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 stone429
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 54
Joke of the day !!Page 1 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced
that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and
of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails",
"highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 carollynn77
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 56
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 11:42:37 PM
thats a hell of a deal when bill thought he was gonna get all those bunnies..lol
 dgei
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 82
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:05:12 AM
very cool! a good day for a chuckle!
 dgei
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 83
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:07:10 AM
Butt Measurements
>>
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man
looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big,
I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the
grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured
his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the
barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him
off. "What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass
grill for one little weenie?
very cool! a good day for a chuckle!
 foggy123
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 94
High school dreams
Posted: 12/9/2006 8:50:23 AM
Out of my sick little mind... Of course I'm nothing like this

When I was in high school my buddies would have sex with anything that moved.. Me I wasn't that picky
 sw3etands3xy
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 101
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/10/2006 5:44:44 PM
Newfie on Death Row

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly)
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)
Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Newfie said, Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?" The Newfie
replied, You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!
 Ticketoride
Joined: 6/3/2004
Msg: 155
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/23/2006 6:41:03 AM
Immigrant joke of the Year.

A Somali man arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!"

But the passer-by says "Ah no Senor you are mistaken, I am Mexican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says:


"Probably at work!"
 Southern_Sam
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 157
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/23/2006 10:17:26 PM
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. We really do taste like chicken.
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 158
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/24/2006 3:09:54 AM
What were lesbians called in the prehistoric age?



Lickalottapuss.
 reggy
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 159
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/24/2006 5:46:19 AM
at the vet is that when you were getting yourself checked out.
whats does the english cricket team and royals have in common ?
neither can bring home the ashes
 Southern_Sam
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 160
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/25/2006 1:24:32 PM
Q. What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A. Liquor in the cabinet.
 reggy
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 162
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/27/2006 4:29:41 AM
how can ya tell when a plane load of poms land the whining continues way after the engines stop
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 166
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/28/2006 3:14:55 AM
a priest...a rabbi and a minister all walk into a bar together one day...the bartender looks at them and says..."what is this...some kind of a joke?"
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 168
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:24:41 PM
this one is lame but i liked it...
two cannibals were eating a clown one day...one cannibal turns to the other and says..."does this taste funny to you?"
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 169
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:26:25 PM
whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?
a tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...
(i dont get it...oh...OH...i get it now...omg!!!)
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 170
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:25:43 AM
a rich woman walks into the local mercedes dealership looking for a new car...she see a shiny red roadster convertible...as she ogles the car she bends down to feel the moroccan leather seats...while she is bent over feeling the leather...she cuts loose a thunderous phart...regaining her composure she straightens up and looks around...hoping no one heard her...
a salesman notices her and walks over to her...trying to draw any heat away from her she asks..."how much is this one?"
without breaking stride the salesamans says in a deadpan voice..."if you pharted just touching it...you are gonna sh*t yourself when i tell you the price lady"
 travel_guy_72
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 176
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/29/2006 11:14:54 PM
what do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
in the end someone is going to lose a trailer.
 travel_guy_72
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 181
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/30/2006 4:25:43 PM
a smart blonde , a stupid blonde and santa sit down to play poker who wins?
the stupid blonde . the other 2 don't exist.


q-why can't your nose be 12 inches long

a-then it would be a foot..

simple but funny..to some
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 183
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/31/2006 6:27:33 AM
a very wealthy playboy has his eye on two gorgeous young females and he is contemplating marriage...as a test he gives them both 50 thousand dollars and tells them they have a week to spend the money as they wish...
the first girl calls one of her friends and they jet off to vegas for a week of drunken debauchery...gambling...carousing etc...
the other girl takes her cash...pays off her parents mortgage...her own student loan...sets up a trust fund for her little sister...buys a sensible automobile and puts the rest in an RRSP...
which girl does the playboy marry?
(yer gonna kill me for this...scroll down)...








the one with the biggest hooters
 fotophun
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 187
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 1/1/2007 8:10:26 AM
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 189
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 1/2/2007 3:26:55 PM
This isn't actually a joke, but it's damned funny, and I couldn't find a better thread to put it on. . . .

To lighten up a rather dull day, laughter to start the year out right!:

This email from our real estate agent::::

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time
considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.
These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that
represents any celebrity. Their Web site is w ww.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 211
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History
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 1/8/2007 4:56:50 PM
^^^

Now that was damned funny. Thanks for that laugh Green-eyed!
 acoustic amatuer
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 223
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 1/10/2007 3:22:38 PM
what do you see when the pillisbury dough boy bends over?

his doughnuts
 hiker4
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 272
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 2/4/2007 4:04:21 AM
A woman suspects her husband of cheating and hires a detective.
The detective catches the husband meeting his mistress at a motel and is not able to film but he can slip a microphone into the room.

Taking the evidence to the wife he hands her the tape. She plays it and hears the mistress moaning, "thaaaat's happiness, thaaaat's happiness". The detective laughs and says sorry that was the wrong speed. He switches the speed setting and plays it again.

"Thats a penis? THAT's a penis?"


Now one for the ladies...

A woman who has quite a large bottom, but very small breasts goes to the surgeon and asks about augmentation. The surgeon tells her that he thinks she looks fine but that if she wishes, he will perform the operation. "Thank you very much, Doctor. That's what I want". The Doctor replies "However, based on your anatomy, I think we should try a non-invasive method, first." The woman is puzzled and asks what would that be? "You should take a handful of toilet paper each day and rub it between your breasts." The woman is even more puzzled now and asks "How could that help?" The doctor answers in a matter of fact tone,

" Look what it's done for your ass."

Midnite Plow Boy!
 hansumfool
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 287
Joke of the day !!
Posted: 2/28/2007 11:35:03 AM
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and
cook venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic--and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their
priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass---and the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist
and raised as a Baptist but now you are Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The
priest was called immediately by the neighbors.
As the priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary, and prepared
to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba,
clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over
the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you was raised a
deer, but now you is a catfish."
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