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 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 1
Justice for the good Fathers!!!Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I have a beautiful 18 month old son and one girl on the way from a female who completely f'ed me over.

I have met with several family law people and lawyers and have came to this conclusion; because I am a man, I get no rights. If you have a baby with a woman you are not with, its in your best interest to learn how to become a part time dad and work your ass off so your childs mother can do whatever she wants with your money. I truly believe (men will agree, and Im sure women should too) that if a man is ready, willing and capable of caring for his child he should not be forced to pay child support. Ladies are saying, well they can do that!! Wrong....this is why......

Woman gives birth, takes a year off for maternity leave, man has to work to provide for the baby while the woman receives child tax credit, baby bonus, EI benifits and many other types of help. If the man has only one child, he may not have to work 2 jobs to support his children, or as I and many others see it, the mothers- they might see their kids on the weekends. Now a man sees his kids on the weekends or when he is not working, if he dares to do something for himself one weekend, he is labelled a bad father for not spending time with his kids. Now, after that year is over and both parents are working (some moms dont becuase they make enough from the dads) The dad may want joint custody.......why wont he get it? Because he has not created the bond with the child like the mother has, therefore he is being punished for doing something he was made to do in the first place. Judges will award custody to the mom. Moms will have custody unless they do something to endanger the childs life, thats it.

Now, you wonder why so many men run away from their responsibilties of being a father, it is way to hard on them. Many take off loving their children to death, but leaving is better and easier then leading a life of misery and not being able to be a large part in their childrens lives. Women need to take responsibility for fatherless children just as much as father themselves.

A women can smoke, drink and do drugs during pregnancy and a man can do nothing about it. Women know they have all the rights....they drive us to leave. Why cant anything be just about the children? As men we have to stand up to this system that we have because even the people at the top know its not right.
 flhtcui2006
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 2
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:52:40 PM
I feel for you brother! For many years, I have paid child support (in the tune of $1100/month for 2 girls). It's a pain in the butt, the mother can do whatever she wants with the money, kids, etc..... You wind up working for about half of your actual salary after taxes etc..

There is light at the end of the tunnel though!! Stay in their lives & keep the relationship with your kids. It'll pay off in the end. My oldest daughter recently moved in with me & I'll be getting custody of my youngest daughter soon. Being a single parent can be demanding, but has a great payoff. Now that my youngest can speak for herself, the courts will listen!

Stay true to your kids, bite your lip with their mom, but for their sake & yours, be there for them! I look back at some of the things I missed out on because I caved & let the mom win & have lived to regret it. Learn from my mistakes. Luckily, my girls loved me enough to look past such immaturities. In a short time, they'll be both under my roof.

The system will work, but you need to show them that your'e in their lives for the long haul. Hang in there! Remember this if not anything else. Once that time is gone, you can't get it back. It's gone forever. Good Luck!!!!
 PoorWhiteGirl
Joined: 8/19/2006
Msg: 3
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:32:15 PM
TwinDaddy, we must chat sometime. I would love to hear a dad's POV on having twins.

OP, bitter much? Geez... There are so many things wrong with your line of thinking, I don't even know where to start!
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 4
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:28:36 AM
1. Social Services will do nothing for unborn children.

2. If work the entire first year of the childs life and the mother stays home with the child, you will not (in most cases) get joint custody because the mother has developed a bond with the child that the father has not.

3. If you proved you were the better parent, without a lawyer and without the mother endanging the child, she must not have put up any fight or there is something you left out here.

4. It should be about the children, if a man has to constantly work to pay money to a women he will not have that time with his children which, effects the children. Like I said, if a father is ready, willing and capable......which many are.

5. Lastly, i totally agree with your last statement.
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 5
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:38:48 AM
Obviously I am bitter about my situation yet I have heard a ton of horror stories from other single fathers as well. Dads get a shitty rap and they have to fight for the rights the women already get in court.

My situation in a nutshell, I moved back from Calgary to be with my son after I heard my ex was pregnant, I got a house, I moved her in so she could finish school(we are not together) I was liad off, she receives the Child Tax Credit, I believe this money should go to the baby, not for what ever she chooses- I called the gov. regarding this and they told me that the woman receives this, not the man. Also I was told because she lives with me that this works against me even more. blah, blah, blah...

Its hard to explain everything that happens to a man if you are not a man that has been put through the ringer before.

To answer your question about people on the top, Im talking judges.......Ive spoke to a judge, mother of a friend and many family law lawyers and they all know its quite one sided, men just simply give up because its better to do that then lose their minds!!
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 6
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:51:08 AM
I would like to here a story where a women fought to have sole custody and did not get it and why? While I have 2 jobs and I am supporting the mother of my child (who I do not even like)while she finishes school for my sons benefit......my mind is always with my children, this is about the system, not the mothers.

scenario.....

2 people are together, the women gets pregnant and decides she doesnt want to be there anymore and moves 2 hours away to be with her family. When that baby is born, what do you think the mans options are? He has a child already and a job. Does he take paternity leave....nope, he needs to work to support the child he has, not that he wouldnt have to fight like hell to get it anyway. Men are made to be part time dads.
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 7
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:33:07 AM
I dont anyone gets it......in my own case, I support everyone but me, I dont go out on weekends- the mom does, how can she afford too? ME! thats how. Its the system...not the moms, If I was given enough money to be able to go out and drink on the weekends I may too, but I dont think it should be that way. Everyones situation is different and I have many different issues the way child support works. I have no issue with paying child support if it was supporting my child! ex. A mother gets her rent, food etc payed by her own family and still collects EI and all the other monies and daddy cant see his child because he works 2 jobs to pay his half of the bills? I believe the mother should have to pay her half too, why should she get rewarded for having a family that helps her. Why should the child not be able to see his/her father and bond with them. Im done, y'all dont get it
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 8
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:40:29 AM
Your kids have a shitty dad. I do everything for mine and their mother....I just dont think its fair and the system seriously needs adjusting. So i do not believe him and I are in the same boat here.
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 9
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:50:59 AM
yes it is, and Its evident that your situation is much different then mine and many others.
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 10
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 6:52:35 AM
By the way, I know everything she does because she is living in my house.....I know where all the money goes, out of my pocket and into hers!..lol
 ~Freckles~
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 11
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:41:44 AM
Firstly,

I know you feel f'ed over and are typing alot out of anger, so naturally, your opinions will come out a bit sexist, bitter, and a bit on the jaded side.

Secondly,
I do not understand your stance on not paying child support. I would assume this is a way to weasle out of it? Maybe I read it wrong. IF you are willing to support a child, and awarded 50% custody, some states dont require child support to be administered because both parents have the child equal amounts of time. Diff laws vary from state to state and country.

Thirdly,
I havent heard of any woman taking a yr. off for maternity leave. The act states 6 wks. for a natural birth-8 wks. for c-section. Any additional time off is at their expense. It isnt "welfare" during those times. It is a state law/act.

Bonus and credits? It goes to the person who has the child. If you were the parent who had the child full-time/custody, this would be awarded to you. Help goes to the parent if they apply, its not a "woman" thing. But, I digress, its a stereotypical thing I suppose.

Nice justification for men to run because its "hard". WAAAAAAAAAH. Being a parent, single parent, NCP, CP is hard all around. But, you grab your balls and take the bull by the horns and do what you got to do. Both adults chose to have sex that resulted in a baby. Both are responsible.

I find it ironic and hypocritical that you have made this rant and talked about it being so hard on the man, and your justifications why men dont pay because its "hard", yet, in another paragraph, you list its BOTH the man and woman's responsibilities? Hmmmmmm.
 ~Freckles~
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 12
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:50:54 AM

By the way, I know everything she does because she is living in my house.....I know where all the money goes, out of my pocket and into hers!..lol


Nice that you would point this out now.

Do you know that THE BOTH OF YOU ARE FRAUDING THE SYSTEM?!

Same system you are complaining about giving her benefits, is giving you the same, since you are living under the same roof.

THE BOTH OF YOU SHOULD BE REPORTED.
 ~Freckles~
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 13
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:54:20 AM
I didnt know that.

I know that there is family emergency act, that allows up to 4 months I believe, that is without pay.

In the states, its 6 or 8 wks. maternity leave. Is the 1 yr. in Canada paid? WOW. Nice. lol
 singledaddy0515
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 14
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 11:31:05 AM
Thank you Spiderham,

Yes Im jaded, yes Im upset. But these types of things mentioned above (plus many more) are the type of laws and rules that get men down. Imagine ladies, if this was switched, If we became pregnant and you wanted the baby, but we decided to abort it. Imagine we didnt have to apy support because we would rather give the baby up for adoption. Many, many problems with this system.......So take it easy on the dads! The good dads!
 ~Freckles~
Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 15
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 11:38:33 AM
You dont think any of us have been burned? I think its natural to be hurt, but, the important thing is to learn and heal. It does no good to place blame and dwell on it. You learn and move on. It takes a while, but no need to carry dead weight.
 flhtcui2006
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 16
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 5:25:51 PM
All I can say, for the kids sake, stay in their lives, bite your lip at times if you have to. Put the kids needs first, you'll win in the end. You may experience alot of grief, frustration, anger and bitterness. I'm speaking from pure experience here now. The road ahead is not an easy one. What your kids will see though is someone who, no matter what, went to their activities, stayed in their lives & loved them. Regardless of the circumstances. No easy, I had it ROUGH!! Still do at times. The payoff is looking back as what you've endured & then looking at the expression on your childs face when the tell you how much you mean to them. I've been on both sides & neither side is easy. Face it,,, this is going to be tough to hear, but you can either like it, or lump it. But you have to stay in their lives. All that you'll do by bottling it all up is hurt yourself or your kids. Let it go. Not easy to do,,,, I struggled with that one for years. Your kids see the anger & then guess what, they learn how to bottle it up just like you. Hang in there!
 tlc31
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 17
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 8:32:27 PM
Firstly I think singledaddy has every right to feel the way he feels.

We have to remember he is here to ask advice, he's not personally Attacking any of you. He's not personally attacking anyone for that matter. He is unsatisfied with the system.

I would be here all day if I tried to explain my story to you. So I won't, but I know what he is saying. If a father is actually taking any part whatsoever in his child's life that is a good thing.
Of course there are some expectations as well. And if he has a job he can afford something. But same goes for if the father is the sole parent, the mother should pay.

I think all of our situations are very different, and no one is right or wrong, due to the fact that no ones situation is the same.

I don't think everyone should be harping on poor singledaddy for expressing himself.

Good Luck All with whatever ails you
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/4/2006 8:53:41 PM
Singledaddy... you are entitled to your feelings on this... they are, after all, yours. Just want to point out that not all women are like this. I have full custody, for several reasons, mainly 'cause their daddy goes out of town a lot on business. We do not currently have a visitation schedule set up for the sheer fact that he lives in Edmonton, and we don't. Not even close. He pays support, but I guaran-damn-tee ya it's not spent on wild parties and the like. I can't remember the last time I went out.. oh wait.. I can... Nov 4... for my birthday.. my GF paid for dinner. I am sure he's bitter about the arrangement we have too.. in fact I know he is. There is no money for either one of us.

Anyway... I could b*tch and complain about it as much as you.. for different reasons tho obviously... doesn't change the fact I am raising them on my own. We just suck it up and carry on with life the best way we can.

Please just remember this.. not all women are like that.
 montanadharma
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 19
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:37:05 AM
Without getting into your personal feelings about your situation I would have to say I agree in general that justice for good fathers is not what it should be.

Joint Custody is what is knows as a "legal fiction". It has no meaning. It's come to be that way because courts don't want to look as biased to the mothers as they are so now it's SOP to just say joint custody then nobody can take it to the state supreme court using parental rights laws (if you live in a state that HAS parental rights laws). What matters is who the “primary residential parent” is.

I fought for 8 years to get my daughters out of a terrible situation that they were in with their mother who is a big time alcoholic. To highlight some of what we went through; my oldest daughter when she was 8 was removed forcibly from her classroom by a CPS worker after by daughter refused to go back to her mom’s house because she was so scared. Her mother was sitting right there and the CPS worker kept asking her why she was afraid to go back and my daughter who was terrified didn't want to say while her mother was sitting there. This same worker tossed out my complaint of drunk driving with my kids a year earlier. He pried her off a book case and started to drag her out to her mother’s car. A cop took my daughter away from the CPS worker because he was afraid the CPS worker was going to hurt my daughter, which he did leaving bruises on her arm. I was threatened by a prosecuting attorney for making reports to CPS saying I was mentally abusing my daughter’s right after that. More CPS reports and a year later a guardian ad litem was charged to look after my daughters. She found no problems in their home despite to domestic violence arrests that took place in their home and said it was a fine place for kids to be. 6 months later my girl’s mom was arrested for DUI and negligent endangerment with a BAL of .388. Nobody reported this to CPS including the GAL or even bothered to tell me about it until my daughters told me 2 weeks after the fact. When I called CPS to report this I got yelled at for making too many calls to CPS. I filed a complaint against the GAL for not reporting to CPS as she is legally bound to do so, it died in the County Attorneys office where she also happened to work.

I now have 100% custody of my daughters.

The important thing for you to do OP is to take a breath and think long term about this stuff. Stewing in your crap isn't going to work nor is being bitter. The "professionals" who are going to be making decisions in this will all go with whatever label any one of them put on you so if you come across bitter and angry you will FOREVER be labeled bitter and angry by everyone dealing with your case and this will not serve your children. You have to be the one who is labeled gracious and caring. Miss no time with your children, pay the support. I paid 360 a month for 8 years. I now get 120 a month for the same children with the exact same economic situation for both of us, they changed the rules. DO NOT let this eat you alive. You will lose all the best parts of yourself and perhaps screw up the next relationship you might have because of your inability to deal with the pain.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:41:34 AM

DO NOT let this eat you alive. You will lose all the best parts of yourself and perhaps screw up the next relationship you might have because of your inability to deal with the pain.


Couldn't have said that any better myself Montanadharma!!
 goldn
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 21
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/5/2006 11:00:27 AM
so let me get this straight? just need to see if i understand.....because i cannot believe what i am reading.......you think that if you dont get custody you should not have to be financially responsible for children that YOU brought into this world? SO its not your way so the heck with your kids support? and you in the same breath are talking about it being "about the kids"? on what planet is that 'about the kids"? trust me buddy.....there are a lot of single moms out there pretty much doin it on their own who would LOVE for a daddy to be engaged in their childrens lives.....IN EVERYWAY.....men get the luxury of choosing to walk away.....in 99% of the cases....MOMS DONT!
 flhtcui2006
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 22
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/5/2006 8:20:53 PM
Like it or not, the man is entitled to express himself & from the sounds of it,,, he's pretty ticked off at the system. I can truley empathize with the man. I've been on both sides & neither one is easy. If 99% of the cases, the man doesn't walk away,,, he is driven away by the mother. That sounds absolutey assinine doesn't it? Just as your comment of

"IN EVERYWAY.....men get the luxury of choosing to walk away.....in 99% of the cases....MOMS DONT!" does. C'mon now. The guy is just venting some steam. Better here in this forum, where he can get some input from some unbiased people, than to the mother of his children. Give him a break. You don't know all of his circumstances.

I'm one of the fortunate ones, I have custody of my oldest & am getting custody of my youngest in a couple of months. I have had to bite my lip, and swallow my pride for a number of years, pay child support (never missed a payment by the way, not did I have any say so on how it was squandered). When kids are involved in a divorce or seperation or custody battle, nobody wins.. The biggest loser is the kids.

I've said this earlier & I'll say it again. Stay in their lives for them. You'll be a better man and father for doing so. Even if you have to suck it up, bite your lip and take a few obscenites. Tax time sucks as does seeing your hard earned money get squandered away with no say so.

Put your Faith in the Lord, say a Prayer (daily) and be there for them.
 goldn
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 23
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:40:25 PM
yes he has a right to vent.....a right to his opinion....i didnt say he didnt......but how does that translate into me NOT having the right to mine? i didnt put all my personal stuff out there.....but i see the other side....the side where id WANT the father more involved.....would welcome it.....and get very little from him....financially or otherwise.....and have 2 children....one with a disibility.....and im doing it 99% alone.....there were generalities made in his comments.....so i made a few of my own....he has a right to say......and so do i
 Nevaehs_mom
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 24
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/6/2006 4:07:35 PM
ok this is my point on your post OP:

First off:

because I am a man, I get no rights


That is not true at all, I am not sure where you are from but here in canada both parents have the same amount of rights to the child. So if you are from canada you better talk to another lawter and if they tell you that you have no right's because you were not togther or what ever then I would be telling them they need to read up on their laws again.


I truly believe (men will agree, and Im sure women should too) that if a man is ready, willing and capable of caring for his child he should not be forced to pay child support


I dont agree with this, because you cant raise a child on looks now can you, both parents need to pay for taking care of a child that they both made, in all ways that is including spending money.


Now a man sees his kids on the weekends or when he is not working, if he dares to do something for himself one weekend, he is labelled a bad father for not spending time with his kids


When only seeing your children on the weekends (most time it is every second weekend) you should spend time with them on the weekend that you have them, on the weekend that you dont that is your own time but when you have your child/children that is their time not yours. So remember that, you plan your time on the weekends that you dont have your children just like a mother should plan her time on the weekends that she doesnt have the children.


The dad may want joint custody.......why wont he get it? Because he has not created the bond with the child like the mother has, therefore he is being punished for doing something he was made to do in the first place. Judges will award custody to the mom. Moms will have custody unless they do something to endanger the childs life, thats it.


Your wrong about the joit cusotdy thing hun sorry to tell you. Most judges now a days grant join custody, the only time they dont is if the parents have no way of getting a hold of the other parent at all, for ex: kinda droped off the face of the earth and there is no one that can find them.


Now, you wonder why so many men run away from their responsibilties of being a father, it is way to hard on them. Many take off loving their children to death, but leaving is better and easier then leading a life of misery and not being able to be a large part in their childrens lives. Women need to take responsibility for fatherless children just as much as father themselves.


GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! first off there is so much wrong with this statment! first off men run cause they dont want the child, there is leaving and still being part of your child's life (if you really want to then you will do what ever you have to, to be part of your child's life) Then there is leaving and not having anything to do with your child which is not right at all. Second of all. Women do take responsibility for the fatherless children as you call them because they are the ones that stay to look after the child in all ways when the father is to much of a candy ass to do anything with them I am sorry. My feeling on that statment is that you really need to think things again because you must realize that there are many motherless children out there as well and the father's take all the responsibility of the children. The parent that stays and does everything has taken the responsibility the one that has left has no responsibility what so ever other then for themself so remember that.

Again when it comes to the law I am talking about the law in canada so it all depends on where you are at.
 goldn
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 25
Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:14:36 PM
you SING it sister! lmao......right on!
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