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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Kids Approval      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 3
Kids ApprovalPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Over and over in a lot of women's profiles we read things to the effect kids are their best friends, the center of their lives, how they're the more important thing ever........

Things of this nature----being required to obtain permission from an adult child---that troubles me considerably. When I read something like this where someones dating life is controlled or heavily influenced by children----especially adult children--I have to wonder WHO I'd be in this relationship with? At what point would they become intrusive or meddling? Is it really worth having to fight with children in order to date a parent?

I knew a woman with two "adult" daughters who had a say in everything she did regarding a potential man to date. They knew all they had to do was create an "emergency" or have some sort of "issue" and Mom would cancel the date, sometimes while the man was standing at the front door! I couldn't believe that but it wasn't my life or my g/f so I only felt sorry for her----being in that position by her own doing.

What if I didn't approve of her kids? LOL Well, if they were this problematic I'd not date her----it would be a constant lose-lose situation and not one I'd enjoy at all!!
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 4
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Kids Approval
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:22:32 AM
Not true here. My kids find it comical that I am on the POF site and support me 100%. I have been blessed to have children that do not meddle in my life, nor me in theirs. I am wondering if parents forgot to teach their children the difference in relationships between man/woman and parent/children. There is no competition between the two. I can take this one step further and say that I had a great teacher in my mother. She is the best mother in law anyone could ask for. She never, ever meddles in her childrens lives. No one loves their children any more than I love mine but, they just don't get a vote in my personal relationships. The end. My vote: no kid approval necessary. For those of you that face this issue, try adopting a new system with your adult children. Turn bad the clock and take over every aspect of their lives just like you did when they were 3/4 years old. Finances, friends, activities, clothes, and everything else. IF they approve of you doing this, then maybe they can have a vote on who you date. Anyone that tries this method, report back to us how well it worked out. It would be interesting to hear the stories.
 JWA
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 5
Kids Approval
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:04:52 AM
^^^THIS is the kind of women more should aspire to---very sound in her thinking AND the way she raised her kids, too! That serves them well in their adult lives and allows her the freedom to be a woman AND a mother! Kudos to YOU Ms Brownap!!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 8
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Kids Approval
Posted: 11/22/2006 2:57:29 PM
"Over and over in a lot of women's profiles we read things to the effect kids are their best friends, the center of their lives, how they're the more important thing ever........"

Ditto the men's profiles that say that the man defines himself by his relationship with his adult children.

Both the men and the women with this attitude have never developed themselves as individuals.

Dependancy - whether it be with a spouse or children is a mine field.
 friendsfirst09
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 10
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Kids Approval
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:59:24 PM
No not at all...Its not about my children and the man I am seeing ...Its about me and him.If a relationship turns into more, then you tell ur grown adults that you have met someone who fills that void in your life.Children should be happy for u.I at this point am seeing a man who has 3 grown children and I also have 3 grown children but its about him and I.Best of luck
 gardengal
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 11
Kids Approval
Posted: 12/10/2006 7:05:06 PM
Well, it's your life, and you do have more experience than they do. With that said, my son has disliked some of the men I have dated and told me why, and then followed it with as long as I am happy, that is what he wanted. Listen to your kids, and see it fromt their perspective, but when it comes to a decision, listen to you. You know more about him than they do.

Good luck..
 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 12
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Kids Approval
Posted: 12/10/2006 7:55:55 PM
My kids were all amazed when, after many years, I began to date and on top of that, I used dating sites to meet people. The whole thing was unsettling for them, but now, my youngest adult daughter has her own profile on here. My 20 yr. old son has read them both and just thinks it's humorous. My oldest just keeps expecting me to be killed by some ax murderer that I've met on line. Bless her heart, she has always been a little tight a**ed.
But, do I feel as if they need to approve,,, ah no,,, they do not get to decide what or who is best for me. We all have lives of our own now and try to respect personal boundries. The only exception has been one man, who was such a player and a jerk, they all spoke up and told me how they felt about him. Still, in the end, I was the one who had to choose him or not.... I chose not,, my kids were correct.

tb
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 14
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Kids Approval
Posted: 12/11/2006 11:25:32 AM
Funny twist to the kids approval. My daughter is the smartest, wisest, sensible person I know. Every time I mention a new "fish", she runs background checks on them. I have batted 100% so far with decent men. Lord help the one that does not pass her check. She is armed and dangerous when it come to her mother.
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 15
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Kids Approval
Posted: 12/11/2006 12:25:26 PM
Oh, you can run but you cannot hide. This is a true story.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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Kids Approval
Posted: 12/12/2006 12:43:13 PM
I work hard at keeping my personal life just that when it comes to my son. No one meets him until we both think it is the right time and the right situation.

Maybe this has to do more with him still being a teen and living at both his mothers place as well as mine.

Just my opinion.....
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 18
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Kids Approval
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:36:00 AM
Yes.... i have the same challenge. I have these great adult children. all working, no drugs , and very independent. But they want me to only date Jewish men. It is so silly. none of my kids are religious and dad wasnt jewish except by conversion. The pressue is unreal. I often dream of moving to Tn just to except their "parental" concerns.

Tonight I told my second son "I have a date. He's an ax murder and has a crimal record....but he's Jewish". Oh....just to keep them happy what a mother will do
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 28
Kids Approval
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:01:09 AM

be respectful to whomever I'm dating because at the end of the day my adult children go back to live their own life and I'm left alone, or not.


...My sentiments exactly. I have always been respectful of anyone they dated regardless of whether I liked them or not....and believe me, there were a LOT I didn't care for.


I hope my children like and get along with anyone I'm dating but I don't ever want to create the impression that their approval is something I'm seeking or even open to


...Thats what I'm hoping for as well, I can't see that as a problem though considering it was my eldest daughter that encouraged me to join PoF in the first place.

I know my kids pretty well and I can honestly say that they would be more than pleased to see me dating someone.... and their attitude would be , if I like him then he must be okay.

...maeflowers
 palmking
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 29
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Kids Approval
Posted: 9/12/2008 3:08:23 PM
My adult kids feel the same way, they are just happy to see me go out on a date, LOL. The lady I am seeing now won't even tell her daughter she is seeing me since we met on this site.I am wondering , what is the acceptable way of meeting?
Kids Approval
Posted: 10/16/2008 8:50:30 PM
~OP My daughter supports me in whatever I do ...Shes 16 with a social life of
her own not a little girl that needs to hold her mothers hand. My family gives me
unconditional love and supports my decisions in life and trust me that I'll do what
is right and best for my child and I both.

When it comes to men with children I don't
mind that at all in fact I welcome it. Yes there is a big difference between support and
approval I do agree.

I told my mother that when I met mister right I'd bring him home
to get the families approval cause I feel that it's important to have that. My daughter
respects the fact that her mom has a life too and that I have to live it and that I cannot
live her life and there fore she should not live mine.

Yes I'd date a man with children have no problem with that what so ever,
I do feel that you have to bring the children into a new relationship slowly and not push thing right away.

That it's important to know each other before you drag the families into this.
This way you are sure of where your relationship is going and it's a happy medium for everyone.

Children are first with me and I'm happy that my daughter trust my judgement and wants her mother happy.
This in noway has any effect on my love for her but there,
is a life for everyone to live and children do grow up and mine shes growing up pretty soon will leave the nest.

If I met mister right I'd love to have my daughters approval and if I don't thats okay too I have my own approval and a mine of my own.

-Brenny
GREAT TOPIC
 Alli_K
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 38
Kids Approval
Posted: 10/19/2008 10:26:42 PM
My daughter used to try and disuade me from having a life..... Why do I need to date amongst other questions.

I sat her down told her under no uncertain terms she does not dictate my life considering she is married and lives in the UK.

At this point I don't need permission to date.....
 Diadora
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 39
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Posted: 10/20/2008 12:44:11 PM
Well I have been on the receiving end of this phenom.... He and I were getting on well, the relationship seemed to be going somewhere when he up and said it was getting too stressful for his 19yr old. Now we are "friends". Realised I was not going to put my life on hold waiting for a possible relationship so I have let things lie. I find myself wondering if he his feeling guilty over the divorce.... Regardless whatever could have been won't be now.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 40
Kids Approval
Posted: 10/20/2008 1:15:48 PM
Kid test but mother approved ...:P

Seriously if you let your children decide who you are involved with you must have a screw loose. Yes it is important that your kids be happy but it is also important to teach them they wont get everything THEIR WAY in life and you have the right to your own happiness...if anything you OWE them to teach them that.

A few years ago, I was involved with someone younger than myself, one day he asked my son who was 16 at the time, how he felt about it? My son said if he made me happy he didn't care. Then he asked my son if his friends wouldn't make fun of him about it, my son's answer was simply...then I guess if they do they aren't really my friends
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