, it's like going into the bakery. You come in late in the day, all you have left are plain bagels and day old bread. Maybe some women will be pissed that I said this, but even in dating, you cannot deny the reality of supply and demand.

There are some single mothers out there who are good catches and have good situations for dating and mating, but like anything else in life, they are probably few and far inbetween. Might be best for you to keep looking man. Looks like the woman you were with, she'd sit on the bakery shelves for a while for most. Life is too short to waste on those who represent no future for you.

Good luck to you.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 19
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/19/2006 4:57:48 PM
ilovebali,

LOL!

I will not date a guy that need "strangers" on the internet to make a "lifetime" decision I think u need to have more friend, social life and grow up to be able to make your own decision instead of asking silly question like this. Please take this as an advice no hard feeling, k?


And what question was that? What lifetime decision was I asking for? Getting feedback from others on how common or uncommon scenarios are with people who are divorcing or are just dating with a child isn't exactly a lack of a social life or dependance on strangers for attention, sorry.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 21
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:37:00 PM
ilovebali,

The reason I put up a post about 2 weeks ago, was because I was wondering if that's how single moms were, and from a single mom's perspective, would there be anything I'd be missing, in terms of what she'd be thinking. Additionally, I never was able to get ahold of her -- otherwise I never would have posted. But yes, it is over (one of my later posts pointed that out). I guess me still posting to responses implies that I don't consider it over or anything! lol

And I think the forums are a good place to exchange ideas, and I wasn't afraid to get other people's input! :)

Todd
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/8/2013 1:52:24 AM
I don't think it would be appropriate for us to psychoanalyze her for you. Doesn't matter what issues you think she may or may not have. She didn't like YOUR interactions with her child, which says a lot about how she feels about you.



The reason I put up a post about 2 weeks ago, was because I was wondering if that's how single moms were, and from a single mom's perspective, would there be anything I'd be missing, in terms of what she'd be thinking.


That all depends on what your fight in the car was about and how you tried to disciple her child. All we know is you were (your words) “frustrated” with her child and said “no” to her child.

Given the fact we know nothing about her side of the story and only a fraction of the details, from what you have written so far, she sounds like a regular concerned and responsible mother.

So the answers MOST posters have given you is:
1. No, not all single moms are the same
2. Why should a single mom be any different when she is dating someone like you
3. Yes, you are missing a whole lot. Most posters addressed what you are missing.

It is a parents job to be protective of her child; whether she is single or not is irrelevant.
Two months is a fair amount of time to get an idea about someone and to decide it's not working out.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 23
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/8/2013 7:45:37 AM

I was wondering if that's how single moms were



Yes, It's how all single moms who you've kissed at a bar, has a 2.5 yr old, going through a divorce after leaving the ex 8 months prior to you meeting her, and lives 2 hours away with family members are.
Does that answer your question?
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/9/2013 9:16:11 PM
Let's keep this thread alive! Single moms haven't been bashed enough lately. I kid. Kinda.
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 25
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/10/2013 9:07:50 PM
I might be able to help answer your question.

She's freaking out some. The single mom.
So in that regard you are correct. It's her divorce and child custody that are doing it.
However, she seems committed to her child. Some single mom's aren't. So in that regard she's ok.
You don't want one that's not committed. period. You'll be raising the kid.
She has a two year old - a two year old is way demanding. It will change, so will she.

Alot of single moms (my kids are in their 20's now) find single childless men to be rather selfish and decide rather quickly that said men are not at all worth any effort - we liken it to having another child. And we're tired, from all the single mom-ness. So we don't have time nor energy for it. Deleted.

Something that I don't think alot of men get, is this - we are women. In our womanly heart we want to be protected and feel we would like someone else to help provide (in a perfect world). Alot of us have been taught to be nice girls, and to be a good wife and mom.
When the dad leaves, we are forced to be a mother and a father, but we're not the father, we have to develop that side of us. So sometimes what you'll find is decisive, strong, non crap taking women who are single moms. Because that's what it takes to be the mom and the dad all rolled into one. We're not always sure about that line, so sometimes we guess.
Really, it's all kinda broken our hearts, but we're also good moms and so we're dedicated to making sure our kids will NOT fall through the cracks of this world, which means, that nurturing our own broken heart is out of the question. No time for that. Single moms learn to stand up because it's all riding on her.
It can get a little dicey. She wants to be a woman and she has to be a man at times.
Most of us secretly wonder, where are the men?

So my advice to you is to tell her everyday, she's doing a good job. In that way you will provide for her. Your needs will be second mostly, sometimes first. As are hers. You are a consultant not a manager unless she asks you to be one. Patience is paramount. If she's a good woman, she'll love you for understanding this and respecting the position she now has.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 26
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Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/29/2013 3:38:48 PM
Well ,

I had the same experience several times, I am childless and not selfish as some stated about childless men.

I have dated more than several quite alot of single moms and universally the children and her closest family support are much more priority than men. I have never used women for sex, I date to find a serious relationship leading to marriage kids family etc... most seemed to preocupied with their problems to deal with another element in their lives, what seems to be dreammy hope to them wears off due to situational burn out. My sister is that way, I could never let her understand that men are people too not children like some women here have mentioned, yes we men and women want attention, we want love, is that so difficult to understand ? The original poster mentioned all of this in other ways, he wants to be loved , feel loved as the woman does.

Most of you defend women doing this, does that mean a man has to give more love and understanding to his future partner while she does not seem to act to care? Women would not buy that either, I still date women with children but the emotional dynamics are usually not in the mans favor. We are expected to be eternally and profoundly understanding with rock solid patience and infinite love. We are not angels , we are human so we move on like he did,

Yes there are two sides of the issue we only hear his, I can only say my experience has been similar more than several times. i see nothing wrong as others see it to just back away when feeling unwanted.
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 27
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 10/29/2013 8:37:55 PM
I think, this is one of those situations where, if you don't have your own kids, there's a lesser chance of understanding
the depth of devotion/love that comes into play.
So perhaps, selfish isn't quite the description.
Single parents are over-busy. I'm not entirely sure most childless people could understand.
I know if I didn't go through it myself, I never would have.

When you're at a nice hotel for a night of crazy sex and your 8 year old calls and has a 101 temperature and is barfing all over the house and crying for you to come home....if it's not you that's the parent ....there's really no other
answer to a call like this. Plus how is the remainder of the night going to progress anyway?
Then the next day, there's missed homework, doctor visits, and the next day there's sports and homework and laundry
and dinner and grocery shopping, and baths and discipline and on and on...

If your childless and expect all the attention on you maybe just stick to dating childless people...
My kids are finally grown and gone. Which is probably the reason why I have time to explain it.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 28
Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 11/12/2013 6:57:01 PM
OMG! This post was resurrected and I posted in it (from an old account) from 7 years ago! Damn. Ive been single that long???? :( hahahahahaha
My POV is still the same :)
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