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Show ALL Forums  > California  > How come no one wants to get married      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 7
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How come no one wants to get marriedPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think its pretty much the normal thing everywhere these days. Not just in California.

And as someone said before. Getting married is easy, any two people with the money to get the license can do it.

Staying married thru good AND bad times seems to be many folk's problem

If people put as much thought into marriage like they do when buying a new car, maybe marriages would last longer
 Musicologist
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 9
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 10/22/2006 2:38:19 PM
I have been married before, and I just did it before I was really mature enough to handle it without trying to work through any issues that came up in the marriage. She and I are good friends actually now. It took a couple years of being apart to get to that level though. I feel that I will re-marry one day and now I realize what it takes to make it work and also allow prayer and God to be a part of the marriage. I want to have a strong union and I'm sure that I will be blessed one of these days. :) So keep hope alive ladies and gents. :)
 Superfighter
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 14
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 10/22/2006 6:46:02 PM
I am sorry that happened to you. I have only been married once. My husband cheated on me and worse but I still believe in marriage. I think that you can find someone that will love and cherish you. I think people should still get married.
 kcoffeecan
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 16
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 10/22/2006 7:05:18 PM
Yes Iveone,

Damn fine question!!! I nominate you for the POFF Pulitzer Prize:

My background (to speak from):

1. Lived in foster homes from age 4 to 13.
2. Lived in multiple homes and went to multiple schools (in excess of 15).
3. Exposed to almost every church denomination of Christanity.
4. Started and graduated high school while living with father and stepmother.
5. Enlisted and spent 12 years in the military.
6. Studied electronics, computers and nuclear physics.
7. Married twice (American and Chilean).
8. Currently single and dating.

My observations and experiences (copy as often as you like):

Both men and women do not take the time to get to know each other before they “commit” to each other. Commit means sharing bank accounts, homes, intimacy (having sexual relations involving genitalia), etc. Both have lost respect for each other and their own unique abilities. Men stopped appreciating what a woman did (besides satisfying desire) and women stopped appreciating what a man did (besides fixing the toilet). Yes, men and woman ARE DIFFERENT!! We think and act differently.

The following disclaimer is used to acknowledge the true and defensive positions of person(s) not agreeing with my personal opinions and observations:

There are embryonic development differences … due to hormone imbalances… that create the proverbial “exceptions to the rule” thus creating the “homosexual, lesbian and eunic persuasion”.

Basically:

The “family” (man, woman and maybe children) has (as we knew it) deteriorated to the point of being in the minority. The best abilities of BOTH the man and the woman create the family. So has all of the benefits of having come from a family. We can see this everywhere nowadays.

Men are “doer’s” or “action oriented” if you will. They “bond” by DOING things with (or for) someone else. We are emotionally handicapped. We have some emotion but compared to women…. we have none. Too much emotion scares us because we do not understand it. That is why when our “sweetheart” complains about something, we automatically want to “fix” it (because we want to show (remember.. "Doer") our love for our mate and want them to be happy…. with us).

Women are “feeler’s”. They “bond” by sharing feelings. Women grow up with these emotions and learn how to deal with them. Just like growing up with breasts, training bra’s and periods. That is why men are fascinated with “breast’s” and women are fascinated with “penis’s” (Fess up, ladies) ….. we don’t have them. To a woman (as I understand it) … she needs to have an emotional connection for everything.

Men need women to help us understand your “warmth and softness” (yes, I am talking about your emotional nature). Women need men to help them understand our “logic and strength”. It seems to me that women are trying to prove that they are “just as strong as” as a man because maybe they think that will “get his attention”. All that does is drive the man further away. Men do not want to be around another “man”. Physical attraction is the first thing that is important to a man and just like women (each has their own unique tastes). If she is “kinda” cute, he will stick around and see if her personality/mind will compensate (again….. their own unique tastes go for personality also).

I think it is more like an “identity crisis” for the men. Men are taught to be the “provider” from when they are small boys just as women are taught to be “homemakers/mothers”. I call this a part of the "Natural Law". If women no longer need men to “provide”… then what do women need men for? Men want to be useful. What makes it even more confusing for men is this: some women want to be independent, some like the traditional roles and some are in-betweeners. Remember some of man’s strength (efficient and logical thinking). Dealing with emotion is hard enough but add in constantly changing societal roles is down-right frustrating … It is not logical and it certainly is not efficient! The men have a hard time keeping up with the changes. I believe that is the reason that you hear of men getting mail order brides, marrying foreign women, etc. Those woman are still being taught the “traditional” roles and men stick with what they are familiar with. Men commit when they know the rules will not change.

I believe that frequent and honest communication between the man and the woman is more important now than ever before. Discussing and agreeing on changes BEFORE they happen … will go a long way in keeping everyone happy. He/she might have insight that you had not thought of…

You ask “Is it possible for a man to make a woman feel safe and secure yet lenient enough to allow me to be me?” Yes … if you take the efficient, logical thinking, emotionally handicapped man and TELL HIM HOW to do it. Men understand rules, guidelines and limits. It is how we “gauge” how well we are doing. I have heard a woman ask a man one time … “Do I have to SPELL it out for you?” The answer is YES!!! Men have a favorite saying and it goes something like this “We cannot read your mind”. A better way to say it is … “We cannot read your emotional mind. Please translate your thoughts into “actions” that we can understand.” What can a man DO to help make you feel safe and secure? Would installing a deadbolt lock on your front door make you feel safe and secure? How about wrapping his arms around you and just holding you? See, both of those things are “actions” and can make someone feel safe and secure. You remember, a man “feels” by doing something for the person he cares about. Which one do you want? Be very clear (lots of detail) with a man. Tell him what you want AND FOR HOW LONG. For example:

If you just want to be held because you are feeling alone and lonely, say “I am feeling a little down, would you just hold me until I tell you that I am ok”. Most guys would understand this to be a non –sexual comfort thing and just hold you until you said that you were ok. Make sure you tell him when you feel “ok”… He needs that guidance and closure otherwise he will get confused (on HOW LONG to hold you). This advice goes for every aspect of the relationship for the man.

WARNING: Now if a man was holding you and you started “flirting” or “kissing’ him… it stops being a “non-sexual comfort thing”. It becomes … how did you put it … “a grope-fest”. Remember that next time you are on the couch “snuggling”.

OK! I've got my asbestos suit on so FLAME ON!!!!!!!!

Emails gladly accepted
 armyguy35
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 17
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 10/22/2006 7:21:18 PM
id love to get married If I could find a woman i can trust.........and whoever said most people have no idea what marriage is all about, he was right.this goes for BOTH sexes.Cheating DOES seem to be the In thing, especially with Military spouses, i was cheated on while i was in IRAQ...he even moved into my house.This is one of the many reasojns I am scared(I admit it) to get married again
 Author4
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 25
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/10/2006 3:07:42 AM
I adore my happily married friends. They are so much more stable and productive than my unmarried friends. I truely enjoy their company. Seeing two people working for that type of commitment is an inspiration. I believe I read somewhere that happily married people actually live longer. I've also read that children of happily married people have the best chance of securing a happy marriage themselves. Marriage is the cornerstone of a secure society. Its just so depressing seeing the institution of marriage under attack. Why would anyone of us really want to be alone? I hope to find someone to grow older with. I hope you do too.....
 UandIBelieve
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 27
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History
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/10/2006 8:32:47 AM
Well I was married for 30 years... would not have traded marriage for the world. Now you ask was it all wonderful? No, there were many trials. I never once thought of cheating or wanted another man. He taught me so much and I am the person today that I am because of sharing and going through the trials. Marriage? I can only hope to find the right person to share the rest of my life with,but If I don't then I am living life to it's fullest at the moment. I turly hope you find the relationship you deserve, as for me I BELIEVE...
 zyxzzyx
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 31
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/10/2006 1:51:59 PM
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Married means MARRIED you moron ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


People, people! if you don't know why there's divorce, then read on. . . As you know, i speak my mind about the everyday issues and relationships because, well, i can! Here's another opinionated (and honest) special for the ladies so, listen up men ! ! ! This was inspired by a group of women i met on-board . . . .

It's getting to the point where I can't even read these personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, ****ing about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling POF for other women, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal - if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When will you guys learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it - way back when, when you were getting your brains ****ed out on a regular basis - what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your d*** ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world - your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of shit.

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, f****** 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a f****** riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the hell up, man-up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are.****ead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your ***hole together because you've just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you may b**** about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. Jackass.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think sexing some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters - not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. Your guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it WILL all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little f***-fest:

Divorce - this is where you lose everything - your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be f****** around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure - this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids - this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your flippin' pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/f***buddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shit hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have, that caused you to be such a spineless **stard in the first place.

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club.

Jon :-)

P.S. Been a long cruise so bare with me . . . .
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 43
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/17/2006 10:15:17 AM
I do want to get married, to someone who wants the same things
of course, and to a man who can stand being loved and be the
center of my world!
 Swmsacca
Joined: 1/1/2006
Msg: 65
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/24/2006 10:43:57 PM
It is like buying a car for alot of people. They have a wad in their pocket and drop it on the first thing they find. Anouther thing does everyone have a child on here? Where are all the dads?
 G.G.
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 81
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History
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 12/2/2006 6:45:42 PM
I think no one wants to get married because of the divorce rate. I mean who wants to try and fail? My grandparents generation married and stayed that way but my parents generation as typically more than one failed marraige and thats the example that we their childeren now have. I'm afraid to be put through the stuff I've seen my parents go through. NO thank you, and children are optional now a days Im not even sure if I want them.
 favod
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 82
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History
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 12/2/2006 10:53:09 PM
Not everyone is an adulterer (men or women) and not everyone gets divorced due to adultery. My suggestion would be to find things to stay busy and find ways to take care of your child that might (depending on your circumstances) not simultaneously include his biological father. If you decide not to marry again, then I guess there may be some men that you can have a platonic relationship with or to co-habitate with. There are plenty of alternatives and you would have to find out which one makes you happy. Are you done having kids ? If so, you might want to address a permanent resolution regarding getting pregnant. If you want more kids, do you want to be unmarried and pregnant ? Just some questions to ask yourself.
 jspcat
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 92
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History
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 1/15/2007 4:04:08 PM
I think society today looks at marriage differently, as in oh well, if it works, it works, if not you take the easy way out for divorce. It takes two to make a marriage work. I was married for 24 years, and cherised every minute. The love of my life passed away, and I miss that companion ship, sharing, and commitment in a marriage. I really want to marry again, but find it difficult to find anyone that isn't "gun shy"....I don't want to be single forever....You must be out there somewhere...
 H66
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 98
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:48:57 PM
Being married four times it seems like you need the attention.
 RANDYS72
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 105
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:02:04 PM
It's a sign of the times. We are living in really crazy times.
 eb3267
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 107
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:42:05 PM
Hmm thinks....

Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt..
It didn't fit right, tryed to take it back but didn't have the reciept.
I guess I kept the dam thing in my closet too long too..
Bastards wouldn't give me a refund !!

Don't want to do that again ( as of right now) but things can change....
You never know...
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 109
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 5/30/2007 2:35:12 AM
Most people change over the years.... (ah huh!!) and when some get comfortable in their daily routine, they are not lookin to change it. Otherwise it would not feel comfortable... ! Some say variety is the spice of life.... well if you can keep your partner interested as well, then you may last longer then your parents did. or are doing.

Society has effected marriages as well..... because of the many different influences, all around.... with just the NET we can fool around without anyone knowing about it... So we think.

Then we cannot forget the new contract deal... the dreaded Pre-Nupe.
From both ends of the spectrum, most have been burnt... and will not let that happen again... so with change we create more changes to ourselves, our loved ones, our friends, co-workers, and our future... Even after all the reasons not to... I still wanna say I DO!!
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 112
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:36:12 PM
..............Aye thanks Cap! You will be on the Weddin roster for sure!
 Tinman2009
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 113
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 6/1/2007 12:42:13 AM
There really isn't anything to gain from a marriage that you can't get by living together except for the unrealistic illussion that being "tied" to a person guarantees fidelity and loyalty. It is actually the opposite, there's much more to lose than to gain in a marriage. When people get married they aren't thinking of divorce, the fact is that well over half will get divorced. One of the two, usually the man, ends up with the short end of the stick during a divorce. This is even less of an incentive for a man to get married. You can live together with your partner and enjoy all the benefits of being married without having to sign any papers or having a ceremony. Those people who need a piece of paper as reassurance of the other's loyalty and commitment are just being unrealistic, naive and plain stupid.
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 122
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 6/2/2007 8:17:51 PM
it is because of the dog gone pre-nups!
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 124
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 6/8/2007 9:55:40 PM
Maybe one reason fewer people want to get married is that people are being stuck in role models which are obsolete and overdue to be dumped.

Examples:

"Women are nurturers, men are providers."

This is nonsense. Except for breastfeeding there is noting the mother can do for the baby that the father could not do.

Funny how if a woman decides to quit her job and remain home with the child and be supported by her husband she's being "a good mother." But if a man decides to quit his job and remain home with the child and be supported by his wife he's "a shiftless bum."

Then there's child support. Why is it still almost entirely a man thing, even though the law does not require this? And is there any other area in society's lawful extraction of money from people in which there is such almost total absence of accountability? Hasn't anybody heard of "no taxation without representation"? How many mothers receiving child support do you know, who give the ex-husband access to the account books and a say in deciding how she spends the money? Why isn't this standard practice?

And don't even get me started on the "common property" laws governing disposition of property in some States. And the "Lee Marvin decision" is enough to make any man see that even the appearance of marriage, even without legal married status, is dangerous to a man. No surprise if he moves on frequently, keeping circulating, and puts his money into a Beamer or a Harley instead of a marriage.

Conclusion: Men are royally screwed by marriage practices in America, and it's not surprising that so many men say "forget it."
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 128
How come no one want's to get married?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:13:24 AM
I want to get married as quick as possible and have rugrats all over the house but for some reason the women I find all is all about fun only until they have been hurt badly and are a bit bitter by then or they have babies that they cannot support then settling down becomes attractive to them.
 Wreckless1
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 131
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 6/21/2007 2:31:07 PM
Am I part of the 10-40%?
I wanna get married.... to enrich 2 lonely lives... to bring the love I have inside out... to see the smile that gives me hope everyday and night....to share in the life of another that I would give up mine for.....to see her grow and explore that what she is curious about.... to trust in her love that I may be just enough.... to feel the ups and downs with a woman who knows I am there for her...... to experience what I have not in her eyes.

To embrace the adventure of life with the only one I need, want, and desire.
 WildOnOC
Joined: 1/6/2007
Msg: 132
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:08:47 PM
That's a great line. I'm using it from now on and claiming it as my own.
 Wreckless2
Joined: 9/13/2007
Msg: 147
How come no one wants to get married
Posted: 11/9/2007 4:58:10 PM
Hmmmmmm, Let me see;
Money, ....mostly not enough
Choosey, .... just not what you want
Immature, ... just too goofy maybe
Sign, ... the charts say you are not the one.
Age, ... my folks will not approve.
Sex, (we cannot leave out that!) ... Sizzzling desires.
Expectations.... usually fits in here!
Job,... something more then 50G's a yr.
Distance, ... I am not driving that far... traffic
Intelligence, ... does know what a cursor is...!
Looks, ...above average, if is an idiot!
Experience, ...know what I like.
Quirks, ... nothing that will embarres me.
Drugs/Alcohol, (includes OTC).... alil to none at all.
Religion, ... knows which is my God.
Vainess, ... is not!
Attitude,... Better listen to me!
...you pick one! ..yeah there are others.... But some do make compromises... if they can we all can right?
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