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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?      Home login  
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 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 4
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
People that are just seeking long term relationships have to make a decision quickly on whether or not to continue seeing the other person. Probably don't intend to serial date when they start, but the grass will always look greener on the next profile. Or maybe they just get hooked on the coffee..and don't want to drink alone.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 6
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 8:25:36 AM
I once read a theory that some people have a cycle of time they spend in a relationship. After thinking about it, certain people I know long term have a pattern of only being in a relationship for approxiately 2 or 3 years, then the relationship falls apart. Maybe some serial dates are the same, but instead of 2 or 3 years, it's 2 or 3 weeks.
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 10
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 9:48:12 AM
I hold issue with this thread. Never in my life have I pursued more than one man at a time. What is different about on line dating is that you get emails from numerous "hello, my name is --- and I liked your profile". I try not to discount each reply just because I am getting to know someone else at that moment. It is hard and strange to juggle all the possibilities but I don't think of it as serial dating. I have been IM with a man that all he has to say is mmmmm. I still reply to emails thinking that Mr. Right will grab my attention. I don't go into the "you are reply # 8" and will put you on the back burner until I weed through 1-7. I'm serious about a long term relationship and willing to serial date until the time comes that I find the right one. Until then, yeah, I serial date.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 11
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:10:54 AM
When I think of serial dating, I think about a person who just want to date different people long term. It is a hard call when you plan a meet and greet with someone you haven't met yet, and then receive a message from someone you think might be of interest. I laugh at myself sometimes, thinking wait a min. you haven't met guy #1 yet - chance are it will go any other person who doesn't interest you, so you owe them nothing.

I think that is different from going on your fourth date with someone, but still acting online like you aren't seeing any body. I haven't had a fourth date is so long, it hasn't been an issue for me
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 12
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:24:33 AM
I'd say people can serial date, or look for greener grass, online or off...too bad they don't remember that the grass has to be mowed regardless of what side it's on. In my experience, those looking for a long-term relationship or marriage date in a couple of different ways: some people find it better to date one person at a time, and when that doesn't work out, find a nother one to date; others find it better to date several people (operative word is date - they're not sleeping with any of them) and when they find the one they like the best, they date that one exclusively, and share intimacy with them. Neither is wrong; it's personal preference. But I've come to think that the second way works better in the long run, as you take the time to get to know someone before getting too emotionally and intimately involved, so you can weed out those who would never had made it for the long-term anyway (or even a few months).
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 13
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 10:25:42 AM
I'd say people can serial date, or look for greener grass, online or off...too bad they don't remember that the grass has to be mowed regardless of what side it's on. In my experience, those looking for a long-term relationship or marriage date in a couple of different ways: some people find it better to date one person at a time, and when that doesn't work out, find a nother one to date; others find it better to date several people (operative word is date - they're not sleeping with any of them) and when they find the one they like the best, they date that one exclusively, and share intimacy with them. Neither is wrong; it's personal preference. But I've come to think that the second way works better in the long run, as you take the time to get to know someone before getting too emotionally and intimately involved, so you can weed out those who would never had made it for the long-term anyway (or even a few months).
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 14
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/21/2006 11:34:52 AM
I have learned in my old age to listen to what the other person is really looking for.
 eye4light
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 19
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:50:39 AM
Oh these categories are making less and less sense to me.

There's Dating, Long-Term, Intimate Encounter, Friends, Hang Out...hey, aren't these ALL things that one goes through to develop a life-long relationship. The boundaries are so fuzzy that I don't pay much attention this part of the profiles anymore.

I know, by doing this I run the risk of someday accidentally emailing someone who has listed themselves as seeking an "intimate encounter" and thereby being excommunicated from the half of serious daters who have filters in their email to keep out anyone who has ever talked to someone of that category.

Oh well. If someone wants to pre-judge me for having had a conversation with a "Typhoid Mary", so be it. I've talked to all kinds of people from Big Shot politicians to homeless crackheads; high-profile celebrities to unknown common heroes; and saintly people to international smugglers and it has not changed who I am.

As for determining whether someone is seriously seeking a long-term commitment, taking it easy and just dating, or has some kind of commitment issue, I have no magic answer other than to take a little time to get to know them. I think their true nature will be revealed soon enough.

Being too impatient to find a life-long savior can bring disappointment and stress. Being open to serendipity seems more relaxing and healthier to me.

 eye4light
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 25
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 7:29:18 PM

I think serial daters are just out for the chase, its exciting, but once you've been caught they lose interest and need to chase again.

That makes me sick. May everyone you meet from now on be a predator or con artist.

lipstick1961, don't let rude trolls dissuade you from speaking your mind.

After all, this IS a forum, right?

 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 27
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:57:31 PM
If you are serial dating, how do you know when to stop, what happens if the one you passed over last month is better than the 3 you are dating now? If you are looking for the Holy Grail of relationships, the search may never end, do you want richer, taller, prettier, happier, bigger, better, smarter, funnier, and the list can go on. I think you need to decide each date on it's own merits. If you have other lined up to see, you will never have time to get to know anybody. Do they even take the time to try and get to know somebody through other means, such as telephone or chat, or is meeting all they want? Maybe serial daters do not know what they want, and are just content to keep looking, hoping for an eureka moment.
 NapJoe
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 31
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:04:24 AM
The serial dater wears eye patch and usually has a peg-leg. The long-term dater is handsome, prince charming and loves to express himself by singing sweet tender lovesongs and playing the violin.

'"Online dating has created the opportunity for some people to get hooked on the search. I think this is what she means. What I have heard called "BBD" Bigger Better Deal.

I have encountered this.. where after a few dates there is nothing. Other party went on to the next one, never giving anyone their total attention...always keeping the options open...looking for the next exciting one to come along and start again.
 NapJoe
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 33
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:39:30 PM
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And what it does for private parts, well, only Lord knows. Go figure. (Of course, as we get older we get sexier, more beautiful. Well, it's just a theory. Don't bet on it.

"thanks for re-viving this thread! what's even more hilarious is...someone like me who has been single for 10+ years now gets contacted by men who dated me years ago & still have NOT found the bigger & better deal

If I wasn't good enough in the last decade, why am I all of a sudden a hot commodity? Besides, I am w/ someone now anyway
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 35
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:49:22 PM
I'm concerned about the serial dater types. How can you tell if someone is really trying to find a long-term relationship, or are they just addicted to the thrill of continually meeting new people?


I noticed this thread was started over a year ago and wonder If the op is still concerned about a serial dater.
 PickyProfessional
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 47
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 8/22/2007 1:10:38 AM
I think with all the people online, many daters are under the fslde illuion thst the suppy will be nrvr ending. Thr reality for me (on Match.com) was that I met maybe 30 men offline. I had only one mega crush (went out 2-3 times & it fizzled on his part). If things had worked out, I wouldn't have had any interest continuing to fish.

As for the other guys, they were divided into 2 categories: (1) people in whom I had absolutely no interest (was always poilte to them though) and (2) men in I had SOME interest, but I wasn't head-over-heels. In real life, I normally would have give those types of guys a chance for maybe 3 or 4 dates to see if my feelings developed. However, online, there were so many people, that I bypassed those particular men because it was so easy to meet someone new online. The caveat is: I successfully dated for maybe 3 months and then all of a sudden , I noticed fewer and fewer men online in whom I'd be interested. I don't think the pool dried up, The problem was when I first joined Match, I assumed there'd be a never ending influx of the types of guys who interested me. LOL After the first 20, I figured there'd be another 20 right behind them. The big problem with that is there aren't enough new faces (in whom I'd have interest) on Match to keep up with number of guys I went through. So now I'm faced with the fact it's just the same old people on Match and I unknowingly burned my way through the (limited) supply too quickly. My advice is: slow down and give each person in whom you might be interested a chance. Once you've burned through everyone, the well dries up. Gotta be more judicious and pragmatic next time I decide to date. Think both men and women have probably experienced this effect specifically if one is choosy. (LOL I suppose there's a never-ending supply for those of you who aren't too choosy.)
 Girlflower
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 49
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 8/22/2007 6:26:32 AM
I wonder if there is a study of Serial Daters who is in the lead..Men or Women.

I also believe date, dating does not equal a sexual encounter... I personally date to see if the person is a suitable partner for my longterm goal. So I have met quite a few men but have not found my Princely Fish yet. Does that make me a Serial Dater... maybe yes... but I see from this thread it seems to imply "date/Dating as having a sexual experience with multiple partners. If that is the interpertation then I may just be accused of being a Serial Meeter... not dater.... hum...

Personally I have not had an encounter that culminated in sex being only a one night stand unless it was my choice... must be good cause I've been the one to chew my arm off after making a Cayote Mistake.... like my mother taught me.. It is very easy to get a man into your bed.. but very hard to get him out! So be cautious who you invite in!! lol......

I can say I've never been accused of stringing someone along.. if they aren't right...poof they are gone or poof I am...... I am sure there are a few like that online but I haven't had the misfortune in having met them or maybe my radar has finally been fine tuned. I do know that when I agree to meet a man.. it is only a casual meeting to see if things will go further.. no less or more... and the men I choose have been compatible with my way of seeing things... so we've remained on good terms. Neither one of could accuse the other of being a serial anything....

Girlflower
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 54
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 8/22/2007 8:00:25 PM
...So how many dates do you have to go on before your classified as a serial dater? Would three be considered a series of dating haha...



...maeflowers
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 61
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 10:47:45 PM
The subject of serial dating can be found in several areas of the internet. John Molloy in his book "why men marry some women and not others" covers this subject. Its very interesting and there are sign to watch for. I cannot recall at this late hour too much information but do yourself a favor and google it. Also look under answers.com...they may have info.
 Optimistic for 2008
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 62
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:49:52 PM
I think you meet someone you''ve talked to that interests you and should you two decide you want to meet that would be a good time to start figuring that out for yourself....Might want to start with asking a straight out question!
 dadwithteens
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 64
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:05:40 AM
I met my wife in 1990, through a personals newsletter (pre-internet dating days...). Hers was the only ad I responded to, and my reply was the only one she answered. I still have all of her responses in a shoebox, she saved them--dozens of responses. We didn't exchange pictures beforehand, just a letter from me and a couple of phone calls. So I know it can happen. Internet dating is simply a faster version.

My grandparents met a "shiree" (not sure about the spelling). A "shiree" took place after a rural couple got married. After the ceremony, the couple would take their horse and buggy back to the farmhouse, and consummate their marriage. After a couple of hours, the wedding guests would ride out to the farmhouse, surround it, and begin banging on pots and pans. This was the signal for the newlyweds to climb out of bed and invite everyone in for cake and coffee. My grandparents shared a buggy that day, and the rest was history.

I think of personal ads, and internet dating, as a shiree--without having to take care of any horses. Still...ya gotta be careful what you step in.
 dadwithteens
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 65
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:14:18 AM
ack...second paragraph should read "my grandparents met at a shiree...
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 66
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LONG info on Serial Dating
Posted: 9/16/2008 5:26:28 PM
ALL quoted: cut and paste info ( i learned about this while dating a fellow who said one thing but was not genuine).

“serial dating.”
On the outside, the world of the serial dater may appear to be rife with disingenuousness, steeped in self-indulgent irresponsibility. The fact is that the very nature of serial dating, has a fly-by-night, transient feel to it, because anyone who cannot focus on getting to know someone, or continually disallows getting to know someone, for the mere fact that some minor flaw appears to exist, smacks of immaturity, on a very basic level.

Serial dating might have become more common, due to the sheer number of people available through technology, for starters, and the fact that once embraced, it can be difficult to “crack.” Like any other addiction, it can be easy to fall prey to the rhythm of the “chase” – seeking, finding, communicating and meeting person after person. It’s hard to break the cycle, particularly when one gets accustomed to searching the endless databases of people posted on the Internet in dating websites, and on message boards.

So although a serial dater is always meeting new people, the chance of a relationship is always sabotaged, by their requirement of newness.

Oftentimes, the more apparent red flags of the serial dater may not be crystal clear – even if you are the one who is the serial dater. One way to discern whether or not someone is a serial dater is the old fashioned, “listen to what your gut tells you.” If someone seems less than interested, put off easily, or indifferent at every turn, it is probably much better not to waste time trying to win him or her over. Don’t ignore the signs. Dating is a two-way street, and any time that you feel or it seems like you are the one putting forth all of the effort, it’s a bad sign from the outset. Not only is it unfair, but also the reality is that a relationship that begins that way, usually stays that way, and rarely gets better with time. While there is always an exception to the rule, once the precedent is set, it is very difficult to back track and try to reverse behavior. Rather than being persistent with someone who does not appear to share your level of interest, it is best to withdraw from the situation.

If a person who you believed was not truly interested later contacts you, it is best to tread carefully. Always keep in mind, the reason you decided to turn your focuses elsewhere. If you do decide to give someone another try, always be aware of how that person’s goals align with yours. If you’re satisfied that you can deal with whatever that person’s motives are, then you can proceed. If not, it’s best to seek companionship elsewhere.

Ultimately, the best thing that you can do for yourself is try to find out if your initial assessment was correct, by addressing what their actual motives are, in some fashion. While many people don’t really wish to divulge this information – that, in and of itself, is a sign that this person is probably not on the same page as you are. The sooner you realize that, the better chance that you will not wind up being disappointed.
 Turnsheads49
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 71
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LONG info on Serial Dating
Posted: 11/9/2008 2:18:35 PM
Dearest Professora - YOU NEED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS THIS TOPIC!! Seriously!!! Think of the hundreds of thousands of people doing on-line dating, you have an incredible niche market at your fingertips!

Personally, I'm more "bent out of shape" over the last serial dater that I met and fell really hard for, than I was when I got divorced and then laid off 2X in 3 years. This time I'm seeking professional help and I think you just gave it to me! I am seeking a long term relationship with one man, but the large number of first dates I've been on with "damaged" men or men with baggage is really staggering. I've also had it with men who post their young photos but show up for the date with no hair and + 50 lbs! (Hey - I believe in taking care of myself, have lost +20 lbs this year, work out 3-4 times/week, travel frequently for work and have raised 2 kids) So, I've decided that I need to be more pro-active and seek what I can change about me and my dating perceptions - and I've set an apointment with a relationship counselor. I guess that re-reading a profile before a date and making note of sticking to, if he's noted he wants dating on his profile - then don't believe him on the date when he says otherwise!

God bless you for your talent, beauty and wisdom!

Cheers -

Val
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 73
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:51:12 AM
Hmmm..... in my opinion there are about 90% of 'em out there, drunk on the habit , and it's a dog gone shame .

And STALLION2008; the women don't put themselves on someones favorites list, if they're pretty attractive they get the possibly unwanted insert and it's beyond their control. Then again when I see a guy with tons, I shy away too . Geez Louise, I'm still in a daze about the ones who only want a "virtual" relationship..... like is that weird or what? At least you flat out 'know' what the serials want =-[.

None of this gets any easier as time marches on...... but your ESP does improve thank goodness .
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 74
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Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:51:28 AM
You can't really tell. You just have to meet them and find out but I assure you there ARE serial daters out there. Good luck to you!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 76
Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?
Posted: 12/15/2009 2:20:53 AM

Serial daters may date you 2-3 times or two months, but you always seem to be on a certain schedule, e.g. you're Tuesday night or Sunday night and if you suggest Thursday night, they have another commitment.


How about someone you date once a month or perhaps every 3 weeks but have no set day..

thecatsmeoww
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