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Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 1
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????Page 1 of 1    
I just screwed up the best relationship of my life by not trusting this man....I love him dearly but somehow can never listen to that voice in my head saying what a good man he is...why is that... I can know something in my head... but let my insecurities get the better of me ??? Has anyone else had such issues?....can a person forgive such mistrust when he has been hurt by this now more than once....I keep wanting to do better and have smothered the love out of what we needing to know details of where and whom he is with ...I know this is a serious problem and I will never be happy unless I get assistance ...but is there anyone out there with HELPFUL/ENCOURAGING advice...I don't think he will try again(though I really wish he would) even if i get "help"...which i told him I would get...but I never want to give in to this negative crap I put myself through again...and again D I am very sorry.
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 2
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:44:24 AM
what happened 2 u in ur past that ur like this today regarding the trust issue?.. and i think u should seek some sorta counselling 2 deal w/this prob.. cause it sounds like it 'rules' ur life & ya don`t want that.. right?.. u get in control of it.. don`t let it control u..
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 3
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 7:08:28 AM
i bet you scored a 55 or better on the dr phil test!

but really...if your looking for friends?...why du you have a hidden agenda...

everyone likes a chase....just keep an open mind....enjoy your life...

one door closes another opens...

don't rag on the man...he'll just keep running...leave him alone he'll come home..if it was ment to be?

"if" you change? it for yourself!....not him or anyone.....

you can change what you call "mistrust issues" i see it as a control problem...

make a list of du's and don'ts...what you have done in the past and what you what in the them...

take sometime for yourself...learn whom you are...what you want,need..grow in to your own, time is your friend and your enemy...just give yourself time....

if this was me...i'd never go back if this happened more than 3 a short period of is to short to dwell on the small stuff....i'm very truthful/honest...but this kinda of thing i'd say good bye to before it gets worse...

there are some free or cheeper places to get help... ask your Dr. he/she can help...

good luck
 Rays of Sunshine
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 4
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:44:18 AM
^^^^^this is very good advise (Sportster) i couldn't have said it better myself! Altough I do disagree with the control comment...insecurity/distrust do not normally necessarily mean a controlling nature.

Betty are not alone in this area...there are a lot of people out there with trust issues. I also have trouble in this, at times, due to a bad past relationship. It has been a LONG process for me, and this is in part why I have been single so long...but take the adivse mentioned above, and give yourself time to know what YOU really want. It could also be the case of the right person, the wrong time.

Give him time, as well as yourself.

Everything happens for a reason, even if we are not sure what it is at the time...we grow with each experience.

Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 5
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:59:14 AM
Op: Well you are halfway there already by just admitting you have a problem. My hats off to you. I think this is a very good topic and NOT a pity thread. Some people...sheesh.

When these situations happen, you need to really step back and listen to that little voice that says trust. I mean don't be stupid either, sometimes our intuition is sparking for a reason.

If you find that you are often jealous of other women, that means you have self-esteem issues. You need to work at improving your confidence. Do that by finding things you are interested in and accomplishing things. Every accomplishment will boost your ego.

None of us are perfect. We all have that little green demon to some extent. You just need to learn to control it. Don't pin your happiness solely on the person you are with because if you do, it makes it all that more important you keep them in your life. You need to find other things that also make you happy. That way, you won't be so focused on what he is up to.

Also, there are guys you can date that you feel less threatened with. They are the types who tend to be interested more in doing 'things' than socializing with people. It could be your just a type who, although you might have some insecurity issues, its compounded by you might be dating social butterflies who require a lot of emotional feedback from other people.

Personally, that would get my nerves and I don't tend to date guys who need that kind of attention from people.
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 6
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:19:56 AM
Hi Betty!

I can relate to you for sure. I would think everyone has some issues with trusting if they have been in a relationship before.

My issue is believing that a guy won't become a control freak. I have met so many people (male and female) that try to control the person they are involved with - and it scares the crap out of me.

Joined: 9/5/2006
Msg: 7
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:56:00 AM
Just my humble opinion, but I have found that reading forums has HELPED me with issues I wasn't even aware I had.

Sort of like having the wisest best friend in the world who can relate and share and somehow make sense of the insanity we all deal with (inside and out).

Perhaps the name of the site should be changed to "Crash Course in Life".

Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 8
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:04:16 AM
I totally agree with you batgirl.

I learn something new everyday at the POF Forums!

Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 9
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:24:58 AM
One of the best things right now is that you have this space.. it will give you the time to regroup your thoughts and try to understand yourself with out the confussion and distraction of being in a relationship.

I have been in both the shoes of the one who has been mistrusted as well as one who was doing the mistrusting. Neither are places I want to revisit again.

What I needed to do in order to work past my insecurities is shift my thinking... learn to communicate my concerns better and understand that I can not control another person. It is a common belief that we attract what we are scared of. In trying to control a relationship that you are scared of losing will more often then not, KILL the relationship.
IF something is going to happen- then it will happen. Brush your self off, saw "screw you" and carry on. Your better then that... YOU have to have faith in the choice of people you choose to love... ask your self why would you love them if you think they are just going to hurt you? Is that really love? Sounds more like self inflected punishment....

Do things for your self.. get your own life and don't make a relationship the "be all" of your life.... you are a team- NOT a singular unit. When you enter back into a realtionship either it be with "D" or not... don't loose your life.. even if it means taking a class of some sort once a night. Share your life.. don't give up your life.

If you have baggage from the past try to archive it in your life... it is unfair to both your self and as well as "him" to ghost him with your past experiences but as well.... if you have having concernes ( no obsessive thoughts or actions) voice them and talk about it... so he knows where you are coming from and he can tell you where he is coming from. Nip it in the butt before the butt gets to big.

I don't know... you will learn your own ways as well if this is something you really want to understand and work past. Though it may such right now, you will get past this.

hope that helps some what
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 10
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 11:35:16 AM
I would speak with a counselor to help you through this rather than to rely on internet opinions. There is a free service in Edmonton as well- or at least there was.

Second, I would let him know that you accept you have made mistakes and have an appt. After that, I would not contact him again AFTER you have been dealing with things for a few weeks. That may even be a part of your process if he would see you again. You never know, he could be supportive if he could see that you have changed but he could have moved on but at least you have given it an honest effort.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 11
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/7/2006 12:00:00 PM
Excellent advice Sportster....hope she reads this and listens!!
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 12
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/9/2006 11:16:59 AM
really consider msg 10

if you are serious about changing
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 13
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/15/2006 12:28:18 AM
Thanks everyone for the advice.....what a good man he is...and I really shouldn't be surprised ...but I am so in love and happy...I know that we have something that will last as he has been very faithful and I trust him to continue to be...I hope that we will continue to grow together and have a happy life.
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/15/2006 12:53:24 AM
Change hurts that is why we tend to avoid it.

But it sure beats the alternative.

Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 15
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/15/2006 1:01:39 AM
Batgirl why write something so negative when I just posted something so wonderful?????
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 16
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/15/2006 5:53:49 AM
hey bettyboop....

after reading your post...are you saying all is well!....your back together?...

i don't think BG wuz negitive, she wuz just making a statement....of facts....
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 17
What to do with severe mistrust issues??????
Posted: 10/15/2006 10:18:24 AM
i nvr trust severe trust issues
or the little voices in my head that make me not trust em
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