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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?      Home login  
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 ChaoticDreamer
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 2
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
That's because we live in a world with selfish, callous and shallow people. Not all women are afraid to date a man that's in a wheelchair...it's not the chair or lack of that makes the man. Honestly, I think that some women feel it's going to be a burden on them to be with a man that has any type of handicap. It's wong to think that way but, unfortunately, some do. It's going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack..but, I do believe with time and patience you'll find that needle.

Good luck hun
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 3
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:34:24 AM
Sup wheels.

You seem cool man, active, good natured.

I used to run an archery range and eventually handed the reins over to a guy in a chair. He was one of the most involved people on my range; learned a lot about the sport and was helpful and kind to everyone else. When it came time for me to pass the helm, he was a natural choice.

Lot of people liked him for who he was, and after getting over the initial, natural hesitancy we all have when dealing with handicapped people, a lot of those people became good friends of his. One of them ended up marrying him.

Just comes down to exposure and who you are, I guess.

I'm sure there are a number of women in here who have disabilities. Perhaps you could approach POF about starting a forum area for people in your situation? Sounds weird to say that, like I'm suggesting you should have some kind of special-needs area, and I don't mean it in a derogatory way at all. Hopefully you'll take that with how it's intended and run with it. I think it would go over well. If you make money out of it, let me know

Good luck mang

ss
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 4
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 1:07:17 AM
my second wife was in a wheelchair most of the time in public, int he house she could walk most, or walker, or bad days, bed to bathroom by chair.

I loved making love to her in her chair. She had never had a guy willing to do that.

I have dated other's in wheel chairs I make a point of looking chair bound folks in the eyes and asking them things only I could know if I have had to deal with them with before.

People are afraid ofthe different. Like my 20 inch ponytail, finally my parents said, it's still charles and we love him, we aren't going to kick him out just because of the pony tail.

I cut it off then cause of a tangle I could not get out, I had been sick for a few days and bam tangle,, have it in a box, and have short hair, brush and go hair.

have all your friends that walk, spend a day at the mall in a mall provided wheelchair and that should give them a fuller understanding of the issues. I have been trained as an Architecture draftsmen, and I have planned several wheelchair friendly malls, and bed and breakfast's and other venues. and the world is slowly changing, but the change has to happen enmass and it will happen, just so slow we cringe at the slowness those of us working for the changes.

They are missing out on you dude, but they miss out on a lot. do what I have been doing. expanding my searchs, to 100 miles local and ages going to go up to 20 to 60 soon, but I have about 50 more e.mails to send out, at my rate of typing and thinking about 4 days and filtering them into my cicrle of friends. Massive numbers of fish out there and you can fish all day long and all night just be patient and the fish will come to you in time.

Hugs my man, and keep the rolling stock in prime working order.
Charles.
 TakeU2FunkyTown
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 6
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:53:05 AM
I have to agree with Metallic on this one. Women want someone who is comfortable with themselves and can accept themselves. How can you accept a partner and be completely comfortable with her if you aren't with yourself. Once you start to look past your chair you'll see alot of women willing to be with you. And also you say these women told you they just want to be friends with you. Well maybe they just want to start off as friends and not dive right into a relationship

Don't bite my head off, you asked for honesty.
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 10
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:02:39 AM
My favorite person to come my way from being on PoF happens to be a T6 paraplegic, in a chair for about two years since breaking his back. When we first started communicating I told him that he would not get sympathy for his situation from me, life's a b!tch, sh!t happens, we adjust and move on. He is very candid regarding his situation and answers questions openly but does not expect pity nor sympathy. He is not bitter nor whiny about his new life, he knows he is an amazing man who just happens to be sitting rather than walking now.

We have gone from the first cautious emails to amazing friends, it could progress further, but right now we treasure each other too much to screw it up by becoming involved any more intimately. He has dated some amazingly gorgeous, wonderful women since I've met him but he is as picky as me and needs extreme intelligence to go along with the beauty and laughter he finds in his dates.

A lot of it has to do with attitude, if the chair is not the focus of how you perceive yourself it will not be the focus of how most others perceive you either. If you are independent, have accepted your situation, are happy and well-adjusted then perhaps you need to work on overcoming the shyness you wrote of in your profile. Friendship is not a bad place to start with women you are interested in. Hearing the dreaded "I want to be friends" is not limited to people in chairs, everyone gets that phrase thrown at them more than they would like. Perhaps you need to focus on other aspects of your life when it comes to attracting women. Being in a chair should not be the end-all excuse you fall back on for lack of dates.

Good Luck!!
 Queen_Mab
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 11
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:02:49 AM
My favorite person to come my way from being on PoF happens to be a T6 paraplegic, in a chair for about two years since breaking his back. When we first started communicating I told him that he would not get sympathy for his situation from me, life's a b!tch, sh!t happens, we adjust and move on. He is very candid regarding his situation and answers questions openly but does not expect pity nor sympathy. He is not bitter nor whiny about his new life, he knows he is an amazing man who just happens to be sitting rather than walking now.

We have gone from the first cautious emails to amazing friends, it could progress further, but right now we treasure each other too much to screw it up by becoming involved any more intimately. He has dated some amazingly gorgeous, wonderful women since I've met him but he is as picky as me and needs extreme intelligence to go along with the beauty and laughter he finds in his dates.

A lot of it has to do with attitude, if the chair is not the focus of how you perceive yourself it will not be the focus of how most others perceive you either. If you are independent, have accepted your situation, are happy and well-adjusted then perhaps you need to work on overcoming the shyness you wrote of in your profile. Friendship is not a bad place to start with women you are interested in. Hearing the dreaded "I want to be friends" is not limited to people in chairs, everyone gets that phrase thrown at them more than they would like. Perhaps you need to focus on other aspects of your life when it comes to attracting women. Being in a chair should not be the end-all excuse you fall back on for lack of dates.

Good Luck!!
 Chef_Charles
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 24
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:08:53 PM
The chairs are the same as the scars on the face as the bad set of teeth as the bad hairdo as the ........................................ so on and on and on.

We all limit what we see when we look at people. I limit myself to live ladies.

The point is that in the limitations of people you meet, do you limit them because you limit yourself?

If you limit yourself then you will have limited success finding people to accept you as a whole person. Been there done that too.

I strive to be a whole lot better than I was a few minutes ago.

Martial arts teaches you to be totally adaptive, Mountian climbing in the style I practice you can not afford to make a mistake. You are 100 feet off the deck, you have good wall, and no lines of protection if you slip and fall. You are all your own on the face of it, and you will be all your own when you step down or fall and go splat, but I have faith that I am not alone ever, that my GOD is with me, Christian climbers are few and far between, risk management is a higher order of things for the average climber. Christians try to advoid risk if they can help it, IMhumbleO. Most people can not do what I do. It is for the elite and the crazy and the totally together folks that can climb free style no ropes. I am working on my slack chain, balancing, but I know I am not that good yet. I don't have the fear of death and that gives me an edge that most climbers still need to get in the zone with, but not fearing death does not mean I risk death, just that I know if I die, oh well, better luck next time...... smiles, yeah that is a joke.....

I have been in a wheelchair, broken ankle, I have been unable to move for 5 days, blood clots, I have gone 5 days with only 1 quart of water a day, survival training in a desert environment, full immersion, ( real thing training, means you do it, and hack it ).

I am not the best guy for most ladies. I am totally abnormal to most females. Okay, next lady please.

Get on with life, it is not standing still waiting for you, you have to get on the train to get out of town, or walk a lot, or drive, but standing still in not an option, ( science fiction it might be, but we are trying the real here ).

Good luck OP< and keep on, they will find you, just be patient a bit longer.

To metalic Blue.....
Dude I have seen your other posts, mayeb we need to debate somewhere, life verses crassness.... I am open on satuday 2nd of december, meet me at Trinity Lutheran Church North Little Rock, at 8 am, I'll be there, you can bring your groupies. we can debate life or crassness the world in a popcorn bag.

Charles,
Muse to the cat, and the dog that sleeps all day. Muse to the cheesecake he has yet to make, muse to amuse the fans of the man in black and the guy in white.
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 28
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:42:05 PM
A tangential but meaningful story.

Earlier I brought up that I used to run an archery range, and eventually the guy who took the range over from me was confined to a wheelchair. His body was confined, but not his spirit, his mind or his emotions.

One day when I was away from the range, the staff in charge were approached about letting a blind girl shoot. A lot of people were there that day (about 200--a lot of archery games and fun), so the range-marshal had to weigh very carefully the safety of the range vs the needs of the individual.

Marioun, the range-marshal, decided to go ahead, with close supervision. The blind girl (I wish I could remember her name) hit the 20yrd target in 3 arrows. I wasn't there to witness it but apparently the smile she showed was so wonderous it brought tears to everyones eyes. When Marioun told me about it later, she was crying with gladness.

For those out there that think the disabled are a drag or inconvenient, please note that often in the strangest of places are buried the most unique gifts--gifts for the rest of us to enjoy.

Just comes down to learning how to unwrap everyones special gifts.

ss
 Godspeed1
Joined: 9/18/2006
Msg: 33
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:36:52 PM
If there was passion, good communication, humor and respect, monogamy, and trust, I don't care if your in a stinkin' bubble! My heart is open to loving careing honest people.....but there (to me) needs to be something when we look into each others eyes...)
 kesstastic
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 36
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 12/27/2006 1:52:39 AM
Well darlin....everything takes some getting use to...maybe people just have to see your for how great you are before they let the idea of the wheel chair bug them? I don't know how to answer your thread, but from the lenght of time i've been talking to you I've gotta say you seem like a top-notch guy and someone will see that eventually. Anywoo........good luck !
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 37
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 12/27/2006 2:00:51 AM
Your problem is that you are trying to live in the wider world and not the wheelchair world.

In the wheeelchair world guys like you attract girls with a wheelchir fetish.

Thats why the paralimpics ran out of comdoms just as fast as the regular olympics did. Eveyone with a fetish about amputees or wheelchairs descended on the place.

In the wider world that lump of metal teuns the girls off no matte how good a guy you are.
 mariemaywood
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 44
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 3/17/2007 4:12:36 PM
Who says? I, for one, have no problem with physical handicaps -- they are actually much easier to deal with then mental handicaps for sure. Don't you think? The obvious is more easy to deal with then finding out - alcoholic or gambler, etc. I was raised with a brother in a wheelchair, so to be honest, I could care less. It is the attitude that is much more important. Just as with all issues in the male/female relationship problems, the issue of toileting and sex may arise -- because with a physical handicap such as wheelchair women will want/need to know what the issues are. As Dr. Phil says "It is what it is." But luckily once those two issues are addressed...the issue of the chair becomes a non-issue. There are other handicaps out there that people deal with all the time - epilepsy -- sight-impaired- hearing-impaired -- and those folks seem to overcome issues and marry and have successful relationships. I say handle the chair issue as a minor issue and push to the front the positive aspects of your personality - and remember EVERYBODY has issues! My favorite thing about my brother was that because he was in a chair, we got to go to the front of all the lines at the amusement parks - and he hollered the loudest on all the rides -- it was great! As my Polish grandmother would say - There is nothing bad that does not turn out good. Best of luck to you in this game.
 tiny_wonders
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 47
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 7/26/2007 9:13:00 PM
personality will get people far. plus people are superficial. people want perfect.

well **** being perfect. you don't want to be a carbon copy of barbie cuz people consider her perfect. be happy to be yourself. cuz youre unique.
 Nanzie
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 50
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 7/26/2007 11:52:18 PM
Well, Wheels27, if you're still reading the Thread here that you started months ago, lol, if it helps to encourage you, I just wanted to state that I, an able bodied and somewhat attractive and successful woman, a homeowner and intelligent woman, ha, was open-minded enough last August to correspond with a handsome, intelligent man who had broken his neck as a teenager and was a quadriplegic (C5), with limited use of his right hand, but mostly no feeling from his chest down. I'm in California, and he's near Tampa, Florida. Not only was I open to correspond with him, but I actually flew across the country three times, actually twice to see him, and the third time to take my kids to Disney World, and he drove out to meet us there one day. It was something very different for me to be open to... but I was. He's very independent for a quad, lives alone in his own condo, drives his own van, customized features on his chair to allow him full independence of any caregiving other than morning and bedtime... and yes, I did have to consider the differences there would be in my life if I were to end up with him... but I was open to exploring the possibilities anyway. After the second trip was over, however, I decided that he wasn't the right fit for me mostly because of the lack of intellectual stimulation and the lack of a great sense of humor. I have to be with someone who makes me laugh and who I can make laugh as well. That and a few other reasons, not the wheelchair itself, is why I ended that relationship, although we still chat on My Space now and then.

Anyway. in a nutshell, if you glance at my profile, maybe you'll realize that there are some nice, smart, fun and attractive people that are open-minded like I was. Would I date another quad? Hmmm... it would be easier to date a paraplegic than a quad, to be honest, but if he possessed all of the other qualities I am attracted to... I probably would!

Oh.... also, if you haven't already discovered a great networking and support site for people in wheelchairs, check out www.apparelyzed.com - its a great site for anyone paralyzed, or anyone in a relationship with someone in a chair!

Best wishes to you...

 BDRT
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 54
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:49:09 AM
I have no problem with men in wheelchairs. The man I am talking to now and hoping to meet sometime soon is in a wheelchair. Distance is the problem at the moment. And as far as women being afraid to "ask those questions" , I was not. I was honest and so was he.
BR27, you seem like a great guy. There is someone out there, I guarantee it. It is difficult for anyone of us to find "the one." Good luck to you.
 jimmybeans
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 69
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 3:23:33 AM
My late wife was thot 2b "more handicapped" than I am
by some people, whatever that meant, I thought she
just had a different one than I did.

I loved her because she was nice to me and loved me,
just for me, not for money or what I cood "do for her".

I would never gived that up for anything.

Rest her soul forever.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 85
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 12:32:50 PM
can you MOW the lawn or dig the soil for preparation of a vegetable garden - hard labour like that? Probably not, and often that's what we need a guy to do - the hard stuff that SOME of us ladies aren't able to do

Thank you piknik for reinforcing the suspicion that many men here ALREADY have, that women are looking for a man to take care of them, rather than a partnership of mutual benefit. Way to go.
Guees what? I'm disabled. It's not an apparent dusability. But I'm sure that once it gets mentioned, alot of guys start thinking" yeah she's looking for someone to help her cope with her life. " Probably they think that because they've met one too many women like you, piknik.
If I happen to meet a special guy who walks with a cane, is in a wheelchair, or has limitations,I'm sure that we can do just exactly what I can do right now when faced with a task that I can't do, (or can't do alone), hire someone, or get a friend to help me then return the favor when the opportunity presents itself. ( and I'm NOT talking sexual favor. Especially if I get a FEMALE friend to help me with a task LOL)
OP I'm not gonna give you false sunshine, but it sounds like you do have your life together, and just be the best person you can be. I know that being defined by the wheelchair is going to be a factor in your life, how can it not be? You may have to accept that yours will be little tougher row to hoe. And I have met lots of people with disabilities who just live their lives, letting NEITHER their disability OR their lack of a romantic partner define them. Do they always find true love? No, not always. But they don't let that lack tear up their soul.
I'm not saying to you to give up or become resigned to being single, not at all. But if you start coming off as desperate, defensive, or overcompensating for the chair, those issues may in fact become a bigger issue than being in a wheelchair. How can Ipossibly say THAT? Because if I had to pick between a desperate, whiny. defensive guy who WASN'T in a wheelchair, and a calm confident man that WAS, calm and confident wins hands down, in my opinion.
Cindy O
 sarasotagal76
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 86
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 3:03:08 PM
I think here is a catch. There are a bunch of people who are actually very caring my nature. Many of them become eventually doctors, nurses and teachers. If they start to date a person like you they automatically will start to full feel their needs and for thwm it is a natural desire. I bet there are folks like that out there.
 littlelired
Joined: 6/17/2007
Msg: 91
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 6:10:22 AM
Hey wheels...Not all women are as cold hearted...I have actually dated and been very happy with a man that had no legs and refused to wear prostetics (they got inthe way and slowed him down)

any woman that cannot accept you for you who ever you happen to be and what ever your mode of transportation isnt worthy of your time babe.

and that is MY opinion...perhaps find an older woman..we tend to be beyond those little girl things...me i kind of liked sitting on my man's lap when he would take his wheelchair out (he used to use a skate board to avoid the handicapped inaccessablity issues) I found it a romantic and loving thing..

red
 BDRT
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 92
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:33:27 AM
BR27, I don't think it's the wheelchair keeping them away. It may be that alot of women can't keep up with you! Your profile is great, as are the pics. You are very athletic and that may put off a lot of couch potatoes, etc. Hang in there, you'll find the one eventually. ( That's what I keep telling myself, lol)
 jlizzy
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 104
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 3/18/2008 7:19:27 AM
Unfortunately many people are very superficial and shallow. Just learnt this lesson yesterday when my boyfriend broke up with me over the clothes I wear....I HATE narrowminded, shallow superficial people!

I would like to think though that at least you'll be saved some of the hassle of filtering through such people as I suspect you have a better chance that women who date you will date you for what they see in you and not the wheelchair, clothing style, money etc etc...

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Ps it might be worth noting that I have a 50% hearing loss. It's not the same thing but I do have at least some understanding of going through life with a physical set back ;)
 girlred228
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 110
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 5/21/2009 1:38:23 PM
I agree with Metallic.. not saying you feel this way.. but I met a guy here on POF that is in a chair and he was mad at the world. His anger radiated in how he spoke and the things that he said. He was upset about being in a chair and wanted to blame anyone who would listen. He even said I called him crippled in which I did not. I called him emotionally unstable. He said well I hope you feel bad when I kill myself. I was shocked and I didn't know what to say. Right there showed his emotional instability. I would not subject myself to that.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 112
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 5/25/2009 1:11:12 AM
They have evidence to suggest that you are broken!

Good luck man.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 114
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:44:27 PM
Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?


They don't wanna push.


That, or you're too short.



Try developing a six foot tall wheelchair and see if your luck improves.



PS. Grammar and spelling are HUGELY important here! Trust me on this!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 118
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Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:53:04 PM
On a serious note...........

The sense I get from women is.............

Feeling sorry for yourself is more crippling, relationship-wise

Than any wheelchair ever could!
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