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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > is it harder to date as we get older?      Home login  
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 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 2
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is it harder to date as we get older?Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Hmmm, it wasn't too easy dating when I was younger either.

Tink, Calgary
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/4/2006 8:33:03 PM
The events that I attend these days consist of many women, and one or two husbands who got dragged there by their wives. Work revolves around women. What's a lady to do to find a decent place to meet a decent man?
 wishful58
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 5
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/4/2006 9:24:18 PM
... I sucked at dating when I was younger, .... and I suck at it now! ..... But I guess that doesn't keep me from trying .... gosh darn those primal urges .. that need/want to be in a relationship .... sometimes ...... just wanna squash 'em! Is it harder to date as we get older? .... for me yes .... more considerations ... we all have our pasts to contend with ... the baggage has to be sorted, and aired, and then put away ..... some have done that... some haven't .... if you're over 45 and "out there" ...... you have a past ...... you have your "sensitive issues" ..... it sure keeps life interesting .......
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 17
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:39:52 AM
"Do women lose the ability to flirt?"

I can only speak for myself. The older I get, the less patience I have for unwanted attention from men I am not attracted to. Flirt with any man who comes along............I don't think so.

It is a huge turn off to me to have a man want to rush me into dating. All those excuses about meeting right away to test our chemistry start sounding so desperate. I am looking to date someone who is comfortable with himself, and shares similiar values, and lifestyle to mine. If he rushes me, I won't be doing any flirting. I will just be telling him that I am not interested.

I have an enjoyable life even though I don't date much. Why would I want to date people that I am not interested in or who I find unattractive. That would take away time from the things I do enjoy doing.

Some people find it very important to date as much as possible. They need to find someone to be a couple with. If that is what makes them comfortable, then that is what they should do. However, being pushy isn't going to improve their chances with someone who is taking their time to find the right person for them.
 servnprotec
Joined: 10/31/2006
Msg: 18
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:55:01 AM
Ho yes it is the criterias seems to multiply with ages, we don't risk as much because we have been burnt at least once and I think deep down we try so hard to find that we mixe oursevles up with too many choice. I rember " Hi, would you like to go out with me" and that was it who cared if the other was a smoker or not, long term yea 1 week, 1 month? Must not have a beard, must like children, most not have communicated with wathever?????? Are we realy being honest. I should state for the ladies I have met "look's great , has a good job, and is own house and car" Guys we need to had criterias 2 or we will never get a date.
Still time have changed and we become more carefull and sadly more hypocrite with age so that is my way to see it and I just took my profile of cause I am not and never will be perfect.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 19
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:36:54 AM
hypocrite - to know what we want and know what we don't want? When we are young, we didn't know who we were as a person. Now we do. Desperation may makes some people put up with things that they can't stand in a partner - is that going to work long term. I don't think so.

Hopefully, as we get older, we have developed interests that make us happy. The choice becomes, I could spend my time doing something I enjoy, or I could take a chance that the person asking for a date, that I already don't think I have any interest in being with MAY end up of interest. To me it is a no brainer on the choices I make.

I find it interesting that if a person is strong, and knows what they want, the type of people they don't want to be with, criticize that person because............who knows.

When I read someone's profile, and it lists things that I don't qualify for, the only thing I think is that I will respect their choices, and not waste their time. I am glad that this person knows what they want.
 2findU
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 23
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 12:38:03 PM
Dating has never been easy. But finding a date has been getting harder since I relocated. Very few fish in my section of the sea. And the few that there are, are unresponsive.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 26
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:36:37 PM
Without having read all the posts, here's my take on the subject.

Dating just as a social activity is not harder, what IS harder is dating that fosters the development of a meaningful,committed relationship! I'm not complaining, just making an observation. Many people over 45 have been through one or more couplehood breakdowns...be it divorce(s) or simply the ending of a LTR. Many people over 45 HAVE a spouse but would still like to date somebody else because they are bored, or lonely within the marriage...OH HELL let's call a spade a spade, they want to date for sex!

And if you are lucky to meet up with someone who IS looking for the same things you are, then there is the whole "set in my ways" issue. Possibly more of us need to give a larger consideration to the concept of being someone's SO without getting married and/or cohabiting. Yeah yeah I know, 2 can live as cheap as one, but if it's a constant battle to do that, you might want to re-think your definition of "cheap". I'd love to have a SO that I could send home to his own house when he got on my nerves, and he of course would have the same privilege(to send ME home to my own house, etc,etc) Of course the tricky part would be to keep that action from feeling like anger or rejection...

Maybe it IS harder!
Cindy O
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 28
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 7:50:36 PM
...Mental note to self....get rid of list.


...maeflowers
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 29
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:00:09 PM
Being selective, knowing what you in a datemate isn't being judgemental, but showing good judgement, and common sense. I don't consider it criticism if someone knows what they want, and it isn't me.

I don't take rejection personally. Not all people are going to enjoy each other's company. To share your company with someone, you both need to really like the other person.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 30
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:07:15 PM
...I have been single for more than ten years and have been out of this whole dating arena til early this year. It was difficult when I was younger and still is. I hate the first encounter...I too feel like its an interview process and I sit there wondering what hes thinking...Thats what I like about POF....I have the opportunity to really get to know someone before we actually meet...he knows what I look like and I him....even with all that I still find it a bit stressful though.



...maeflowers
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 32
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:38:21 PM
^^^ Wise post pup dreams. It is best to really make sure we have deal with all those issues. The answers to those questions will let us know if we really want to date, what we are looking for both in ourselves and the person we date, and what we want in a future relationship to turn into. It is wise to chat with the other person we are considering meeting to get an idea of how they feel about all those important questions.

I some times feel that some people have an empty hole left in their lives when they find themselves single, and just want to replace the hole with someone who will fit into the same old lifestyle that they had before with the last person in their lives, but without the breakup.

I hope to find someone who is ready to create a new lifestyle that reflects both of us.
 Wrenchspinner
Joined: 10/19/2004
Msg: 33
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:38:12 PM
The "dating" part of it all seems much easier than it was in my younger years, especially the 1st dates. What I find a bit more difficult is trying to blend a life full of experiences and lessons learned in with the present day world and the realities it encompasses !

As we've aged and lived through the things that have forged us into the people we are today so much is seemingly apparent in what definitely will and won't work for us in the realm of a relationship which essentially narrows the field quite a bit from the thoughts we had at 20 or so.

At 20 so many things that were intially "cute differences" that eventually drove me to distraction weren't yet known to me. Time, experience and all the other issues like kids, dealin with Exs and all the other myriad of facets of life at this stage of he game didn exist in that earlier lifetime, which made a lot of things seem like all the more simple choices.

For myself, dating at 50 is of itself easier, but falling in love, well .... that's another story altogether
 jennie1956
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 44
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:22:43 PM
yes i think so

when we are younger we tend to go out with blokes around our age but when in 50's men seem to want younger women and that is probably why their relationships fail.

i also feel that at our age we have all been through a separation or lost a loved one and are very careful and guard what belongs to us and our children.

when you are young you have the dream of achieving possessions together but at our age we protect what we have and are cautious.
 jennie1956
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 45
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:29:23 PM
hey there

u look great. stop downing yourself. what u describe in yourself applies to most of us. and by the way your "problem" there is pills for that or nasal spray lol. you will be fine. you are great looking.
 jennie1956
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 46
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 11/21/2006 6:31:17 PM
hey

my last message was for ALTERED EGO
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 47
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:17:32 PM
well, to me it's easier. but maybe my definition is different. for the most part, i have what i guess you would call "activity partners". there was initial interest in some romantically, but for whatever reason that hasn't happened with anyone since my last signigicant other. i don't think i am more judgemental than before, maybe just more realistic. i dated this man "passionately" for a while after my divorce. met him on another environmentally oriented site. the relationship seems to have scared him. i think he feared success. he was really happy there for quite a while and then boom, he started taking "my" inventory! i never made demands upon him. i still have a teen to get through high school and he apparently was making all these projections that never even entered my mind. i was just ecstatically happy. now we are just friends. it was difficult for me in the beginning, but i'm over it. i just make sure to keep meeting new people and being open. by being new in my area and joining a lot of activities and groups, i meet a lot of "datable" people and since i do want a one man, long term relationship, i am going to have to trust that the heavens will keep me in miind. i probably date more now than before. but i do make meeting people a priority. just try not to get disappointed when "he" is not YET the One!
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 64
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 1/29/2007 9:35:34 AM
It is for me. I tend to put too much thought into WHO rather than just "check it out". But, you haven't seen the emails I get, so it is hard to explain why it is harder for me.
 elliebab
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 80
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/2/2007 7:33:43 PM
Yes, it is harder as some of the guys I've met are so tight they squeak when they walk...went to the gambling casino one night with someone I met on this website and he didn't even offer a single $1.00 for gambling. He said he worked too hard for his money. Why did he even bother to go as it would have been a favor to me if he stayed at home. He really thought he was a lady killer also as he almost broke his neck to talk to a co-worker and was smiling from ear to ear afterwards. He should have taken her as far as I was concerned. He left and never even said goodby as he had to get up early. I still wish guys like this wouldn't make the effort to even get a date.

Another guy thinks he can bs me with all the women coming on to him. This guy even thought I would have dinner with him after all the ---- he told me about other women he'd been with. He was so disgusting I wouldn't even want him as a neighbor. He simply can't understand why he can't keep a girlfriend. Now you know why his wife divorced him and took their kids many years ago. This guy has no respect for women and feels as though there is nothing wrong with the way he behaves or talks.

It's ok for them to talk like that, but a woman has to walk on egg shells around them as their egos are easily bruised.

Am chosing being by myself for obvious reasons.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 107
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/8/2007 7:58:23 PM
so while we are on the topic of dating, it seems some men are fearful of dancing. is it because the music doesn't move you, or you just don't like dancing? would you take dancing lessons if your "woman" liked very much to dance?
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 111
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/9/2007 10:31:58 AM
would you take dancing lessons if your "woman" liked very much to dance?
Good question ...

I have been doing Western Style Square Dancing for over 35 years ...

It's not a heavy "impact" type of dancing, and the moves are quite simple. You do not have to memorize an entire dance routine in order to do it and it's great exercise. However, it is against the rules to "drink and dance". So if you're looking for that combination ... stay clear of that dancing.

We go out after dancing and do enjoy a drink, but just as it's not advisable to drink and drive, we also suggest you do not "drink and dance". The problem is that you will screw up the square and that affects the other 7 dancers involved.

For those of you who do not know what it is ... it is not the type of square dancing commonly thought of or as shown on that age old show, "The Midwestern Hayride" ... that was eastern style square dancing and my description of that is ...

"Swing your partner 'round and 'round, throw her in the toilet, and flush her down."

If you learn to do this type of dancing, you will find organized clubs to dance with all over the world ... not just in the US or Canada. The calls are taught and called in English all over the world. So for those of you who travel ... I would highly recommend this.

I personally have danced all over the US, Canada, and Germany. My parents danced all through Europe one summer. As they traveled through Europe, they met up with dancers and made a host of friends that were still in touch with them until they passed away. It has been my experience that square dancers are among the friendliest people I've ever met.

And men ... they always have tooooo many women. We need men. You learn how to dance and you can have your pick from any number of women who are excellent dancers.


My personal opinion ... there's not much more "sexier" than a man who knows his way around a dance floor.

WHEW!!!!
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 117
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/10/2007 1:11:03 AM
cotter, is there a name for your group if it's international? if you cannot post it, can you email me? thanks. i went to a local jazz club tonite with a male friend and we took salsa lessons. i know the cha cha, merangue, etc. even used to do the peabody, but i really want to learn the tango again. that's been a very long time ago. tonite was fun and lots of singles in this crowd, but i don't think they will be getting into the tango. once i find a teacher, fishnet stockings here i come! that is if i don't fall on my face first! i used to square dance in greenwich village when i was a ny'er. i've also taken line dancing and the other cowboy stuff. it's pretty leggy. i like more rythmic music where you can use the rest of your body. i think it's a great way/place to meet singles. but then again, i am in an area where there are a lot of singles. it sounds like some of you are in the suburbs or small towns where it' s hard to meet people. bummer...here i meet a lot of people. just haven't met the "long term/committed person" yet for me. but i have no doubt that i will when it's right.
 judys_niece
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 120
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/11/2007 10:23:58 AM
Remo....don't be so hard on yourself. Nothing wrong with what I see in the pic...maybe you oughta move from Boyse....obviously the women there are blind!
 TickleBearLuv
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 121
is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:12:51 AM
I have founed its easy for me to meet women as I got older. After my first week on hear I had a date. Had anuther set up for that night. She canseled out on me for the next week but was chating on yahoo with a 3rd that I talked to on hear she invited me over and we have been togeather almost 4 mon now and is all we think abouht for eachother.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 127
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is it harder to date as we get older?
Posted: 8/12/2007 1:17:25 PM
Dating can be easier with all the conveniences of technology now that many of us never had when younger........using cell phones, computers, email, texting, etc.

What is more difficult is finding that availability of others similar to ourselves with age, interests, and other forms of compatibility. We might end up having a larger gap with dating ages that we may find acceptable, but truly finding others that are in a similar place in life as we are, seems to be much more difficult as we get older.

I do not have a solution for it, and just keep on searching along with concentrating on being satisfied with myself, my life, and my single situation. Being alone does not necessarily mean that we are lonely, just means that we have not found that "certain" person that completes the picture of being just as happy, if not more so, but not alone.

Just my opinion......
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