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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > borderline personality disorder-any info?      Home login  
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 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 1
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borderline personality disorder-any info?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
i was thinking the guy i've been seeing for a year is bi polar, but a well informed member of pof clued me into that he is probably suffering frim borderline personality disporder.
i looked it up on NIMH and it sounded pretty accurate as to what his bizzare behavior is about.
i dislike labels in general, and the approach of medications as being the answer, so was curious if anyone had any experiences to share on the subject.
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 2
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:30:25 AM
i typed it in and nothing came up
but thank you for the links even if it did come with a shitty and judgmental attitude.
i understand it is a disease, but my approach to diseases has a wider base than just psychology and western medicine viewpoints.
 ladyrcmt
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 3
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:31:31 AM
those links are about bi polar
i read all those last night
did you even read what i was asking about?????
apparently not.
 MB58SC
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 4
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/30/2007 11:53:46 AM
My experience is that it's a serious psychological problem -- potentially psychiatric, and I don't have any answers in regards to how to tolerate someone with such a problem. I know of no good solutions.
 ~blue eyes~
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 6
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/30/2007 4:04:02 PM
post #7 was very acurate with her reply.
 johnm23357
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 7
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:52:25 AM
When I was in college, I had to watch a movie "Girl Interrupted" for an example of that. Actually an extreme example. I think that it is also a book. Good luck to you.

-John
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 8
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:56:39 AM
excuse my ignorance on this... but is borderline personality disorder the same as personality disorder?.... if so then I have this.... I was diagnosed with personality disorder some years ago... yes I agree with sassy that I have often self harmed and taken serious over doses over the years... last time being two months ago... as for "these people are unable to have a stable relationship"... I can't agree with that... yes it is difficult for the partner to witness someone with pd... but it is not impossible to maintain a realionship... you just have to work harder at it... I am getting married next year,he understands my mood swings and self harming,he has read all my medical records and reports and excepts that I will be on medication for the rest of my life.... BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE to maintain a stable relationship.... yes he has witnessed my terrible moods which occur out of no where and yes it upsets him... but with the right help and medication I am a lot calmer now.... I took myself off all medication earlier this year telling myself I didn't need these pills to live... two months ago... I proved myself wrong... I understand that now and will remain on them... as long as you recognise your problems and get the right help and treatment... NOTHING is impossible... just a bit harder....
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 9
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:58:30 AM

Well Princess after looking at the pic of your fiancé he does look pretty SCARRED


don't encourage him... we have giggles about it as it is to lighten up certain situations,he will remind me of this now everytime I get into a strop
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 10
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:13:06 PM
My last relationship was with a BPD/NPD.
It was a fruitless and potentially abusive relationship. BPD's will drive you crazy... I realized I was NOT qualified to deal with this very serious disorder.

This is where I got the most insight and help... check it out.

http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message-board.htm

Good luck.
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 11
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:23:25 PM
you know what.... I suffer from this and you lot are scaring me... let alone someone who knows nothing about it.... most of your comments are bull.... it is treatable on condition they take their medication and admit they have it and admit for the rest of their life they will need help professionally as well as medication... stop this right now... we are not freaks.... yes ok... we are not normal... we have problems... but that does not make us aliens...... if you love your partner and they are willing to accept their condition and accept they need help all their life and their partner is willing to support them.. what is the problem? it is hard work yes... I wont deny.. but if you love them.. you will support them... it is people who wont give us a chance who make us unaprociable that is not fair... give us a chance and stop labling us all the same... yes it normally occurs for a reason... mine being sexually abused as a child for a number of years by my grandfather.... does that mean I have no right to a love life???
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 12
borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:44:28 PM
Personality Disorder (PD) is an umbrella term that includes 10 distinct personality disorder diagnoses. They are not all equal and range from anti-social disorder through schizotypal disorder. Multiple personality disorder which is known as "Dissociative Disorder" is not included in the Personality Disorder class.

Borderlines require intense therapy and medications to assist them in addressing their illness. This is not a minor disorder and is extremely destructive in relationships. This is not an illness that someone who is not 100% committed to the relationship should ever enter.

For an actual diagnosis, this individual needs to see a qualified professional face-to-face and perhaps several times.

Best of luck.

ACP
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 13
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:35:55 PM
I was in a very long relationship with someone having BPD. It was first misdiagnosed as bi-polar and then as major depression. She had a psychiatrist at the time who was convinced that anything could be cured by the right combination of drugs and he had her on a constantly changing****ail of psych meds for years. She had three involuntary psych commits and it was during the second one that she was diagnosed with BPD.

It can be absolutely horrible to live with someone having BPD. Their self-destructive behaviors might not manifest as "cutting" but might be in financial irresponsibility, ignoring chronic health issues, etc. It can be terrifying too with rages with a fury you have never witnessed in your life suddenly springing forth for no reason. The person can become someone completely different in seconds and be in a totally irrational, hysterical, rage because they thought you took too long to answer a question or something.

My suggestion to anyone living with someone having BPD is to try to show them that help IS possible. DBT has been shown to be an effective therapy. It can work. It didn't work in the case of my ex because of the****ail of meds one doctor had her on while another was attempting to help her though therepy. But don't try to play doctor yourself. It needs professional diagnosis and it takes a long time to fix. You didn't cause it and you aren't going to fix it. It isn't easy going through what you are dealing with. There are support groups out there to help you cope.

There is a website for non-borderlines:

http://bpdcentral.com/index.php
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 14
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:17:57 AM

run ...


Dean Moriarty


Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 39
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1120 AM
Without treatment, it's going to be a very rough ride.

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Irishblueyesstillcry


Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 40
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 240 PM
OP:
it is a sad state of affairs for sure...painful for both parties.
If you stay..believing in them...they will allow you to believe you are doing the right thing...that they ARE your night in shining armor.....you will eventually let go of all doubt...and accept the curious behavior...but learn to trust them, when all signs say you shouldn't.....and when you find one day you need them more than ever to be there for you...you'll wake up to find they have simply walked out of your life without even looking back...leaving you with so much hurt in your heart ......so much hurt.

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ZONEALERT


Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 41
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 304 PM
Right on about that Irish- the end is written in the stars as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing you can do to deal with the monster, especially when they are in the denial of the core issue.. and that is the usual state of their affair..
When it is finally over you will look back and it will seem so clear in retrospect that you fed the beast all along and all the symptoms were obvious, but not usually until it's ran it's course through your life and done the damage to you as well you will recognize it for what it truly was- utterly destructive..


I degress... there is no hope for monsters like me.... YEAH RIGHT.... please can you talk about your own experiances and not everyone with this disorder.... talk about discrimination... jeezzeeeee


 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 15
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:20:19 AM
I like how you used the word "digress"... ^_^
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 16
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Posted: 12/31/2007 10:09:59 AM

there is nothing you can do to deal with the monster




quit with the whining- I didn't refer to the person as the monster


go on


but you might just be too dull or wrapped up in your own misery to read the truth when you see it


misery.... ermmm.... getting married... arranging it... have sorted where and when and what colours... NO NOT EXCITED... I am to dull in my misery


quit with the whiny butt attitude and seek help-


I have ... that is why I am a survivor not a victim to your victiminisation to PD....


or just continue the path, and destroy lots of people in the process...


I don't have to.... you seem to be worse THAN US MONSTERS... good luck with your attitude.....








 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 17
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Posted: 12/31/2007 11:26:48 AM

Their symtoms affected their thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and the most concerning , their impulse control. Patterns of unstable relationships , intense episodes of anxiety , depression , and irritability are quite common and these symptoms can last from a few hours to several days. But the most concerning to me ,concerning BPD, is that people that suffer from it tend to direct their anger with physical aggression or self destructive behavior such as abuse , eating disorders , or suicidal gestures that they commonly use to manipulate others. I've even found that people that suffer from BPD can become frustrated or angry when other people fail to meet their expectations.
Hope that helped you some.


all very true.... BUT... please state some not all.... yes I have and will experiance SOME of these... but not all.... have never ever physically abused anyone apart from myself.... yes other things you have stated are true.... but please please.... if we are on drugs and help.... we are not all the same.... this is very important to believe... it is true....
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 18
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Posted: 12/31/2007 1:15:13 PM

but is borderline personality disorder the same as personality disorder?


That is like asking if potato salad is the same as salad. There are several different kinds of personality disorders, borderline is one of them. There is help available, more now than there was several years ago. There are new forms of therapy available. Personality disorders are difficult to treat but borderline is treatable.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 19
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:49:41 PM
common sense would tell one that habitual alcohol use would aggravate the condition, yes?
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 20
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:51:30 AM
To poster 42: You attributed to me and others "no hope" which is not correct. It is, however, a classic response from a BPD. Please re-read my previous comment: It begins, "Without treatment..". I did not call you a monster, and I don't think anyone else did.

My comments and attitude regarding the Axis II Personality Disorders goes against two of my fundamental principles. I believe, "never say never" and I resist categorizing people. Nonetheless, my experience and what I have learned in general about these problems has confirmed to me that I would only want to be close to a BPD if that person embraces treatment.

I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and I don't want to diagnose you. If you think you are BPD, that is enough. I will limit my recommendations to: Get help. Why? because you and everyone close to you might gain! If my SO would have done this, I would not be here today.


I never said you did call me a monster... someone else mentioned about a monster within......

if you read my posts you would clearly see... I was diagnoised with this problem some years ago and have been seeking help and medication for a very long time.... yes I have my bad days... but like NORMAL PEOPLE... we all do..... my condition is under control with my help and medication.... I also stated I believed I didn't need any help or medication for the rest of my life and decided to quit it all early this year only to find myself in hospitl a few weeks ago after taking a SERIOUS overdose... I have know accepted that I will never be normal and will have to take medication and professional help all my life..... but I can live almost normal because of it.... I held down a 12 year relationship with ONE slip up in the past... now have a new future with a very loving and supporting partner.... it is not impossible...

oh and thankyou to all the private messages from people suffering and upset about some of the comments on here..... some people have not been able to post on here as they are frightened about being attacked...this is very very sad.... i will and have replied to all private messages regarding this subject.

I have been asked from someone who wishes to remain annomimous if I would post this for them..... god bless you darling...


Maybe you could post this for me.


Sleep is my best friend. When I awake, there's life again, I want to go back to sleep. I want to crawl out of myself. I hear people talk about hope, but in all reality, how can someone normal help me? Most people don't care anyways, and anyone I try to get close to, leaves me, especially when I need them most.
I'm tired all the time, even though I sleep. I am nothing, and people have knives all around me, when one stabs me, the next one takes his turn...never give her peace,they say. Make sure she is miserable. The people who are supposed to love me don't. I try to confide and it backfires. Then, I watch a program on tv about BPD, knowing this is who I am, yet the down side is no psychiatrist wants to be involved with anyone with this disorder. My temper flares to a raging fire, I feel like my brain will explode out of my head. Why cant they see? All I ever wanted was love, I even pretended to be normal just to receive it, yet the true nothing "me" shines through, and they see Im garbage too.
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 21
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:40:51 AM

"Being in counseling" sounds nice. No one wants to condemn someone to a life without love, but the fact is, borderlines would be better off, in almost all cases, without it.


so shall we just all kill ourselves now and be done with it? we are not worthy of love???? thank god you are not ill.... and hope to god you never get ill...


I"m just gonna add...due to the nature of BPD that if someone has this, they are honestly better off NOT in a romantic relationship until they have been in intense counseling long enough to really be able to function in a healthy way in a relationship.

It's not that you aren't loving a borderline enough. It's not that they aren't lovable. I firmly believe that unless they are in counseling and are working daily on tools to help them cope with their rollercoasters of emotions and issues, a romantic relationship is more harmful than helpful.

This is my personal opinion. I"m not saying borderlines should never find love. I'm saying that due to the symptoms of having bpd, romantic relationships are going to be especially hard for them...and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a borderline unless they were in counseling.


agreed and well said
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 22
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Posted: 1/1/2008 10:19:49 AM

BTW, I was physically injured, rather than "ill", a couple of years ago. For 6 months, I couldn't walk, and was in intense physical pain all the time. Until I got better, the last thing that was a life "priority" was a "relationship". Perhaps, you might focus on seeing what level of recovery you can make, without the illusions, confusions, and feelings of intense romantic connection, as a first priority



6 months.... is nothing... a life time without love is a wee bit different don't you think? If according to you someone like me is not curable... we should accept the fact that we have no right to love for the rest of our lives.... think about what you have said ... there is NO similarities...... look at the post I made from someone who messaged me privately.... CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR PAIN? does that person not deserve to be loved? of course they do.... we are ill yes.... not in human.... we have a heart...we need to love and be loved... we deserve it as much as you NORMAL people....



First off, Princess Leigh, I'm not going to "argue" with a self-admitted borderline about what she "feels". Part of the disorder is to view feelings as reality, and a borderline will alter the facts to fit her feelings, rather than adjust her feelings, based on facts.


I am not arguing at all cariad.... but quit using my answers as a disguise to my illness.... HAVE I NO RIGHT TO MY SAY... or is everything I say going to be judged because of it? I am not altering the facts... I am answering your posts... there is a difference and stop making me out to be the physco here just because I am trying to answer you as a confirmed BPD....

EDIT


What you posted is telling. You're a 39 year old woman, who has "never" experienced love. ( a lifetime without love).


then you have not been reading my posts... I had a 12 year relashionsip with someone... with only ONE relapse... NOT BAD EH?.......AND ALSO AM IN LOVE AGAIN AND SOON TO BE MARRIED.... again IN LOVE..... so read before you post please
 Leigh AKA PL
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 23
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Posted: 1/1/2008 11:37:14 AM

This is ridiculous.

BPD is an medical condition, as is having diabetes, arthritis, or allergies.

There are different levels of each, some very severe (allergies to bee stings), to minor (diabetes controlled with diet).

With mental illnesses, we say "high functioning" and "low functioning". A person suffering (I hate that word) from BPD who is high functioning can work, live, raise a family, and (god help us), have a loving relationship.
A low functioning person will likely be institutionalized for periods of her life, just as a severe diabetic will undoubtedly be hospitalized a time or two.

Lets take this analogy a little further - RUN from the diabetic because you'll ALWAYS be running them to the hospital in a diabetic coma! RUN from the arthritis sufferer (there's that word again) because she'll be all crippled up and you'll end up wiping her butt when she's bedridden!

Are the latter statements nonsense? Of course they are. The reason Princess is "whining" as you so condescendingly put it, is because you folks are making sweeping generalizations about a condition she has!

These are real live people we're speaking of folks - people with feelings, dreams, and families. Stop being so damn discriminatory.


thankyou ...THANKYOU what a refreshing change to see a lady seeing reason and not being discrimitive..... your post is perfect lady... thankyou from the bottom of my heart.xxxxx
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 24
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Posted: 1/1/2008 11:43:12 AM
BPD is an medical condition, as is having diabetes, arthritis, or allergies.


That statement tells me the writer has no idea what they are talking about. Those conditions can be relieved with medications. A personality disorder can't, it is not a chemical imbalance. It is how a person built the very essence of themselves ... how they handle things, how they react to things, how they experience things.

Imagine a broken bone. That can be treated and when it heals it can be as good as new. But if a break is not treated and heals improperly, the limb is misshapen and might even be painful and no amount of medication can make that bone straight. It must be broken again and allowed to heal properly. To some extent that is also true with fixing a personality disorder and why they are so difficult to treat. How a person experiences, processes, and reacts to things must be changed. How they think of themselves and the people around them must be changed. What they see as threatening or how they experience emotions must be changed. How they react to threats, how they manage relationships ... must be changed. One is NOT going to get a few prescriptions and be all better. A "high functioning" BPD can certainly do all the things you mention but they are rare and they STILL cause a lot of suffering in people who they are in relationships with ... particularly if it is undiagnosed and those people don't understand what is happening.

To think of borderline personality disorder as if it were as treatable as diabetes is nonsense. BPD is not caused by the lack of some hormone or enzyme or something that can be replaced with a prescription.

I never once saw her say she was borderline, by the way. She said she had a personality disorder, but not which one.

And my advice to someone if they find that they are in a relationship with a borderline is that unless you want to go through a lot of therapy and training on skills you are going to need to deal with it, it might be better for BOTH parties to terminate the relationship. And that is hard for borderlines because they tend to have abandonment issues anyway and don't take well to termination of relationships. If you are going to stay, be prepared to do a LOT of work. If you aren't prepared to do the work, then don't stay. It's just better that way.
 blue_princess
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 25
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borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:59:20 AM
I agree with the person who posted the link to the Nook board. I used to go on there because my grandmother has many of the symptoms of BPD, and in fact I first heard of it when one of my friends told me to watch "Girl, Interrupted" and she said that my grandmother acted like Lisa (Angelina Jolie's character.) I have also read Stop Walking on Eggshells, Lost in the Mirror, and some of "Understanding the Borderline Mother."

I am not sure why someone disagreed with the fact that a person with BPD can't have a stable relationship. One of the main criteria for the disorder is unstable, rocky relationships. You even admitted that you had mood swings for no reason so therefore that is not stable. It is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who loves you one minute and hates you the next, and yells at you for no reason and things like that.



loyalty to a fault


I agree with this, because I have had some friends with BPD and when I first met them I thought they were the nicest people I had ever met and they would say such sweet things to me. But then they would turn against me and say things like they hated me, that I made them want to kill themselves, that they hoped I would burn in hell and things like that. They would get mad at me if I didn't answer the phone and they would just keep calling and calling. I had one friend who even ditched me after 3 years because she thought she was pregnant, and her parents blamed ME (so by some scientific miracle, I got a girl pregnant?!) and said I was a bad influence on her and in order to get out of the hospital, she told them she would stop talking to me. So she just threw me away like I was nothing after I put up with all her crap.
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 26
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Posted: 1/1/2008 11:59:25 AM
Chasesmom, that list of attributes is simply NOT true. Did you just make that up?

Yes, they CAN be compassionate and empathetic AT TIMES. They can ALSO be abusive 5 seconds later. They tend to whipsaw back and forth. The thing is that most people don't like having a wonderfully compassionate and empathetic partner for most of the day and then dealing with a completely different person at other random times for random periods of time. You never know when what you might say or how they perceive some body language on your part might set one off in a rage (leading one to always "walk on eggshells" around them). Hell, ever wake up at 3am with someone pulling your hair out for something you did in HER DREAM? And because her "intuition is usually pretty good about those things" she decides to start beating on me in my sleep. Yeah, that's really compassionate and empathetic.

They can be silly but that is generally to attract attention. Silly comments made in order to be the center of attention when around people so they dont feel "invisible" in the crowd.

Loyalty as long as you are standing right there with them and as long as they have you "spit good". Once you leave the room or they split you "bad" any loyalty goes right out the window. Again, this is something I LIVED, not something I read in a book. AND I decided to stay ... through five years of therapy.

Your list of attributes are all TEMPORARY attributes that they tend to display in extreme measure just like all the other attributes that they will also display in extreme measure. That is the nature of the disorder. The emotions knob is turned up to 11. The experience a full range of emotions and attributes and they will all manifest with much more intensity than the average persons would.
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