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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I still love you but I am not in love with you.....      Home login  
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 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 5
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

" I still love you but I am not in love with you....."

I love this phrase. My ex used it on me. It's the same as "It's not you, it's me." It's just a BS line people try to use because they don't want to feel bad for hurting you. It's ridiculous. People should just be honest, but even I have to admit that saying "I don't want to f@ck you any more but I do want to f@ck othere people" sounds a bit crass.


How could he not love you, you're as cute as a button, and sound like a joy to be around. It's unfortunate he feels that way.


Suck up
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 10
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:22:24 AM

So who else has got this line when your other half decides to call it quits?


*raises hand*...........meeeee!....


sucks more than a hundred horsepower shop-vac too...doesnt it?
 Jfoxie59
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 27
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:38:32 PM
I have only heard that expression once in my life time a friend of mine her husband told her that .Now I have been married for 26 yrs and my husband had always said I love you and so have I .He is dead now but I think this new set of rules is set by the man as he wants out of what he is in .This word love u is spoken today like it means nothing at all anymore it is jsut a common expression everyone uses and doesnt mean a thing at all and it is a shame .I only use the word I love you when I really mean it otherwise I will say I like u a lot or I care for u .We all need to go back to the times when peopke were sincere and trueful
 El Guapo76
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 28
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:38:12 PM
It just means that he cares about you and respects you a lot, but the spark on the emotional level is gone for one reason or another. As for "friends" that's practically impossible to pull off when two people are on separate pages. Don't let him use you as a crutch, move on to greener pastures.
 Walking in Memphis
Joined: 9/1/2005
Msg: 30
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/14/2006 10:23:56 PM
LMAO!! Wow is that ever true !! ^^^^^

In my meager life I have expreinced that saying once and only once ... Right before I caught her sleeping with her best friend when I went by to pick up the last of my things.

It is the cheap way out of things ... Kinda like the "K-Mart Blue light special" way of breaking up with some one ... You know ... Buy it now and you get this fabulous knick nack for free !!

I have always appreciated the truth no matter how hard it was. At least if it is the truth then i can get a start on moving on and not spin my wheels.




 kitsguy4u
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 40
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/15/2006 1:43:13 AM
I was once on the receiving end of that line...

Basically they are telling you its over but they dont want you to be mad for getting dumped.

There are much worse ways to get given your notice its over. At least he gave you a clue rather than cheating on you or treating you like crap so you finally dump him.
 prettty_lady
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 41
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/15/2006 2:01:43 AM
passion_fire:

I've never had this line but it sounds like a common cop-out for many guys.


I now think it was just a way for him to keep me attached to him without the commitment. We were trying to be friends but now he has become increasingly cold to me.


I think you know exactly what's going on! And you don't need it!!
Take it for what you know it to mean, and move on.

You deserve better. Someone that doesn't always put their feelings first, under the guise of "sparing you".
 Neonmitch
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 48
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/15/2006 10:09:46 AM
@OP: I'm a member of the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" club as well.

I also don't understand logic of this phrase. The nearest I can figure is that the infatuation has worn off, the honeymoon is over, etc. and reality sets in to yourr committment-phobic EX.

Oops did that sound bitter and angry LOL??
 mogrl
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 59
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:49:27 PM
He was only your boyfriend and not your husband.Hopefully you didn`t share kids with him.
It`s a lot more pain when you have to go and get a divorce attorney involved.Live and learn and move on.
 Maizy5
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 70
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 10:20:50 AM
not sure why people can't just say what the really mean. I am a huge believer in being blunt. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. and there is nothing wrong with that. Why can't people accept that. Hey you tried. Everyone is not meant for everyone, fact of life. That's why we date.
 SteveHD
Joined: 3/9/2005
Msg: 74
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/16/2006 12:19:17 PM
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....


Um...from personal experience... "I still love you, but I don't want to be in a relationship" doesn't go over so well.

Actually, neither does ""I still love you, but I want to date other people." or "I don't love you anymore."

Recently I had a girl break up with me because she felt like a monkey with her hand stuck in a jar with a piece of fruit. She knew she'd be trapped unless she let go of me...or at least that's what she said...

Whatever the case, it was okay by me...I can dig it.

Then she got mad because I:

changed my status on POF

didn't call her

still live in the same town

umm...moved on.
 sean270
Joined: 5/16/2005
Msg: 88
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/17/2006 1:27:56 AM
Ok fundamentally people, and im not going to generalize or stereotype, believe that once you enter into a relationship it stays at the same level - FOREVER AND EVER !!!! A falacy, love and life are both fluid, therefore subject to evolving and changing at any given time. I believe you do far more damage when you stay in a relationship just so no one gets hurt. The reality being that no one leaves unscarred in some fashion. When you enter into a relationship there is no promise that it will last forever or that the shape of the initall love instilled does not change, now this does not make it right or wrong, it just makes it what it is - LIFE !!!!!!!!
 underwarranty
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 99
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/18/2006 12:49:50 PM
All this line means is "all we ever could be is friends", but the way its given is as a false hope.

This is a continuation of the 80s garbage, "we can still be friends".

Its a lie, there's no such thing as a good breakup if there was you wouldn't break up anyways.

Only an honest breakup.
 Reel Tyme
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 104
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/18/2006 5:41:08 PM
ITS A DEFENSE MECHNISM BECAUSE HE CANNOT BE TRUTHFUL.

SIGN: "IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME."
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 116
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 12:47:07 PM
No one ever said this line to me, but I can see how it
does make sense.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 118
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 12:59:27 PM
Well, actually, I wasn't thinking along those lines cutiepants^
I am thinking more about how one is in love, and the other person
may have done something bad to them, so then they might still
care about the first, but be so hurt as to not "be in love"
with that person any longer ..........do I make sense?
 bobbill
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 127
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 2:57:07 PM
It takes time and stages to grow into loving someone. It takes time and stages to disengage with a loved one. I've felt this way and have had a woman tell me first. I understand it very well.

"I'm not in love with you" = I do not want romance, do not see a future.
"I still love you " = I still have strong feelings about you, respect you, and care for your well-being.
 averaone
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 134
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 5:20:48 PM
I recieved this line by my ex-wife almost 3 years ago. This means they are cheating a true sign they have strayed from the relationship, maybe not in a sexual way but they have already emotionally attached themselves to someone else no matter what they say this HAS HAPPENED. We as people either love or do not it is as simple as that. Love does not mean being happy all the time also, love means being committed no matter what. My parents have been married over 50 years and ask them about love. It is really really hard sometimes but love means committment, not just when I am happy. We live in such a selfish society that it tells us either, we are happy and stay, or unhappy and leave. Not True, if I felt that way about everything in my life then I would never stay or do anything for anyone.
Best Wishes honey on you finding a mate I gave up......................Mike
 averaone
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 135
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 5:28:08 PM
Then why did you my friend marry her? I really wonder about people read my blog there are not several types of love my good man only one either you are or you are not. I love my friends the same way I love my ex mate I would do anything for them not wanting anything in return (and that means love). But people from broken homes have a tendency to do the same in their adult lives (your mother and father were divorced). If that the case I am sorry but grow up and do not get in any more marriages unless you really understand love. We list many type of loves on sites but there is only one. One where you are willing to give of yourself no matter what the cost is to you for that person to be happy. If you cannot do this then it is not love it is lust.....................
 averaone
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 136
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/20/2006 5:33:30 PM
Yeah right that sounds great but not reality at all. There again is only one type of love either you love them and willing to give of yourself not matter what the cost is to you or you are not no in between. I am with this to my friends, family and my mate. This is the down fall of our society this trying to understand different phases of love and grief. As a Physchology Major our so called medical society really only knows and puts terms on emotions that they do not understand. They cannot fix them either. They can prescribe something maybe a pill to cover up an emotion but they cannot make it go away. Our emotions are real and we need to understand simplicity is the key to life.
 luvbug03301
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 143
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/21/2006 1:41:59 PM
I got that line in my last relationship! Easy way out i guess. Men suck sometimes!! Move on and I'm sure he'll regret it later.
 Fidodido73
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 147
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 11/22/2006 2:26:09 AM
This is just because you are a nice girl and he doesn't want to hurt you but it's also unfair as he is not stating that clearly..

It's kind of a "Been there done that" experience for me. I did at some point say it as I was not ready for a commitment back then. I meant every word of it and I still do. I'm happy knowing that she is happy but the friendship part didn't work we barely meet or talk and I can understand that it is just fair. On the other hand it was told to me by an ex, well not exactly but the female version of it the “Lets be friends for a while” BS.. I knew what it meant right away but because I was ready then and my feelings were much stronger I thought it might work out… Heh heh .. Turned out to be a BIG WASTE OF TIME. So my advice to you is to terminate this relationship in case it will cause you any pain (and it will) or it might interfere with a future one (and again it will). I know it is hard since you still have this feelings for him but as they say “time heals everything” & you are in Plenty Of Fish.. Happy

Finally Trust me in one thing: It’s his loss and he ill know it..

Cheers
K
 Fidodido73
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 155
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I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 12/6/2006 10:13:14 PM

i have to tell you that i feel the same way about my ex boyfriend
i was the one to tell him that i love him but that i'm not IN love with him and it's the honest truth and i STILL feel that way 2 years later


*Just curios* How do you both feel after it took you two years to figure that out? & Was it your call, his or a common one?


basically what it means is that we love and respect you, we care about you, we want you to be happy, we enjoy your personality, it's just that there is no *spark* left.. there is nothing beyond caring for you as you would a family member


But this is a different type of love, so do you mean to say that love changed over the time from passionate to platonic?!!

this can actually be much more healthy than an intimate relationship
my ex and i have a WAY better relationship now than we ever did
look at things in a positive light

IMHO, That is great if you both feel good about it & Mutual feelings exists..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sphinx-fire... Well said, nuff said ..

Cheers
 1ofakindgt
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 161
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 12/7/2006 7:08:53 PM
Love does not have to hurt but it often seems to. When you listen to the music of love you will hear it telling stories about the pain and sorrow of unfulfilled love. Someone left, someone cheated, or someone died and left someone sad and alone. Love is such a strong positive emotion that it is inevitable that there will be some pain associated with it at some time. This is Nature's law of opposites. For every force there is an equal and opposite force to hold it in balance. As much as our love would soar as a bird on the air, there is gravity to bring it back to earth…sometimes falling but usually gliding.

Passion, is a bird on wing in the thin air of the highest sky without a net. Passion is blissful delight. It's exciting, thrilling, and we feel so alive. You remember your first love and you always will while those that follow diminish in the distance and fade in the past.

First love and passion unlock so many feelings that it's hard to describe them all: euphoria, peace, tenderness, tingling, jealousies, and complete connection are but a few. Passion is a sweet anesthesia that blinds us to anything that might come between us. Love, in the passion stage, holds a power for that moment that can overcome everything.

When judgment is replaced with passion, people tend to make different decisions than they otherwise would. You dated and maybe even married that person even though you sensed that there were major differences between you. You somehow thought that they weren't important or that they would change. Then you realized, when the passion wore off as it always does, that maybe things weren't as great as you thought. That realization and the following break-up were hard. It hurt. It seems as though love always hurts.

The truth, however, is that love does not hurt but it is the falling out of love or not having love that really hurts. And the higher you are, such as in the heights of passion or the tower of a long-term love, the harder the fall. A break-up, divorce, death, or abandonment are some of the most painful experiences of life because we miss our love so much.

We all need two things in life 1. To not be alone or feel alone, and 2. To be appreciated and loved for whom we are. Love brings us together and loneliness reminds us that we are missing something in life. You may not even understand it but the forces are there. We seek fulfillment in the love of others when we often need to love ourselves just as much.

"Love is the passionate and abiding desire on
the part of two or more people to produce
together conditions under which each can
be, and spontaneously express, his real self:
to produce together an intellectual soil and an
emotional climate in which each can flourish,
far superior to what either could achieve alone."

From "Apples of Gold" - unattributed quote
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 163
I still love you but I am not in love with you.....
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:55:14 AM
I got that one once.

I think that it comes from them 'feeling it' - love toward the other, say.

They just choose those words to express what they feel. Doesn't me that, I feel, there is a differnce from loving someone and being 'in love'.

Maybe because, say, I 'love' my family members - some chose the phrase 'in love' to describe a romantic feeling to distinguish the two.

Funny all that we associate with the word LOVE and all of the possible interpretations.

Once, I closed an email 'Love, Steve' - that unintentionally ended that relationship. I guess - to her - it meant that I loved her and she went running. :-S My bad.
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