Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > When is it too old to still want children?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mudflower
Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 6
When is it too old to still want children?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
perhaps i am missing something. what does "fair" have to do with it?
 mudflower
Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 8
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/9/2007 1:59:42 PM
@gallivanting1

ding ding ding.... we have a winner...

l
 shtork
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 13
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/10/2007 8:05:11 AM
I agree with Kazot, I'm 40 and would love to get into a relationship and have a child. I love kids and would love a family. Its us poor old guys that miss out lol Maybe its the fact that the ladies end up with the kids and get to see them grow so they are over the cluckiness but some of us poor old farts get to miss it all
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 17
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:56:19 PM
ohhhh good answer. Yup have to agree id rather see a 40 something than a teenie something.The child is truly wanted and longed for.
 jojo67
Joined: 1/1/2005
Msg: 19
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:51:25 PM
lol my mom had me at 40 and look how good i turned out lol ;) kidding....good times
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 21
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:09:35 PM

I am going to be 45 and I have no children - and if it happens I will
welcome it - but I need to be realistic too - I am going to be an old Mom - And just
that presents risks and complications.

I am so torn on this question - part of me would love too if I met
the right man and part of me feels I am too old - This makes me
very sad sometimes.

If I had to do it over I know now everything would be different - It is
so true- that yearning for that is there and I cant really do anything about it now-
I think my time has run out.
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 22
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/12/2007 10:41:43 PM
I still would love to have kids. When I was married we did try. It was only after the divorce that my ex found out she is not able to have any because of a problem with her ovaries.
So in my case I wasn't holding out to have kids and now, all of the sudden, deciding that I want them. I always did.
And even though I'm 43, so what? I'm not some broken down, cranky old man. I've always had great patience, I'm healthy and have a great job, so I have no problems being able to handle the crying and the tantrums, and running after children to keep them away from danger, and providing for them the emotional and financial needs they deserve.
 Rebellious
Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 24
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:36:34 PM
I've always wanted to have daughters, but my wife died very young. I'd love to have my own children but if it doesn't happen, I will accept a woman's children as my own, and if they happen to be daughters they will be the luckiest 5-year old girls ;) in the world and I will love them to bits.



My parents met when she was 20 and he was a 40 year old 'cranky old confirmed bachelor', as my mother put it. They married 6 months later, and had me when Dad was 43, and my sister when he was 46.

I remember maybe twice having friends ask if he was my Dad or my grandfather, but it didn't seem to be a big deal.

He growled about our clothes being unladylike, and ranted about girls calling boys, all the horrors of our disco music, and swore that no damned way was any daughter of HIS going to get holes in her ears! (which we did anyway), and if we got Bs insisted we could get As.

But he also dragged my sister and I fishing almost every weekend from the age of 5 or 6, taught us how to clean a fish and told us the names of all the constellations, taught me how to drive (and lost half his hair doing it), and until I moved out of the house in my early 20s, my sister and I both ran to the door to give him a kiss and a hug when he came home from work. And I never gave up a chance to give him a smooch in front of my friends to make him blush (and they loved to too!).

He gave us the best gift a parent can give, and was old and wise enough to recognize that a child needed it... time.

He died unexpectedly of an aneurysm at 67, just three weeks after his first grandson was born. I wouldn't have traded the 24 years I had with him for 40 or 60 years with any other parent. He packed a lot of parenting into 24 years.

He didn't look ridiculous. He looked like my Dad.


heckcat thank you for sharing your story, it makes me feel hopeful.




I'm with Kame on this. I would rather see an older person who can provide for their child having children than a young girl trying to raise a child with no father or financial/emotional support.
Fair? Fair has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of personal choice. If you don't like it then he's not the guy for you.


Gallivanting1, where is a strong-minded girl like you when I need one?



 Rebellious
Joined: 2/5/2006
Msg: 29
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:27:40 AM
I can hear the 30-something women going TICK-TICK-TICK . . . bring it on!




 texasbaby
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 33
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:02:11 AM
There is a huge difference in wanting children and being able to have them,, for women at least.
That said, even if you're older,, if you want children, can care for them and so on,,, there are so many parentless children waiting to be adopted. Children belong to those who love them, not necessarly those who birthed them.
I was single and over 50 when I adopted,,,, I will be 70 when my youngest graduates high school. I suppose I should look for a younger S/O to clear a path through the other parents, as I toddle along on my walker.

tb
 Loyal805
Joined: 10/9/2004
Msg: 34
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:32:17 AM
As others have said, it's not a matter of being fair, it has more to do with the individuals involved and their desires. However I'd agree it's more of a gamble later on. When a person is too old really depends on the condition of the individual - it wouldn't be fair to generalize when it comes to age/time .

IMO key factor in later births is the fact society is sadly more focused on making money rather than building a healthy family unit. As a result many men & women put off starting a family. And, it was mentioned on the news that there's a growing number of singles to those that are married. Perhaps the birth-rate will drop in the ethnic groups that don't value having families[?]. And, I've heard that the ratio of men to women on a typical singles site is 3:1. So one could assume that it's easier for women to find someone...

I'd like to comment on what some have said about older guys. I have to disagree with the notion that an older guy can always get a younger woman, [unless of course he's wealthy]. Out here on the west coast there seems to be a stigma against guys over 40. I've seen a lot of profiles for women that still want kids, [in their 30's] and the age cut-off is typiclly 38 or 39. I'm in my early 40's and not that different then a guy that's 38. I realize that most women in their 40's have already had kids and/or don't have interest in having one or more.

Unfortunately as we know there's no take overs in life and I [like many] focused on my career when I should've been looking for a life mate. If I ever have a kid I'll strongly encourage them to seek out a mate earlier than I did when there are more options. By the time you reach your 40's the options become limited and of course the risks are higher.
 JGF
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 35
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:40:56 PM
Children are a beautiful Gift and I am hoping that I will have the chance too have a Child now that I feel I am ready.


Sweet Susie, you hit the nail on the head! Our story is rather unique. We had our first daughter when we were both 23. After that we had 12 miscarriages over a period of 11 years. Then we had help from a specialist in Chicago. Soon after we had our son. Within 2 years, we also had identical twin boys with no help. We were not really trying, but we also were not really keeping it from happening either. Our family grew to 3 sons and 2 daughters. A few years ago my wife had some surgery for indemitriouses (I have no idea how to spell it!), and the doctor told her she would never be able to have children again. That was fine, because we are very satisfied with our family, especially after loosing so many babies. This past summer, my wife was taking some medication which had as a side effect, reduced fertility. That was also o.k., and we did not think that it mattered anyway because of the surgery. Well low and behold guess who is pregnant! Yes, we are expecting another baby in April. When I first found out I refused to let myself get excited because of reasons already discussed on here. As the date approaches however, I am starting to get more excited, because the doctor is following everything very closely and everything looks great. If there was ever a baby that should not have been conceived in the first place, it is this one. All I can think is that this child is a very special gift indeed. (btw... the actuary charts for life insurance have me living until around 88 or 89. I also have a very healthy lifestyle, eat healthy, and work out regularly. Now I have an even bigger reason to take care on myself!)
 JGF
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 38
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:42:54 PM
I understand what you are saying wamadeus, however based on all the reasons you gave, would you prefer to never have been born? And, what about those of us who would have never chosen to become parents after 40, should we have an abortion, so as to not inconvenience anybody (mostly the baby itself)? (btw, for those of considering having a baby a little later, life expectancy charts are based on 0- 77.77 in the US which takes into account all the children, teenagers, and babies who die. Life expectancy goes up the older you get, simply because the older one gets, the more durable they prove to be. This is part of what is causing the coming crisis in Social Security. And those rates (0-77.77) are based upon today's information. With technology, life expectancy will only continue to rise. Who knows what it will be in 20 years.)
 stone429
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 39
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:00:24 PM
I type this moments after putting my two year old grandchild down for bed. I asked my son to live with me for a couple of years or more after she was born as I missed having children around to play with. Both of my children are grown and have provided me with grandchildren (this one just lived around the corner) and i enjoy them immensely. I raised them from early years until they left home to marry. I would have had more if i would have had a SO but i was in the military and moved around alot. I have a long time friend who is 55 and has 18 month old twins (both healthy) and a much younger wife. He is as active as men half his age. If i had a child tommorrow, they would still be out of the house before i retire (i did that once and it actually sucked) but i have one problem no bait for the fish. Oh well i can still tell dumb jokes to the grandchild (she's easy, she laughs at everything).

Here's the meat in the stew - raising children takes patience, time, and yes money. You can do it if you have varieties of all of the above. I mentor young people cuz i have no more of my own. It is never to old to want children, to nuture children, to help children that are not your own, and to remember that it pays dividend in laughter, love, and in all honesty great stories.
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:49:43 AM
Pushing thirty OMG if thats old I hate to see you when youre 40. I had my only child when I was 23 and where I live the Mothers all called me the baby. You need to grow up a bit smell the roses and throw away the coffee youre going to fast, as it is. A womens biological clock ends at menapause. Unfortunately then some risks for mother and child increase I think it depends on your genetics and how well you have maintained yourself and lifestyle. Men can go on forever and the sperm actually mature and are healthier in older men. So that can help the balance. If you havent had a child youre in your late 30s early 40s good chance you can still be a good Mom. But if youre having the baby for the wrong reason youll find its wrong for the child too at any age.
theyre are a big handful too at any age.
 Heart Bandit
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 52
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 3:51:02 PM
I'm 43 and don't have kids. And it's not for lack of trying when I was married. It wasn't until after we were divorced that my ex found out that she wasn't able to have children due to a problem with her ovaries. Do I still want children? I'm still very healthy, youthful and patient. And of course it would also depend on the woman. Does she even want children? Or, perhaps she already has children and wants no more. That would not be a deal breaker for me. And if a woman does come along who wants children, or has children that need a father, I am more than ready to accept the responsibilty.
 Bridge Jumper
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 54
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:49:54 PM
Three of my friends had babies with older men (42-47 years old) One child has autism, one child has brain seizures and is severely retarded, and one was born with a heart defect. There is a reason why fertility clinics don't take sperm donors over 40 years old any more. I'm 47 years old and all of my children are grown, but if I were a younger woman, I'd pick a man under 40 because I sure wouldn't want to run the risk of birth defects. Sure, my friends all love their children, just as I do, but I'm glad mine were all born healthy.


You think that any man over 40 is going to have genetic problems? That you have to have kids with a man under 40 to have a healthy child? And what's this stupidity with your glad your kids were born healthy? Are you kidding me? Being mentally retarded or having autism or brain conditions doesn't mean they are lepers and it doesn't mean they aren't wonderful, creative, loving children. They have problems. You should try being more open minded and realizing that not everyone is like you and that you are blessed to have children at all. Your post is self righteous and demeaning to all parents with children that have any of the above conditions. You are totally out of order.
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 56
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 5/29/2007 8:22:48 PM
Wow, you just cant tell. And there are so many types of families. So my mom just turned seven zero and is more the lively adoring mother most of the time to her grandbabies (than her Kids) still likes having babies but she wants them all happy wanted and well cared for . So there Great Grandmas want babies too, get that and the babies are pyramiding at that stage LOL .
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/5/2007 3:18:56 AM
The truth of the matter is that woman past 40 pass child defects to the babies. It is also a fallicy to think of autism as a form of dibiltation when hidden in the minds of autistic chidren is unreal talents and itelligence higher than the norm, when actuallized with extream attention too complicated for the average persons mind unfortunately this is also subject to varying degrees. They have not only discovered sperm of even the most elderly men can produce healthy babies and a young mans sperm is the immature sperms of the bunch that can produce far lower IQ's than sperm in men 40 and up that have more potential. It helps a older woman to have a husband her age compensate but in the scheme of thing a young wife Like Princess Dianna and and older man like Prince Charls are the better match then a young couple. This is due to the fact that woman carry ovum from the beginning and men rejuvinate and produce daily and this production gets better with practice over the years
 smeggykeggy
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 64
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/5/2007 5:12:51 PM
57. though it really depends on the person. And would you exclude adoption or fostering?
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 65
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:11:44 PM
My first posting I agree woman can and should be able to have children until their bodies end in menapause ans some woman have had children after menapause was way over. Older mens sperm is just the fact that the mechinisms producing sperm daily become more efficient. Sorting the goodin from the baddins. you know how competitive men are. As much as everything about a womans pregnancy is standard I really think all births are a different as the person being born. The say Higher risk for this higher risk for that but what is the actual risk and are these more acceptable than if youre in the higher age majority .If one egg gets one sperm they must be just as lucky as a man or woman finding the right partner so why knock em.
 Backincaliagain
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 66
view profile
History
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:23:20 PM
Well speaking just for myself. I had a career beginning at 22 yrs old and many of the women I dated did not want children because they also had careers. That does not mean I would not date a woman with children, most of the women I have dated had children. But I would still like the opportunity to have a child of my own. That also does not mean I am only looking for young women, her age does not matter, I just someone that I connect with that would still like another child. But many of the single women my age don't want more children and perhaps if I had children at an early age I may feel the the same way. Does that make it wrong for me to still want a child?
 jheldatksuedu
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 67
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/9/2007 12:56:17 PM
I have always wanted children, still do, to me life is all about children, without offspring there would be no life. It's what we were put on this earth to do.

I've often commented about the dumbing down of society, intelligent, educated people busy with other stuff, not having children, or maybe just one, while the slums are having families with 10 kids. Not trying to say people in the slums are not necessarily intelligent, but I would guess there is some correlation.
 kittybiscuit
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 69
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:25:04 PM
I've talked to older parents and younger parents. It seems there are trade-offs to both. The younger ones have more energy and less complications with the pregnancy/birth part of it while the older ones are more financially stable and patient with their kids. I think 50 is the end for having kids and maybe 40-45 for women because menopause is an issue at that point. It's kind of selfish to have a kid when you will likely be dead by their high school graduation but anything under 40 is still kosher, IMO.
 jheldatksuedu
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 70
When is it too old to still want children?
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:16:58 AM
Having children will keep you active, many that have not had children till 40 or later are in excellent physical shape, very active, don't smoke and have other life shortening bad habits and they will probably live long past the national average. I agree that with women 45 for a active very healthy woman is considered a max, and maybe 40 for a smoker, not so active and healthy, but I have a couple good friends who have given birth in their early 50's with no problems. They didn't plan it that way (a surpize but welcome,) they got lots of good medical attention, where educated about the odds, had the money and in the end everything was just fine. It's not something you can put a hard answer on, that's what keeps me hopeful. I'm certainly not planning on being in the grave at 70. A healthy and very active life style should help with that. Though one never knows, any one of us might be gone tomorrow.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > When is it too old to still want children?