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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?      Home login  
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 azwritewoman
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 17
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

she is very stern, and a control freak and been on antidepressants at her moms advice since she was 12(leading to divorce, lol)! now thats control, by drugs. i cant let her do that to my girl.


I don't know the particulars of your situation, but I am curious as to how treating one's medical condition with the appropriate medication could lead to a divorce. It has been my experience that when my brother's girlfriend gets off of her mental health medication, that is when there are issues. Staying on it stabilizes her seratonin, and therefore also her emotions.

If your ex wife had to take insulin to keep her blood sugar level normal, would that also be a "control" thing? You can't get anti-depressants without a prescription. Unless her mom is a doctor ... a medical professional other than her mom believes she needs it.

You should be grateful she takes it. My brother has not yet married his GF because he is afraid she will stop taking her meds for an extended period (because sometimes she doesn't take them) and possibly cause them both much grief.

Are you afraid your ex will cause your daughter to become depressed and need meds? It can be genetic, and made worse by stress - meaning that even if the genes are already there from mom, adding more stress from dad won't help.

Just asking ...

I wish you all luck. I am not judging. Just trying to get you to look at things from another perspective. A HUGE percentage of the population is on meds of some sort for everything from AIDS to allergies. Depression should not be stigmatized, nor should any illness.



 Brizo
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 34
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 12/3/2006 4:55:29 PM
man, this thread makes me so sad.....my heart goes out to all those little boys and girls who only want a dad......

I have no idea how or why some people can abandon their own children, these are probably the same types who get a pet and leave it by the side of the road.....

My dad did that, we lost contact with him from the time I was 9 until i was 30. I really could have used a dad at so many points in my life.....I love him now, and try to just let the past be, but I doubt I will ever feel the same trust in him as I did my mother, who was there thick and thin, hell or high water....and I know he has suffered from guilt for a very, very long time....

So I try not to say anything around him to make him feel any worse than he already does. It's water under the bridge, but boy we sure did miss out on a lot.......
 Whitetigeress
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 37
Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:33:08 PM
skeptik.. been seperated two year and my 8 yr old practically begs me to 'find someone'.. i told him im not going to just let anyone come into our lives but mind you.. i haven't let anyone either in those years.

He knows i date when he visits his dad and i do talk about it but what he doesnt know is the more complexed issues involved in making relationships work so im sure it frustrates him to see that the dates don't go any further.

But what can i do... i have to think long range not just in the now .. he and his brother is already going thru so much. You and I want to protect our kids and we pray we are doing the right thing.
But i once read that sometimes things pass us by that we may regret, so dont lose the interest.. stay alive there.. force yourself if you have to. We have to be alive for our kids, we are no good 'dead' to them.

hope that makes sense?


and now to follow my own advice.. easier said than done
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 38
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 12/11/2006 5:00:22 PM
Back to the original post, my ex decided he didnt' want to be involved with my daughter when I was 8 months pregnant. That was his choice, his decision. But funny how half an hour before he made that decision, he was interested in wanting to be involved but had to go eat dinner with his gf. I've had no contact whatsoever. I did want him involved because everyone deserves to have a father given within the right circumstances. I don't know if it's fair to bring someone unwilling just so someone can have the father in and out of their lives, I think that would be just as emotionally affected as not having one altogether. It's one of those damn'd if I dont, damn if I do.

For me, I've been a daddy's girl til I was a teenager til he left to go overseas since he was in the military, our relationship has detioriated due to his lack of communication. I only wish that my father would have been more involved to make a relationship between us to be good. Now we are strangers and don't have much to say.

Since it was my exs choice to not be involved, I have to do the best that I can do. I have a great stepdad who treats me like his daughter and my daughter as his granddaughter, which she calls him papa.

When the time comes for me to have a talk to her about why she doesn't have a father, it's going to be tough, but I'll just keep it simple and true. I'm not going to diss him, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
 Brizo
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 39
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:49:57 PM
a very good point skeptik, and very elegantly stated.....

I had some boyfriends while I was raising my daughters, but it never got beyond dating, no engagement or living together....

I wonder sometimes if I didn't teach them to be noncommital......or overcautious.....

I was just very worried about molestation, as it happened in my family, and I'm aware it's usually someone known to the family. I would never have forgiven myself if I had introduced that into my daughters lives......

so beyond one boyfriend who loved them like a father would, and a very long dating/friendship relationship with another, they were aware I dated but weren't really impacted that much....
 oneofakind67
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 42
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:52:27 AM
My 8 yr old son really wants the same for his dad so he can go live with his dad. It is sad that kids have to go through this stuff. I did and , I know that it does create long term uncertaintities and emotions that do have a bearing on their lives. I am a decent guy of 40 never married, no hangups, not a girlfriend for 6 yrs. I want a woman, a person to be in my sons' life and a soulmate. I wonder regularly why I can't find a nice lady so my life can evolve into a solid foundation for my son. He does have a mom but after she had 3 kids, 1 that is 24, it just seems I am the one of the two who really is looking out for his best interests. However, for your situation I wish you the best and good luck finding someone like me who does care about these kinds of things and the children. You keep hoping for the best and be positive and bring it from your heart and you will get what you desire...z28_man@hotmail.com
 movit
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 43
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Mom its been a long time ...when do I get a dad?
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:12:40 PM
the second post in this thread is indicative of exactly what is going wrong with our societal family structure.
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