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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?      Home login  
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 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 33
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I agree. Great post.

Confession: When I was first divorced, I got a little flaky, which sometimes happens. I'm not as confident (maybe) as some of you. That was five years ago, and I've been celibate since.......by choice. I have however taken some verbal flack. In fact, I got a message from someone today telling me I shouldn't be on POF, if I don't want to "date." Rather than open a can of worms, a harangue, and pointing out that there are quite a few people here for the forums, I just deleted the email. There is definately something about professed celibacy that brings out the worst in people.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 38
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:09:31 PM
Thanks, Eclectra.

Wish Al and Bobby were closer to Virginia........the state, I mean.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 41
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:27:48 PM
The only reason not to have sex is the disease factor, otherwise any excuse not to is pretty bogus. As far as the emotional stuff...well that is just a cop out... There is a difference between having sex and making love and there is nothing wrong



...I don't look at the disease factor as an excuse not to, I still would not engage in casual sex
regardless. That is my choice and I really don't care what anybody thinks. I want to "make love" to the man I am in love with..... when the time comes.



...maeflowers
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 52
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/20/2006 8:31:21 PM
celibacy is an excuse that people who do not like sex use to postpone intimacy in a relationship. I think it is certainly good to like someone, before entering into a sexual realtionship, but does not thing it has to be a long running relationship in order to have a horizontal hula. i see lots of guys here saying some wonderful things about waiting and being in love, don't believe it, you hit the nearest quikie mart and a beautiful woman pays attention to you, you are going to refuse her,, Yea right, you want honesty in a relationship, should look for honesty in yourselves.
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 58
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:27:56 AM
Wow a rhetorical question brings such an onslaught even bordering on personal attack and assumptions of the same type you accuse me of making. Looks like I struck a nerve. Intimacy is one of the most important part of our lives, and closeness and the touch of others is part of having a complete life. What are you afraid of People?? The world is full of lots of nice folks whom I would never look down on just because they like to be intimate with others without further obligation. There are people who are intimate exclusively with one person who never enter into any kind of permanent realtionship. It is possible to use celibacy as wall to hide the real problem, which is fear of intimacy. Time to cleanse the mind of the past negativities and look forward the future positives. Can understand wanting children to be of adult age before engaging in sexual encounters, and with the raging hormones of teenagers it is not always easy, but with older people, and I am in that category. You are not celibate, you just don't want to have sex, and there is a difference, young monks and nuns take vows of celibacy, at a time when young, virile and curious to test their faith, teens form groups to take vows of celibacy and support each other from everyday temptations. There may come a time when I may loose the ability to compete in the horizontal hula, but that does not mean you cannot be intimate, be careful of the walls you put up, if they are too high nobody will climb over, and everyone who says hello, is not looking to go nose to nose with you, some people are just friendly.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 60
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:31:29 AM

nun or priest - a person remaining unmarried because of religious vows - which is the first definition in my dictionary. The next definition, and the one I want to explore, is 'a person who abstains from sexual relations'


What about monks and thai kick boxers--- they take vows of celibacy too!

The second definition doesn't really specify any intentions or conditions of being celibate. Kind of finding yourself in that condition of not having sex (with someone else). I would have used the word 'abstinence' over celibacy to describe where you are. Abstinence implies that you are waiting for the right person where celibacy implies there's no chance until you've completed your vows.


Taking a vow for religious reasons is a practice you choose. Celibacy is knowing you are going to forgo opportunities for pleasure to concentrate on building other areas of life. Learning and accepting to eliminate using pain and/or pleasure as the rational for love.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 63
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:22:47 AM
"It is possible to use celibacy as wall to hide the real problem, which is fear of intimacy."

Avalon: it's also possible to use sex as a wall to hide the real problem, which is a fear of intimacy.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 64
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:23:40 AM
(I can't seem to get that little box thingie.)
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 65
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:24:28 AM
If there is someplace I mentioned that i engage in casual sex, please bring it to my attention, believe it was an assumption made by another.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 78
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:53:49 AM
This reminds me of a blond joke about getting curtains for her Windows.

Seriously, Alan. That was a wonderful observation.

I think I'll continue to use "s.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 79
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 11:00:04 AM
P.S. This is the kind of intimacy I'm comfortable with, at this point. The acceptance that I'm okay, as I am, that I don't have to fit someone else's perception of what is proper. This forum is helping me identify, clarify, and hold to my values.

Thank you.........all.
 jacqueline100
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 80
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 11:07:17 AM
great topic!...

celibacy, in my view is practiced by ppl who love sex too much to squander the
most profound of emotions....

if it's not the "real deal" i prefer to pass...

for me, i'd rather "MAKE LOVE", than just "HAVE SEX"....

all or nothing, is how i feel about it.....

no prude here, i've tried it the other way in my younger days, and "the earth

didn't move for me", so why bother just satisfying body parts....

spoken as a true old fart!.....if only i knew then, what i know now!...

aaaah! the wisdom of "age", it's worth every bag and wrinkle!...

i embrace it!...

jacqueline...P.S., soooo where are you my lover boy?..i'm getting tired of waiting!!

 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 84
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 12:41:10 PM

Being a stickler for words and definitions, I checked my Thesaurus. The synonyms for abstinence include chastity and celibacy.


I share the stickler-ness of terminology and have to make fine distinctions between those words.

I took vows of celibacy and poverty for 7 years from the age of about 22 till 29. I did not choose chastity or abstinence, I chose not to be in relationships involving sex and money for that period of time..

When I was married and traveling, I was chaste (refraining from extramarital affairs) and men and women waiting for the "right one" before having sex are practicing chaste-ness.

Abstinence the fact or practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something can refer to things that can refer to sex and also food, alcohol, jelly beans, cigarettes. whatever

Technically, I am in a state of abstinence till I find someone that I would abandon to have a healthy relationship after which I will remain chaste for.
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 85
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 12:53:31 PM
"Technically, I am in a state of abstinence till I find someone that I would abandon to have a healthy relationship after which I will remain chaste for."

Say what? I don't understand.
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 88
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:12:33 PM
Electra! LOVE it........always have loved Tom Selleck; only problem with that first name.....it's my exe's name, AND the name of the pastor (of disaster, LOL) who voted me out of a 31-church membership, because I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse (on my birthday---4 years ago--September 29th)

As for the celebacy issue: I have remained celibate ever since my divorce (16 months ago); I knew this would be a problem (arrrghhhh........ahhhhh!)

LOL

As much as I want it (and being touched): I refuse to let anyone use me, and that is what it would be (and vice-versa), because I want someone who loves me....and me.....him

I will wait for that.........and if "he" doesn't show up soon......there's no tellin' what might happen, LOl, LOL

Great thread!

Smiles and Grins, Ally

8 more shopping dayz til my birthday (LOL)

Maybe I can trap me a man.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 92
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:09:06 PM

Technically, I am in a state of abstinence till I find someone that I would abandon to have a healthy relationship after which I will remain chaste for.


Should have read:

Technically, I am in a state of abstinence (that I would abandon) till I find someone to have a healthy relationship after which I will remain chaste for.

Sorry for the confusion. sometimes my thought's come out mysteriously rearranged and I forget to edit before posting. and I apologize for messing up your beta waves.

Thanks for pointing that out to me.
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 94
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:30:38 PM
Seems like the rules only apply to those who disagree, and that is ok with me. In none of my comments did i attack anybody personally. How did all of you reach this stage of Celibacy? did you wake up some morning after a night of great sex, and say, I am not going to do that anymore. or was it after a long time of going with out that it was decided to call it celibacy? If you are waiting for the right person to come along and it's been many years, it's time for a change of tactics. If i got some of you to reassess your reasons i am happy, But to me Celibacy is a sacrifice, like giving up something for Lent and it's easy to give up something you don't want to do anyway.
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 100
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/22/2006 10:06:20 AM
Hey, Nadine: "Have a Heart trap?" Cute!!

I have incredible patience (after all, I waited for 31 years for the "ex"---to get a clue!) LOL

But I want a man, and hurry up......

Yes, I know, I know

I am very happy with who I am and secure, etc., blah, yadda, yadda...........

But the fact remains; I don't (like anyone, i guess) like being alone.....for me....it's UNnatural!

LOL

Hugs, Rossal
 holly9
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 103
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/22/2006 12:02:00 PM
Thank you, TexanAZ. That pretty much sums it up for me. I've had some of that "grunting & groaning" and found I wasn't being pleasured. This may be part of a bigger personal problem, but I didn't find that the pleasure compensated for the damage to my self image.
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 105
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/22/2006 12:54:30 PM
Hey, Judypatudy! Divorced for 16 months, and remaining celibate (which is KILLLING me, LOL), but I won't allow anyone to use me, or vice-versa; I've always been an all or nothing person, if I can't have what I want, I don't want a substitute!

Well in this case (I DO have a personal assistant, as I like to call it)....

Hey, I am not a size 2 and I fight em off like flies (attitude, gurl, attitude)

I will be (arrrghhh) SIXTY on September 29th......

Oh, I am so sorry you feel bad, sweetie! Write to me.....

I couldn't miss sex MORE....and I knew that would be my major problem when I got the divorce (after 31 years).

Hugs, Rossal
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 106
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/22/2006 3:20:12 PM

But men seem too go for the size 2 female and young!!!
Not someone 52 years old..
I have had several dates just no sex and I miss it very much!!
Ok now I feel bad


Oh, Please don't feel bad cause older boys want younger girls.
Mature men realize there is much more to mature women than sex.

You've indicated that it's the other person in the relationship that is more important than the toy by tossing it....

I admire that.
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 107
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Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/27/2006 11:22:59 PM
wow nobody here in 5 days, must be an orgy somewhere.
 boneyjoe_1
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 110
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/28/2006 4:06:59 PM
hello miss wonder,,,,,,,i noticed u said u didn't do one night stands,,,,,,,,,,,,,,well at out age one night is all we can stand
 boneyjoe_1
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 113
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/28/2006 8:49:29 PM
yes dear i know,,,,,,,but i still like to pick on you
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 118
Celibacy - a more common choice than people admit?
Posted: 9/29/2006 12:40:52 AM
Happy Birthday, Rossal! ( mine was yesterday) and what you say fits me to a ‘Tee’….must be the Libra in us….lol
As much as I want it (and being touched): I refuse to let anyone use me, and that is what it would be (and vice-versa), because I want someone who loves me....and me.....him


As a matter of fact, I live in CA, am moving to OH….even though it’s been over a year since I made the decision to move, (and even longer since I’ve been sexually intimate), I have no desire to date while I'm still out here. What’s the point? It can’t go anywhere, as I have no intention of changing my mind, and casual sex just doesn’t cut it.

AgedWonder….
sex is easier to give up than chocolate!!
Uhhhh….I wouldn’t go THAT far….but then I'm not a chocolate-lover …..and
I think being celebate is easy if you don't have a partner
Ain’t THAT the truth!!! (Can't even get 'taken advantage of' without a partner!!! LOL)

Avalon-
it's easy to give up something you don't want to do anyway.
Easy?? Who said it was easy??? LIFE isn’t easy….nobody said it was…nobody promised that it would be. It’s not always easy nor is it always fair…..*sigh*

Judy
To me that is no fun when alone, toys should be for a couple..
You and I differ here, (But that’s okay) To me, toys are a SUBSTITUTE….when I have a man, I want the ‘real deal’…and MacKevinized, no way does this mean that the other person in the relationship isn’t more important…quite the contrary….

~DC~
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