Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > California  > Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Maybe they'll come out with an updated version of "Love Connection" hosted by Chuck Woolerys' Great Grandson.

I always had single friends when I was married. The dynamics of those friendships may have changed as my life changed, but they never stopped being my friends and I never stopped associating with them.

Hell! I wanted to be around happy friends.
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:52:49 AM
Dr. Phil should of stuck to being Oprah's Pony Boy.

I would'nt take his advice even if my teeth were on fire!

He knows about as much about finding a soulmate as Liz Taylor
 UandIBelieve
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:43:09 AM
This is a hard one... It is hard to find the right person...but the time we are searching is a time for growth...I was married for 30 years and he has passed... being marriend that long is not easy either... many changes happen in 30 years... I think it is that all relationships take work and most are not up for the task... Marriages fail so do relationships... I see people spend thousands of dollars on weddings only to divorced in a few years... it all seems crazy to me. One of the problems, I think, is we think the 2 sould become 1... what a crazy concept... we should love and support our differences, be thankful that the one we care about is doing something they enjoy, instead of wanting to change them. Each time there is a difference of opinion, it is ok! Most people fight over silly stuff...I do believe that we all have more than one soul mate... I have found 3... One- when I was 17 and he was killed in Viet Nam... 2 my best friend of 40+years Debbie (yes she is a lady and no we are not lovers just wonderful friends)... and My late husband... Their souls touch mine and are part of my very existance...I would be happy to share my soul with another...
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/5/2007 5:49:44 AM
OP: I have family in Manteca, I've been there before...My advice: look elsewhere...No offense to my dad's hometown, but looking at the quality of person you are, you deserve better...I'm not saying move, but at least look around in places like Sacramento or the SF Bay Area. My father did meet my mother here in San Jose, and since then, things have been hunky-dory for nigh 20 years! Basically, I think you need to see the rest of the state. You really are in one of the less likely towns in CA to produce a quality guy, my father notwithstanding!


I'm not from Manteca but I'm curious....You've know everybody in Manteca well enough that you can judge their character?

I'm sure that it has its share of good and not so good people. Just like San Jose does or L.A does, or anywhere else. The only difference is that the latter has more of both cause theres obviously more people living there

3/4 of the people living there are from the bay area or at least work there. What does that say about Manteca or the Bay Area.....LOL

 G.G.
Joined: 10/25/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/5/2007 11:41:29 PM
I dont think we look for our soul mates I think we look for lovers expecting them to be soul mates. A soul mate is someone you connect with on an unusualy vulnerable level. It doesnt have to be Mr. Perfect or Miss. Right. There are other relationships that can connect on that level.
-Gina
 Subicsaint
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 36
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/6/2007 6:11:41 PM
As eeek put it, "Sometimes a "soul mate" just doesn't keep being one forever."

I basically agree with that. The odds of finding a 'soul mate' ready made right out of the box are EXTREMLY rare. You are much better off if you find a close match and then 'work' on a relationship. Over time it could become a match that allows you to touch souls, so to speak.

The biggest obstacle is that too many people expect such a relationship to endure without any work. That is the Achilles heel of a 'soul mate'. It takes two people constantly working together using communication, understanding, and above all compromise of BOTH individuals in order to maintain such a bond. But people do change and they can diverge from each other if they are not careful.
 megadigm
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 40
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:35:05 PM
Its not that hard.. watch this video/documentary called "the secret" .. It has some great insights on how to find one.. All that two normal people have to do is to be in committed relationship and spend lot of time doing things of common interest together.. time is the essence!!
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/12/2007 9:44:29 PM

I want to know why it is so hard to find the person who loves me above anything else (besides his children), who would walk across hot coals for me, who would cut off his own arm to save my life if necessary, who would do anything at all for me, who would want to die if I died. Thats what I want I'm looking for


I think one of the reasons it can be hard is that some people who have been around and lived a little, at some point in their life did walk across hot coals for someone and all they ended up getting was burned.

And for some of those folks, I think that possibility of getting burned again is what keeps them off the coals
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:37:47 PM
I agree. At some point a person should take that chance again and most folks do. You can never gain if you don't risk. But I think that different people require different amounts of time and when the time is right, they know.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 46
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:34:08 AM
Replying to:
Posted By: Guardian_Of_Gaea on 1/4/2007 529 PM
Subject: Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?

If soulmates don't exist, then why all the talk about them?

Why do we identify with the concept so much when we watch romantic movies?

My response:

There is no such thing as a soulmate. The idea of a soulmate arises from the belief that you are not a complete person until you find your missing other half. This is pure BS. And an incomplete person will not be a good partner anyway. You have to be complete and whole and fulfilled in yourself before you can offer yourself to another person who is also complete and whole and fulfilled. Then your relationship will be based on desire and free choice, not on need and desperation and inadequacy.

Here's what Matthew Arnold says in his poem "Self-Dependence":

Resolve to be thyself, and know
That he who finds himself,
Loses his misery.
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:25:47 PM
There is no such thing as a soulmate. The idea of a soulmate arises from the belief that you are not a complete person until you find your missing other half. This is pure BS. And an incomplete person will not be a good partner anyway. You have to be complete and whole and fulfilled in yourself before you can offer yourself to another person who is also complete and whole and fulfilled. Then your relationship will be based on desire and free choice, not on need and desperation and inadequacy



You've dipped into the saucerful of secrets, and found one of the truths of life and love.

I've always contended that the only living soul that can provide happiness for me is....me

Others may enter my life and enhance my happinerss but they can in no way provide it. I have sole responsibility and "own-ness" for that.

If I cannot be happy with myself, there is no possible way I can be happy with anyone else regardless of how spectacular they may. And in no way can I enhance anyone elses happiness.

When it comes to relationships, One-Half and One Half does not equal One

One + One truly equals One
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:14:41 PM
I don't think anyone is mocking anyone.

The concept, ideas and ideals of love are as varied as the people who hold those concepts, ideas and ideals.

When I speak of mine, they are coming from me and not meant to mock, but merely to express myself and what I believe to be real and true.

Because at the end of the day what I believe to be real and true is all I really have that belongs to me and nobody else
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 54
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:27:47 AM
Replying to:

Posted By: paddy o furniture on 1/13/2007 941 PM
Subject: Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?.

The concept, ideas and ideals of love are as varied as the people who hold those concepts, ideas and ideals.

Response:

Seems to me the person who really knows what love is doesn't think of it something you get. The true lover thinks of love as something you give. When you are a giver of love you will live a fulfilled and happy life whether or not you ever encounter another giver and you will stop worrying about it. And if you do meet another giver, not just a taker, of love, then together you can take off and fly into orbit around the stars.
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 63
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:32:03 PM
OP:: i dont think theres one definitive answer for this question. Some say online dating doesnt work, yet they are on here anyway. And we all know that before the internet... this was already a valid question. I myself have notices( and i cant say ive never been guilty of this) Alot of people have ridiculous so called "standards", and expectations. Many of us have met someone wed be lucky as hell to have, but didnt want them because of some extremely retarded reason, usually something superficial. And then when someone tries to warn us or let us know we are making a mistake, we bash them for "BASHING" our so called preferences.

Also, alot of people tend to jump into a serious relationship too fast. Even though we all know this is relationship-suicide, we tend to do it anyway. Also,****ness, in both sexes, is a key factor. How many people have had someone that really wanted them, but we strung them along as "FRIENDS". We all know this word is usually BS. Then when we find someone "hotter" "richer" "the right amount of tattoos, or something ridiculous, suddenly the people that treated us right, we wont talk to them, return their calls, or anything. And then when they want to know why, or confront us about it, we try to make them look bad by calling them "possessive", a "stalker" or something stupid like that?

In my opinion, these are just a few reasons, we think its HARD to find someone. i think if we all came off our high horse, and gave decent people a chance, it may just be easier.
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:51:13 PM

Maybe dante will create a ring just for those of you who are too late


Personally, My money's on Jay & Silent Bob. Not Dante
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 73
Why is it so hard to lose our soul mate?
Posted: 1/25/2007 9:56:04 PM
then sit back and watch her piss and moan when it comes back to her
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to lose our soul mate?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:05:41 PM
So what happens when you find your "soul mate" and you think everything is all that you ever wanted. Then your "soul mate" decided that you aren't the one and drops you for someone else?


It happens to people everyday.

Life goes on as it always does. Bills still have to be paid, the car still needs new tires and the dog is still having accidents on the carpet. A person can do their grieving and move forward or they can sit around re-digesting the past to no success, because you can’t change yesterday.

I never forget where I’ve been, but I never, ever look back.
 Paddy O Furniture
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to lose our soul mate?
Posted: 1/25/2007 10:19:51 PM
Think about and you may see its not contradictory at all.

Theres a difference in the two.

I don't forget my past and try to learn from my mistakes, but after I make em, I move forward and don't wallow in the misery that mistakes can produce. If I have to change something in my life thats dragging me down, I just do it and I don't look back. But in the future I don't forget my past.
 MandoChris
Joined: 3/29/2006
Msg: 79
Why is it so hard to lose our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 1:32:36 AM
The paradox is that you have to be happy & comfortable being single before you can meet the a person that you'll have a healthy, happy, fun & mutually respectful relationship with.

As for "Soulmate". I don't personally believe in the concept. It seems to me to imply a person that will complete you, which puts you square in the middle of the dilemma mentioned above.

YOU have to be your soulmate. When you love yourself, then you'll feel deserving, and you'll finally meet the type of person you truly deserve.

Hope that doesn't sound too trite. It's easier said than done, but it is possible with dedication & work.

Much luck & love to you.

~Chris
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 81
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:34:34 AM
grneyed...no one is ripping into or attacking you....alot of people are guilty of what was mentioned
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 85
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:41:10 PM
the fact that real men are unattractrive to most women...doesnt help lol
 favod
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 5:55:00 PM
I believe the odds are not in your favor to match up with a human being to exactly meet your needs and vice-versa. It can happen but if you only wait for that person your whole life, will you have wasted a lot of time just waiting. Maybe we are not supposed to matched with a perfect match. If we meet someone who meets 8 out of 10 of our major critieria in a relationship, should they be turned away ! Or 7 out of 10 or 9 out of 10. We each somehow sense what would make us happy but there are no guarantees. Life is well of experience that we should drink from. The more experience we have with life, the more wise we are.
 engine51
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 87
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:17:44 PM
"Ok, I'll bite. What's your definition of a real man? I sure hope it doesn't involve wearing boots and funny hats while walking in used horse food."

Good one! No, it has nothing to do with clothes or where you walk. If you can treat a woman right... and put men who abuse women, in their place, you havea good shot at true man hood. Also, putting down another guy to try to impress a woman is pretty sad.
 RANDYS72
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 89
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/26/2007 9:27:05 PM
for me the reason is simple. I'm not like most folks .You might say I'm different . odd maybe.
You see , I'm Filipino , born and raised here in California . That don't sound too strange for most folks but I was not raised like most . I did not grow up in an environment that everyone would consider typical of California. I'm intelligent and can communicate in real American English.I will not give out too many details but I grew up in a very isolated area and loved the country life and old traditions . I joined the military for a few years and when I got back I did my best to live in the remote place that was home . There was hardly any work so I did the next best thing and moved to the Central Valley to work at a feed lot. loved the work and all but hated the boss so I moved my things back to the hills after 4 years . I drive old Chevys and play and listen to old country music and go to bluegrass festivals . Most of my friends now are either 60 and older or 18 and younger . I've lived in town now for a few years and
have had several relationships with women . They've been great ones but the the one thing that kept getting in the way was a lack of trust in me .I seem to find women who can't seem to tell me what I'm doing wrong but they want you to know that whatever it is , it's wrong.
another thing about me is that I don't wear sweats , shorts , t-shirts , sandals, sneakers,long hair, bald head, don't do drugs ,don't wear baggy pants, no tattoos, I'm not liberal, no ear rings, no piercings, not gay, I'm stubborn , and these are some of the things that I am aware of . I know there are many more but I don't want to bore you . Trust me , I don't have an inferiority complex, but you can see what could get in the way of most relationships . I'm sure that most of you out there can do better than me because you relate to the popular culture of today . So take heart , your soulmates are out there somewhere. Good luck.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 91
Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?
Posted: 1/27/2007 4:18:41 PM
Why is it so hard to find a "soul mate"? The reason it is so hard is that there is no such thing as a "soul mate". There is no perfect person out there. There are just lots of potential mates you can match up with and enjoy and you can build a relationship by working on it and accepting the reality that people are what they are. The "soul mate" is just an ideal, a quaint concept invented by Plato.

People who think there is some "soul mate" out there waiting for them delude themselves and doom themselves constant disappointment. Every person you meet can in fact be part of what you want in your life and it is a good idea to look for that and enjoy it and be responsive to it and just blow off the fantasy of the perfect "soul mate" which is somewhere out there in space with the elves and unicorns, just an amusing idea, not a reality.
Show ALL Forums  > California  > Why is it so hard to find our soul mate?