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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > When is the best time to disclose.... ?      Home login  
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 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 1
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ok.. I'll make this short.. I have dealt with kidney failure since i was small.. It's been part of my life.. my whole life.. so it's not really a big deal, I don't know what I'm "missing" since I've never missed it.

I don't bring it up, and other than not being able to skydive or run a marathon, I live a realatively normal life... most people who know me for a while are shocked to know I have a transplant, and say they would never have guessed there was anything different about me.

So here is my question... when is a good time to tell someone? I ask this because I have had conversations end abruptly when I bring it up, or the cowardly way... we talk, continue to talk, and then next thing I know, I'm deleted from his favourites list, and blocked from his MSN.

Now let me get this straight.. I only bring it up IF it somehow works into the conversation, and I usualy have a short line to say.. it's no big deal.. and I know that if he deletes me it's HIS loss, but I'm the type that I don't want to scare anyone off, nor do I want to hide anything... any suggestions?
 semper_vera
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 3
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 2/1/2007 10:38:46 AM

If he matters he won't mind and if he minds he doesn't matter.

I'll have to remember that line - far more effecient way of expressing it than what I was going to say.

Actually, I'm surprised it's even an issue. Of course, when I was going out with a guy that had had a massive heart attack a few years before, I didn't think that was an issue either. It was something I thought about a lot for a short while after he told me, but that's about it.

It's *your* medical history. Disclose it when you feel comfortable doing so. Probably when things are starting to get serious. I definitely don't think you are under any obligation to disclose it right away - it's not like it's contagious.

sv
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 4
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 10:29:12 AM
Thanks everyone.. unfortunately it STILL happens.. and did very recently.. at least i think that's why he cowardly stopped talking to me the next day after a great date.. he wont tell me, so i have to assume that is the reason because he thought i was beautiful, funny, and his words "awesome".

In my observations, women (and i don't mean to sound like i'm generalizing here) tend to be more accepting then men. Maybe it is the maternal instinct to "take care" of others, but my experience in the months i've been on here, and the forums i read, is that women tend to overlook flaws more than guys. I don't want someone to "take care" of me.. but it seems that that is the first thing that pops into a guy's mind when he hears of an illness.... or maybe i'm just fishing in the shallow end of the gene pool!

 ~Scoundrel~
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 5
When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 10:55:24 AM
Wow! I think it’s cool! If I was on a date with you and it came up, I’d be fascinated. I may make a joke or two about it, but I want to know the whole story. Then I’d ask in a flirty way if I could see your scar.
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 6
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 2:20:04 PM
Awww thanks Scoundrel... i have no problem showing my scrars... lol... that was actually why i brought up the situation to the guy in the first place.. i told him what they are from... oops.. lol
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 7
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 2:52:51 PM
^^^^^^^^^^ just to add... the worst part is that I would have been fine as friends.. and I actually miss him.. we got along well.. and had a lot in common
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 8
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 5:48:17 PM
Since it only affects some extreme sports, I don't see the need for ages. I've known people with a knee injury. Apart from the inability to play extreme sports, they are just like everyone else. Why are you different?
I seriously doubt that it comes into the conversation, unless he specifically asks you to list every health issue that you have ever had, however small. But who asks that?
I think you may be feeling a bit sensitive about it, and you are reading more into a conversation than exists. Just because he says he knows someone with kidney failure, does not mean that YOUR status has been requested.
Bring it up when you want. Not when it is requested, or discussed.
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 9
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 9/29/2007 7:28:10 PM
yah.. not really understanding what you just said.. but ok...
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 10
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When is the best time to disclose.... ?
Posted: 10/1/2007 9:41:37 AM
realityhastoofewoptions... sometimes it doesn't even get to a date.. and the last one was after the first date...
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