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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Has money, but you wouldn't know it.      Home login  
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 hailey26
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 1
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
How would you feel about this situation?

You are dating someone for say about six months, everthing is going very well and you believe this will be the person will be the one who you will marry. He lives in a modest house, drives modest vehicles, and makes you believe up to that point that he has a modest job with a modest income. One day he brings to your attention that he has something to tell you that he has not been totally honest with. Turns out, he does not work, but instead is in the top 100 of the wealthyest people in america. He didn't want to lie, but was afraid of finding someone that was only out for his money.
 DonInVictoria
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 3
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:51:10 PM
OP " in the top 100 of the wealthyest people in america. "

Run, don't walk, away from this one.

a) he's not the one you fell in love with at all (duh!)

b) he's assuming there's no woman of character out there that can see past his money (kinda degrading to your gender, when you think about it)

c) if he's deceived you once, you can reasonably assume he's more than capable of doing it two or more times (clearly, deceit is part of his nature). I'm thinking, of many possible scenarios, he's not even be really rich but likes to say he is to get a rise out of the naive. Or, being rich, has 'twisted' him.

His real interest may be something you never want to find out about.

One last thought: if you like to be 'kept', it might be a good match.
 hailey26
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 4
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:53:59 PM
He is a great guy, just something that was very hard to swallow. It's kinda like now trying to find out who he really is. He hasn't lied about anything else that I know of, just what he had to to protect finding out about his money. He has houses in othere countries, private planes, but noone would ever know.
 browneyedstallion
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 5
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:06:55 PM
You are dating someone for say about six months, everthing is going very well and you believe this will be the person will be the one who you will marry. He lives in a modest house, drives modest vehicles, and makes you believe up to that point that he has a modest job with a modest income. One day he brings to your attention that he has something to tell you that he has not been totally honest with. Turns out, he does not work, but instead is in the top 100 of the wealthyest people in america. He didn't want to lie, but was afraid of finding someone that was only out for his money.


Hmmm, usually it's the other way around, guy's will come off as being wealthy to impress a girl only to find out months later that the man of their dreams is waiting on tables at Denny's.
 hailey26
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 6
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:29:55 PM
people say all the time that money isn't everything. But most people I know that have been divorced are because of money problems, lack of, or being able to deal with lack of. I have no problems in my life right now that money couldn't take care of. I am really questioning myself though, we have only been together for six months, I whole hearted believe he is the one, but what would I turn into with that type of wealth? Pray to god I would turn out like him
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 7
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:20:45 PM
I agree... if this guy shows any evidence that his claim is legit, I'd be happy as pie with this little lie. There's obvious reasons for it. I've made plans for this kind of future each time I bought a lottery ticket (I went through a phase and bought a dozen or so of them over a couple of years.) In all of my fantasies, I stashed it all away courtesy of Switzerland after investing the appropriate amount appropriately and hiring someone to do that right, and would only expose it to the one person that I would find who I could live forever with... if she didn't come, then I would never expose it.

But I'd probably be too greedy to live too modestly. I'd at least have some nice things. I wouldn't walk around like a billionaire or anything, but certainly self-sufficient. I wouldn't pretend to work unless I had a wife and kids on the side. (just kidding, geez.)

But then again... you can't really be RICH these days without a nine figure salary: for the first time ever, the 400 richest people in America make at least $1 billion
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 10
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:52:56 AM
Seems to me, he could've waited to tell you this, till you got married.
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 11
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:35:00 AM
I don't see a problem with this either. Too many people are focused on the almighty dollar and as mentionned it is a turn-off when someone talks about how much money they make, flaunting etc.

Deep down, you know how you feel and what to think - did you like and want to be with him before he made this confession? If so, then go with that.
 polargrape
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 13
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:22:28 AM
If all things are right, the guy will catch a whiff of this thread and decide to cut bait and run... It's clear that the OP can't handle his being wealthy. Besides... I think she's full of it one way or another... there might be five guys within 20 years of her age that would clear the Top100, and if she didn't didn't know them by name or face, then she must have been living under a rock for the last 5-10 years.


Who one interacts with depends on the individual not the amount of money they make. If a wealthy person only interacts with other wealthy people then they have an arrogant nature. Or it was because of how they were raised. The people that had the rich parents, went to posh private schools and were spoiled as kids don't know any different.

Then there are the people that worked hard to make their fortune and know what it's like not to have a lot of money. Unless they already had a snobbish nature, I doubt they'd only associate with other rich people. Or ditch their poorer friends. Money only changes the people that let it.


One would like to believe this, but it's not true. Most people cannot comprehend TRUE wealth... Top 100 would put a person @ over $1billion estimated worth. Sure you can still be the same person with the same moral values, but your eyes are going to be opened to a new world of possibilities. For example the OP's guy doesn't work... that means he can decide at the drop of a hat to spend a month in Hawaii. Any average working stiffs he may know can't afford to do such a thing... so then what are his options? Meet people who can afford such time and expense, or drop a few dozen million on his existing friends so that they may experience such freedom? Either way, he's hanging out with the rich.

Another example would be Pro-athletes. How often do we read/hear of some multi-million dollar ball player who gets wrapped up into foolishness just because they wanted to stay true to their roots and hang out with old friends who are still living by rules of the street? Hanging out in clubs where there are bound to be more than a few people jealous of his fame and fortune. H*ll... a football player died just a few weeks ago over a stupid argument.

Another story... the guy who won the largest powerball jackpot in history... he's broke less than five years after taking home $113Million. I'm sure he was trying to stay true to his roots and just be himself... but in the end he couldn't avoid being a target for thieves and troubled family members.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 14
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 5:57:50 AM
Personally, I think there's something wrong here.
If the guy was interrested in finding a woman who loved him for himself and not his money, then why did he say anything about it at all ?

" Why George ! You never told me you were filthy RICH !! "
" Gee Martha, I was so enamored of you, it just slipped my mind ".

Yea right.

There's one other thing you should consider.
Since he makes such a issue of not impressing anyone with his riches. Naturally, he's going to expect you not to impress anyone with them either.
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 15
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:05:39 AM
I agree with Dorian here. This sounds like the typical set up for romantic comedy. It's unlikely to happen in real life.

And I should know, I've been waiting to just "happen" to run into Angelina Jolie at the local bookstore. But for some reason she only seems to date actors. I have no idea why...
 40Chev
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 17
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 1:32:06 PM
What I feel about the situation you describe:
I think I'd want some verification to find out just which story is the real one before I got all wound up about it.

I really question this situation though:
You say you've dated the dude for 6 months and think you want to marry him - but - you're on a dating site and your profile says you aren't looking for a date but you describe what you think a first date should be like? I think there's a smelly fish in the pond somewhere.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 18
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 2:40:55 PM
I would do that. And have done so throughout various stages of when I had money. This is the same reason why I put myself in some situations that make me less than who I really am, because I know the choices are slimmer with women who can accept me in a less than flashy state. This is a weeding out process. Because I firmly believe this...A woman or man who really loves you, would gladly live in a shoe box with you than loss your love.
 genuine29
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 20
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/20/2007 5:55:35 PM
a lack of financhal security can really be a burden on a relatship. stupid fights can break out over small trivial little things. it really sucks, weither it be a fact of trying to live well beyond your means or a total mismanagement of your resources. everyone wants security in their lives weither it be financhial, spritual or emotional. it is only the financhial that people seem to care about and seek out. the reason why those with it dont brodcast it. attracts the wrong people. if you are only with someone for what they can do for you and not what they make you feel like you can never be really happy. and being rich is just a matter of where your standing. a man with a bottle of water in the desert is rich to the man dying of thirst beside him. but the wealthiest man of all is the one who finds true unquenchable love.
dont you think.
p.s im not rich, mk.
 Chiwrtr72
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 23
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:54:57 AM
^^^^^ I'm a teacher so anyone can find out how much I make.
 69cobra
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 24
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:43:42 PM
He just wanted you to be interested in him for WHO he is... I know where he is coming from... I've had women interested in me because of my money, so I too, now down-play my worth.
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/21/2007 8:20:39 PM

Either way, he is a liar.


An awfully judgmental statement there, Michelle. I have known wealthy people who tended to live modestly and whom you wouldn't think were wealthy by looking. No way to tell unless you were involved in their financials. I don't know if this particular scenario is accurate or not, but it isn't impossible and doesn't mean the person is a liar.

Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:13:56 AM
if the story is true, I can totally understand why he'd withhold that information, for all of the same reasons that have already been mentioned. you can't be too sure of anyone's intentions in the span of a few dates, and 6 months seems an acceptable amount of time to keep that info on a need-to-know basis. he obviously cares enough now about you to know that you're the type of woman that he wants in his life ~ there's no other reason to ever tell you....

but I'd also be cautious as to whether he's now telling the truth or not ~ google him ~ if he's that rich, a search should pull up something to confirm the truth
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 27
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:33:33 PM
Um, I would be jumping up and down in my room that a man that I honestly love and who loves me and feels secure about my feelings for him just told me I will never have to work again. If he is normal and you live your life beside him, why would you suddenly go whacko over money? You are in control of whether your values change.

Be realistic. If he had met you and lived in a huge house and drove fancy cars there may always have been a little part of him that was not sure that you really loved him for him and not what he could provide for you. It may feel like a lie but the kind of relationship you want to have with him made it sort of unavoidable.

His modest living style was also not a lie. There are many wealthy people in America that live in the same manner and also many extremely wealthy people that would not be recognized if seen on the street. He did tell you before you married him so that if it really did bother you you have the ability to walk away, that took some guts and there were probably many times that he wanted to tell you but felt he needed to wait a little longer to be sure. If it was me, it would have driven me nuts to keep it under wraps that long.
 FistnCuffs
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 28
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:00:36 AM
i'm with you on that one bike man...she lives in british columbia but is dating a guy in america caught my attention right off the bat...but to say the guy is among the top 100 wealthiest men in america?...if i had that kind of cash i wouldnt waste my time on a homely little mutt like her in the first place...but they say beauty is in the eye of the beerholder...
too bad she yanked her profile tho...i was gonna get her to ask this guy if he had a sister...dammit
 Timbucktwo_
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 29
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/23/2007 5:24:37 AM
OH GREAT!!! thanks for blowing my cover. Sheeeeesh. Thought I told you this was going to be our little secret.
 Roamingsiris
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 30
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Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/25/2007 12:09:57 PM
This is a problem ALOT of people are just waiking up to...

Get burned once by a girl over money, and you realize that you have to be carefull.

Now all I admit to is working stupid crazy hours, and that I do ok. Im not ritch, but Im sure not going to admit what my bank-book looks like. Too many golddiggers out there, and I want to be sure of the girl that I have. I want her to want me for me, not my paycheck.

Love it, Hate it, its not something im doing for you. Its something I do for me.
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 31
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:23:35 PM
if i was dating someone for six months and he tells me that he's one of the top 100 wealthiest men in america i would have to ask for some kind of proof that he's not playing with me. if the proof that he shows me to be correct then i would have to simply tell him, that's cool...i've never dated a man with money before. i would also have to reassure him that the test that he put me through was never an act either...i am who i say i am. i don't care if the guy has millions of dollars, nor do i care if he only has hundreds of dollars. it's not money that makes the person. it's inside that counts.

now, if there's a wealthy man here in the site and he wants to give me a shot to see how real i am, the ball's in your court.
 ponygrl™
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 32
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:58:30 PM
the thing is sky, i don't care if he has money or not. he doesn't have to be wealthy in the top 100, he doesn't have to be a gq man either. anyone that's just himself, honest with himself and those around him would be fine. money can't buy my love and it sure as hell can't buy me either. i'm not a gold digger, never was and never will be.

if and when i finally start dating someone, do you think i'm going to say anything about his finances? i would never say anything about anyone's finances but my own unless they willingly talk about it...i'm not the one that's gonna do the talking.

about what you quoted....i just thought that i would throw a curve ball in to see who would say anything about that. my friends know that i do joke around and they know how i joke as well.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
Has money, but you wouldn't know it.
Posted: 1/25/2007 3:23:04 PM
I apologize if this has already been said...
I would neither believe or disbelieve the guy, but I'd want to have some kind of substantiation of his alleged financial status. And it's NOT about the money, it's about not getting pulled into a big ass GAME.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anybody for downplaying a high degree of material wealth when seeking to date/form a relationship.

Here's the other thought...he's TESTING her. If she all of a sudden starts being extra nice, trying harder to please, etc...
Personally, if a guy pulled this on me, I'd get really sad and say that I wasn't totally comfortable about dating a wealthy person because I'm so poor it would look bad...and see if he stuck to the story...
Cindy O
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