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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship      Home login  
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 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 2
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationshipPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Holidays and a new relationship could produce difficulties.

Not all of us are into celebrating holidays with family. Imagine how a stranger would feel. Some of us don't have family any family to celebrate with. Most of us have got used to being the last of our family line. Oh, those comments about "Aw, it must be awful to have no family" can get to be a bit much. (You don't miss what you don't have, once you come to heal from the lose of loved ones.)

I can remember a few years ago, my partner asked me to attend a large family dinner on Christmas day. I asked him if he thought I should buy his two children (17 and 19) gifts, as I didn't want to embarrass them, if they hadn't bought me anything. He said that he didn't think it would be appropriate at that point in our relationship. Sure enough his children each bought me a nice gift. I felt like scum.

I had bought a gift for the hostess. Some people did exchange gifts with family members at this dinner.

Joining a new family group is great if done slowly, but throwing a new person right into meeting a large family can be tough, especially is ex's are present. In this case, I hit it off with my new partners ex and I hit it off great, and he seemed uncomfortable with that. (Hum....what was that about )

Good luck to anyone facing that situation this year.

The only thing we can do is communicate with the new partner, and get their opinion on the whole situation.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/4/2006 5:29:52 PM
If they have small children, I won't be going
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 6
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:06:29 PM
Some of us choose not to have children. I don't date men with dependant children.

For several years, I have gone to a Christmas get together with a friends family. This summer, her brother married a women with a child from hell. Most childfree family members will not be attending this year Christmas dinner if the child from hell is going. It was always such a pleasure to chill with this family and enjoy being with them for their Christmas dinner. Why should anyone be exposed to children from hell and their stress. Not the childs fault that she has been allowed to act this way. Not our responsibility to spend several hours with her making nice when all we want to be is educate the mother, and leave the situation asap.

Christmas should be about children. Too bad a lot of parents don't teach their children how to act responsible.

When celebrating the holidays when in a new relationship, it is best to find out what both partners enjoy, and respect their right to have their own opinons, likes and dislikes.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 7
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:51:44 AM
I will be celebrating my Christmas at the begining of December in my favourite holiday destination Cuba. The actual week of Christmas will be spent packing for a celebration in Mexico City. I will be as usual, getting together with friends during Christmas to enjoy each others company. If I meet someone between now and Christmas, he will have to accept that my plans to be out of the country are set. Certainly, if he has some plans that he invites me to share, it would be my pleasure to join him.

Am I worried about not being part of a couple for the holidays - no - I am looking forward to spending time relaxing with people who mean a great deal to me.

Would I like to meet the right person to spend future holidays with - of course, but I won't be letting the grass grow under my feet until I meet that person.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 8
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:00:53 AM
...I wanna be someplace warm for Christmas too..can I join you two haha. I would not let a new relationship get in the way of Christmas celebrations, besides at this age there is very few of us with smaller children. My last one at home is a teenager.... He would be more than welcome to join us and I would not expect any gift exchanges...unless it was something really nice for me of course...kidding.



...maeflowers
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 9
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:21:16 AM
I would give something to the person I was seeing, such as baked Christmas cookies, home-made bread,a cake, or something I had made.I would feel more comfortable giving from my heart. If they also had children, I would make them something like Gingerbread cookies or cupcakes decorated for Christmas. It would definitely be to be a give from my heart.
 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 12
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/2/2007 12:48:41 PM
I have limited my gift giving for everyone so a new man would not be an exception. Instead of gift giving I try to throw a giant shin dig with all the trimmings.
This year I have to work on Thanksgiving so if anyone wants to drop off a pity plate of food I will be happy to indulge.
 mamatigress
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 14
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/2/2007 6:15:53 PM
Robin,
You will never cease to amaze me. I had never even considered the glow bracelets and we have a large family so we never know who is going to show up. I usually buy extra coloring books and crayons just in case. Have a great evening,
Martha
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 15
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/2/2007 9:42:01 PM
....Geez, I just realized, almost a year to the day and I'm about to celebrate another holiday season without a significant other...even more horrifying, I will be showing up yet again, dateless at another Christmas staff party.....I've been a very good girl this year, maybe if I ask Santa nicely, he'll have a surprise for me under the Christmas tree this year....


* she hums softly to herself invisioning how he might look wearing only a great big bow*

...maeflowers

 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 17
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 11/3/2007 6:23:06 AM
Not all us "live Aloners who have no family need company on the holidays. I often get invitations which I decline at least half the time.

As a "live aloner" I used to feel lonely on holiday when I felt sorry for myself. Then I realize what did I have to feel sorry for myself for. I could spend holidays anyway I wanted. How many people to I listen to who "have" to spend time with relatives they don't like during the holidays?

I can choose to do what I want, which is usually to do business inventory and finish off my year end before going south for a winter vacation.
 forallintents
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 18
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:55:50 PM

What would you do if each of you has kids as well?
The children should be exchanged as gifts; an even trade. It's an old custom from someplace and we must not question why.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 19
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:32:03 AM
Avoiding someone that you are interested in can just delay and cause you both problems as you try to get to know one another, during the holiday time.

Most our age know that the holidays are traditional times doing traditional things with family and friends. Somehow I do not think another would mind if you do not spend a great deal of time with each other as you work your way through the holidays.

The whole point is to be open with your communications and try to make some time for each other as you feel comfortable with the situation and not put either of you in an awkward place during the holidays, and yet not even try to get to know one another better.

I think it best to just send a card, make sure that neither believes that gifts and activities are necessary at all, and to have at least one date enjoying each other during the same time frame that you are with family and friends.

Meeting each others families and going to friends parties can be uncomfortable for the both of you, so talking about it, and understanding if either one chooses not to participate in some of the activities invited to join, should be understood.

I guess the main thing is to treat them as you would like to be treated, and understand them as you want to be understood....

Just my opinion.......
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 20
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:02:49 PM
Deck the halls, etc. Time to bump this baby, lol!

 rustygetsit
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 21
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:04:12 PM
The two of us, at midnight, standing quietly outside in awe of the holiday night - silently reflecting upon the past; hopeful for the future - then see where it goes from there ... that is, if I HAD a new love in a new relationship ...
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 22
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:47:26 PM
When I was married, Christmas was tough because I'm not Christian and would have to spend the entire morning, noon, and night with my in-laws and extended family. The pressure to shop for that many, and the frenzy of that many people in their forced happiness was difficult to take on. First Thanksgiving and Christmas after the divorce I was home, alone, doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted, in peace. It was wonderful.

Each year since then I've been seeing someone for some months, looking forward to a romantic holiday and thinking this year it's going well, I may have someone special to share the holidays with (my biggies are the winter solstice and new years). Then, they implode in the first or second week of December.

This year, once again, someone special leading up to the holidays. We're starting to do that tentative planning dance that new couples do. But I'm trying to not get my hopes up. Just trying to take it one day at a time.

And I'm with the earlier poster - I prefer to give baked gifts. I love baking and I think they are the right balance between personal but not too much.
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 23
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:16:40 PM
If we were in a relationship but not married, then do the same as
you always have when giving, until you marry, nothing changes.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 24
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 10:49:15 PM
....Geez, I just realized, almost a year to the day and I'm about to celebrate another holiday season without a significant other...even more horrifying, I will be showing up yet again, dateless at another Christmas staff party.....I've been a very good girl this year, maybe if I ask Santa nicely, he'll have a surprise for me under the Christmas tree this year....


* she hums softly to herself invisioning how he might look wearing only a great big bow*

...maeflowers


...And yet another year has gone by .....staff Christmas party coming up on Friday, yeah you know the rest of the story....this is sad, really, really sad.

...maeflowers
 ~Heart~Tunes~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 25
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/2/2009 11:02:45 PM
I would just let such a person know that they couldn't possibly compete with the warmth and fulfillment of my memories of holiday's past. Let it go. I'm fully prepared to accept your mediocrity.
 CloudHidden
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 26
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 5:35:08 AM
I see far too many people around me doing for Christmas what they are “supposed to do” and resenting it. I gave up on Christmas 15 years ago and haven’t bought into all of the artificial fluff since then; I’m not a Christian believer, not a child or a commercialist so the day holds no meaning besides getting that ingrained Norman Rockwell image out of my head.

I hope to start any new holiday sharing on the terms we make as a couple, not on where I’m to fit in some one else’s plans. Did Thanks Giving this year with my new fish and while it was far from traditional, it was spontaneous and fun, it will be one to remember, what the next month hold is open to the same spontaneity and respect of the others wishes also.

I’m a big proponent of reinventing the holidays instead of getting caught in traditional misery and “have to do” attitudes. Be creative, live your own life, not some one else’s and when you meet in the middle, who knows what you can create together! Last year I went to a Chinese buffet with a friend of mine!
 Geezer-glide
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 27
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 6:19:24 AM

...And yet another year has gone by .....staff Christmas party coming up on Friday, yeah you know the rest of the story....this is sad, really, really sad.

...maeflowers


Makes me glad I'm "retired"! No office parties to worry about...

Also, no "relationship" new or otherwise, to worry about, so I guess I shouldn't be in this thread!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 28
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 7:11:50 AM
I always give the little ones something cause it brings me joy period.
I know sometimes the bigger ones switch names in families.
My family doesn't switch names we just try to keep the cost down or a lot of times we will make something.
I think that a person comming into your family should respect your traditions also and you respect theirs.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 29
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 7:48:54 AM
Being retired everyday is like a holiday to me.. However I have gone to my older son's huge Xmas party that he holds every year in Toronto..

I will unfortunately miss it this year.. When in a new relationship years ago we celebrated it together on Christmas Eve.. I bought him a huge dream catcher since he has admired the one that is hanging over my fire place.

thecatsmeoww
 Jim in NB
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 30
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How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 3:01:35 PM
First thing would be to talk it over with your new interest. It would be pretty presumptious to make the decision unilaterly. I think if you are both without families to spend the holiday with, it could be pretty straightforward. If kids are involved, even teenagers, you have to respect the traditions of each family. Keep it upbeat and respect each other without putting too much expectations and it should be alot of fun. As far as gifts and stuff like that, if you have exhcanged messages, enjoyed and got along on the first few get togethers, then you are probably spending time with someone who has the same expectations and ideals which probably extends to the holidays. If in doubt, share and ask. Merry Christmas!
 Blondie McBlondie
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 31
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 7:52:23 PM
I finally learned- be the Halloweenie rather than get Halloweenie-tized...no new relationships right b4 xmas

Now if I am single this time of year, I wait until after Valentines Day to get into a relationship...
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 32
How to Celebrate the Holidays when in a new relationship
Posted: 12/3/2009 8:27:34 PM
I agree with the posters about communication on the subject. This is just like any other issue that will come in a budding relationship. Or even a commited one for that matter. The holiday are about giving afterall so give yourselves a good start and solve it before it becomes a problem.

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