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 leo_goddess
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 2
From a man asking a woman for advice..Page 1 of 1    
Ack! WAY to much baggage... she needs to get herself help... if she's not willing... she's not worth your time and I'd leave it alone
 icon
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 3
From a man asking a woman for advice..
Posted: 12/1/2006 4:57:49 PM
Women often allow themselves to boil in anger long enough to get out of a relationship - the anger helps to move on - like a tool - and it's often a build up of past resentments real and projected -
Men tend to be more spontaneous and break up while angry - and jump back together when lonely -

If you really care about her - give her time - allow her the anger - be supportive more than defensive - and eventually she will see the bigger picture -
which may not include you -

whether you were lying or not something happened that led her to think you were - proving you weren't doesn't fix the dynamic that led to her think you were -

She is protecting herself - distance feels safe - support it and if she comes back - remember how important feeling safe is for her -

and alot is two words. ;)
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 4
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From a man asking a woman for advice..
Posted: 12/1/2006 4:58:29 PM
It certainly sounds like a knee jerk reaction on her part. She might be feeling like she is falling for you, and in order to protect herself from being hurt like in her past she is pulling this uberbiatch act. I know I was not the nicest person to my ex when we started dating... ok, I wouldn't even call it dating really. When he confessed his feelings I pushed him away emotionally, but held on tight physically. He was patient with me and in time I started to trust him. I have an inherent distrust of most men because of things that went on in my past, and I'm working on it.

There are two things you can do here... tough it out and she might come around to seeing that you aren't out to get her, or walk away and don't look back. I can't tell you what you should do since I don't know the whole story, but if she's not willing to seek counselling, I wouldn't expend any additional energy on trying to fix her.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 7
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From a man asking a woman for advice..
Posted: 12/1/2006 6:40:45 PM
the hateful things are probably not about you, but as one wise poster said above, it is possible for her to express her hate AT you. Possibly she is justifying it with whatever started the argument in the first place.

Reality can be a shaky thing for someone wth a lot of emotional trauma. Add the physical trauma that you mentioned, and it makes perfect sense to me that this woman could have difficulties with intimacy and emotional pain brought on in relationships.

She's reacting viciously because of her own emotions, not you. Logically it seems hard to associate yourself with these words that she's saying, because there is no logical association. There's an emotional association, perhaps only in that the emotions exist in the same person, as those emotions brought on by historic incidents she wishes she could react against.

You say you don't want to hear from her any more, but you say you care about her, and you post this thread while you are thinking about her and you sound more concerned about her than annoyed. This gives me a picture that you may unintentionally be enabling her to continue down this path. I don't have an answer for you on how to alleviate the problem. Perhaps the woman's advice to let her know what you care and will listen when she gets it figured out will work, but I think it has to be coupled with either cutting off responses to her abusive communication or some other intelligent design. Good luck.

[Please note the correct spelling of "a lot", though it is still a poor euphemism if used to mean "an expansive amount", (which is how I used it)... technically, it only means a specific amount, like I bought a lot sod. Tomorrow, Jed and I will go back and get two more lots. ]
 Calgreel71
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 9
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From a man asking a woman for advice..
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:41:16 AM
This is exaclty what a woman needs, or any person for that matter.

I know, I have recently been a real jerk to someone I loved so much. ( Not honest and not communicating). I think the not communicating and expressing in-difference is the worst insult a person can do to anther.

I think part of a persons healing process is distance and space.

My question is: After you say those two little words, How else do you express yourself?
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