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Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > How do you cope with the death of a loved one?      Home login  
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 1west
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 8
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I lost my wife in Aug after we had been married for only 7 weeks. It's very hard to pick up the peice's. But you have to just grit your teeth and get on with life, the best way you can.

One Big Problem I have is how do you tell someone that you have been a widiw for only a few weeks? without scareing them off ?, how would you feel if you meet someone that says "OH! by the way my wife died 5 weeks ago!" would you think this guy is on the rebound or would you prefare that you did'nt know untill a few weeks after you met the person?

One thing that helps me get through the hard times is a poem which I found which is below:-
its called IF I Knew.....

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
And pray to the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
That I would see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and a kiss
And call you back for one more

If I knew it would be the last time !
I could spare an extra minute
To stop and say “I love you”
Instead of assuming you would KNOW I do

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I’m sure you’ll have many more,
So I can let this one slip away

But just incase I might be wrong
And today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I Love you
And I hope I never forget
 slim10022
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 15
How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:38:10 PM
We all get over things like this our own way , for some it takes a short time for others it takes years .
I know myself how it feels i too have lost parents , sister in law age 37 , wife age 34 and my first son so never think that you are alone you would be supprised how many people have lost
loved ones young .
 pantsonfire
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 36
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 10/12/2006 7:43:41 AM
God bless Techno..... My thoughts are with you and the rest of your family....
As many people know I recently lost my younger brother after a long drawn out and dreadfully debilitating illness.. It was a blessing in the end but it didn't make his death any easier to bear... As for coping with him dying,, you just do.. you don't plan how to get better, you don't have an itinerary or a time schedule. You just carry on every day life doing every day things, and eventually you learn to find a comfortable place to keep your loved one safe in your heart and thoughts without it hurting so much...I'm nearly there but I will never be totally 'over' him...and I never want to be..
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 45
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 10/12/2006 11:52:14 AM
The one consistant in my life was my grandad, yes he was in his 80s when he passed away, but I was pregnant with my son at the time. I have never felt strong arms around me or that unconditional love from a man in any form, but from him and if it wasn't for him then i'm not sure if I would like men at all.

For a while when my son was just old enough to talk I could see my grandad through him, little mannerisms and words, the way he would say them... it was uncanny. Even my mum saw it in him. You might find this bit weird, but I live right next to the cemetary where both my Grand and Grandad are layed to rest, and I like it. I like knowing they are there and that he is watching over me. I still strive to make him proud of me and not let him down.

I just wish that my son had got to know this most wonderful man in my world, because I know he would have been so proud.

Make the people that you have loved and lost proud of you, be the best person in this world that you can be and take from them the things that you loved about them, and make them your own. We have to love the life we have been blessed with and live it for them as well as ourselves. It's not about longevity, but about quality.
 slim10022
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 48
How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:27:59 PM
Hi Techno keep your chin up mate think of the good times they will never go .
You are surrounded by people who share in your greaf we are all thinking of you .
Times like this you need mates and look you have loads of us , we all wish you well
and are thinking of you in theres difficult times and if you ever want a chat im sure we
would all take the time for you . look after yourself .
 corleo
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 49
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 10/12/2006 10:14:43 PM
be strong for him.. sorry to hear your pain.. i know the pain..x
 Sugra66
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 95
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 11/2/2008 3:47:13 PM
nothing can prepare you for it happening even if you know its inevitable, the pain does not go away or lessen, you cope with life by taking a day at a time
 pantsonfire
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 97
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How do you cope with the death of a loved one?
Posted: 11/3/2008 1:40:27 AM
In regards to the hanging on comment..

My brother had been very ill for a long time, he had dealt with so many awful things happening to him but in the end he developed an infection which overwhelmed what little defences he had left... He had contemplated suicide to end his suffering but had asked mum for her permission and she'd denied him vehemently ..

He had been on life support twice before and we had been told he would not pull through, against the odds he did.. This final time was different ... He was Cheyne-Stokes breathing ( the gasping reflexive breaths ) and we all knew there was no chance of him pulling through this one... We were with him from 9 am and he was still holding on at 12 midday .. Everyone went down for a coffee whilst mum and I stayed by his side, I said to her that it was time to let him go.. She cried and refused, I told her she had to do this, he was holding on and it wasn't fair.. So she leaned over him and whispered in his ear that she was letting him go ... His breathing immediately became shallower.. We called everyone back to his bed and I climbed on the bed with him and cradled him in my arms, whispering to him that he was safe, we all loved him and it was alright to stop fighting, telling him to go where there would be no more pain, no more needles, no more sickness, where he would be able to walk again, be able to see again ... He breathed his last at 12:40 ... I believe to this day he heard every word and he needed mum to tell him he was allowed to stop ...

Death affects us all in different ways, the way our loved one dies also affects us..

Long term illness or pain makes the passing almost a relief because the loved one is no longer suffering ...
The death of a youthful loved one is always hard even if it is the result of illness, it is a life not yet lived ..
The death of an elderly relative, whilst not easy, is often easier to cope with because a life has been lived to it's fullest extent...
I have lost a lot of loved ones, I read of those who mourn the passing of grandparents and I almost envy them.. I'm 2 generations ahead of you ... It gets harder the younger they are and the older you are, it brings your mortality into focus far to clearly for my liking...
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