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 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 3
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judging a book by its coverPage 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
UGH..another nice guy/why don't guys like heavy girls thread; pretty creative;
you disguised it with a cleverly worded title...
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 6
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:25:10 AM
We all have our preferences as to what type we are attracted to.I know if my darling darling Ian were to gain 300 lbs and not able to move I'd spend my life caring for him.Anything can happen at anytime to change the outside of a person.

Tbird Classic msg 44..
Ian is one lucky guy! ... do you have a twin sister? .....and by the way you have a very nice cover as well ...not that I judged ...LOL
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 7
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:40:18 AM
OP, please take my post productively for it is by no means cruel:

I was obese, 100 pounds overweight. I took responsibility for it. I'm still a dozen or so pounds more than I could be from time to time, but I do my best when I see that is what is required. Look within, you can't externalize your problems. Take responsiblity. As callous and insensititve as we are we are visual creatures. However attractive some men find obesity to be, and they're out there, it is UNHEALTHY let alone unattractive. I will always respond to a great person, but I can't deny the laws of attraction in my kenning. Please, reach out, if not in your real world there here you'll find kind people that can give you the benefit of their experience. Think you've tried hard enough already and are just meant to be obese? PLEASE think again, illness aside EVERYONE can be healthier if they act healthier. Great luck to you in seizing responsibility of what it takes to overcome your own shortcomings instead of expecting unconditional understanding from others. Be well.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 8
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:03:09 AM
I found diligent exercise was what helped me more than anything, but I'll of course leave the material advice to these more knowledgeable folks OP, they're extending a kindness you need to accept enthusiastically. As much as these are things you don't want to hear they need to reasonate with you.

Rainbow, I've heard different reasons as to why Dr. Atkins was so heavy when he went down. If you know something I'd be interested. Thanks.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:09:01 AM
Here's the bottom line...people that are treated poorly because of the way they look are totally within their rights to be upset, it is just plain rude. So for people who have a problem with that and approach you about it or make comments, that's wrong. Generally people should live and let live.

No matter what your body type, or lifestyle, or whatever goes on in your world is, all that matters is that YOU are happy with it, not what anyone else thinks. That being said:

When it comes to dating, people like what they like. No amount of guilting them, calling them shallow or justifying it will change that. People will date who they are attracted to, and if they don't then they are basically ignoring their own wants and needs to date someone, which is unfair to expect of them, and not doing you any good either. It is what it is.

Therefore:

You're either happy with your present existence/situation and you accept ALL that comes with it good and bad, or

You change it (no matter how hard it is to do) until you are happy and accept all that comes with that change.

If you're not happy, find out how to make it so that you're happy, and make a change. Don't complain and do nothing about it - most people aren't going to want to listen to it IF you have control over it and can change it.

All else is small stuff, and can be posted in threads all day, but they just don't matter.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 10
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:21:11 AM
Rainbow, he was over 200 pounds. Some said diabetes, etc. Just thought you might know something. No worries.

I'll bow out here with an observation of the flip side. Walking through Denver the other night I of course saw many beautiful women, after all Colorado is the fittest state statistics often tell us. Yet I also saw a few too many of Olive Oyle's grand children. Remember the visual component of the equation, just as some of us want skinny some of us don't want to shag you on egg shells either, wondering if we might split you in two. Find out how heavy you should be and forget about the 6 foot abnormalities in the fashion rags. Fit is all of it.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 11
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/16/2006 7:55:46 AM
Friends,

The attraction equation aside some folks here are trying to rationalize an acceptance of obesity. That is simply wrong. Obesity is a far greater threat to the national security of the United States than ANY "terrorist" threat. You can talk metabolism all you want, the fact of the matter is OVERWEIGHT is OVERWEIGHT.

You can either take responsibility for the lack of discipline that has made you obese or you can continue to feed the delusion that everyone else is shallow for not accepting the ELECTIVE condition you're unwilling to address. Curves, given your vocal declarations last night I found it truly surprising to see that NONE of your interests involved SERIOUS physical activity let alone exercise. There is far more to good health than the gym. It's a life, not a lifestyle you must choose.

Just say no to the feel good voices telling you what you want to hear. Look within and seize the responsibility for your poor health. Where is there for us to go if we are not even honest with ourselves? Please, stop procrastinating, eat and live healthier than you have. Stop wanting let alone expecting the world to cater to your obesity. Obesity must be unacceptable for yourself, so stop faulting people for judging you based on the results of your unhealthy habits. Own your own obesity, then take it to the mat.

I'm truly sorry to come across so harshly but that is often the substance of productive reality. Demolish those delusions, move forward, and stop judging people for judging you for it obviously hasn't made you physically healthier no matter how emotionally satisfying the delusion is. Good luck.
 Ottawa_Chicklet
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 12
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/17/2006 6:03:46 PM

SE I dont care how nice someone is...
how great a personality they have.... if your not physically attracted to
them...
they just are not going to be interested.Speaking solely for myself and my past experiences, I most certainly have to disagree with your last paragraph.


There have been many a time that I've been drawn to a guy who I though physically unappealing at first. Through time, and having the opportunity to know them better, an attraction grew to a point that their shining personalities made them appealing in every sense.

On the flipside, a Brad Pitt look-a-like would appear ugly to me if he was an a$$.

Chemistry is such an interesting thing and I don't pretent to fully understand it. But what I do know is that it CAN evolve if you give it a chance.
 Ottawa_Chicklet
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 13
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/18/2006 4:50:58 AM

if covers weren't ment to be judged ... they would only have the title and author on them
now please let this thread die.


True. And being a graphic designer, I know this all too well.

Now having said this, do you think it's possible that a really bad book can have such a lovely cover? Or a really good book having an unappealing cover? I'm not waiting for your answer, I'm certain the answer is yes.

The open-minded might pick up the ugly cover book and discover a real gem. Perhaps to the point that either the cover either becomes attractive or insignificant? Sure, it can happen. At the very least, they found an excellent book.

BTW, I'm curious as to why the only photos that you have posted of yourself are a closed-cropped eye shot and a face shot with sunglasses and a hat.
 ironside165
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 14
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/18/2006 9:32:00 AM
what do you think of blokes in wheelchairs as i myself am in one i may not be able to walk but evereything is functioning perfectly x
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 15
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:29:27 PM
Cozyviking,

I see you as a very ugly woman, but I worship your appearance anyhow, lets ride off to my cave, I promise i would not put ugliness against you .
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 16
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/18/2006 3:30:25 PM
Kill the thread , let all have liposuction and plastic surgery ,mmmm how would I look with a boob job ?

This being a fat thread ....

mmm , I am not fat but short , but I could stand the breaking leg and bone extension prceedure , anyone wanna break my legs ? I give you money and love you long time.


 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:46:22 AM
Exactly. Just because I'm not attracted to someone or interested in dating them doesn't mean in the normal course of living, working, hanging out with friends that I won't spend time with them and interact with them. I don't care how big, small, gay, straight, purple, stupid, disfigured, or ugly they are in that case, and I'd love socializing with them on those terms.

I don't bang my best buddy Dan, I acknowledge he exists and treat him with respect though. I treat women I'm not attracted to the same way if we share a common interest other than her pursuing me romantically. However if they are interested in me, I cut them off extremely fast.

I'm not going to spend time getting to know someone who I know is interested in me and I'm not interested in them -- and the soul reason for our interaction is because she's pursuing me.


This embodies all that someone should do with people they are and aren't attracted to. No one should be treated poorly for someone not being attracted to them, nor should they be lead to believe something is there that isn't.

There are people posting in this thread that think that not romantically pursuing someone that you aren't attracted to visually is to put them down or make them feel bad or to be shallow. That's not the case. Everyone should have a healthy sense of reality to their personalities; so that they know that not everyone they meet's gonna like them back, just like everyone they meet isn't their type.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 18
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/21/2006 2:39:21 PM
However large or small we are we are not entitled to reply. Why dwell on people that don't wish to dwell upon you?

You don't want to get judged by your cover? Become a survivalist and end your days in a bunker.
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 19
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:10:13 PM
its not "growing" to accept something you do not want.


But it IS growth to experience something which is foreign and new to you... And what I'm saying is you won't know if you don't want it until you give it a try. Until then you only prejudge.

A sharp stick in the eye would be both foreign and new, but I doubt you'll ever see much of a line forming for that opportunity to experience "growth"

People are attracted to what they are attracted to... can we not simply accept that aspect of human behavior as individual taste? Very much like the book analogy posted several pages back, there is a market for every author published, but not every reader is interested in the same subject matter, does that make them shallow or somehow superficial because they don't find a particular genre appealing to their individual tastes?
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 20
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 4:01:53 AM
I'm gonna get hate mail for this but what the heck....

Noel66
This searching for the inner beauty is a load of horse hockey! If you're so repulsed by someone’s outward appearance that you can't keep your lunch down, how are you supposed to achieve this enlightened state? If you think man / woman bashing is running rampant on these threads now, wait until people follow your advice and go the 5 - 10 extra dates before they decide there isn't anything below the surface that can help them overcome the lack of physical attraction. Ask ANY man or woman if they would prefer being dismissed after the 1st date or the 10th because of the absence of physical attraction and I believe 99% will tell you the 1st! Only the masochists will opt for the 10th!

Since you've used such a broad brush to paint this "I'm enlightened because I am not affected by the lack of physical attraction" picture, do you also date men? I mean if inner beauty is what you truly seek, then why limit yourself to only half the population when seeking your lifelong companion? After all, a penis is merely a physical attribute and since you seemingly can't be repulsed by the thought of snuggling up to one, would it not clearly be a statement of hypocrisy to rule out men simply because of their anatomy / outward appearance? Remember, it’s what’s on the inside that truly matters ... and dismissing the notion of a same sex relationship because of your sexual preference is also judging a book by it's cover!
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 21
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 10:42:06 AM
WOW! Talked about being puffed up!
So if we don't have a religious or moral basis for not being attracted to someone then we are lower than low, or as you put it previously "lower than shallow....sunk".
What a load of self-righteous crap! Religion and morality are ... guess what ... choices! You can choose your own levels of either and apply them as they suit your lifestyle. To sit in judgment of everyone and tell them that they are somehow inferior because they choose to exercise their own criteria for personal attraction is ludicrous! Not everyone here is interested in making "friends". Some already have more than they can loan money to as it is! If someone wants to date slim, average, thick, or obese, who anointed you with the pious authority to dictate whether those choices are right or wrong?
I'm a big person, 6' 6" and 285 pounds... because I'm not attracted to big women does that mean I think big people are somehow beneath me? Seems kind of silly for you to use that big paint brush now doesn't it? What it means, plain and simple, is that I don't find them to be physically attractive, that's all it means! If people don't find me attractive does that make them shallow or superficial? Of course not! It simply means I'm not their type. <~~~~ that’s a period by the way
You need to get over yourself and allow people the freedom to be attracted to whatever they are...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:04:27 AM
Msg 197 - right on the money. People like what they like, that will never change. We can post about it until we all cave in and die from the monotony of it all, but it STILL won't change.

No one (yikes I feel like I have said this 8 times already) has the right to treat anyone badly for what they look like. But dating is just a different ballgame.

Believe me, there are people who think I am no big deal, or downright ugly and that's their right. I don't think everyone should be attracted to me, in fact I am happy they all aren't! That would be ridiculous. By the same token there are people I don't think are a big deal either. It's life.

Gardennut - Rainbowfish said "replusive to me". That means it's how she feels about it...she didn't state that they are "repulsive" generally. You took that one word out of the sentence.
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 23
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:10:43 AM
Again, my words are misconstrued. I never said you had to have the same morals as I have. I didn't even say you had to have morals. I gave you an example of what I consider lower than low - sunk. In that example, the person is attracted by a face, then discards the whole being because of three letters. And that is not preaching or spreading my opinions. It doesn't matter what morals you do or don't have. That is just flat wrong. Not because it is my opinion, or your moral standard. It is just flat wrong. Read the example again. For real this time. And also note that I said I personally witnessed the example happen. So again, read what is there and not between your imaginary lines. And please, quit putting words in my posts that aren't there. I haven't put them in anyone else's.

How is it wrong? Because YOU say so? Clearly the majority of people don't feel it's wrong to dismiss someone on a dating site that they aren't attracted to... whether the issue is facial hair, bra size, smoking habits, height or weight, who are you to make the distinction for others between what is right and what is "flat wrong"
 TimPommell
Joined: 1/13/2005
Msg: 24
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judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:23:51 AM
Dude.... clearly you are unable to make your point if everyone is taking your posts the same way.
To clarify, you either think anyone who isn't attracted to women / men who are classified as BBW's is "flat wrong" and "lower than shallow ... sunk", or you just flat suck at communicating your thoughts.


Guys, this is turning into a flame war. This thread is in jeapardy of being torched.
Nah, it's not flaming yet, just trying to cut through the layers of blubber to get to the heart of the matter (pun intended)
 alyosha
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 26
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/22/2006 11:30:53 AM
I can't see why several of you are jumping on Noel and in at least one case abusively. He was NOT judging anyone's romantic choices but that if they dismissed anyone as a romantic prospect, they might still consider them a prospective friend.
 lusciouslipsxox
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 29
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:21:46 PM
Maybe its just men in general are ignorant. I am not saying I am a 10 by any means but I am sporty and active and feel that the cover of my book lol is appealing. I do get attention for my looks by some ... but all they care about is the looks ... they don't take the time to see what on the inside. So I guess that no matter what end of the spectrum women are at our personalities are overlooked regardless.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/10/2006 9:47:53 AM
I agree Gardennut. I don't know why it does either.

If you are happy with your weight, then there's no need to discuss it. That goes for skinny, not so skinny, whatever. There are two categories only: 1. Happy with yourself or 2. Unhappy and in the process of changing that to make yourself happy.

There is no category 3; as in - no one wants to listen to someone not happy, unwilling to change and complaining about it.

No matter what, people will be attracted to you in all weight categories. And there will be people who aren't attracted to you. There's really nothing else to say.

If you love yourself, you don't care who wants to date you and who doesn't - because those who don't won't be worth your time, and you wouldn't want them to date you unless they wanted to.

I agree with Thorn too. You should be attracted to the person you are with body, soul AND mind. All three are possible, and one is not wrong for wanting it all. Those who say it is are afraid that they are missing one of those three. That's a matter of looking within yourself, not pointing at people who don't want to find it.

What you think is attractive and what I think is attractive is different...otherwise, everyone would want the same people. It's not the case. So someone going by looks FIRST only justifies that person and the person they find attractive, it does not throw a million people in one category.

Those who go by looks ONLY are different, but I say there's someone for everyone. Some people just don't care what's on the inside, and that group of people isn't worth a thread. They will never change, nor will they care. Same for people who are into personality ONLY. That works for them - but not for all. Some are into people with a Nobel prize and could care less about looks or personality. And on and on.

Added: And I agree with Curves too, not only does she say some good stuff, but she's from my state. Course in order to visit her I'd have to pack a lunch for the trip as it's over 30 mins away! (RI joke) : )
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 32
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/12/2006 10:58:52 AM
Pardon me, but exactly at what point did the definition for the word "Preferences" get exchanged with the definition of the word "Prejudices"? Did I miss a memo someplace?? Everyone has a right to their personal preferences when it comes to the appearance of another, and there is nothing prejudicial about it.


Well said, and true. Argument or not, it's just a fact.


Take interracial dating, for example. Choosing to date someone only within one's race is indeed a preference, and a valid one. However, can it not also be a prejudice? Let's take a member of the KKK. It is unlikely that he will date a black woman. This is his preference, yet also a prejudice, is it not?


Let me clarify here. If you ARE ATTRACTED TO someone of another race (or hair color or body type) but choose not to date them because of something you were taught, or from some generalization that has nothing to do with your personal life or that person, THAT'S a PREJUDICE.

If you are attracted more to a certain race (or hair color or body type or eye color) because it intrigues you romantically, and you PREFER dating people of that culture or race (or are not generally attracted to a certain race or culture, hair color, body type, etc. and prefer not to), and are civil and social with that culture beyond dating that's a PREFERENCE.

Therefore, it is rarely a "preference" for a KKK member not to date a black person, that's almost certainly teaching and conditioning. If he's not attracted, fine - but if he is and won't go there, yes - that's prejudice.

Carry on, thread-like people.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/12/2006 12:50:58 PM
What is just a fact . . .The there is prejudice or that we have a preference (a choice)?


Specifically, this below is what I was agreeing with. I quoted it also. What's the confusion?


Everyone has a right to their personal preferences when it comes to the appearance of another, and there is nothing prejudicial about it. - Thorn


It's been (edit) established that he means when dating because it was an ongoing discussion.

Ugh fine, let me rephrase it.

Predjudice is when you don't associate with or date someone you like because of something biased you believe or it means making a choice based on what does not relate to that person in particular, or the attraction to that person.

You can say that a choice is taken away from someone who is attracted to you if you aren't attracted back. That's not prejudice, that's something you chalk up. Sometimes people don't like you back. It's part of life.

If they don't associate with you at all based on some judgement that is not personal to you, but a generalization (i.e., you have red hair, you are Jewish, you weigh more than 150 lbs, you are over 45 years of age, yadda yadda) it's a prejudice.

And P.S. on the choice thing...some choices are prejudices. The original discussion was PREJUDICE and PREFERENCE. Choices are a generalization of all that.

With dating it's different because it involves attraction. MOST like it to be part of the deal. For those who don't need to be attracted, well good for you. Can't we all just accept this stuff and move on instead of trying to dissect it for our own indivivual experiences?
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