Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating men who have never been married      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been marriedPage 1 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I recently took a chance and went out with a man who was 39 and never been married. He also had never had any children. This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that men over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish. This guy's reason was that he just hadnt met the right "one". He claimed he loved children as well. Needless to say, he was very selfish , and did not know how to relate to my daughter(shes 13), altho she did her best to make him feel comfortable and include him in alot of her daily activities (basketball, games, etc). He eventually told me that I needed to choose between him and my daughter....thus the "forte" I had heard was proven true...that he was selfish.

What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 8:55:38 AM
I have never been married or had kids, and it's because I know it's just not for me, but I wouldn't call it selfish. That man might have been, but I am sure his status wasn't the indicator - I think it was just that his personality wasn't the best.

Some want all that but just haven't had the right relationships, some wait longer due to a demanding career, and both men AND women do this. I would say chalk this guy up to a bad experience and give it another chance if you meet another man with the same status.
 alltooeasy
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 4
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:08:13 AM
I gotta admit, this is a new one. I’ve heard of folks not wanting to date someone who has been married before or has kids, but I have never heard of anyone who won’t date someone who hasn’t been married or have kids. I understand the logic f the former (‘cause I’m one of them), but to assume there’s something wrong with a guy because he doesn’t have a past seems a little closed-minded. It just add to this burden that society puts on people to get married and start a family. Not wanting one doesn’t make a guy selfish: he just wants different things out of life. Perhaps it’s different in your case because you do have kids and therefore need someone who is comfortable with children.

Failed marriages and children born out of wedlock are mistakes. They might be happy mistakes, but they’re definitely decisions that didn’t pan out they way you hoped. To automatically discount a guy because he didn’t make mistakes when he was younger probably isn’t the right way to go. Just because someone was smart enough to use a condom or patient enough not to marry the wrong girl doesn’t mean he’s selfish.
--siknerd--
 dashance
Joined: 11/18/2005
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:27:29 AM
Frankly,... if you think long enough you can claim ANYONE is selfish,... "she got pregnant when she was '-age-' because she "WANTED" to have a child. He got married 'cause he needed a heir to the throne. SIK got it right,... we are all individuals regardless to our age, gender and status. It may be human nature to pigeon-hole people and make generalisations.
Simply put,... find a process of deciding who you will date, and go with it. Just remember that it is your future that you're dealing with and make sure that you can live with your own 'mistakes'. It is seldom that you can reverse a mistake so be carefull that you are not too extreme with this process. IE: Don't we all have a few regrets?
 ChaoticDreamer
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 6
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:29:06 AM
I have to admit that when I see a profile of a guy that is 40 + and he states he's never been married and has no children I kinda wonder. While I do wonder I make no snap judgements until I get to know they guy. Just because he's never been married or has no children doesn't mean he hasn't been in any long-term relationships.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:30:20 AM
[I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish]

Somewhere....I never said that I was basing dating someone who has never been married on this one man...actually I have dated several men who have never been married, this one was the icing on the cake. I know most men(and women) who have not been married are usually that way because of choices made in their life, whether it be yours (which is a good one) or a career, whatever. I was just curious as to what some of the others on this site felt about dating men who have never been married....

You also have to take into consideration [I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person.]
that some of us single moms CANNOT have anymore children, so therefore when dating someone who has not been married nor has any children, already theres that cliche' or "fear" of rejection since we cannot give YOU the children you want....
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 9
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:36:11 AM
There are a lot of men who wait until their 30s or 40s to marry for the first time in this day and age. I find this refreshing that they don't jump into marriage early. Nothing wrong with being single into your 40s, JMO
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:48:11 AM
Just because someone doesn't give you what you want, doesn't make them selfish.
Although, the guys attitude ( who you reference ) could definitely use some adjustment.
Personally, I would never presume to step between someone and their own kids.
But never being married after the age of 35 could be a sign of good taste rather than immaturity.
You have to take people as they come and judge from there.
There are really very few tell tale signs which apply across the board.
 PrattRangergrl
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 11
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:52:30 AM
1st of all: Thank~you very much for considering me to be extremely selfish. As I'm over 35 and never been married.
Shit, it's nice to know that a woman wouldn't date me, because my never being divorced or never fathering a bunch of **stard kids is against her "morals".


I would, selfishly like to think that my never being married, or have had children yet, may offer some possitive signs to a lady.
I never intended to marry, or father children, until I've hopefully found the right person. I don't know if you can easilly say that about the guy who's been divorced 3 times, and has children with 5 different mothers.

I'd also like to say that I've never settled for a woman. I'd hope that this would imply to a woman that if I'm interested in a serious relationship with her, she should consider it a sincere compliment to herself, and know that I really think highly of her.



Perhaps some single people my age are selfish. Others may not be. Maybe, rather than generalising an entire group of people, you should realise that everyone is different and you'll have to get to know a person.


I see this thread as another example of a person who's made their own bad choice, (allowing a person into her life, and then learning that he's selfish) and as a result, generalising an entire group (all unmarried men over 35 must be selfish.)

I can't exactly relate, because I am only 21, but I completely agree! Couldn't have said it better
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:07:19 AM
Once again, yall need to read more clearly...yes I made a mistake on this guy, but NO i dont judge other men by him...I was just curious as to what others thot....and Pratt, read up...I replied earlier on that I dont generalise all unmarried men as being selfish...you need to grow up hun!
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:19:06 AM
At my age ... it's not necessarily about a man who has never been married or even fathered a child ...

I'm discovering that a lot of men my age have been alone for a while now ... and while I don't think I can say they are "selfish", they do seem to be pretty set in their ways. I suppose to some that could be classified as "selfish" though.

They have specific schedules they follow and it is very routine ... almost carved in stone. They appear to really want a woman in their life but just can't seem to let that routine go enough to make time or room for a woman ... occasionally yes, but not for a true full-time relationship. They appear to be able to commit to a woman, but only to a certain extent ...
For example:
*there will never be any hanging space in their closet for any of her clothes ...
*no small space in the bathroom for her deoderant and "what nots" ...
*no shelf space in the living room for even a couple of her nick-nacks ...
*no available floor space next to the couch for her cute little sewing basket with the unfinished cross stitch that can be done while comfortably sharing time watching a movie ...
*no space in the kitchen cabinets for her favorite cooking pot or favorite pancake turner ...

In a way, it's really kind of sad because these men really want female companionship ... and we ladies really want their companionship as well.

It's just so hard to let people in sometimes.


 ifulike
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 15
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:26:19 AM
I guess i would have to ask if he's had any meaningful relationships? That would be more to the point
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 19
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:48:58 AM
Selfish is......... hogging a whole plate of brownies

What OP is doing is stereotyping.

The only that seperates a person who has been married from a person who hasn't is the experiences.
 tanfastyic
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:50:39 AM
You let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel! I am 53 and if you think I am selfish you couldn't be more wrong! I am here in calif and I live in arizona all because I have a friend that need help with her 11 year old daughter. She needed a mans influence around and someone to do things with her.I went to the father-daughter dance just last night and I am having the time of my life. Check back after Christmas and see what kind of christmas she has!!! Nothing is more imoprtant to me than this girls well being and state of mind!!
Tanfastyic!
 happyvagirl8
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 22
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 10:57:08 AM
WoW I soooo agree with everything that Cotter said. I dated a man for many yrs who has never been married or had any children . and he was exactly like what Cotter described ..best of luck to us all
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 11:09:23 AM
I prefer men who have never been married with no children. In fact, I will not date someone with children. My son is grown. I am not the least bit interested in trying to fit in a ready-made family situation. I am much too spoiled and set in my own life. I enjoy the freedom that I have and in order to successfully date, I probably wouldn't do well with someone who had a child, even part-time. There are so many never married/no children men who live the same life I live. That is what works for me. I certainly don't think others should live my preferences, but I also don't believe anyone should be trash-talking those who feel as I do. Many people don't believe they were placed on this planet to marry and pro-create. It's not a character flaw, it's personal preference.
 bobbill
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 25
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 11:16:59 AM
I've known several people whom have never married for legit reasons. I know a couple of women that were incested by their fathers that had to finish dealing it before going into intimacy [trust, sex as painful]. I know a woman and a man that had such terrible childhoods that they did not want to drag someone else through their pain and depression. Same for manic depression. All are great friends to many people. All but one manic derpession did get problem resolution and became great mates.

I've known others that had these and other problems, did not try to deal with them, or could not deal with them, and made many serial mates miserable. Not surprisingly they blamed others for their problems.

I feel sorry for all of them. I'm not perfect. I've had problems, but I'm grateful that I have had joys and wonderful people in my life too. Two other things. I've known people that appeared to have wonderful marriages that were miserable. Divorce or never married, it usually doesn't take too long to figure if someone is a match for me.

Move On
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 27
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 11:34:06 AM
kh ~ I hope you aren't posting to me, because if you are, I have NO clue what you are talking about. I didn't read your posts, and being that this thread is about men who have never been married, I am mystified as to why on earth you are quoting statistics about sex offenders, but hey ~ knock yourself out, educate the masses on sexual predators, to each their own. I was merely posting On Topic.

The trash-talking I was referring to ~ are those individuals who feel that men who have never married or have chosen not to have children are stereotypically not of sound character. Nothing more, nothing less.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 32
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 12:01:11 PM
Singles often don't keep a home prepared in readiness for casual cohabitation. They usually fill their living space to suit their needs. If you decide to have a second home in their quarters, depriving them of privacy while maintaining your own, you may need to politely ask for a little space for a little spare clothing and toiletries. Don't presume on bringing your favorite items into his kitchen or living room, unless you are moving in together.

I agree with this...there is no need to start storing a lot of your partner's belongings in your living space when they have their own space in which to keep it. A couple of toiletries and an overnight bag don't take up much space - until you decide to move in together (which isn't always necessary) this isn't an issue. That's not selfish, that's just your space.
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 12:13:07 PM
OK so my use of the word forte was wrong...it should of been the stereotype I was brought up with...If I was really that naive and stupid, I wouldnt of come in here and asked for yalls opinions...what amazes me is that so many want to put the person who asks the question down instead of reading thru the different replies...no one is perfect...I had a bad experience w/one person and asked a simple question. As I stated to the rude guy in the beginning...I dont think all men over 35 who havnt been married are selfish, I just had a bad apple...and he (in my book) would also be another bad apple...I agree w/cotter, and some of the other comments about the relationship thing...in their previous relationships, how long did they last, etc, etc....to me its not about who or what, etc, its supposed to be about the person and who they are on the inside...you got to weed thru alot of thorns to get to the roses...as for my not using the words "forte" rite...EXXXXCCCCUUUSSSEEE me.....didnt ask the question to be judged on my vocabulary...some of yall really need to get a life!!! I am 43, single parent of 3, 1 who is still at home, work a full time job and have my own business on the side...how much more growing up do you need? Besides....in all honesty, all of us have a little girl or boy inside of us....if you dont, then you are really missing out on the best things in life! Thanks all for the comments...I enjoyed it!!!!
 SthrnButtrfly
Joined: 10/17/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 12:26:57 PM
My morals so to speak...the way I was brought up...just like the old days when a woman who was 18 and not married was considered an old maid...my mom used to say stay away from men who have never been married over the age of 30...i raised the limit up a bit...guess i need to brush up on my interpetations/vocabulary...and I apologize for calling you rude...
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:11:13 PM
A scary subject- but Halloween is over now.

All I can say is that circumstances are different for everyone.

Myself - I dated a woman off and on and then lived with her for well over 10 years. She was busy going to school to further her education. After that was done we bought a house together and then it was time to married. Unfortunately things fell apart so we separated and sold the house. By this time I was approaching forty.

And man did things change. All this bitterness and mistrust going back and forth, being analyzed by women that barely know me and doing a bit of stereotyping myself. Suffice it to say- if you look too hard you will find something wrong with everybody.

I can see where a single mother would like to have someone with a similar background to share things- its just a preference. But to write off all single men over 35 is the same as discrimination- the whole is judged by certain members.

I think we're all a little damaged because of life experiences but the good comes with the bad. It's up to everyone to try to be a little understanding of each other sometimes.

My 2 cents
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 38
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:26:47 PM
I think that you should start exibiting a selfish trait yourself.

The trait of being able to think for yourself and not blindly follow a heap of old wives tales like a sheep.

IF you are capable of actually thinking for yourself then consider the following possibilites.

1/ There's a difference between intependent and selfish. The selfish person thinks that the world revolves round them. (Far more the blonde bimbo cliche than any sort of single mid aged man) Independent people live their own lives. They don't share much of that life because every offer of sharing that life has been knocked back in the past.

2/ Because you have been told that these poeple are selfish you were expecting that behaviour. By expecting it and responding as such you just about garanteed it.

3/ Your daughter was quite jealous of this threat to her time with you. Very common among kids aged five to fifteen, and made home life with him hostile.


NOW

Don't blindly follow these three possibilites either. There are hundreds of other. Use your eyes and use your brain. Think for yourself. Don't follow cliches.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 40
Dating women who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:32:44 PM
Oh my god.! Me and my gender reversing again

I recently took a chance and went out with a woman who was 39 and never been married. She also had never had any children. This was against my "morals" so to speak because of the old "forte" I was brought up with that women over 35 who have never been married are extremely selfish. This womans reason was that she just hadnt met the "perfect man" She claimed she loved children as well.
Needless to say, she was very selfish , and did not know how to relate to my daughter when i had weekend access (shes 13), altho she did her best to make her feel comfortable and include her in alot of her daily activities (basketball, games, etc). She eventually told me that I needed to choose. If I wanted to keep her I had to cut all ties with my daughter. thus the "forte" I had heard was proven true...that she was selfish.

What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married?
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 11/4/2006 3:05:42 PM
How are you selfish because you haven't been married and haven't had kids? That's one of the dumbest I have ever heard.

Please help me understand your lgic on this one?

And as far as the morals thing goes, I don't get that one either.

Just my $0.02
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating men who have never been married