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 iamtheone39
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 1
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I see profile after profile of women saying," I am cuddly" or "I love affection",but time after time I meet them and they don't even act or seem interested in any affection at all...Hey I am not dead yet and I am not an ugly guy,what does a guy have to do to get some good ole fashioned affection around here?
 wetcoastmale
Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 2
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:27:16 PM
They are not going to cuddle you just because you want to.

People will be affectionate when their comfort level allows them.


 *Tee*
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 3
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:37:34 PM
I'm a very affectionate person, but just because I meet you, it doesn't meet I'm going to be all over you. I need to feel chemistry, friendship and, feel comfortable....I'm sure you wouldn't just go up to any stranger and hug them, would ya?
 Natscha
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 4
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:38:50 PM
When someone describes themself as affectionate, it doesn't mean they go around hugging everyone and anyone at all. Affection is an expression of how you feel for someone. Are you really asking this? I don't believe you don't get that??
 Love to Cruise
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 5
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To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:38:59 PM
I agree. I'm affectionate when I'm comfortable with the person, not just anybody I meet.
 MISS13
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 6
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:40:29 PM
These are first meetings?? What do you expect?? Really??

I hope the next one scoops you up into a big bear hug and squeezes the shit out of you...
 Contay
Joined: 9/30/2006
Msg: 7
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 3:45:58 PM
"I hope the next one scoops you up into a big bear hug and squeezes the shit out of you..."
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 8
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:24:28 PM
We women are still dealing with a lot of BS with guys thinking internet girls are easy(or desperate) so we have to be careful not to give guys we've JUST MET any reason to think he's gonna have a immediate score.

Then again,this whole internet dating thing is a HUGE crapshoot. If you and the lady in question have just met for the first time, and she just doesn't feel that you are her type, why would she be affectionate, and create an unrealistic expectation on your part? Unfortunately,there aren't any consolation prizes for first dates that just don't "click".
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 9
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:25:44 PM
sorry, tech issue/double post...
Cindy O
 abstinent lady
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 10
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:30:10 PM
No you are not ugly, but just cause you ain't ugly you 'spect a sister to be all over you, no way.....First off it sounds like you want to cuddle tha first nite......It could happen but i think tha girl wants to feel you out first and see if you're "friends" or maybe more material
 noodnix
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 11
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:32:53 PM
you expect cuddling and affection on the first meeting? As if that's going to happen - especially when you've only met online before...Talk about unrealistic expectations!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 12
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:33:21 PM
wow I keep trying to repeat myself and what I said in the first place wasn't all that brilliant LOL
Cindy O
 leeanna49
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 13
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:41:03 PM
Old fashioned affection.......how about old fashion respect towards women, use to be a time when a man took a woman out to supper, took her to her door gave her a good night hug and called the next day and asked her out again....now days its usualy a fight to even get them to pay for your supper, walk you to the door and not have to fight them off thinking you owe them sex for their company, being comfy with someone enough to cuddle takes time to reach that point,maybe its because some of us are particular to who we share that with.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 14
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To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 4:51:58 PM
Oh my!!! I find myself as extremely romantic and affectionate but NOT on first/second dates. I need to feel comfortable, secure/safe, and not pawed over. Any talk of sex on a first date is a turn off. As others said on this string, it takes a while to develop a healthy relationship and you can't expect intimacy without this emotional piece.
 iamtheone39
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 15
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 5:55:13 PM
HELLO,thanks for stereotyping me as a "quickie" guy and all I was doing was posting an honest opinion...I probably have had less sex than any of you in the last year...once,yep..if you call that being too quick or too fast,well sorry. I do not believe in going all the way on the first date and I am tired of meeting women who just want one thing only...but let's understand one thing...the difference between "sex" and "affection"...that is what this thread is about. I want to date a woman that is "affectionate",not easy...I love affection and if I find that woman who also loves it,I will find my mate. I want to meet a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't always wait for the man to make the first move and all of the second,third,and fourth ones too. It is a gradual thing,but if the chemistry is right,why not hug a guy on the first date!
 iamtheone39
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 16
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 6:23:38 PM
My thread is about women who are advertising that they are affectionate...yet,when I have dated them(more than once)...they are not affectionate at all...more like a man,cold,distant and waiting for me to always come over and show the affection..want a woman that knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it...is that wrong for the asking? By the way,Dreamcatcher,sorry to hear about the "Croc Man",Steve...
 ~AlbertazAngel~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 17
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 6:44:53 PM
huh!.. have u met each & everyone of us iam?.. i am quite affectionate w/the right man..
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 18
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To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 6:49:37 PM
Yah!!! I will be very very affectionate to someone I really love. I love cuddling and kissing and hugging, its part of being in love.
 grrmrgal75
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 19
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:05:09 PM
I am very affectionate. I love affection and it took me a long time to realize I liked it. but, when i first meet people I have to scope them out. Am I feeling it? Are they comfortable with that? Is it a private thing or public? Gotta make sure they are not uncomfortable with it all.......
But yeah,
first meetings? Those are once in a lifetime things i believe. Had that ONCE after meeting someone I logged a lot of time into.
 logicalnonsense
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 20
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:09:37 PM
Well, as most of the other women here have stated...I too am very affectionate with the right man...but I can't know that you are the right man, if you are a stranger. On most first dates, we are exactly that...strangers.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 21
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:31:40 PM
OP, had you been more detailed in your initial question, you might have gotten more detailed answers...
Still a lot goes back to women being concerned about being too aggressive in seeking affection...yeah yeah I know that IS kinda dumb, but it IS a worry.

I really think that the average woman who says she is affectionate/cuddly means she is that way with someone she has developed a connection with, and that usually takes a little time.

Of course we can't rule out the possibility that you are attracted to women who choose to lie about their attitude about affection and cuddling. Strangely enough, a lot of people come on internet dating sites and "advertise" things that aren't strictly true... Men and women both. Since there are no laws enabling the profile police to arrest people for not delivering what they "advertise", I guess we'll all have to live with that...
Cindy O
 iamtheone39
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 22
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 7:59:59 PM
Thanks CindyO,for clarifying...all that I want is an affectionate lady...black and white...no if,ands,or buts...well,butts are a big plus! I just have a heck of a time meeting women that are affectionate. I told myself that after the ex,I won't date anyone that isn't affectionate. I don't ALWAYS want to make the first move,and I don't think any guy does...it just gets old. Hopefully,with this thread things will change...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 8:59:10 PM

after the ex,I won't date anyone that isn't affectionate

Y'know, I'm not one bit surprised to hear you say that... it's a pretty common complaint. Right now it's pretty confusing for women, whether being to affectionate too soon will send a wrong message and get us into unpleasant or even dangerous situations, or whether being a bit more inclined to stand back will make us look like cold women looking for some poor sucker to emotionally and financially abuse just like their ex did...

I don't know how long you've been divorced or how long you've been looking, but please get yourself onto a fresh page before you start looking for a relationship. If you start assuming that all, or most women are "just like the ex" you are going to crash any relationships you do get going...

You might have to compromise and find ways to let the lady know that you will NOT presume on any affectionate gestures she makes, nor assume that she is NOT a lady because she offers some affection.

And don't keep "dating your ex"; that is, dating women who remind you of her in an attempt to rewrite the script, change the outcome, or get revenge...I just wonder if this isn't part of what's going on here,this behavior is not bad or wrong it's just dumb and tons of people fall into it after a divorce or breakup of a LTR.

You might try DELIBERATELY dating women as wildly different from your ex as you can find( and stand) just to avert what might be a developing pattern/habit. Just a thought...but it does sound like you are SO afraid of getting with another woman like your ex, that you are jinxing yourself!
Cindy O
 noodnix
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 24
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 9:02:58 PM
OP- how on earth would you know whether or not you're getting more or less skin action than any one of us? that has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Your initial post was definitely indicating that you needed some physical signs of affection and cuddling from women right from the get-go, not just a simple hug. If you had been more clear (as you are now) - you wouldn't have managed to piss off a boat-load of women and have yourself being called "quickie"

plain and simple - if a woman isn't feeling it for you, even if she is in to PDAs and hugging, she isn't gonna touch you. And some of us - while affectionate and cuddly, still won't do much on a first date, lest they be labelled in a less than favourable light.

there's nothing wrong with a hug on the first date, but you never said as much in your initial post.

Next time be more clear and people won't be so harsh with you.
 YourDarkAngel
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 25
To The Women Stating That They Are Affectionate,But Are They Really?
Posted: 10/8/2006 9:13:29 PM

Old fashioned affection.......how about old fashion respect towards women, use to be a time when a man took a woman out to supper, took her to her door gave her a good night hug and called the next day and asked her out again....now days its usualy a fight to even get them to pay for your supper, walk you to the door and not have to fight them off thinking you owe them sex for their company, being comfy with someone enough to cuddle takes time to reach that point,maybe its because some of us are particular to who we share that with.


That changed when women cried for 'equality.' Chivalry is ****ing dead and buried.

Men aren't drones shelling out $$$ for women simply because they demand it, as women shouldn't have to put out just for anyone. The same is in reverse (although it happens in a lesser proportion). Would you pay for dinner for a man once in a while, just to do it? I'm curious. If not, you're clearly promoting a double standard.


No one is entitled to anything until consent is established. Respect and honor are earned.
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