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 bluidoll
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 1
Seeing someone with Anxiety DisorderPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I need some honest and down to earth advice here.
I met a man on POF and started seeing him in August. We would see each other a couple times a week, sometimes more. Things were going well, then as soon as he moved, (to another place) he changed somewhat. In the beginning, he did tell me that he suffers from an anxiety disorder and takes meds for it. A couple of times now, we have made plans, and they never went through. Then I would hear from him a couple days later, saying he's really sorry, that he was suffering from a "bout" of anxiety. I have been reading all kinds of information on this disorder, but I am having a hard time understanding it. He says when this happens, he sort of "shuts himself down" from the world, and just "rides it out" till it passes. He says he wants to pick the phone up and call me, but "chickens out" and does this over and over hundreds of times before he actually calls me. I do believe him to a certain extent, because I can hear it in his voice (nervousness) I would just like some advice from any of you people out there, regarding Anxiety disorder, what the "symptoms" are and how it affects a person, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Some input would be very much appreciated. I am at a point where I'm not sure whether to "stick it out" with him, and try to understand where he is coming from, or just back out now, and spare myself the hurt and disappointment. Tell me what you all think!! Thanks!!
 sunnied247
Joined: 10/4/2006
Msg: 2
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 7:55:00 AM
That is a really tough position to be in. I dated and lived with someone with anxiety and bipolar disorder for almost two years and it can be really tough. With the anxiety it is really hard to understand and sometimes to deal with. Honestly this is a questions only you yourself can deside if you can handle or not. All I can say from my experience is there will be times when everthing is great and perfect and times where you have to sit there and not understand anything and trying to get them to talk about it doesn't really work either. Sorry if I am not much of a help.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 3
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:17:40 AM

In the beginning, he did tell me that he suffers from an anxiety disorder and takes meds for it. A couple of times now, we have made plans, and they never went through. Then I would hear from him a couple days later, saying he's really sorry, that he was suffering from a "bout" of anxiety.


Understandable, this happens. If you think about it, you're the trigger now for that anxiety possibly. Not only do "regular" guys deal with anxiety and discomfort when in the intitial stages of a relationship, but it's 100 x worse for someone with an anxiety disorder.



I have been reading all kinds of information on this disorder, but I am having a hard time understanding it. He says when this happens, he sort of "shuts himself down" from the world, and just "rides it out" till it passes.


That's very common, and the right thing to do. You have to find away to immediately reduce the stress to sooth the reaction. He's protecting himself and others by isolating. Different things can cause anxiety disorder, including biological illness [infection], neurological damage, psychological disorder and trauma, and sometimes simply inherited conditions/or genetic conditions can be at the root. The environment [things going on around him] will often serve to trigger the anxiety. I'm not sure what is at the root of his anxiety disorder so I can't go further than this, but I can tell you that what he's dealing with is very real, very difficult, but that it can be treated and it can get better. The medications he's using may be helpful, but he may need further care -- counseling is often valuable because of the stress the disorder creates, as well as rooting out possible causes that may be creating the symptom of anxiety.



He says he wants to pick the phone up and call me, but "chickens out" and does this over and over hundreds of times before he actually calls me. I do believe him to a certain extent, because I can hear it in his voice (nervousness) I would just like some advice from any of you people out there, regarding Anxiety disorder, what the "symptoms" are and how it affects a person, especially when it comes to dating and relationships.


What he's explained is accurate. The key to dealing with someone with this disorder is soothing and comforting them. Decrease the stress by no longer being the triggering agent. Anything can be a trigger for anxiety, at it's root is - [most of the time] either a neurological/psychiatric disorder, or a psychological condition which can be worked thru with therapy, understanding and the willingness of the patient. Sometimes it can be simple, or a complex of "many" factors causing the disorder or disease.



Some input would be very much appreciated. I am at a point where I'm not sure whether to "stick it out" with him, and try to understand where he is coming from, or just back out now, and spare myself the hurt and disappointment. Tell me what you all think!! Thanks!!


That depends on what type of hurt or disappointment you're worrying about. Notice you probably now have anxiety of your own. Not being accepted, and questioning someone elses intentions can trigger anxiety in all of us! None of us want to be rejected. What needs to happen is you both need to sooth each other and talk to each other openly, and give each other the benefit of the doubt. If you really like this guy, I suggest you take the risk of trusting him fully, this requires a total willingness consciously to accept the possible consequences of taking the risk, however it opens you up allowing you to move forward without doing anything that may compromise the relationship. People often push each other way when anxiety get's between them. It's easier to have control by getting rid of the other person -- before they have the chance to get rid of you! Don't do that if you really care, and say the same to him, because this is something very common that this patients do. Even people with anxiety can still end a relationship for reasons other than anxiety though so remember that also, but this individual seems very clear and sincere -- given my experience having dealt with anxiety disorders. The pattern he's described to you is common, and I don't think he dislikes you. I think he's trying very hard in-fact to let you know he cares and wants you to be apart of his life by letting you in on what "is" a very embarrassing and difficult condition to deal with when starting relationships.
 madamoisele
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 4
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:30:23 AM
I suffer from this as well, to a certain extent, and I am also on medication for it.

Medication is NOT a cure all. This condition also requires a lot of mental effort that goes along with the medication, to make yourself do what needs doing. The majority of people with this condition are not capable or willing to do what it takes on the mental effort side of things - and even the ones who do, still have "epidsodes" where things are almost out of thier hands.

I almost cancelled an evening with a good friend of mine on Saturday, due to anxiety. But, I pushed through and had a wonderful time. However - there are many times when I have indeed bailed on others (I do my best not to make this a habit).

Be aware that dating someone with this type of condition requires different handling than a normal relationship. To have peace and compatibility, you have to be understanding of these "episodes" and maintain the ability to take it in stride. It is NOT directed at you personally.

That said, I really don't blame anyone who doesn't want to take on the challenge of dating someone with this condition. It can be intensly exhausting on the other person, depending upon how the person suffering with the condition handles it (and if his medication is working).

Good luck with your decision.

Wendy
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 5
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:41:42 AM
Good call, I forgot about that. ^ [The move]
 onwaves
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 6
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:42:35 AM
If he says that he ""chickens out", chances are you can believe him. Guys rarely want to admit that. Whether or not a man with an anxiety disorder is what you want, that's up to you.
 PoorWhiteGirl
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 7
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 9:03:07 AM
Metallic Blue and madamoisele have great points. Years ago, I started suffering from anxiety, only I didn't know what it was. It was so bad that I would not leave my bedroom until it was dark outside. I wouldn't even go outside to check the mail. I lost many loved ones during that time because they thought I was being lazy, etc. I didn't know what was wrong with me and neither did they. I saw a dr, found out I had anxiety and was prescribed meds. They helped some, but it wasn't until I started practicing different techniques that my dr gave me that I was able to over come it. Sure, I still get anxiety just like everyone else, but I no longer have to hide in my room. I know what my triggers are and I have ways to overcome them now, and I'm also anxiety med free.

That being said, my ex has bi-polar and anxiety disorder. Even knowing what he was going through, there were times I found it hard to understand and very frusterating. I helped him as much as I could, but one has to be willing to help themselves as well. It sounds to me like this guy is willing to help himself, or he would not have revealed this to you. He's very open and honest about it, and that's a great thing! I'd try and stick it out. This may mean you reaching out more than you are used to, but it could be worth it.
 freedome
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 8
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 9:25:35 AM
Ultimately only you know if you have the patience for this or not. It might be to much work. When he's up he's up and when he's down he's down. Just the way it is. Sometimes you have to just show up and be a little forceful. If he spends to much time thinking about the situation the anxiety gets worse. Short notice might help you to just get him out. However the pain for him could be debilitating and he might lash out. No means no, if he is feeling anxious. Really depends how extreem his case is. It's an individule thing. Asking him what works for him is the best start. He should know.
 goblueand maize
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 9
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 9:36:11 AM
hmmm, very good forum, the guy im seeing also, suffers from anxiety,so he says, and he says his body shuts down too,he isnt on any meds,just tries to stay stress free,there are alot of times we make plans also, and have to cancel, because of thease attacks,so he says, i just want to be alone today and lay on my couchALONE, well, im sure he may be telling the truth to some extent,but when days go by without hearing from him,i worry about him,i dont know what hes up to, but im thinking hes using this anxiety as an excuse to stay away for a couple days to see other people, refer to "hey guys a question for you"
Anyway, as for you, bluidoll, if you love this man try to understand that anxiety isnt something that can be worked out over night,but you probably already know this, is he seeing any doctors? if its so bad that his body is shutting down then he should go in to the dr again. maybe the meds are not working for him, he may need a different type or higher dose. if you want to talk more just email me,
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 10
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 10:41:13 AM
PoorWhite - Happy to hear of your good news. You are fortunate.


hmmm, very good forum, the guy im seeing also, suffers from anxiety,so he says, and he says his body shuts down too,he isnt on any meds,just tries to stay stress free,there are alot of times we make plans also, and have to cancel, because of thease attacks,so he says, i just want to be alone today and lay on my couchALONE, well, im sure he may be telling the truth to some extent,but when days go by without hearing from him,i worry about him,i dont know what hes up to, but im thinking hes using this anxiety as an excuse to stay away for a couple days to see other people, refer to "hey guys a question for you"


My advice to you is the same I gave to her. What you're expressing is extremely common, and I can say with pretty good certainty he's telling you the truth. The key to handling this is to make the calls to check in on him, leave messages on his answering machine, and make effort in visiting him sometimes "expecting" not to hear from him. If you can handle that type of independance, and he's willing to treat the condition, then things can be worked out. I'd simply let him know that in advance. If you can allow yourself to trust him -- as I told this girl, the worst that can happen is you find out he's a liar and waste some of your time. Time is precious, don't get me wrong -- but isn't the experience worth the price? Talk to him about how you feel, and tell him directly that you feel he may be a liar. The fact is, you'll have to take a risk or avoid him all together -- no one can sit on the fence with "trust" related issues and expect a relationship to workout. It's all or nothing, so it's worth telling the truth and taking the risk.



Anyway, as for you, bluidoll, if you love this man try to understand that anxiety isnt something that can be worked out over night,but you probably already know this, is he seeing any doctors? if its so bad that his body is shutting down then he should go in to the dr again. maybe the meds are not working for him, he may need a different type or higher dose. if you want to talk more just email me,


Unfortunately so many things can cause anxiety disorder. It can be an isolated issue, a comorbid disease, -- on and on. It can be complex -- throwing meds at it may or may not resolve it, but you are certainly right that ongoing care with a competent physician who understands [even perhaps specializes] in anxiety disorder and it's causes.
 SoUnDsFuN
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 11
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 1:35:07 PM
I think it all depends on how important the person is to you. Is he worth investing the time and effort? Of course, if you think things could develop into a meaningful long term relationship, I would say go for it. As long as he is taking his medication and being completely open about his condition with you, he deserves at least a little bit of understanding.
 lsfeather
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 12
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/23/2006 1:54:15 PM
Sounds like you have faith in your relationship, as you keep trying to hold it together. Good Girl! If you can work on your relationship, care about him and be sensitive to his needs WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF...then go for it. Only you know deep down inside what you can and cannot handle. Set your limits.

I was with a person for almost 5 years who was bipolar, but wouldn't admit it. There was a lot of it both diagnosed, and undiagnosed, in his family and he claimed "he might have a touch of it". I had not figured this out until this past year, once I moved out of his home. It was then that the high and low cycles became apparent.

I moved away from family and friends to be with him, which made things more difficult. You definitely need a support group around you. The triggers could be a conversation with his mother, his dog jumping the fence and getting out of the yard, anything, and you could tell when it was coming. It would build and build, then erupt on me...every time. When I moved out was when he blew because I had cooked a pasta dish for dinner that had zucchini in it. I knew then that I had to put distance between us for my own health and self esteem.

I cannot say much for myself, because we are no longer together. When the high cycles began causing actions without rational thought...and the trust I had in him had been broken, I decided that I couldn't put myself in the role of girlfriend anymore.

Now, freshly out of the relationship, I can see things differently. My love for him was more like a mother for a son, not a girlfriend for a boyfriend. This is why I forgave him over and over again for these episodes which led him to stray. This is probably the very same reason why he strayed.

Patience, Forgiveness, Trust and Compassion...and the knowledge that it's going to hurt. But then, no pain...no gain, right????

I admire you and as I said, as long as you have a good support group, you can make it!
 bluidoll
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 13
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 8:25:47 AM
Thank you all so much for your input. It has helped me with my perspective on the relationship that's for sure. I can't say that I "love" him, as of yet, but I am definately developing feelings, which surely will lead to that in time. So, I guess you could say that I am willing to accept the situation and try to deal with things as they come. There's just something about him, that I just don't want to let go, or give up. So, I'm going to take the "risk" and see how it goes! I myself suffer from bipolar, so I tend to analyze things to death, which doesn't help matters. When I'm on my "highs" I can handle just about anything that comes my way, but the "lows" I don't do so well. I did find myself thinking "what did I say or do to offend him, or turn him off?" But now, I think it's just the combination of the two of us, where I think communication is going to be the key factor here. I have only been seeing him for a couple of months, so I'm a bit skeptical about what I should and shouldn't say to him! I don't want to say the wrong things, and send him into anxiety, so I am not at a "comfort zone" yet there. Does anyone have any "suggestions" as to what I should say or do, to help me get over this "hump" and over to the "other side" and on the road to the next level of the relationship?? Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate this!!
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 14
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 9:06:03 AM


Thank you all so much for your input. It has helped me with my perspective on the relationship that's for sure. I can't say that I "love" him, as of yet, but I am definately developing feelings, which surely will lead to that in time. So, I guess you could say that I am willing to accept the situation and try to deal with things as they come. There's just something about him, that I just don't want to let go, or give up. So, I'm going to take the "risk" and see how it goes!


It's a good opportunity to learn something about yourself as well as another. Obstacles and things like this can create strong relationships if the two parties are willing to go to any length [and are fortunate] to do so.



I myself suffer from bipolar, so I tend to analyze things to death, which doesn't help matters. When I'm on my "highs" I can handle just about anything that comes my way, but the "lows" I don't do so well.


Make sure you're in counseling to continue learning coping skills to manage and perhaps help improve your mental health. It's very important. It's one thing to be in a relationship with someone who has a condition of the sort that he does, it's an entirely other beast when you put "two" people together. That can create explosive negative resutls, unless both partners are working overtime on overhauling their circumstance and continuing therapeutic treatments. [I'm speaking generally here]



I did find myself thinking "what did I say or do to offend him, or turn him off?" But now, I think it's just the combination of the two of us, where I think communication is going to be the key factor here. I have only been seeing him for a couple of months, so I'm a bit skeptical about what I should and shouldn't say to him! I don't want to say the wrong things, and send him into anxiety, so I am not at a "comfort zone" yet there.


You won't be in a comfort zone regardless -- in-fact I have a dating rule about this very topic:

In-fact, of the 32 rules I wrote down for myself [I do things like that, comfort zone, anxiety are mentioned numberous times]

1# -- See Dating/Mating as a challenge with goals, but no final outcome.

2# -- Enjoy the process, even when painful, uncomfortable or anxiety ridden.

15# -- Take big risks. Expect results you don't like at times. Anxiety and pain are apart of meeting the right person. Expect those you reject to call you names sometimes, or to get angry. If you were polite, then simply walk away with cold detachment.

27#-- BE UNCOMFORTABLE when exposing yourself to new adventures. It's key to eventually acquiring the skills to allow you to become more comfortable.

So there you have it, before I even talked to you, I had written my own rules, and I mentioned anxiety and comfort zone a number of times, and the reason why is because they are so critical and common in initially relationships. It's important to talk to him about your health circumstances. Different rules apply to those who are dealing with what you and he are. The key is to sit down, and listen twice as much as you speak. Ask him what he feels would suit him best, and let him ask you questions -- answer honestly and establish some rules before you talk. Be honest, be open, talk about only yourself and what you feel, think, and let the other person know you expect little more from the relationship than mutual respect, kindness, and whatever fundamental aspect you feel is key -- let him know what you will accept, and what you can't handle. If there is something he brings up that you can't tolerate, don't debate it -- it's time to move on if that's the case, and the same will likely be true for him.

You must remember, you're two people with all the usual difficulties of forming a relationship + health aspects that can interfere, so it's much more difficult. The key is to bypass the usual anxiety by taking the risk to let failure happen -- by doing so, you also let the risk of success flow free.



Does anyone have any "suggestions" as to what I should say or do, to help me get over this "hump" and over to the "other side" and on the road to the next level of the relationship?? Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate this!!


He may need to isolate a lot until this condition is more firmly under control, he may not call, he may not talk to you, he may not respond to e-mail, and he likely will sometimes seem as though he doesn't care -- the key is to ask yourself what you will and won't accept, and then to avoid assigning blame. If you can't handle something, don't pretend that you can -- accept reality, and let him go. I know it's not easy, but you must be self focused and always working on yourself [especially your health] -- that way you can seek out happiness and minimize the situations that aren't going to change.

You may sometimes lose control and need to find new ways to cope too, it's a two way street, so look at yourself too. If you feel a certain way, think you'll find that he's probably feeling the same way too. You don't have to necessarily take the relationship to new levels, in-fact it's best not to discuss anything about the relationship or future at all -- just talk about yourself today, and go back and forth exchanging your fears, thoughts, and feelings -- treat him like a friend rather than a lover. Understand that regardless of how "perfectly" you say the right things, and do all the right things -- that you can still lose, so you may as well just do your best rather than worrying about "what if" -- focus on "now" because today is all you'll ever have.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:01:32 AM
If your interested this is what I suggest.
You should try to become the source of less stress and anxiety rather than more.
You should try to make him feel comfortable around you.
If he feels secure with you then things will go much better.
Show him that you understand and that you have no problem with it.
It's really not a problem of reducing anxiety but dealing with anxiety as it happens.
Anxiety will always happen, it's dealing with it when it happens that's the trick.
With patience, it gets better.
It never really goes completely goes away, but it does get much better.
 bluidoll
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 16
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 3:40:50 PM
Metallic Blue:
I really appreciate all of your advice. You obviously know a lot about this "condition" and everything you say makes so much sense! Would it be possible to get your "32 rules" I'm finding your info to be very fascinating, and it's helping out a lot!
 leisha1017
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 17
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 4:05:42 PM
If you really care about this guy, hang in there and understand what he is going through! I just wonder to what extent he has this disease! It can consume his whole life to the point of not being able to function if he doen't fight it! I would suggest that You make the effort to go see him and take that much of the panic out of it for him! Help this poor guy!
 sewluvlee
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 18
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:05:16 PM
I'm so glad i came across this thread, i also suffer anxiety and panic attacks and im actually home today having cancelled out on where i was meant to be!!
All the advice here is fantastic and alot of it i had tears rolling down my face, one thing for sure when you're having a day like this is you feel sooooo alone, unable to reach out!

A new relationship does bring with it increased anxiety, i know my last b/f i had nights where i just didnt sleep, my mind kept going, panic attacks and just wore myself out..

Its almost a risk to offer yourself out to ask for help, so you just tend to cope with a not so good day by resting, isolating yourself and trying to stay positive although you've probably let people down by cancelling out on something , even a date..

One thing a partner needs is to be very flexible and enjoy the smaller things too, like a night in with a dvd snuggled on the couch etc because sometimes honestly thats about all you can handle that day..

I applaud you for already being sensitive to this guys needs, if you want to continue pursuing this relationship bring it right back to simple but nice things he can handle..

Best of luck to you either way...

we need a permanent anxiety disorder thread here, so if someone emails and says their interested in you, you can refer them there first then email if youre interested 'really'...

hugs to all anxiety sufferers
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 19
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:18:00 PM
~OP~ It's horrid. I've had panic since my late teens, spent my 20's attempting to ignore it, my 30's I spent (finally) learning about it, dealing with it, and at times being paralyzed by it. Whether it's GAD, Panic Disorder, SAD or a combination of all, it's no fun. It sucks the life out of you and it does the same to those around you. My only suggestion is that you talk to him, listen to him, if you are seriously involved with him, talk to his medical people. If he is, in fact, on meds ~ and is still suffering severely, something is most likely wrong with his meds. There are long-lasting (half life meds) as well as "as needed" meds that take the syptoms away within minutes. If that is not happening for him ~ something needs changed with his treatment. Cognitive therapy is also a major important step in living a more "normal" existence. I am from an entire family of sufferers. We all have different syptoms, issues and treatments. Good luck.
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 20
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 5:39:30 PM


I really appreciate all of your advice. You obviously know a lot about this "condition" and everything you say makes so much sense! Would it be possible to get your "32 rules" I'm finding your info to be very fascinating, and it's helping out a lot!


If you have an account at m-y-space, search for my username Metallic Blue. You can read thru the blog if you like. The 32 rules is 5-6 posts down. I don't think you'll get a lot out of it since it's written from my experience and based on a male point of view.
 Country-Mouse
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/24/2006 9:07:24 PM
Hey, great post. This is a topic of interest to me.

First I would like to point out that anxiety disorders are very different then bipolar and/or some other mental health issues mentioned. I find it discouraging when all mental health issues are lumped together. Although One may have an anxiety issue as well as other problems such as bipolar they are not necessarily hand in hand.

I have a form of anxiety disorder and it affects me in many ways. I live with post tramatic stress disorder, (P T S D). In fact I have what is called "complex" P T S D! Complex as I have been exposed to so many different types of trauma. (Oh gee, I can see that that will get me a lot of dates! lol)
.................................................

Okay, now to the OP and the question of "Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder".

I think that the posters before me have given very wise and valuable advice. So rather than repeating their advice I will give you my take on this.

1, If you feel a connection and think that you are strong enough to deal with a "handicapped" person then go for it.

2, Be sure that you are interested for the right reasons, and not to be a healer or enabler. Also be sure that your potential partner is not looking for a healer or enabler. You are each on your own path even in the time you are together. As partners you must each give to the other.

However, I think that you must be able to support yourself before you can support someone else. So if each of you are able to be independent then you are ready to being interdependent.

3, As with all relationships keep an open and honest dialog happening. Try to understand the challenges that your potential partner faces. Remember also that you may have things that need to be dealt with. These may be a challenge to your partner as well as you.

I wish you luck on your journey and your challenges.
 bluidoll
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 22
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:48:48 AM
Hi Metallic,
No, I don't have a my space, how does that work actually? I might get something out of your "rules" because that's what I want to do, is try to understand things from his "perspective", as well as a guys perspective. It's ok, if you don't want to go to the trouble, your advice so far has been terrific! Thanks!
 bluidoll
Joined: 10/19/2006
Msg: 23
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 10:56:35 AM
Hi bggirl2!
Thanks for your input! The suggestion that you made about "letting him make the moves" has been a sticky one with me. So far, I have been letting him make the moves. I haven't been calling or anything, just letting him call me when he's "up to it". I am really sitting on the fence with this because on the other hand, I'm thinking I should be calling, or showing up to visit him unexpectedly, or initiating the dates, but because I have tried this before, and he hasn't answered the phone (and I know he knew I called) it has intimidated me and scared me off from wanting to do so. So, sometimes, it will be 3 4 even 5 days before I hear from him, and I get myself all worked up over it. I'm really frustrated, and definately sitting on the fence where this relationship is concerned. I don't feel I can come out and talk to him about any of it, cause it seems that when I try to say anything, it doesn't come out right, or he changes the subject. I don't know. I'm trying very hard here to keep a level head about all of this. Just don't know if I should tell him what's on my mind or not, cause I'm afraid that I will cause even more "anxiety" in him. uuuuuggggggghhhhhhh..........................................
 cute_asme
Joined: 10/20/2006
Msg: 24
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:43:48 AM
This is a part of who he is....educate yourself ...u think it's hard on u..think about him and what he goes through...stuggles everday i'm sure of it...the embarressment I'm sure it creates for him..and it will probably get no better...learn to live with it or leave it alone...GOOD LUCK
 Shangrilah
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 25
Seeing someone with Anxiety Disorder
Posted: 10/25/2006 11:47:12 AM
I have social anxiety and I take meds for it

The meds work great for me - have taken my anxiety away
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