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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How many chances do you give someone you love?      Home login  
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 dogar2007
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 7
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How many chances do you give someone you love?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I wouldn't be surprised if there were some really nice guy who likes you and you are breaking HIS heart the way you keep throwing yourself at this complete jerk over and over again.

It may be a self-esteem issue. Are you afraid you can't do better?
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 8
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:28:34 AM
Four times? Eeek way too many. I always tend to give a person a second chance, unless my instinct is strongly against it.

My advice, don't talk to him and don't remain friends. I've got way too many so-called "friends" like that and what I'd really like is one friend like that for always.

Depending on your relationship with this person, the old issues will re-surface, as could the "lust" factor and then it's just an ongoing circle of frustration. Of course, that would depend on how often you see/talk to the person.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 9
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:47:54 AM
If someone blows a second chance, they're really telling you they're not worthy of another. This guy has some type of hold over you, don't know what it is, doesn't matter. I'd suggest you gather up your self esteem and bolster it a bit. Quit being so generous giving men chances to screw up. If you don't give them the chance, they can't take it.
 Kataklysmic
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 10
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 8:52:26 AM
He does it once, shame on him; he does it twice, shame on YOU. He will continue to hurt you because you have shown (4 times now) that it is acceptable behavior. If you were the one for him, and he the one for you? This would not be an issue.

EDIT:

To Ophelia-- Wow, I never thought of it from that angle. You make a very good point.
 auntymar
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 13
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:35:55 AM
This guy is preparing you for the abuse cycle. Each time you justify there is a reason to go back to him-- his power over you increases and his ability to abuse you worse each time also increases.
Get him out of your life NOW. Do not look back. You deserve better than constant heartbreak and tears. I left an abusive (verbal and emotional) marriage. It was the best thing I could do for myself. I hope you find the strength to do the same before your family is making your funeral preparations. That indeed will happen if you keep justifying on reasons to go back.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 15
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 9:42:31 AM
Look sweatheart :
Your 40 years old.
You shouldn't be playing the same games you were when you were 20.
When I was 20 I was a sucker.
But over the years, the BS doesn't go so far anymore.
He's not the one who needs to grow up.
You need to wise up.
As you get older you learn that Love is a tough game and you have to play hardball.
 SweetAngel2169
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 18
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:30:32 AM
Message 20: That was pretty harsh

OP. I know how ya feel, its really hard to let go of someone you think is "the one" for you. Trust me, it was very hard. Once you keep contact with them, you will eventually get back with them. ALL CONTACT NEEDS TO BE ELIMINATED. When you get over this jerk, you will find a great man who will make you realize what love truly is :)

I found out and I am the happiest i have ever been.

Good Luck

Chicky
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 30
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/21/2006 11:40:04 PM
As many as you have to .. you are the only one that knows when to say when
 LucyBadCat :p
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 31
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 10/22/2006 5:58:04 AM
How many chances do I give someone I love?:
ONE! I might give one chance if I think I still want him. And that's all.

We are human and human suck lol We fail, we lie, we flirt or at least want to flirt. So it's senseless we get all upset everytime we find some problem. But when it comes to "Break my heart" level, I have to consider 2 things. "What do I want to do with this guy from now on?" and "The big possibility: A cheater is always a chater." And if I think it worth to try one more time, then it happens as the first and the last.

I failed before, too. So I don't call you a sucker. You really liked/ loved him? :)
BUT
More you let him step on you, less respect he will give you.

I hope this won't sound harsh or rude. But he is not the one for you if he broke your heart 4 times. If you want, you can stay friends and maybe the idea comforts you now. But I want you to ask yourself if he is worthy and I tell you it will delay getting it over and turning a new leaf.

Personally I would slap at his face with all my strength and if he still wants to stay friends with me... I guess there is a capacity to build a friendship as a new relationship between us ;)

Go girl!
What helps you to move on:
Time, a new man, crying&swearing madly till you start feeling it's ridiculous ( you can break dishes and yell "I'll curse you to the deaaath!!!"... and let's laugh blowing your nose as loudly as a cat jumps up )
 SimplyPeachy
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 49
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:43:49 PM
When you can lay down to sleep at night and know you have done absolutely everything in your power to reach someone. Given them chance after chance after chance and it just doesn't matter. When you have extended the hand, ear, and heart to only be met with coldness and vacancy. It's time not to worry so much about what you can give!

There is that reference yet again to the movie, The Mexican, about when you are really in love, when does it ever get to be too much? Answer is NEVER. You just have to wait for them to sort themselves out sometimes. And when or if they do, you're love has been preserved rather than used up.

You give them the chance when they come around....but do not drive yourself insane when dealing with someone not necesarily sane. :)

 MayBMagic!
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 56
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:27:03 PM
Hi
I could write volumes about this one. My husband never cheated with other women, he just
had trouble telling me what he was going to do next that just might upset me. I could give you many examples, but I think you know what I mean. He simply had to have whatever it was that he wanted. A 25K car, when we were both out of work, was the last straw. Mostly it was sneaky, controlling acts. He actually gave our partners 16K behind my back once, having decided that was a fair number, knowing how EXTREMELY my opinion differed. Once he put these things into place, there was nothing I could do. All his sneaky, calculating and conniving deeds put a huge mountain of distrust into our marriage. I was always awaiting the next "shock"... A former room mate once warned me, telling me the story of one of his little shockers. When they came home to find everything in the kitchen moved from every drawer and cupboard, they all confronted him. He admitted that he would just as soon have things the way he needed them and deal with the fall out later, than ask first and, maybe, get a NO. That was how he controlled others. I got it big time and it hurt more than I can say.
The things he did would not always be immediately apparent, and either I would find out or he
would tell me very casually and await my reaction. Then we could deal with my reaction rather than what he had done. It always shocked me so terribly and so completely that I had a fit, cried, screamed, and gave him all the reasons he needed to pound me further about my over emotional condition. Very calculating, sneaky, and cowardly. At some point, he actually admitted to being a coward. He is a strong, high achiever, and was not only good looking and brilliant, but a jock, as a kid. The Red Seas parted for him all his life, and he expected me to give him everything on a gold platter. I loved him and melted over and over again, until I no longer did. I just cried a lot. I did not want to be single again. My counselor finally convinced me that the shocks and the promises would never stop. This sneaky, controlling stuff was "who he was". I deserved better.
Abuse cannot not be tolerated. There are better people out there for you. Unless you have a huge psychological need to be hurt, please move on.:peace
 TennesseeStacy
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 57
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:32:20 PM

how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him?

If he's treated you badly, he's not the one. THE ONE may show is a$$ from time to time, but won't break your heart, especially not 4 times in a row.


Do you stay friends? Do you wipe him off the face of the earth and never talk to him again???

I never understood the concept of "staying friends" with a dog. Did he lie? Cheat? Rip you off? Treat you with a lack of respect? Did he treat you badly? Was the relationship all about what he wanted\neeeded? What kind of a friend treats you that way? My friends don't act like, or they don't stay my friends.

I've heard better the evil you know than the evil you don't, but trust me, there are WAY worse things than being alone. Make some new friends, take a class, learn to dance, join a hiking club, etc. Get busy making a life for yourself that has nothing to do with him and you'll be amazed at how quickly he fades into the background.
 Manseekscompanion
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 61
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:01:26 PM
I gave at least 2 chances to someone recently.. only to have them stomp on my heart again... My advice is cut the ties, you don't need crap!! And if they are taking anti-depressant medications for depression or bi-polar - tread VERY cautiously.. My experience with more than one person on these kind of medications has been heart breaking..

Girls, please check out my profile! Do I attract "broken-winged" females??? Cause they sure seem to get attracted to me!
 theon54
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 65
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/29/2006 10:27:21 AM

One chance baby.


Cannot agree more. A second chance is only an invitation to repeat history.
 Manseekscompanion
Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 70
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 11/29/2006 11:17:32 PM
Oh to be given one chance
Let alone a dozen
Harken to me romance
The girl of my dreams awaits me
As long as she ain't my cousin
Her love yet to show
Have I met her yet?
In time I will know...


david

 Val0214
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 78
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 12/15/2006 12:41:25 PM
You draw the line in the sand and when it has been overstepped, you get yourself into therapy if you keep taking him back. Otherwise, you'll just find another one just like him and repeat the pattern.

Work a lot, keep busy, read a lot of self help books, lot's of hot bubble baths, cry if you feel like it and make sure you have a good stash of chocolate and then it will happen. You haven't thought of him for a day. Then a week. Then a month and before you know it, you wake up and realize you've changed and you move on.

Good luck!
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 100
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 1/28/2008 9:39:23 AM
One

That's it, that's all. I've done the forgiving over and over before and it just doesn't work. They either respect me and the parameters we have both set for the relationship or they don't. If they don't.. well.. then it's really not that big of a loss.

Good luck
 Ivie36605
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 105
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:24:56 PM
Please read the book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You " by Greg B (can't spell his last name, tho). It helped me a lot and made me see things more clearly.
 kanyonatic
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 117
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:30:40 PM
one as after that it goes in circles
 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 119
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:19:35 AM
I treat it like baseball...three strikes and you're out. I won't put up with being hurt all of the time. I was alone and did fine for a long time. I think that might be more difficult now as I have found something in someone that is so significant that I don't think something stupid or trivial could make me walk..but if he hurt me so badly with malice or coldness or through sheer lack of respect to my heart and feelings and love I have so willingly bestowed upon him..then I would have no other choice. I refused to settle for less or for something insufficient and I still hold true to that. They would have to be big blows, I love him more than life.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 125
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:55:52 PM
I don't pretend to love someone who treats me badly, nor do I keep giving chances to someone who is disrespectful. I'm not looking to judge men I date, either we are compatible or we aren't, when we aren't I move on and let him and I both find someone who's a better match.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 127
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How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:01:17 AM
I treat it like baseball...three strikes and you're out. I won't put up with being hurt all of the time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm with Verissa on the three strikes and your out guideline. It's not a rule, just a guideline.
A lot depends on the other person (of course the other person thinks that too.. ), what exactly happened and why...For example, I can be a real prik sometimes, and the real surprise is why didn't I get dumped sooner! But I am also very desirable, a legend in my own mind So if I get dumped the only proper thing to do is let the other person realize their mistake, as I don't make mistakes.

But if they are drinking in a club, and get gettin it on with some stranger, then wreck the car on the way home, with DUI frosting, and then I would get dumped....Ok, if you insist...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 129
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:08:09 PM
Someone you love that loves you and you have deemed deserving only would need one chance. I think opportunity may be a better word than "chance", but I won't quibble over semantics.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 132
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:03:41 PM

This last week was definately the last time....how do you move on, when you know he's the one for you and you for him? Do you stay friends? Do you wipe him off the face of the earth and never talk to him again???
Why and how can you say he is the one for you and you for him when he has broken your heart 4 times? Come on are you not better then that?
Personally i think to get over him you sever all ties with the guy until there is no more emotion there that will make you want to go back then if you decide you still want to be with him go ahead.



Just me save the "he's the one talk". Obviously no one told him he's the one. Again, love is action and what someone does, not what you imagine and perceive. You grow up, wake up, and secure up who you are. Independent, mature people do not let anyone walk all over them.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 133
How many chances do you give someone you love?
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:05:18 PM
First of all you dont' have sucker, you have SUCKER written on your head. This guy could kill your pets and you'd take him back. You dont love him, you are addicted to him. Its unhealthy and you are not secure enough to leave. Very sad.

You move on by growing up and start being a secure, independent adult. Allowing someone to walk over you isnt' love, it's just pathetic. He doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, obviously knows you'll take him back no matter what; sounds magical.

Until you grow up, secure up, and wake up, NOTHING will change. Get used to the extreme pain and stay with him or keep taking him back, or wake up and start living. You have 2 choices.

I agree with miss blue eyes; I tell every woman when we go out, if she cheats, we're done. Its their choice. No excuse or lame lie can change that. Some people get used over and over and they end up looking pretty pathetic.
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